by Anna Albo
“I don’t want to be trouble.”
She was nervous now. Fucking Brett. “You won’t be trouble,” I said, trying to smile. “Let’s get out of here.”
That’s when the hit came. I didn’t see him coming. Brett tackled me from behind, sending us both into the nearest snowbank. I was face-first in the snow, trying to turn over, get the upper hand on him, but I couldn’t move. The asshole had me pinned in some kind of wrestling hold. Being on our high school wrestling team had finally paid off.
“Do you think I’m going to let you do this? I’m your best friend, you asshole.”
He had both my arms trapped behind my back. He adjusted the grip and pain shot through me.
“Let me go!”
“I’ll break one of your arms before I let you go.”
“Why are you doing this?”
“Because Emma is an awesome girl. And if you go home with this girl, that’s over forever. You don’t think it will get back to her? And then you’ll have fucked up your life more than what you’ve already done. So is it worth it?”
“It’s over, Brett. It’s fucking over,” I screamed.
“No, it’s not! But it will be if you do this.”
The snow should have been cold on my face, but it was burning hot. “She left.”
“You left! What did you expect her to do?”
“I don’t know how to fix this! To get her back. I . . .” my voice trailed off.
Brett released his grip a little. “If I let you go, you’re not going to hit me, right?”
I nodded, too choked to say words.
He let go and I sat up in the snow. Sophie was long gone and it was just the two of us shivering in the cold.
“I’ll get our jackets,” Brett said. “You go anywhere and I’ll fucking kill you.”
I didn’t move. When he returned, he found me where he’d left me. He held out his hand and helped me to my feet.
“Why don’t we go to the car and talk a bit, okay? At least until I sober up a bit. Thankfully I haven’t had much to drink. I can’t say the same for you,” Brett said.
I shuffled to the car. He started it to warm it up.
“Man, what were you thinking?”
“Not much,” I muttered. “Thanks for stopping me.”
“I’m pretty sure you would have stopped yourself, but I figured it was best to be your insurance policy.”
“You’re a good friend,” I said quietly.
“I know you think I don’t know shit, but this will work out. She is going to be back.”
I shook my head. “You don’t know that.”
“Look, when I met Emma, I thought she was the weirdest, fucked up chick in all of Minnesota. Maybe all of the USA. But I got to know her and she’s super cool. I can see why you fell hard for her. I’ve got this feeling it will be okay, but you have to smarten up.”
I stared out the window as more people showed up to the party. Happy people. “I should have destroyed the video the second I remembered I had it.”
“Well, you didn’t, so no use wallowing in the past. You’ve got to suck it up now, make amends and find a way to win her back. This is NOT the way to win her back. Drinking and hitting up random chicks is really stupid.” He stopped. “When did I become the adult around here?”
I smiled a little. I didn’t appreciate Brett as much as I should have. “So what do I do? And please, don’t tell me to walk around shirtless.”
“Be around, but leave her alone. You know?”
“Not really. Sounds like any oxymoron to me.”
“No, it’s not. Be around, but make her miss what she had. And I happen to think the shirtless route is the way to go.”
“Yeah, you’re right, except the shirtless part. Brett, I finally met a girl I love to death, and I did everything wrong.”
“Look, I know what’s eating you. For once you’re not in control. You’re the most in-control guy I know. This time you’re going to have to wait and see, but I know she’s coming back.”
This coming from a guy who was usually wrong about everything. “Do you feel okay to drive? I want to get out of here.”
Brett nodded. “Yeah, let’s get out of here.”
I needed to sleep this night off and forget it ever happened.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Zach
“I don’t believe I’ve seen two longer faces,” Mom said.
A part of me was happy that Mom and Dad were home but the other part was worried they’d see my descent into the pit of hell. I had to get my shit together, and I was working on that. It took Brett tackling me to the ground to see that I was doing everything all wrong. I also liked to think that I would have stopped myself if Brett hadn’t.
Genie and I were sitting on the sofa waiting for the last of our Christmas dinner guests to arrive. Genie’s job had been to spike the cider and apparently mine was to drink it all. I noticed that my sister had taken my glass away when I went to use the restroom. I guess I was done for the night.
“I’m tired,” I lied.
“And I’m bored,” Genie said.
“Well, put on some smiles. We have a lot of guests coming and you both look like you’ve been given death sentences,” Mom said.
She strode off and I looked for my drink. I couldn’t find it and went to get another glass. When I sat next to Genie, she snatched it away from me.
“Stop. The last thing you need is to be half-drunk at dinner. Dad will shoot you.”
“I’m fine.”
She cackled. “Are you for real! You are far from fine. At least she texts you and hasn’t dumped your sorry ass yet, but if you keep this up, kiss her goodbye. Do you want some advice?”
“No. Please don’t,” I said with a groan.
“I’m giving it to you anyway.”
“Of course you are,” I grumbled.
“Pack your shit up and get back into the apartment. The longer you stay away, the easier it is for you to become a distant memory. So clean yourself up, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and be up in her face. In a good way. Prove to her that you’re going to fight for your relationship, instead of being a wimp and hanging out with Mom and Dad.”
I rolled my eyes. “Sounds like you’ve been talking to Brett.”
“That dimwit? Not a chance. But if he gave you the same advice, how many more people do you need to tell you that?”
“It will annoy her.”
“No, it won’t. Trust me, you want to wear her down, you do that by being around. Don’t crowd her though. Act like you’re a bit indifferent, that you aren’t pushing it. I can bet she’ll have you back in the bedroom in no time.”
“I swear the two of you have been talking.”
She bristled. “Brett and I have absolutely nothing in common.”
“And where am I supposed to sleep until she figures that all out?”
“The sofa.”
“How about you move back here?”
“Not a chance. The sofa will be just fine for you. Pretend it bothers you in a really inconspicuous way. It will eat at her and she’ll feel sorry for you.”
“Where do you come up with this shit?”
“I happen to be very observant.”
“How did I get so lucky to have a sister like you?” I said sarcastically. I got up, took back my cider and left for the dining room.
I WAS GETTING READY the next morning for our annual Christmas tradition of feeding the homeless at Kathy’s House. I was in my room, on the bed staring aimlessly up at the ceiling when I heard a quiet knock on my door. I wandered over to open it to find Mom standing there.
“I’ll be down for breakfast right away,” I said.
“That’s not why I’m here,” she said. “Let’s talk.”
By the ominous frown on Mom’s face, this couldn’t be good. “Okay.”
She stepped inside my room and shut the door. She was speaking quietly which made me know this had to do with Louisa. She’d betrayed me again.
“Louisa and
I were talking last night. I understand you’ve been staying here for a while.”
I could be cagey and lie to Mom, but why bother? She’d get it out of me anyway. “Emma and I had a bit of a falling out. I did something stupid and we are getting through it.” I put up my hand before Mom could utter another word. “And I’m not telling you what it is.” And I was sticking to that.
Mom’s brown eyes seemed to fade. “You don’t seem yourself, Zach.”
“I’m fine. In fact, I’m going back to the apartment after the holiday break.”
She went to my bed and sat, bringing her hands to her face. Was she crying? I put my arms around her, but she stayed composed. “It’s happening all over again. The same as your uncle.”
I wasn’t sure what Mom was talking about. “The drinking? Mom, Genie and Louisa are making a big deal out of nothing. I have it under control.”
Mom’s hands slipped from her face and she stared hard at me, like she wanted to gut me. “Drinking? How much?”
Shit. I’d said too much. “Just here and there. It’s no worse than before.”
“Before? When?”
That imaginary shovel I had was digging my grave further and further. “You know, back in those party days. I stopped, it’s all good now.”
Mom’s hand twitched. “I assumed you were having a good time, but was your drinking out of control?”
“No,” I lied. My voice ticked up and Mom caught it. “Look, I straightened out and I will again. I was upset, but I’ll go right back to the old Zach.”
“Honey, I don’t like this. I’m worried about you.”
“Mom, I can handle it. I was feeling a little sorry for himself, but who doesn’t go through something like that?”
I could see so much pain on her face and I didn’t know how to make it go away.
“Do you know why your uncle started drinking? He fell hard for a girl and that was the problem with Matt. With everything in his life, he went in head first, not ever thinking things through. So when the girl dumped him, he lost his mind. He couldn’t cope. He couldn’t get over it that she didn’t want to be with him. That’s when he started drinking. And then he couldn’t hold a job, so he’d drink. His friends didn’t want to bother with him anymore, so more drinking. He didn’t even try to stop before he hit that tree. I think he wanted to die.”
I took Mom’s hand and squeezed it tight. “I’m not Uncle Matt.”
“What if things don’t work out with Emma? And you spiral? Do we need to be prepared for that?”
“I’ll be fine whether I get back together with Emma or not. Don’t worry about it.”
Mom stared down at her feet before lifting her gaze to mine. “If I see anything I don’t like, you’re coming home and we are taking care of this. Do you need someone to talk to? A therapist?”
“Mom, stop.”
“You’ve always had such a good heart. I hate seeing it broken.”
I gave her a tight hug. “I promise you, Mom, I’m okay.”
She pulled herself to her feet and walked to the door and gave me one last look. I felt horrible, like I’d ruined her Christmas.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Emma
Dad and I threw a little New Year’s Eve party. We’d never done that before and it was the perfect distraction. Did I wish Zach was there? A piece of me did, a big piece of me, but instead of thinking about him, I worked on appetizers. We weren’t expecting a lot of people, but Dad had invited Uncle Ron and his family. I assumed that might include Jake. Grandpa and Wendy were coming along with a few of his friends. All in all, we were expecting about twenty people, so I had lots of food to prepare.
Food kept me busy. It gave me focus and blocked out the rest of my life. I decided on an international selection and started with spinach and feta triangles. I pulled out the phyllo dough to thaw and whipped the feta, spinach, spices, salt and pepper and mixed them together. I’d add the onions and eggs later. I then moved on to prepping the dough for a few pizzas and while that dough rose, I assembled my taco dip. I was just finishing that up when Wendy arrived. She showed up early to help me while Dad and Grandpa left for a booze run, leaving the two of us alone.
“I don’t want to be nosy, but Zach is conspicuously absent,” she said, walking to the sink and washing her hands. “I asked Henry about it and he didn’t seem to know much, so I guess I have to pry.”
I couldn’t help but smile a little. I loved that she was direct and didn’t bother trying to play any games. She was perfect for Grandpa, and she would be an amazing addition to our small family.
“It’s nothing really.”
I pulled out the food processor and dumped avocados, garlic, scallions, bell peppers and—I paused when I got to the chili peppers. Jake hated chili peppers. I dumped them in anyway. I didn’t give a shit what he liked. Next, I poured in olive oil, lime juice and a pinch of salt. I hit the pulse button. I handed Wendy three baguettes and showed her how I wanted to slice them while I mixed together the bruschetta mixture.
“It seems like something,” she said.
“Zach and I are on a break.” I kept my voice level, like it didn’t really bother me, even though it was eating me up.
“I assumed so. Are you going to tell me why? You don’t have to,” she said, touching my arm.
I started dicing tomatoes. After Bianca and her goons ambushed me, I’d told Wendy everything from Bianca’s harassment to the threatening texts she’d sent me. Wendy wanted me to pursue charges, but I’d refused. The one thing I hadn’t mentioned was the video, because I hadn’t seen it. “There’s a video,” I began. “It’s what Zach used to make Bianca finally stop bothering me.”
“A video,” she said, and nodded. “When I hear video, I think the worst.”
“It’s pretty bad. I guess that’s why I didn’t want to see it. For a long time I didn’t ask him about it because I think I was scared what was on it.” I sat on one of the kitchen chairs and Wendy did the same, her face full of concern. “I finally asked to see it. Wendy, it was awful. It’s some kind of horrible sorority initiation. In it, Bianca is with a bunch of guys and . . .” I trailed off. How would I get this out? Talking to Wendy about this was weird.
“I’ve heard it all,” she said, patting my hand.
“She was performing oral sex,” I said, using the cleanest reference I could think of.
“Zach was one of them,” she deduced. I thought she’d be horrified or disgusted, but her expression didn’t change.
“No, he was recording it. Not that it makes it any better. It was from a few years ago, their first year at Western. It’s so gross. And a part of me feels sorry for her. They humiliated her and Zach kept the video. Why would someone keep something like that? It’s gross. And it’s not like he could have predicted what would happen with me and Bianca.”
“Was she forced into doing anything?”
“No, but I don’t think she liked it.”
“I think it’s important to ascertain if she was forced into it. Or if they took advantage of her in an intoxicated state. I suppose you haven’t talked to her.”
“No. I ran into her recently, but I hadn’t seen the video yet.”
“Without seeing the video, it’s hard for me to say.”
Did I tell her I had it? Fear gripped me. If she saw it, could she get Zach into trouble? No, it was safer with me. “I’m having a hard time forgiving him,” I said.
“I’ll say this: they were both young and presumably very stupid. I don’t think either of them would do something this foolish again. I suppose my question for you is whether or not you think Zach has changed since then.”
“I think so. Yes, probably.” Not exactly a definitive yes.
“Sometimes time away is a good thing. It clears the head. I want you to know that if you ever need to talk to me, my ear is always available.”
“Thank you.”
“And my advice to Zach is to get rid of it. Keeping something like that could get him into
some serious legal trouble if Bianca were to come forward and suggest she was forced into it. It could also seriously damage his reputation and that of his father’s. In fact, I’m going to pretend we didn’t have this conversation.”
“Yes, let’s forget about it.”
We moved on to assembling my spinach triangles. Wendy watched in awe as I rolled out the phyllo dough and quickly assembled my triangles before the phyllo dried out.
“I learn so much from you,” she said.
“I’ve had a lot of practice with this.”
“I was thinking of coming out to Minneapolis in a few weeks and do some dress shopping. Since this will be my second wedding, I want something demure and simple. Would you like to dress shop with me?”
My cheeks warmed. She wanted me along? “I’d love that.”
“I was also going to ask you to be my bridesmaid. If you want to.”
My eyes welled with tears. “I’d be honored.”
“Then we’ll have to find you a dress too.”
“Thank you, Wendy. I’m not sure what I’d do without you.”
“You happen to be an amazing young lady. Don’t forget that.”
I didn’t know what to do with the compliment, but something told me to hug her and I did. She hugged me back and I wondered what Grandma would think at this moment. And then it hit me. She’d be pretty happy.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Emma
I got back to the apartment a few days before school started. When I walked through the door there was Zach, sitting on the sofa, a beer in one hand and the TV remote in the other. He looked up at me and smiled sheepishly. I froze, standing in the doorway, holding my duffel bag. My heart beat like crazy.
“Hey,” he said, like nothing had happened.
“Hi,” I said, recovering from the shock. I set down my bag and shut the door. “You’re back?”
“Yeah, the commute was killing me. In case you’re wondering, I’m taking the sofa.”
I was about to open my mouth but he cut me off.
“It’s already decided.”