by Tam King-fai
waves, or if you are just a bit careless, the boat could easily capsize,
which can be dangerous indeed. However, it can also be rather fun, and
is a unique feature of life in this watery region. Just the same, there’s no
VMMLWZaQW]aW]Z[MTNIVLQ¼[JM[\WISMWVMWN PM¹PZMMXQMKM[º
When you go out on a boat, you cannot be as impatient as if you
were taking a tram, expecting the boat to get you to your destination
right away. If you want to go into the city, it is about thirty to forty li (there, a li is very short, about one third of a mile), and you should be prepared to give a whole day to getting there and coming back. While on board,
you should adopt the attitude of a person sightseeing in the mountains.
Look at the scenery around you. You will see hills everywhere, the
tallow trees on the banks, the red smartweed and white duckweed by the
[PWZMIVLPMÅ[PQVOP][IVLJZQLOM[WN ITT[aTM[IVLLM[QOV[;PW]TL
you grow tired, you can lie down in the cabin and pick up a book of
informal essays to read, or make a bowl of green tea to drink.
My favorite haunts are places around the Jian Lake area outside
the side gate of the city wall, as well as those in the Hejia Pond and
Hushang regions. Or you can hire a donkey and visit the Orchid
Pavilion on Lougong Town, though I suggest you walk, since riding a
donkey might not suit you. When dusk descends upon you, you can
ZM]ZV Ja _Ia WN PM MI[ OIM _PQKP Q[ KW^MZML QV KTQUJQVO ÅO
can be rather charming. If there’s trouble on the road, you can take the
afternoon boat to Hangzhou. The scenery is best toward evening, and
it’s too bad I don’t remember the names of the places there.
It’s rather delightful to listen to the sounds of the water as you lie
in the boat at night—the rowing, the greetings between boats, and the
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54
A Garden of One’s Own
barking of dogs and crowing of roosters in the villages. Hiring a boat to
go down to the villages for their ritual dramas can also be a good way to
appreciate traditional Chinese theater. In a boat, you can move around
freely, watching the performance when you want, sleeping when you
want, drinking wine when you want. To me, it is the ideal way to have a
bit of amusement. It’s a pity that ever since people began to talk about
modernization, this kind of performance and ritual parade has been
banned. The mediocre middle class has set up Shanghai-style theaters in
[]KP XTIKM[ I[ PM ¹
just to watch some cheap third-rate production from Shanghai. Don’t
even bother going to such places.
I’m afraid you don’t know anybody in my hometown, and am sorry
and sad that because of my teaching, I cannot keep you company and
chat with you on the night boat. Chuandao and his wife are staying at
the bottom of Mount Cheng and I could introduce you to them, but I’m
INZIQL PI Ja PM QUM aW] OM PMZM PMa _QTT PI^M TMN ?QP PM ÅZ[
winter chill upon us, do take good care of yourself ! There is more than
I could say.
Beijing, November 18, at night
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Zhou Zuoren
55
First Love (1922)
I was fourteen then. She was about thirteen. I was living at the time
in the Hua Pai Lou in Hangzhou at the home of my grandfather’s
concubine, Song. Living next door was a family by the name of Yao,
and she was their daughter. Her original surname was Yang, and her
home was at the Qingbo Gate. Probably because she was the third child,
she was known to everybody as Third Daughter. The Yaos, an elderly
couple, had no children of their own, and they took her in as their foster
daughter. She would come to stay with them some twenty days out of
the month.
Song was on very good terms with the daughter-in-law of the lamb
butcher in the neighborhood, Shi, but was far from friendly with old
Mrs. Yao, and the two never talked to each other. That, however, did
not seem to concern Third Daughter, who would often push open our
door nonchalantly to come in and play. Usually, she would go upstairs
W ITS W ;WVO NWZ I _PQTM ÅZ[ PMV KWUM LW_V[IQZ[ _PMZM _QP PM
big cat Sanhua in her arms, she would stand beside the table used by
my servant Ran Sheng, and watch me as I practiced my calligraphy by
tracing Lu Runxiang from rubbings of wood carvings.
I did not talk to her, not even once, nor did I ever have a good
look at her face or carriage. I was probably already very short-sighted
then, though there was another reason, as well: Although unconsciously
I felt drawn to her, I also must have been almost overwhelmed by her
radiance, and was unable to open my eyes to look at her closely. When
I think back now, I seem to see her as a young girl with a pointed chin,
glistening eyes, a slight build, and a pair of small, slender feet. There
_I[ VWPQVO [XMKIK]TIZ IJW] PMZ IVL aM [PM _I[ PM ÅZ[ XMZ[WV QV
Ua ZWUIVQK TQNM IVL [PM UILM UM LQZMK Ua TW^M NWZ PM ÅZ[ QUM W
someone other than myself. Even before I had any understanding of
ZWUIVKM [PM _I[ PM ÅZ[ UMUJMZ WN PM WXXW[QM [M` W IZW][M Ua
yearning.
I was of course just an ugly duckling then, and I knew that
perfectly well myself. But that did not detract from my passion for her.
Whenever she came with the cat in her arms to watch me write, I would
unknowingly rouse myself up and write with a seriousness not found
at other times, feeling in the meantime a vague sense of satisfaction so
complete that I had no need of anything else. I did not ask whether she
loved me. Perhaps I did not even know that I loved her. But I felt joyous
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56
A Garden of One’s Own
in her presence, and was willing to do my best on her behalf. This was
my state of mind at the time, and it was really a gift from her. She had
no idea about this at all. Probably my own feeling was merely a faint
kind of yearning, and I never saw it in sexual terms.
One evening, after suddenly bursting into anger at the Yaos, Song
[IQL ¹
One of these days, she will become a prostitute at the Gong Chen
*ZQLOMº
I did not quite understand what becoming a prostitute meant. But
_PMV1PMIZLPI1PW]OP\WUa[MTN¹1N QVLMML[PMJMKWUM[PIWVM
LIa1_QTTLMÅVQMTaOWIVLZM[K]MPMZº
In this way, about half a year went by. In the seventh or eighth
month of that year, my mother fell ill and I had to leave Hangzhou for
home. A month later, when Ran Sheng went home on leave, he stopped
Ja W]Z XTIKM IVL WTL ][ PM VM_[ NZWU 0]I 8IQ 4W] 0M [IQL ¹
I was disturbed by the news, trying to imagine the pain she must
have been in, but at the same time, there seemed to be a certain calm
within me, as if a huge rock had been lifted from my heart.
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Zhou Zuoren
57
Bitter Rain (1924)
Dear Fuyuan,
There has been a lot of rain in Beijing in recent days. I wonder
whether you also ran into rain on your way to Chang’an. If so, it may
have made your trip even more enjoyable.
Traveling in rainy weather is not necessarily a pleasure, I know. I
often used to encounter it on the Hangzhou-Shanghai line, and was
IT_Ia[JWPMZMLJaQ
when I’m on a train. However, lying in the cabin of a black-canopied
boat listening to the rain pattering on the canopy, the oars squeaking
IVL PM WIZ[UIV [PW]QVO ¹5W^M W PM JIVS 5W^M W^MZº Q[ TQSM
ÅVLQVO WVM[MTN QV I LZMIUTQSM _WZTL WN XWMZa
travel on the kind of boat the boatmen pedal with their feet. Lying
down in the cabin of such a boat as it scoots along on a rainy night is a
sure way to experience the way of life of people who live on the water.
1 Q[ I JQ LIVOMZW][ PW]OP NWZ I KT]U[a ÆQX QV WVM¼[ [TMMX KIV KI][M
the boat to turn upside down.
More than twenty years ago, when I went to Dongpu for my father’s
nanny’s funeral, I ran into a storm on my way back. The small boat
rolled through Da Shu Xiang amid billows of waves the color of a
white goose, making my trip as full of danger as of excitement. I am
JaMUXMZIUMVTQSMIÅ[P¸WZITMI[TQSMUaMIZTaIVKM[WZ[_PWK]
short their hair and tattooed their bodies—and feel drawn to the water.2
*] 1 IU LQ[IXXWQVML Ja PW[M [WKITTML ¹[MI[º QV *MQRQVO PI IZM
barely bigger than mud puddles. It would be no great loss to be without
them.
It looks as if you will spend several days in a virtual desert on your
way to Shaanxi, and I expect it might be a relief to have some wind
and rain. I imagine you there in the vast desert, sitting decorously in the
mule cart sipping a soft drink from a bottle, moving along unhurriedly
in the torrential rain. That should be one of life’s rare joys. But all of
this is only a fantasy on my part, as unreliable as a poet’s imagination.
?PW SVW_['
this moment you are in your mule cart, raising cries of anguish to the
2
According to the Zuo Commentary, the people of the Wu Yue area (modern day Zhejiang) customarily cut their hair short and tattooed their bodies before
getting into water. It was believed that by doing so, they would ward off
serpents and other dangerous animals living in the water.
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58
A Garden of One’s Own
heavens. I will simply have to ask you about it when you return to the
capital.
As for myself, the rain in Beijing these past few days has made life
LQNÅK]T NWZ UM 1 LWM[ VW ZIQV PI WNMV QV *MQRQVO IVL VW WVTa Q[
the rain gear here far from perfect, even the houses are made without
giving enough thought to rain. Except for the very rich, few people
use solid bricks and mortar for their houses, most making do instead
with mud and lime. The recent changes in the weather—with severe
cold in the south and ceaseless rain in the north—have brought out
the architectural shortcomings of houses everywhere. A week ago, the
west wall of our backyard collapsed under the heavy rain, and the next
LIa PQM^M[ KIUM W ÅLLTM _QP PM _QZM VM WV PM _QVLW_[ QV PM
north rooms. I immediately hired several workers the following day to
rebuild the wall from the ground up, and in two days, they were close
W ÅVQ[PQVO 2][ _PMV 1 PW]OP 1 _W]TL PI^M [WUM _WZZaNZMM [TMMX
rain came again the night before last and washed away some ten yards
WN PM[W]P_ITTR][JMaWVLPMNZWVLWWZ
NWTS[º3 (Chuandao and his family), and not I, are the ones with worries,
JMKI][MQN PMPQM^M[KWUMIOIQVPMa_QTTPQLM]VLMZ¹PMU¼[º_QVLW_
W_IQNWZIOWWLWXXWZ]VQa2][\WITTIa¹PMU¼[ºNMIZ[_M[PITTPI^M
some major renovations done once the weather improves, but I hope we
won’t have to wait too long. For the time being, we’ll just have to trouble
Chuandao’s younger brother to serve as our security guard.
It rained through the night two nights ago, and I woke up who
knows how many times. In Beijing, except on occasions when people set
WNN ÅZMKZIKSMZ[ NWZ PM N]V WN Q Q Q[ ][]ITTa ZIPMZ Y]QM I VQOP 1¼^M
grown unaccustomed to the sound of rain splashing down right by my
ear, which is why I was awakened so many times. Even when I managed
to stay asleep, it felt as if my ears were stuck to something soft—
something like noodles, perhaps—and my sleep was far from deep. And
there’s another thing: The children were saying at night how the water
had risen to less than one inch from the porch in the front yard. As I
listened to the rain in my sleep, I kept thinking in my half-conscious state
that the rain had come up to the porch and was at that very moment
ÆW_QVOQVWPM[]LaWVPM_M[[QLMWN PMPW][M)NMZ_PI[MMUML
3
Chuandao refers to Zhang Maochen. In the original, Zhou uses a non-standard
_WZL NWZ ¹PMaº IXXIZMVTa IV I\MUX W UISM N]V WN +P]IVLIW¼[ BPMRQIVO
accent.
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Zhou Zuoren
59
TQSM I ^MZa TWVO QUM PM KTWKS ÅVITTa [Z]KS Å^M W¼KTWKS IVL 1 WXMVML
an umbrella and dashed over to the west chamber in my bare feet. Sure
MVW]OP PM _PWTM ZWWU _I[ ÆWWLML 1 [QOPML QV ZMTQMN¸NWZ []XXW[M 1
PIL Z][PML W^MZ _QP []KP IVQKQXIQWV WVTa W ÅVL PI PMZM _I[ VW
water in the room! I can’t say I wouldn’t have felt some disappointment;
KMZIQVTa1_W]TLVWJMNMMTQVOI[[IQ[ÅMLI[1IUVW_.WZ]VIMTaPM
books were not touched by the water. Although there is nothing valuable
in my study, it would have made a sorrowful sight to have paper soaked
into piles like cakes. The water has gone now, but it has left behind a
NW]T [UMTT PM SQVL PI TQVOMZ[ INMZ I ÆWWL 1 Q[ WN KW]Z[M QUXW[[QJTM
to receive guests there, and even I myself cannot bear to do my writing
there. That is why I am writing this letter on the table on my kang.4
Only two kinds of creatures have found pleasure in the rain this
QUM
rare for them to have a chance to play in it. Now that the yard has
JMKWUM I ZQ^MZ PMa PI^M JMMV ¹_ILQVO IKZW[[ PM ZQ^MZº QV KZW_L[
In truth, the weather is a bit cold to step into water in bare feet, but
the children don’t seem to mind, and now that they are in there, they
won’t come out. Seeing how much fun they’ve been having, even one or
two grown-ups went to join their ranks yesterday, but the outcome
was
rather sad. Three people slid and fell, two of whom were grown-ups, my
brother and Chuandao.
Then there are the frogs, which also enjoy rain. Some time ago,
1 WWS Ua KPQTLZMV W /IWTQIVO *ZQLOM W Å[P J] _M LQLV¼ KIKP
anything but frogs, some green and others with stripes. When we got
home, we set them free in the yard. Ordinarily, they only croak from
time to time, but in the past few days they haven’t stopped once. Some
people take the croaking of frogs as an omen of famine in years to
come, but it certainly also conjures up in one’s mind a feeling, an image
of the country.
Some people with sensitive hearing abhor any sort of noise.
Anything that might interfere with their slumber, such as the noises
made by sparrows, cicadas, or frogs, becomes a target of their hatred,
and there is nothing they would like to do more before taking their
afternoon nap than exterminate these creatures. I myself do not think
that their sound is as bad as all that; in fact, it is rather fun to have it
4
Kang, a bed usually made of bricks and heated from below that is also used as a sitting area during the day.
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60
A Garden of One’s Own
around and allow it to drift into your ears. I am not referring only to the
sounds of insects and animals—which, after all, can become a source of
poetic inspiration once you listen to them long enough—but other kinds
WN [W]VL[I[_MTT?PMVaW]TQ[MVWNZWO[KZWISQVOQVPMÅMTL[QVPM
quiet of the night, you can hear a certain metallic ring, a very unusual
sound indeed. And sometimes the croaking is like the sound of a dog;
QVLMML _PMV PM IVKQMV[ LM[KZQJML PM [W]VL WN NZWO[ I[ ¹JIZSQVOº
this could well be the result of empirical observation.
The only kind of frogs we have in our yard now are those with
stripes. Their sound is even less appealing: They can only go gak, gak,
gak, or perhaps it sounds more like ge, ge, ge. They croak once, twice, or three times in a single breath, but normally no more than that. Only
on rainy mornings do they let out a stream of twelve or thirteen croaks.
Clearly, they relish the rain.
In the villages, the rain this time must have been a disaster for the