by Anna Albo
“How worried do I need to be?”
“I don’t know. Let’s just say I wouldn’t kick the guy out of my bed, but that doesn’t mean Emma likes him. It could be nothing, but it made me uncomfortable. The thing is, I don’t think Emma’s the kind of girl to pull this shit. If she liked this guy, she wouldn’t string you along.”
“Cold consolation,” I said bitterly.
“I thought you should know.”
“Didn’t you have a class with him last night?”
“That’s why I’m telling you. My guess is that he thinks this is a game. It’s clear he’s not your biggest fan.”
“It’s not like I can do anything about it. If I push or pressure her, she’ll back off and I don’t want to do that. I have to leave her alone.”
“If it helps, I think she loves you.”
“No, it doesn’t really help at all.”
I dumped my coffee in the sink and left. I wanted to put my fist through something, preferably Morrow’s face.
“I’ve got to get ready for classes,” I said.
“Hey, don’t tell her I told you. She asked me not to.”
“Sure, whatever,” I said. I needed to get out of the apartment as soon as possible before I officially lost it.
GENIE: EMMA IS MAKING dinner. Get your ass home.
Me: Was thinking of bailing tonight.
Genie: Try again. Get your butt home. I know what I told you this morning upset you, but now is not the time to disappear. GET HOME NOW.
I stared at my phone. Going home wasn’t a good idea. I was pissed off, but Genie was insistent. I looked over at Brett who was thumbing through magazines.
“Will you be pissed if I jam on you?” I said.
I felt bad. I’d bugged him to hang out with me. We hit the gym first where I worked out until every muscle burned. Then we’d hit a drugstore on the way home to pick up some pain relievers for the massive headache I had. What I needed was a good night’s sleep in my own damn bed.
Brett looked up from a men’s health magazine. “Nah. I should be studying. What’s up?”
“My sister is summoning me home.”
“Good idea. Remember, no shirt.”
I couldn’t even manage a smile. I hadn’t told Brett the latest about Morrow, mostly because I didn’t even want to talk about it. Instead, I’d been stewing and anger was bubbling into rage. I should have told Genie how I was feeling, but I knew she wouldn’t give up until I went home.
I drove to the apartment trying to ward off the helplessness and fury I was feeling. I should have turned around and met up with Brett again, gone out for beers, watched the hockey game and forgot about my problems. That would have been a smart idea.
I got home and found Genie setting the table. She smiled when she saw me and gave me a thumbs-up sign. I didn’t react. I hung my jacket and made my way to the kitchen. Emma was there, grating cheese. An assortment of plates scattered around her, all different kinds. She looked at me and her face lit up, the way it used to, but I didn’t trust what I was seeing.
“Hey,” she said. “Pasta al forno tonight.”
She turned away from me and I closed my eyes. I wanted to slip my arms around her, kiss her neck, pull her close to me, but even though she was only a few feet from me, she felt so far away. I turned and went to the fridge. I grabbed a beer and made my way to the sofa.
“We’re eating in half an hour,” she called after me.
I didn’t respond.
Genie joined me in the living room. I kept my gaze fixed on the television.
“I’m glad you’re here.”
I gulped my beer and said nothing.
“Are you pissed?” she asked under her breath.
“Pissed angry or pissed drunk?”
“Drunk.”
“Nope,” I said, getting up and going to the kitchen. I didn’t look at Emma this time and hit the fridge for another beer. I returned to my spot on the sofa. Two beers would definitely be better than one.
“You’ve got to lighten up. She’s making us dinner. Take that as a good sign,” Genie said.
I rolled my eyes. “Genie, I’m here. Leave me alone now.”
I was on my fourth beer by the time we sat down to dinner. Normally I would have wanted to plant my face into her pasta al forno, but uneasiness had settled in my stomach. We sat down and I still hadn’t said a word. I grabbed the spatula and heaped a huge serving of cheesy baked pasta onto my plate then grabbed a piece of garlic bread. The tension was so thick it was strangling me, but somehow Emma didn’t notice.
“How was everyone’s day?” she asked.
“Not exciting. How was yours?” Genie asked.
“Boring. My last class let out early so I figured I’d make a nice dinner.”
Genie quickly glanced at me. I kept eating, face down.
“It’s delicious as always,” Genie said.
“You didn’t take much. Eat more,” Emma said.
“I had a late lunch so I’m not overly hungry.”
“How was your day?” Emma asked me.
I lifted my eyes and met her gaze. “Fantastic,” I said sarcastically.
We stared at each other and I could feel the air getting thicker by the second. I was angry at her. I’d reached that point, a point I never thought possible. My Emma, the girl I loved most in the world, made me so angry that I worried I’d say things I’d forever regret and I couldn’t stop myself.
“Emma, did you mention shopping with Wendy for wedding dresses? When is that?” Genie jumped in.
Emma snapped out of our stare-off and looked at Genie. “Yes. She’s coming to the city next week. We’re going to spend a Saturday shopping and have everyone for dinner after if you can make it.”
“That sounds like fun.”
“You should come shopping with us.”
“I have something going on that day, but if my plans fall through, I’d be happy to join you guys,” Genie said.
“Wendy would probably find you more useful than me.”
“Nah. You’ve got a pretty good sense of style.”
More silence. I ate as fast as I could and when I’d finished everything on my plate, without warning, Emma scooped more pasta on it. I tensed and stared at the food. Something about that gesture made my blood boil.
“Why did you do that?” I asked. My voice sounded different, cold and dark. Where had that come from?
“I figured you wanted more.”
Her green eyes watched me. “If I wanted more, I would have taken more,” I spat.
She scrunched her nose in confusion. “You can leave it then.” She seemed to wither at my reaction and I felt like shit, but it didn’t stop me from being an asshole. I was too far gone.
“Sure was cold today,” Genie said, trying to intervene with something mundane.
“I’m going to throw it out,” I said. I got up, stomped into the kitchen with my plate and came back with another beer.
Emma looked to Genie for some kind of clarification, but she shrugged.
“Are you mad at me?” Emma asked. I’d collapsed onto the sofa with my beer and ignored her. She got up and walked over to me, a look of confusion still on her face.
“Zach, what’s going on?” she asked.
Genie leapt up and tried to get between us, but Emma pushed her out of the way.
“Why are you being like this?”
“Sorry, I’m in my bedroom and I’d like to be alone,” I said and motioned to shoo her away.
She looked at Genie for help.
“Zach, I think you should stop drinking,” Genie said calmly.
“Genie, I think you should fuck off.”
“Zach!” Emma couldn’t hide her dismay now.
“Why don’t both of you lay off me? Okay?”
Emma’s face hardened. “If you’re having some kind of bad day, I don’t think it’s fair to take it out on me.”
I laughed, the kind of laugh when you didn’t think a single fucking thing w
as funny. “This is all so hilarious. Are we talking fair? How fair is it for you to go out with some other guy behind my back?” I stared at her now and her mouth opened slightly.
She then turned to Genie whose cheeks were grower redder by the millisecond. “It wasn’t a date. We hung out. I can barely stand the guy,” she stammered.
“If it wasn’t a big deal why not mention it? Why the special dinner tonight? You haven’t made us food since you left. Feeling guilty about something?” I wanted to jump out of my skin, but I remained stationary on the sofa.
“No. I was trying to do something nice.”
“Nice would be letting me back into my bedroom.”
“Zach, stop,” Genie said.
“You know, I think I’m going to get out of here before the two of you gang up on me.”
I stood up and grabbed my jacket. Genie jumped into action and blocked the front door.
“You’ve been drinking way too much. You aren’t driving,” she said.
“Genie, get out of the way before I move you myself.”
“Give me the keys and you can go.”
I pulled my keys from my pocket and thrust them into her hand. She moved and I left, slamming the door behind me. I’d dialed Brett’s number by the time I’d reached the elevator. He answered right away.
“Can you pick me up? I need to get out of my apartment.”
“Sure. I’ll be there in ten.”
WE DEFAULTED TO OUR original plan and had drinks in a local sports lounge, but neither of us were really watching the game. I relayed the evening’s events and gave him all the Ben Fucking Morrow details. Brett listened as he nursed a beer.
“Shit, now I know why chicks dig soap operas.”
“I don’t want to go back home. I don’t want to deal with it.”
“Then what are you going to do?”
I strummed my fingers on the tabletop. “Maybe I should call time on this. Break up with her before she does it to me. That way I don’t have to endure the humiliation of her hooking up with Morrow right under my nose.”
“You think it’s like that with this guy?”
“I don’t know. She pretends to not like him.”
Brett nodded. “You know what, I think you should. Dump her sorry ass. You don’t need this shit. This has gone on long enough. She doesn’t respect you at all. Fuck her.”
I titled my head. Where was this coming from? “Since when did you change your tune?”
“Since you told me all this shit. She’s leading you on, she’s probably been doing that all along. She did need a place to stay after Jake kicked her out.”
“It wasn’t like that. You know that.”
“Sure it was. She used you. She’s still using you now so that she has a roof over her head. Free of charge. So kick her to the curb where she deserves to be.”
“She’s not using me.”
“Where are you sleeping right now? Where is she sleeping? She’s got you by the balls. Dump her.”
I was getting more pissed off than I was before. “You’re making her sound like someone she’s not. She is not like other girls.”
“Yeah, but look at all the trouble she’s been. She doesn’t make you happy anymore. Has she ever made you happy?”
“Well, yeah,” I said. A part of my heart was blooming, feeling a need to defend Emma.
“She’s a moocher. Maybe that’s been her plan. Taking advantage of you. I have to give her credit because she totally sucked you in.”
Now I was getting annoyed. “She’s not a freeloader.”
“Gold digger?”
“No. She’s none of that.”
“She’s probably fucking this guy. Maybe in your bed.”
Now I wanted to punch him. “No, she’d never do that behind my back. She’s too good for that.”
“You never know. It’s best to cut ties now. I think you have her pegged all wrong.”
“I don’t. She’s the greatest girl I’ve ever met. I love her!”
Brett smiled. “So then why the fuck would you dump her?”
Shit, he’d played me. I let out a deep breath. “I don’t know what to do anymore, and do not tell me to walk around shirtless.”
“Look, I wish I had the answer for you. But she made dinner tonight, first time in ages? That’s what you said. She’s coming around. I’m going to make a bold prediction: you’ll be back together in a week. Two tops.”
“Is that what your crystal ball says?”
“I just feel it. Call it women’s intuition.”
I thought to tell him what women’s intuition meant, but thought better of it.
“Thanks for listening to my shit.” I did feel a little better.
“You’re my best friend. It’s part of my job. Now can we watch the fucking game?”
“Yeah.” I pushed away my beer. I was cutting myself off for the night. We hung out a bit longer and he dropped me off at home. The apartment was quiet when I went inside. Genie had texted to say she’d left the door unlocked. I silently put my jacket away and listened for any noise. The television was wafting out from Genie’s closed door and as I walked down the hall to the bathroom, I took the extra steps to my bedroom door. The lights were off, but I knew Emma was inside. I’d do anything to open the door, crawl into her bed with her and hold her tight. I put my hand on the door, like that would somehow draw her closer. I took a few breaths and wandered to the bathroom.
God, I hoped Brett was right. I couldn’t take this much longer.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Emma
I barely slept, tossing and turning all night. I must have woken up a million times, checking to see if Zach had come home. I didn’t realize I’d slept at all until my alarm went off at seven a.m. I dragged myself out of bed and opened the door and listened for any noises. Nothing. Genie and Zach were still sleeping.
I slipped out of my room and tiptoed down the hall. When the sofa came into sight, I saw it empty. My heart began pounding. Where was he? Was he okay? Did I wake Genie up? Text Zach? I paced the hallway, biting my nails and trying to keep calm. He could be dead somewhere and it was all my fault.
Genie must have heard me because her door swung open. She was in her flannel pajamas.
“He left early this morning,” she said before I could speak. The look on her face made me want to crawl into a hole and die. For the first time, I saw anger and resentment. I slunk back to my room, wondering if he texted me. I bolted for my purse, ripping it apart looking for my phone. When I found it, the only text was from Dad.
And then it hit me. Had I taken this all too far? To the point of no return? And if I did, how did I get back to where I wanted and needed to be?
My morning class was a blur. I didn’t hear a word my economics prof said. As I wandered aimlessly to my next class, I pulled out my phone. It was time to tie up loose ends.
Me: Can you meet me today?
I didn’t expect an answer as I walked to my psych class. As I settled into my seat near the back, I looked at my phone again. I was surprised to see a response.
Bianca: Why would I want to meet up with you?
Me: I have the video.
I didn’t check my phone again until class ended. If my prof had seen me with it, first he’d humiliate me, then he’d kick me out of class. Bianca wasn’t worth it.
Bianca: I have time at noon.
Me: Meet me at the Coffee Corner.
I had no plan. I wasn’t even sure why I wanted to meet with her. I think I wanted it to be over and done with. The video out of my life and Zach’s. It hung over us and if I ever lost it, then what?
I grabbed a coffee and a stale blueberry muffin and sat at one of the rundown booths. I picked at my muffin, waiting for Bianca to show up. I was still formulating a plan when she slid into the booth across from me. She dropped her school bag on the table, which nearly made my coffee tip over.
“Let me guess, you’re going to hold this over my head and screw me over.”
> “No,” I said perplexed.
“Sure,” she said and scowled. “Do you think I’m stupid?”
Did I want to answer that honestly? “Why are you always angry?”
Bianca’s eyes narrowed. “What?”
“You heard me. Why are you angry all the time? You’re always on the defensive. Stop being pissed off all the time.”
Bianca opened her mouth to argue, but stopped herself. “If you didn’t ask me here to blackmail me for the rest of my life, then what do you want?”
“I have the video. I told you that.”
“Shhh,” she said, looking around. “Do you want people to hear?”
“No one is going to know what we’re talking about.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because you aren’t the center of the universe.”
“They still might know,” she seethed.
“Fine, I’ll be quieter. I have the video,” I said, dropping my voice a little.
“I know. You mentioned it three times. What do you want from me? Money? Zach’s family doesn’t have enough for you?”
I sighed. Bianca was so much work. What did Jake see in her? “No, I don’t want money. I don’t want anything. Not only are you angry all the time, you’re also cynical.”
Bianca rolled her eyes. “Are you serious? You have an embarrassing video of me and you wonder why I’m angry and cynical? You are so—”
“If you call me stupid, I swear I’ll punch you harder than I did last time.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and huffed. “Why am I here, Emma?”
“I thought we could talk.”
“Talk? Why? Do you want to be besties? We can do each other’s makeup and hair? Have a sleepover?”
“Bianca, cut it out for once. I’m trying to be civil but you make it really hard.”
“Forgive me, but I don’t trust you.”
“Do you have a choice right now?”
She huffed again. “What do you want to talk about?” she asked begrudgingly.
“Why did you let them take that video?”
“So now you want to embarrass me.”