by Jacy Braegan
That dark pit that nearly consumed me when Clay and Vivienne found me years ago almost claims me for a moment. I’m drawn back to that moment where I’d stood on the edge of a bridge staring down at the water swirling below. Losing Jayson had left a huge void within me I didn’t know how to deal with at the time. We’d spent almost all our waking hours together and having him ripped away from me like that was just pure torture. I’d not had to make new friends in so long I didn’t know how to anymore. It had sent me on a downward spiral I didn’t believe I could recover from until they’d came along.
Forcing myself from the memory of how abandoned I’d felt, I pull my eyes from Jayson’s name. It simply can’t be him. Taking a deep breath, I turn the program over on my lap. Clay knows the story of Jayson, but I don’t think I ever told him his last name. Why would I? There’s no way he can know how seeing that name is affecting me right now.
My best friend’s brightly lit eyes dancing around the romantically dressed church brings me back to the light of the present. It’s a glorious room, I must admit. It’s one of those older churches with the vaulted ceilings with huge dark beams running across it. The pews themselves are as comfortable as they can be. Light blue and white satin bunting drape the ends of the pews. Bluebells dangle from pale blue bows that hold the bunting in place. White fairy lights hang everywhere the eye can see giving the atmosphere an almost whimsical feeling in the classical room.
“This is a theme I could get used to. Think I could add lights like this to the living room?”
Heads turn toward us as a loud burst of laughter leaves me. With a sheepish smile on my face, I issue a quiet apology to those near us before turning on my friend to look dead into his emerald green eyes. “I don’t think so, precious. Not happening in our house. Maybe in your ‘bed chamber’ though.” My fingers form air quotes at the words bed chamber. Calling it a bedroom isn’t enough for Clay. It must have a romantic feel to it.
Clay pouts as he looks down at his lap for a few seconds before perking back up. How we became friends when he was so perky and I’d been so lost in despair is anybody’s guess. Perhaps being drawn towards the light that surrounds him allowed me to avoid being consumed by the darkness that cloaked me. He’d been the beacon that brought me back to life when my insides had felt so dead.
“Oh well. That will have to do. I must find the wedding planner and find out where they got them. Plus, I want to get a card so I’m ready to plan my wedding.”
His words make me chuckle softly and shake my head at him. He’s always planning his future wedding. He’d be married with me out of a home if it was his choice, but his choice of men… well, they leave a lot to desire. We shared the woes of relationship issues. It seems love isn’t in the destined cards for either of us.
Movement at the front of the church garners my attention and draws it forward before I respond to Clay. God, he’s got a gorgeous body. My only view is of his back while he converses with the preacher, but that man has an ass to bite on for days. As I enjoy the view before me, Clay elbows me in the side. His elbow draws a soft grunt from me, making me tear my eyes from the delightful behind I’m watching. I raise a brow at my friend as he leans over toward me to whisper quietly, “Quit eyeballing the groom, man. That’s kind of rude.”
His words draw a sigh from me because he’s right. It is rude, though it’s not like I knew he was one of the grooms until he said something. Getting my thoughts out of the gutter, I nod to him before turning back forward. I suck in a deep inhale of breath as my eyes zero in once more on the groom I’d been watching. Holy shit. This is so not happening. Clay is ignoring me, so he doesn’t see the eyes full of panic I turn his way. I draw my eyes back to the man at the front of the church.
Fuck, it’s him. My Jayson.
Chapter 4
Jayson
Somehow, Luca forces me up to get me out of the church and into the car. My eyes are sore from all the tears that I’d shed. I don’t know how much time has passed since I read Blake’s note, but my front door is suddenly in front of me. This is the house I’d bought for my future husband and I… a husband that would now never come home.
With a sigh, I push the key into the door. The lock opens with a quick click, and my shoulder shoves the door open. Not bothering to even flick on any lights, I shuffle blindly through the darkness of the house to the couch before sinking dejectedly onto the cushions. Lights blind my vision where I’d sat there focusing on nothing, just staring into the darkness. Blinking to clear my eyes, things stand out in the room. The entertainment center has a gaping hole where the TV and Xbox had been just that morning. I quickly get to my feet to make my way to the bedroom that Blake and I share. His drawers are hanging half open and completely empty… and his side of the closet is bare.
Disbelief runs through me. He had to have been planning this before today in order for all his things to just go missing that quickly. We’d opted to follow the tradition of spending the night apart the night before our wedding. Blake convinced me to spend the night at Luc’s. Since we were planning on taking my car when it was time to leave for the honeymoon, he could’ve loaded his truck up in the garage overnight and rode to the church with his best friend Russell none the wiser. That asshole.
Rage hits me deep down inside, and there’s no fighting it. It wells until I can’t see past the red haze before my eyes. He’d played me one hundred percent. That asshole took eight years of my life and threw them to the dogs. At that moment, my hatred blooms for Blake with a passion. Luca had left me to my own devices, so there’s no one to stop me.
Grasping the edge of the comforter of what was our bed with my fingers, I jerk it off. We’d picked it out together, but it had been one he had loved more than me. That bed represents so much. It represents how much I always gave in to what he wanted. It represents a life that apparently had been nothing but a lie. Grabbing my pocketknife out of the bedside table I use the knife to carve marks into the sleigh bed’s headboard. All sorts of words and crude carvings depicting my ex find their way from my brain to the wood. It’s most definitely not nice, but it’s feeding this angry beast inside me.
I dig deep into the mattress with the knife, tugging it through the cushioning and fabric as if it’s butter in the face of his betrayal. Over and over, I rip the mattress apart until a scream of rage escapes from inside me. Fury drives me to shove the mattress over into the wall on the side of the bed that had been his. The box spring follows course. Staring at the skeleton of the bed, inspiration strikes on how to truly take my anger out on the lie before me. It only takes minutes for me to get the sledgehammer from the garage. I hold the thick wooden handle tight in my hands as I rest it on my shoulder. Moving back into the bedroom, I take aim on the bed again.
In my head, that bed becomes Blake. He isn’t here for me to take my anger out on. The bed makes a poor substitute, but it’s there. Oh, how he deserves this. I raise the hammer above my head, preparing to strike. With a satisfying grunt, I let it fall upon the wooden headboard. Over and over, I swing the hammer in my hands, demolishing things in the room until there’s nothing but pieces of wood and small splinters around the room. The head and foot of the bed are gone. My clothes are thrown in disarray around the room. The chest of drawers is just rubble. It’s probably a good thing we didn’t get the mirror Blake had wanted. Seven years of bad luck would have been icing on this jilted cake.
* * *
Hours later, I sit with my gaze locked on the empty spot where the TV had been. Disbelief and rage have mutated into bone deep sadness. Tears fall from my eyes as thoughts race in my head. What had I done? What had chased Blake from me? He swore he would love me till his dying day when he proposed. Keyword there is that he proposed to me.
Would I have loved a marriage to him? Well, of course I would. I was in love with him. I wasn’t the one to push for permanency though. He did. So, what the hell could I have done that would send him packing like this? I’d followed all the rules. I didn’t b
eg him for things he told me he didn’t want to do. I’d given in to so much.
It’s hard not to believe it isn’t my fault at this point. My anxiety always makes me feel like things that go wrong are my fault, even when they aren’t. I had to have missed some signs or signals he had sent me that things were falling apart. Had he tried to tell me it wasn’t working? There is nothing in my memory that would point to that. I just feel… blindsided. Completely and utterly blindsided.
Chapter 5
Aidan
Present Day, Six Months Later
There’s knocking at the door once again, but this time, roles are reversed. I rap out a tune on Clay’s door with my fingers. “Get a move on, precious! The crew is waiting for us at the club to celebrate!”
Clay had gotten a big promotion at work, and we’re all gathering at Harmony to celebrate. Vivienne is in town visiting, and I’m excited to see her again. She’d moved away to New York City following college graduation to pursue her desire of acting on Broadway. She doesn’t make it back to Oklahoma City too often as she spends a lot of time touring with shows she’s part of. She’d made her dreams come true, and there was no one in the world prouder of her than Clay and me.
The mile-long dry streak that had me stuck since seeing Jayson at his wedding hopefully ends tonight. Does anyone see a man in bad need of getting laid? My right hand sure was getting tired as of late. It’s time to shake the thought of that man out of my head and set myself free. Oklahoma City sprawls fairly wide, so it makes sense we’d not run into each other since the almost wedding. We could live in the same neighborhood and never even see each other.
Clay’s been begging me to go out and be his wingman for weeks. A celebration is a good reason to get out and be his wingman. It’s a better idea than just going to hang out to help my good buddy get laid. Not that it’s a bad thing, but do you know how hard it is to be a wingman when you’re down in the dumps and not eager to work on getting someone in bed with you? It’s pretty damn hard.
Clay pulls open his door and strikes a pose. Laughter bubbles up from inside me as I trail my eyes up and down to take in his fake sexy pose. He’s dressed to kill from the perfect make-up on his face to the black stiletto heels on his feet. In between is a pair of painted-on skinny jeans and a sheer pink shirt. My friend is surely the character. He walks past me, letting those heels tap out a beat to his walk as he pulls open the front door. “Well then, let’s get a move on. I’ve got men to seduce tonight!”
His wolfish grin as he disappears out of our front door sends me into a peal of laughter again. I lock the door behind me before following him out to my Jeep. There’s no doubt in my mind Clay plans to get drunk off his ass tonight, so that makes me tonight’s designated driver. It doesn’t take long to get downtown to the club. We joked about the men we want to meet as we drive.
The music is thumping as we walk into the flickering lights of the club. I bounce my head to the rhythm as we head to the bar to get drinks. It doesn’t take long to locate our friends, Cory and Jamison, at their table. “Hey guys, how’s it going?”
Cory looks up from his conversation with Jamison. The frown on his face changes to a grin as he takes us both in. My butt hits a stool when I sit as Cory yells over the music. “It’s going good. Congrats on the job, man!”
Cory is always the type who jumps around in conversation, so it doesn’t surprise me when he turns to face Clay with a smile with the congratulatory words on his lips. Clay gives them both a huge hug and a kiss on both cheeks before taking a sip of his drink. “Thanks, doll face. Let’s go dance.”
Clay pulls Jamison up and draws him toward the dance floor just as an arm comes down around my shoulder. Strawberry body spray wafts into my nose making me laugh before wrapping my arm around the delicate waist of that feminine form in for a hug. I don’t know too many women that come to Harmony that would be so friendly with me, so it isn’t hard to figure out that Vivienne, with her trademark strawberry scent teasing my nose, is the one grabbing me.
Vivienne had been just as instrumental at pulling me out of my depression as Clay had. She’d been the one that spied me on the edge of a bridge preparing to jump, forcing Clay to stop his car in the middle of the road. They both stopped traffic to get to me, not knowing anything about my story. She offered me her friendship with no strings attached. No matter how hard I tried to push them away, she pushed back until I accepted their presence in my life. Now, I couldn’t imagine living without them.
She gives me a quick peck on the lips before drawing back to look at me. Her brown eyes sparkle in the flickering lights of the club as she takes in my face. “It’s been hard to catch you on the phone lately. I wasn’t sure you’d be here tonight. I’m so glad you joined us.”
Cory gets up to hang out at the edge of the dance floor. His dark eyes watch Jamison like a hawk while he and Clay dance without a care in the world. Jamison is so oblivious to Cory’s regard that it draws a chuckle from within me. Vivi’s words catch my attention and I turn my head back toward her again. “Mainly working. Kind of fell into a funk after January and it took time to work it out. No doubt Clay has spilled everything to you…”
I let my words trail off as she bites her lip and nods at me, sending her blond ringlets to dance about her face before she sighs. “I still can’t believe you let him get to you after all these years.”
Ugh, she’s about to rant. Nope. Not happening tonight. I lift my fingers to settle them upon her lips while shaking my head. “Nope, we aren’t going there tonight. Let’s go dance with Precious, yeah?”
Vivi wants to push me as she always does, that much is clear. Hopping up from my stool, the plan is to drag her ass to the dance floor. The music is louder there, so she’ll get my point. The music is already pulling me into its spell. Sliding into place next to Jamison, I close my eyes as I begin to move my body to the steady thump of the beat. With each movement, the music feeds my broken soul. He doesn’t exist here.
Chapter 6
Jayson
Today had been a long, grueling day at the ad agency. I’m fighting rush hour traffic to make it home without incident. People in this city really can’t drive, even on the best of days. It’d become my habit to throw myself into work with lots of long hours that led into many late nights and weekends. It made it easier to avoid my friends that way. The looks of pity that would surely be on all their faces isn’t something I can take right now. After avoiding everyone for so long, it comes as no surprise that my best friend seeks me out.
As my car swings into the driveaway, I spy Luca sitting on my porch. He’s on the porch swing letting it sway slightly back and forth with slow movements of his legs. From my vantage point, it’s easy to see how pissed off he is. His jaw is a hard line and his arms cross over his chest. Approaching the front of the house, he doesn’t even turn his head to look at me. I walk up the stairs before stopping in front of him, waiting for him to turn his gaze on me. It only takes a few moments before he speaks, still without bothering to glance up at me. “We’re going out, and I don’t want to hear any shit about it from you. Get ready.”
Holy shit, Luca is in commanding mode. He’s severely pissed at me, and I know he plans on reaming me out while I get ready to go. I open my mouth to tell him it isn’t time for me to socialize yet, but he stands quickly and covers my mouth with one of his hands. “No. There’s no saying no. Get moving.”
I left out a sigh as I unlock the front door. Arguing with him at this point is futile. Making plans to bail out early and come home to prepare to go to the office early the next morning is the best thing to do. It’ll just be better to get this done and over with. Just take my punishment like a good boy. Maybe it’s time to make a certain decision.
It’s time for the moping to be over. That asshole doesn’t deserve it after what he did to me. Not a single word has come from him since he left me standing at that altar with no warning and just a short note that really didn’t say shit but platitudes. Continuing to
throw myself into work like I’d been doing is sure to lead me to a burnout. I can feel it’s just around the corner. Perhaps a night out with the guys is what the doctor ordered, and something I badly need. I gaze at my reflection in the mirror and give myself a determined look. Perhaps a little pep talk is in order. “It’s time to get out and move on. No doubt he has. Go find you a sexy man to bring home.”
With a nod to my reflection, it’s time to grab my phone and meet Luca in the living room. His eyes drift over me in appraisal, so I turn slowly for him. He shakes his head at me and nods toward the door. Trying to give my best friend a smile, we head out as I lock the door behind us. Good thing he’s driving tonight, or it’d be too easy for me to go back home.
* * *
The music washes over me as we step into Harmony. Once my eyes adjust to the strobe lighting of the dance floor, I wander toward the crowd in the middle of the room near the unoccupied stage. After being raised by an alcoholic father, drinking isn’t something I do at all. But dancing? I can do the dancing. It’s time to scope out the options as I stop at the edge of the dance floor. There’s no telling how many times I’ll get the brushoff from men who either aren’t interested or are already attached. There’s time to peruse though.
Only moments pass before my gaze lands on a tall form with dark curls as he dances into my vision. He’s got an ass that just won’t quit, and his hips move perfectly to the beat. He stands a head taller than me which hits all my bells and whistles in one jolt. A quick inhale draws breath into me. He’s fucking magnificent. I begin to move my body to the beat of the club song as I make my way up behind him.