He stopped beside me and asked, “And you simply forgave her?”
For some unknown reason, the truth continued to spill out of me. I reached for the door handle to get away, but didn't get out while I said, “She was all I had, and it was nice, even for a little while, to have people who needed me, even if it was just temporary. Now let’s go in.”
With that I pushed open the door. I was only here for today, probably. What mattered was Joshua, not me, not Cyrus, not what I wished or wanted.
The truth was plain. We weren’t from the same universe, and I needed to keep reminding myself of that.
5
Sarah
Of course. I had to have my butt in the air right when Cyrus walked into my bedroom earlier… oh, God, the moment replayed in my mind like a viral horror story while I stared at him.
The dress was hopefully long enough to cover my butt, but I wasn’t sure as I made my way back upstairs to the nursery. His mother handed Joshua to me, and I held him close.
He smelled clean and fresh, and the warmth he shared with me filled me with joy.
Joshua had been the only purpose in my life for months now. I’d been avoiding living my own life, and then he needed me.
If we were alone, I’d have taken him out. I whispered as I cupped his head, “Joshua enjoys walks on the beach.”
Cyrus called out behind me, “You can write his singles ad when he’s ready, but let’s go to the beach.”
“Okay.” I whirled around, and his delighted smile made me all tingly. Every time I wondered what his kiss might be like, I went all achy with need and was absolutely not sad.
When he went to the closet and took out a baby carrier made to wear on his back, I asked, “You want to carry him in that?”
He nodded, all excited and proud of himself. “I’m wearing this.”
I narrowed my gaze as I rocked the baby. “To me they're more constraining than just holding him, plus it’s extra-hot on a beach, but if you want...”
He laughed and then reached for his son. I squeezed Joshua once more, but then handed him over as his father said, “I’ve seen these in movies. I got this. You go change into a swimsuit.”
My arms felt empty without Joshua, so I clutched my arms around my waist and looked down. “He shouldn’t go in the water.”
“I won’t let anything happen to him.”
My knees went weak, like he was taking me out too, though he’d only meant his son. I glanced up and wondered what his muscles would look like out in the sun as I said, “Okay. You need to change too.”
He held Joshua in his big hands as he said, “Meet you downstairs in five minutes.”
“Done,” I said as I watched them leave.
Part of me wished I’d met him before my sister did, because then the fantasy of him holding me in his arms and laying me down on the bed to make me his wouldn't feel like I was stealing from my sister. I’d never, ever been jealous of anything she had in her life, until Cyrus.
I shook my head to rid myself of the dream and returned to my room to figure out what I had that worked as beachwear.
Normally I wore my cutoff jeans and whatever T-shirt I had in my closet. And I’d hate to ruin the blue dress I had on now. As I opened the drawers, I found a few bathing suits in my size. The Dos Gardenias blue one was gorgeous, and I figured I might as well wear my favorite color. When I shimmied into it, it fit like a glove.
I grabbed the beach cover-up that was sheer but darker blue, so it worked, and hurried out in new matching flip-flops. Accepting these clothes helped me fit into Joshua’s world, so I wouldn't complain or second-guess Cyrus's motives.
Truthfully, I wondered what it would be like to be Cyrus’s equal. He was a sexy, sweet man, and made my mouth water with pent-up desire, way more than anyone else I'd ever known.
His mother was with him at the door, so I stayed on the top step while they hugged and she said, “We’re sorry we have to go. If either of you need anything, call me.”
“We’ll be fine,” Cyrus said.
Once I heard the front door close, I went down and joined Cyrus and Joshua.
He was wearing the baby carrier and no shirt, just gray swim trunks.
When I got close to Cyrus, the air smelled spicier, and I swallowed and said, “Earlier, when I was bouncing around my room, I was picking up laundry, not trying to seduce you.”
“Now that would be fun.” He laughed and showed me the baby bag. I grabbed it since he had Joshua. He then said, “But I’m sorry I barged in. I knocked, but the music was loud—”
“I’m sorry about that, too,” I interrupted, though the idea of him wanting to back me up against the foyer wall was giving me goose bumps.
I shook my head, hard, when he opened the door and we headed out. He placed his hand on my shoulder and said, “Don’t be. How would you feel about spending some time on the family's private island so I can bond with my son without distraction?”
“Private island?” I asked. I heard my voice go up in pitch.
He glanced at my legs and then up at me as he said, “It would just be the three of us plus some staff.”
Work. Staff. I was staff. We walked onto his private beach, and my heart swelled. No one was here except us, and there was a cave that looked like it also had an ocean opening inside. We walked around the cave opening while I kept my focus on the horizon as I said, “Okay. We do need to have a discussion soon about pay, expectations, boundaries, that kind of thing, but I want to settle my sister’s affairs.”
“Of course,” he said, his voice low.
I trembled at its deep resonance, but I said, “So I'll need two more days.”
He winked while we walked closer to the shoreline. “Done. We need to wait for your passport anyhow.”
I glanced in front of us at the setup of beach chairs and umbrella. We walked toward it like it was for us as I went up and down on my toes and said, “Oh, okay.”
He handed me Joshua so he could take off the baby carrier.
His sculpted body made my mouth water, but I giggled when I saw the clear, red sweat spot where the carrier must have pressed against him. He put the carrier on the side table under the umbrella as he said, “No. And since you asked, I expect you to be with me and Joshua around the clock, so room and board are part of whatever number we decide on.”
I sat but refused to relax back on the comfortable chair. I’d never been able to just lie on the beach. Relaxing with nothing to do felt uncomfortable and unnatural. I glanced down and saw Joshua’s lips smacking.
Cries were next if I didn’t anticipate him, and he needed a bottle. I put it in his mouth and then scooted farther back so he’d be comfortable as I said, “At the diners I work at, I usually make around a hundred dollars a day after tips. Some days more, some less.”
Cyrus sat down in the chair next to me as he said, “That’s not enough. We’ll start you at one hundred thousand.”
My vision blurred for a second, and my body buzzed as I sat up straighter. I glanced over, and he seemed to be enjoying the sun. My heart raced as I said, “That’s way too much.”
“I expect your utmost attention,” he said and didn’t even blink.
The little boy in my arms was why I was here. Cyrus was a fantasy, and I needed to figure out how to handle my one-sided attraction to him as I asked in the most professional manner I could muster, “And you need me for how long?”
He turned his face toward me, the curve of his mouth deepening. My skin had goose bumps that ached for his attention and my breathing slowed and deepened, like I’d store up air for kisses. Then I blinked when he said, “As long as we can handle it. Although eventually I’ll have to be a doctor again.”
I shook a little, hoping he didn’t notice I was blushing about my crazy wishes, but Joshua needed to be settled. I gazed at the baby and remembered how my brother’s life had been ruined. I would never let Joshua suffer that fate, so I said, “So it’s until you get married.”
He
beckoned for me to get up and give him the baby, and since Joshua had finished his bottle, I gave him back.
Then Cyrus said, as he brushed against my arms, “I’m not dating anyone, if that’s your question.”
Every cell in my body ached for him, and I glanced up at him while I hugged myself, “No, that’s not it. I need to be clear about our boundaries and my position.”
“Position.”
I wasn’t sure why he repeated what I just said, but my hairs stood on end. I didn’t blink when I said, “Yes. I can handle being a nanny to Joshua.”
He beckoned for me to go with him to the water's edge. Holding Joshua close to his shoulder, he looked up and down at me and said, “I haven’t been clear with you, then.”
Goose bumps ran chills all over me as I asked, “What do you mean?”
He came closer, and my heart hammered as he said, “I want us to be a team for Joshua, and I feel a job will help you accept being in our lives.”
“It’s true,” I said quickly. I could barely breathe. I was here for the baby, nothing else.
We stood looking out at the horizon while waves crashed at our feet. Then he glanced down at me and said, “What’s also true is I’m attracted to you, and it’s your lips and sexy body that stir me.”
Whoa. My head felt light. Another wave went up to my ankles, but I said to him, “That shouldn’t matter.”
He didn’t even blink. “I always get what I want.”
If only we were possible. Navigating my life was like overcoming one disaster after another. I took a step into the water and gazed at the horizon. Then I said, “Well, I never allow myself to want anything. I’m not Leah, always setting myself up for disappointment.”
I took a deep breath. I hadn't meant to bring up my sister. I never wanted to copy anything she did. To be honest, until Cyrus and Joshua, I’d never allowed myself to wish and dream for anyone or anything. The longing I experienced now was unexpected, and sent shockwaves through me, stealing my ability to hide.
Cyrus reached out to take my hand and said, “Your sister found me at a bar when she came out of a conference. And yes, she came to my room, and I’m sorry she died.”
Thinking about Cyrus had helped me avoid stressing about how alone I now was. I took his offered hand and welcomed the spark when it sizzled through me. My cheeks felt hot as I said, very firmly, “She wasn’t interested in you beyond your wallet. We didn’t have the best childhood.”
We walked in the surf, and I swallowed back the discomfort because I just told him more of my truth than anyone, ever.
Cyrus said, “My brother Elon thought Leah was brilliant when he hired her. And he told me she was shutting me out.”
He knew very little about her. My sister was the smart and pretty one, but she never cared who she destroyed as long as she got what she wanted.
And none of us were taught right from wrong by any sort of example.
My life as a waitress had been lonely until she came back in my life, but, unlike her, I’d refused to ever manipulate people the way our mother had done. I always told myself simplicity was its own reward, but maybe I’d lied to myself to avoid living.
My stomach twisted. It wasn’t right to think this way. Leah took me in as her family, and that was enough… until now.
I had to swallow before I could say, “She was. She had a timeline. In a few weeks she’d have let you hold Joshua, but just for a few minutes, because she knew you're family-oriented.”
He squeezed my hand and then used his shoulder to turn us back to the built path while he said, “We should get to the pier to wave my parents off, and then come back for lunch.”
Time flew, and I admitted to myself that talking about Leah was dragging the day down for both of us. I vowed stop thinking about my sister, and I appreciated his self-control. He’d always seemed sincere when he said he was sorry my sister died.
He was clearly one of the good ones. I ignored how my pulse zipped as I said, “Let’s go.”
When we turned the pier, he leaned closer to me and said, “Later we’ll discuss exactly what I want from you.”
I sighed. It was good he was holding the baby, because for a second, I imagined he’d say something about us being naked together, or us being a family. It would be so amazing to be his.
6
Cyrus
At the beach Sarah reminded me that she was still grieving over her loss. Leah’s motivations regarding me no longer mattered, but Sarah needed closure. More than a few of my heart patients ended up seeing me because they’d never found closure after a trauma.
My heart raced when I thought for a second that my son might have been in that car, but when Sarah walked into the hospital carrying him last night, it was like all my prayers had been answered.
She was without a doubt the sexiest woman I’d ever met, but the pain in her eyes was palpable. I’d wondered what I could do for her, or whether I should just leave her alone. For now I decided to do what I can. There was a faster option for the religious wishes when it came for death rituals. I’d made this call before, and I could help. I glanced at Sarah and asked, “Will you hold Joshua so I can make a quick call?”
“Of course,” she said, and reached into my arms to take the baby.
When she held him, I imagined she was his mother. She nurtured him like she was, and if she was the mother and I was the dad, then we’d be close to fucking perfect as a family.
And I’d get to have her anytime and anywhere.
I made a quick call, but then my contact texted. I sent my request, and he confirmed. Once I was done, I put my phone back and nodded at her.
She tilted her head and said, “You just texted.”
When she smiled at me, she made me the world whole. I shrugged and fought the urge to hug her when I said, “It’s easier. Can I have him back?”
She kissed Joshua’s forehead and said, “He’s your son, and it’s really sweet how much you want to hold him.”
Sweet wasn’t often used to describe me. She made my skin buzz, but we walked back to the docks as I said, “I've wanted him since the day I found out about him at the carnival.”
Her lips pinched, and she muttered, “Public place so as not to make a scene.”
My heart slowed down for a second as I asked, “What?”
“Nothing,” she said and forced a smile. Then she pointed, like she was glad to have an excuse to walk faster, as she said, “There are your parents.”
Part of me knew I should leave Sarah alone. However, she was the sweet one in our duo, not me. And it would be nice to taste her.
We’d start with a kiss, and I wouldn't take her fast. Sarah would be a gentle, slow kiss. So I needed to figure out how to take my time and win her heart.
My mother waved and said, “Come aboard for a few minutes.”
The second we stepped on board my father held opened his arms to hold the baby. I went in his direction while my mother showed Sarah around inside. Sarah went along with her, but I heard her tell Maman, “Your ship is gorgeous.”
Pedar shooed me away, like he wanted a few minutes alone with the baby in the command center, so I joined the women just as Maman said, “It’s a yacht. Maybe Cyrus can take you on his when you go to the island.”
My mother gave me a bright smile. Sarah’s eyes were wide as she asked, “You have a yacht?”
I rested my hand on her shoulder as I said, “We all do. Mom and Dad decided if we each got one as a holiday present, we could get together more often.”
Sarah gave me a playful bump with her hip and said, “That’s awesome.”
When my father pressed the button for the horn, it was his signal that he wanted to depart. I left the women, hugged Pedar, took my son, and went to find Maman and Sarah in the galley sipping tea and sampling snacks. I kissed my mom goodbye and helped Sarah off the ship.
Once we were back on land, though, we paused next to the ship. I asked her, “What’s the nicest Christmas present you ever got?”
She rocked on her feet and then gave me a bigger smile. “A teddy bear. I called him Mr. Teddy. He’s gone now.”
Sarah must have been adorable as a girl with her bear. I asked her, “What did he look like?”
She let out a small laugh, like she was lost in the past as she spoke, and then said, “Soft, light brown hair, about the length of your forearm.”
I’d have to find another for her.
My parents came together and then waved. I called out, “Bon voyage Maman, Pedar.”
“Be good to Sarah,” my father added, at the top of his lungs, so they probably heard him in town or across the bay.
Sarah had a cute blush, but she called back to them, “Aww, thank you both for your wonderful hospitality.”
“See you soon, okay?” I said and nodded to them.
Pedar unhooked the rope.
We waited and waved until they were underway.
Now we were alone.
She turned toward me and said, “I’m sure you’ll miss them.”
When Joshua chose that moment to start fussing, Sarah took out a bottle and I handed her the baby as I said, “They’ll be back in a few weeks.”
She let Joshua drink while she held him. I had no idea how she was able to make it look so easy. She said, “Let’s get Joshua home, because it’s getting to be time for his nap.”
“You know best,” I agreed. If he napped after food, he was lucky. As we walked toward the house, I winked at Sarah as I said, “And besides, you and I have a dance lesson.”
She straightened her spine and then blinked. “What about lunch on the beach?”
The staff could easily rearrange things. I shrugged, “We’ll have it in the garden instead.”
We were on our way home along the beach path when her phone rang.
I beckoned to hold Joshua. She put him in my arms and made sure he was still able to suck on the bottle. I held him as she directed, and then she let go and called back whoever called her.
They answered and her eyes widened, so I assumed it was my contact for burials, especially when she said, “You do?” More words were spoken to her, but then she nodded and said, “That’s fast… okay, please just do the normal one. I’ll be there first thing in the morning.”
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