by Abbi Glines
“Ah, I see. That makes sense. Well he paid for it. The dude’s probably got a broken nose to go with that closed shut eye of his.”
I finally lifted my head and looked back at Grant. “Thanks for pulling me off him. I just snapped.”
Grant nodded then opened the door. “Come on. Let’s go turn on the game and drink a beer.”
Blaire
My mother’s grave was the only place I could think of to go. I had no home. I couldn’t go back to Granny Q’s. She was Cain’s grandmother. He was probably there waiting on me. Or maybe he wasn’t. Maybe I’d pushed him away too. I sat down at the foot of my mother’s grave.I pulled my knees up under my chin and wrapped my arms around my legs.
I had come back to Sumit because it was the only place I knew to come. Now, I needed to leave. I couldn’t stay here. Once again my life was about to take a sudden turn. One I wasn’t prepared for. When I’d been a little girl my momma had taken us to Sunday school at the local Baptist church. I remembered a scripture they read us from the Bible about God not putting more on us than we could bear. I was beginning to wonder if that was just for those people who went to church every Sunday and prayed before they went to bed at night. Because he wasn’t holding back any punches with me.
Feeling sorry for myself didn’t help me. I couldn’t do that. I had to figure this one out too. My staying with Granny Q and letting Cain help me deal with day to day life had only been temporary. I knew when I moved into her guest bedroom that I couldn’t stay long. There was too much history between Cain and me. History I didn’t intend to repeat. The time to leave was here but I was still just as clueless about where I was gonna go and what I was gonna do as I had been three weeks ago.
“I wish you were here, Momma. I don’t know what to do and I don’t have anyone to ask,” I whispered as I sat there in the quiet cemetery. I wanted to believe she could hear me. I didn’t like the idea of her being under the ground but after my twin sister, Valerie, had died I’d sat here in this spot with my mom and we’d talked to Valerie. Momma had said her spirit was watching out for us and she could hear us. I so wanted to believe that now.
“It’s just me. I miss y’all. I don’t want to be alone… but I am. And I’m scared.” The only sound was the wind rustling the leaves in the trees. “You once told me if I listened real hard I’d know the answer in my heart. I’m listening Momma, but I am so confused. Maybe you could help me out by pointing me in the right direction somehow?”
I rested my chin on my knees and closed my eyes, refusing to cry.
“Remember when you said I needed to tell Cain exactly how I felt. That I wouldn’t feel better until I had it all out. Well, I did just that today. Even if he does forgive me it’ll never be the same. I can’t keep relying on him for things anyway. It’s time I figure this out on my own. I just don’t know how.”
Just asking her made me feel better. Knowing I wouldn’t get an answer didn’t seem to matter.
A car door slammed breaking the peacefulness and I dropped my arms from my legs and turned to look back at the parking lot to see a car too expensive for this little town. Turning my eyes to see who had stepped out of it I gasped then jumped up. It was Bethy. She was here. In Sumit.In the cemetery… driving a very, very expensive looking car.
Her long brown hair was pulled over her shoulder in a ponytail. There was a smile tugging on her lips as my eyes met hers. I couldn’t move. I was afraid I was imagining things. What was Bethy doing here?
“You not having a cell phone is for the birds. How the hell am I supposed to call you and tell you I’m coming to get your ass if I have no number to call? Hmmm?” Her words made no sense but just hearing her voice sent me running the short distance between us.
Bethy laughed and opened her arms as I flung myself into them. “I can’t believe you’re here,” I said after hugging her.
“Yeah, well, me either. That was one long drive. But you’re worth it and seeing as you left the cell phone in Rosemary I had no way to talk to you.”
I wanted to tell her everything but I couldn’t. Not yet. I needed time. She knew about my dad already. She knew about Nan. But the rest… I knew she didn’t know.
“I’m so glad you’re here but how did you find me?”
Bethy grinned and tilted her head to the side. “I drove through town looking for your truck. It wasn’t that hard. This place has like one red light. If I had blinked twice I’d have missed it.”
“That car probably caught some attention coming through town,” I said glancing over at it.
“It’s Jace’s. That thing rides like a dream.”
She was still with Jace. Good. But my chest ached. Jace reminded me of Rosemary. And Rosemary reminded me of Rush.
“I’d ask you how you are but girl, you look like a walking stick figure. Have you had food since you left Rosemary?”
My clothes were all falling off me. Eating had been difficult with the large knot that stayed tight in my chest at all times. “It’s been a rough few weeks but I think I’m getting better. Moving on from things. Dealing with it.”
Bethy shifted her gaze to the grave behind me. Both of them. I could see the sadness in her eyes as she read both the headstones. “No one can take away your memories. You have those,” she said squeezing my hand in hers.
“I know. I don’t believe them. My father is a liar. I don’t believe any of them. She, my mother, she wouldn’t have done what they claim. If anyone is to blame it is my father. He caused this pain. Not my momma. Never my momma.”
Bethy nodded and held my hand firmly in hers. Just having someone listen to me and know they believed me, that they believed my mother’s innocence helped.
“Did your sister look a lot like you?”
The last memory I had of Valerie was of her smiling. That bright smile that was so much prettier than mine. Her teeth were perfect without the help of braces. Her eyes were brighter than mine. But everyone said we were identical. They didn’t see the difference. I always wondered why. I could see it so clearly.
“We were identical,” I replied. Bethy wouldn’t understand the truth.
“I can’t imagine two Blaire Wynns. Y’all must have broken hearts all over this little town.” She was trying to lighten the mood after asking about my deceased sister. I appreciated it.
“Just Valerie. I was with Cain from the time I was young. I didn’t break any hearts.”
Bethy’s eyes went a little wide then she glanced away before clearing her throat. I waited until she turned back to me. “Although seeing you is awesome and we could totally rock this town, I’m actually here for a purpose.”
I assumed she was I just couldn’t figure out what that purpose was exactly.
“Okay,” I said waiting for more of an explanation.
“Can we talk about this over a coffee?” She frowned then glanced back at the street. “Or maybe the Dairy K since that’s like the only place I saw when I drove through town.”
She wasn’t comfortable hanging out amongst the graves like I was. That was normal. I was not. “Yeah, okay,” I said and walked over to pick up my purse.
“There’s your answer,” a soft voice whispered so quietly I almost thought I’d imagined it. Turning to look back at Bethy she was smiling with her hands tucked in her front pockets.
“Did you say something?” I asked confused.
“Uh, you mean after I suggested we go to the Dairy K?” she asked.
I nodded. “Yeah. Did you whisper something?”
She scrunched her nose and then glanced around nervously and shook her head. “Nope… um… why don’t we get out of here?” she said reaching for my arm and pulling me behind her back toward Jace’s car.
I looked back at my mom’s grave and a peace settled over me. Had that been…? No. Surely not. Shaking my head, I turned back around and went to get into the passenger side before Bethy threw me in.
Rush
It was my mother’s birthday. Nan had called me twice already a
sking me to call our mother. I couldn’t do it. She was on a beach in the Bahamas with him. This hadn’t affected her at all. Once again she’d run off to enjoy her life while leaving her kids behind to figure things out.
“Nan’s calling again. You want me to answer it and tell her to leave you the hell alone?” Grant walked into the living room holding up my cell phone in his hand while it rang.
Those two fought like actual siblings. “No, give it to me,” I replied as he tossed me the phone.
“Nan,” I said in greeting.
“Are you going to call Mother or not? She has called me twice now asking me if I talked to you and if you remembered it was her birthday. She does care about you. Stop letting that girl ruin everything, Rush. She pulled a gun on me for God’s sake. A gun, Rush. She is crazy. She—“
“Stop. Don’t say anything else. You don’t know her. You don’t want to know her. So just stop. I’m not calling Mom. The next time she calls tell her that. I don’t want to hear her voice. I don’t give a shit about her trip or what she got for her birthday.”
“Ouch,” Grant muttered as he sank down on the couch across from me and propped his legs up on the ottoman in front of him.
“I can’t believe you’d say that. I don’t understand you. She can’t be that good in—”
“Don’t Nannette. This conversation is over. Call me if you need me.”
I pressed end then slung my phone on the seat beside me and laid my head back on the cushion.
“Let’s go out. Drink a little. Dance with some girls. Forget this shit. All of it,” Grant said. He’d suggested this several times over the past three weeks. Or at least since I’d stopped breaking things and he felt it was safe enough to speak.
“No,” I replied without looking at him. There was no reason to act like I was okay. Until I knew Blaire was okay, I was never going to be okay. She may not forgive me. Hell she may never look at me again but I needed to know she was healing. I needed to know something. Anything.
“I’ve been real good about not prying. I’ve let you go crazy, roar at everything that moved and sulk. I think it’s time you told me something. What happened when you went to Alabama? Something had to have happened. You didn’t come back the same.”
I loved Grant like a brother but there was no way I was telling him about the night in the hotel room with Blaire. She’d been hurting and I’d been desperate. “I don’t want to talk about that. But I do need to get out. Stop staring at these walls and remembering her… yeah I need to get out.” I stood up and Grant jumped up from his spot on the couch. The relief in his eyes was obvious.
“What are you up for? Beer or girls or both?”
“Loud music,” I replied. I really didn’t need any beer and the girls… I just wasn’t ready for that.
“We’ll have to leave town. Maybe head to Destin?”
I threw my car keys at him. “Sure, lead the way.”
The doorbell rang stopping both of us. The last time I’d had an unexpected guest it hadn’t ended well. It very likely could be the cops coming to arrest me for bashing Cain’s face in. Oddly enough, I didn’t care. I was numb.
“I’ll get it,” Grant said, glancing at me with a concerned frown. He was thinking the same thing.
I sat back down on the sofa and propped my feet up on the coffee table in front of me. My mom hated it when I put my feet on this table. She’d bought it during one of her international shopping trips and had it shipped back here. I felt a sudden pang of guilt for not calling her but I pushed it away. My entire life I’d made that woman happy and taken care of Nan. I wasn’t doing that anymore. I was done. With all her shit.
“Jace, what’s up? We were just headed out. You want to come with?” Grant said stepping back and letting Jace walk into the house. I didn’t get up. I wanted him to leave. Seeing Jace reminded me of Bethy who then reminded me of Blaire. Jace needed to leave.
“Uh, no, I uh… I needed to talk to you about something,” Jace said, shuffling his feet and stuffing his hands in his pockets. He looked ready to bolt out the door.
“Okay,” I replied.
“Today might not be the best time to talk to him, man,” Grant said, stepping in front of Jace and focusing on me. “We were gonna head out. Let’s go. Jace can bare his soul later.”
Now I was curious. “I’m not a loose cannon, Grant. Sit down. Let him talk.”
Grant let out a sigh and shook his head. “Fine. You wanna tell him this shit now, then tell him.”
Jaceglanced over at Grant nervously then he looked back at me. He walked over and sat down on the chair furthest from me. I watched as he tucked his hair behind his ear and wondered what he had to say that was such a big deal.
“Bethy and I are getting kinda serious,” he started. I already knew this. I didn’t care. I felt the pain crack open my chest and I clenched my fists.I had to concentrate on forcing air into my lungs. Bethy had been Blaire’s friend. She’d know how Blaire was. “And uh… well Bethy’s rent went up and that place was shitty anyway. I didn’t feel safe with her staying there. So, I talked to Woods and he said that his dad had a two bedroom condo available if I wanted to rent that. I uh, got it for her and paid the deposit and everything. But when I took her to see it she got pissed. Big time pissed. She didn’t want me to pay her rent. She said it made her feel cheap.” He sighed and the apologetic look in his eyes still made no sense. I didn’t care about his fight with Bethy.
“It’s twice as much… or, at least, Bethy thinks it is twice as much as her last place. It is actually four times as much as her last place. I swore Woods to secrecy. I’m paying the other portion without her knowing. Anyway. She, uh… she… took off to Alabama today. She loves the condo. She wants to live on the club property and on the beach. But the only person she would even consider having as a roommate is… Blaire.”
I stood up. I couldn’t sit.
“Whoa man… sit down.” Grant jumped up and I waved him off.
“I’m not mad. I just need to breathe,” I said, staring out the glass doors at the waves crashing against the shore. Bethy had gone to get Blaire. My heart was racing. Would she come?
“I know the two of you had a bad end. I asked her not to but she got real mad and I don’t like to upset her. She said she missed Blaire and that Blaire needed someone. She, uh, also talked to Woods about giving Blaire back her job if she can get Blaire to come back.”
Blaire.Coming back…
She wouldn’t come back. She hated me. She hated Nan. She hated my mom. She hated her father. She wouldn’t come back here… but God, I wanted her to. I turned my head and looked at Jace.
“She won’t come back,” I said. The pain in my voice was undeniable. I didn’t care about hiding it. Not anymore.
Jace shrugged.
“She may have had enough time to deal with things. What if she does come back? What will you do?” Grant asked me.
What would I do?
I’d beg.
Blaire
Bethy pulled Jace’s car into the parking lot of the Dairy K. I noticed Callie’s little blue Volkswagen and decided against getting out of the car. I’d only seen Callie twice since I returned and she’d been ready to claw my eyes out. She’d had her sights on Cain since high school. I’d come home and messed up whatever kind of relationship they’d finally managed to have. I hadn’t meant to. She could have Cain.
Bethy started to get out of the car and I grabbed her arm. “Let’s just talk in the car,” I said, stopping her.
“But I want some ice cream mixed with Oreos,” she complained.
“I can’t talk in there. I know too many people,” I explained.
Bethy sighed and leaned back in her seat. “Okay fine. My ass doesn’t need any ice cream and cookies anyway.”
I smiled and relaxed, thankful for the dark tinted windows. Knowing I wasn’t on display as people stopped and stared at Jace’s car. No one around here drove cars even close to this one’s league.
“I’
m not gonna beat around the bush with this, Blaire. I miss you. I’ve never had a close girlfriend before. Ever. Then you came along and then you left. I hate you being gone. Work sucks without you there. I have no one to tell about my sex life with Jace and how sweet he’s being which is something I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t listened to you. I just miss you.”
I felt tears sting my eyes. Just being missed felt good. I missed her too. I missed a lot of things. “I miss you too,” I replied, hoping I didn’t get all weepy.
Bethy nodded and a smile tugged on her lips. “Okay good. Because I need you to come back and live with me.Jace got me a waterfront condo on the club’s property. I, however, refuse to let him pay for it. So I need a roommate. Please come back. I need you. And Woods said you’d have your job back immediately.”
Go back to Rosemary? Where Rush was… and Nan… and my dad. I couldn’t go back. I couldn’t see them. They’d be at the club. Would my dad take Nan to play golf? Could I see that? No. I couldn’t. It would be too much.
“I can’t,” I choked out. I wished I could. I didn’t know where I was going to go now that I knew I was pregnant but I couldn’t go to Rosemary and I couldn’t stay here.
“Please, Blaire. He misses you too. He never leaves his house. Jace said he’s pitiful.”
The angry wound in my chest flared to life. Knowing Rush was hurting too was hard. I’d imagined him having his house parties and moving on. I didn’t want him to still be sad. I just needed for us to move on. But maybe I never would. I’d always have a reminder of Rush.
“I can’t see them. Any of them. It would be too hard,” I stopped. I couldn’t tell Bethy about my pregnancy. I had hardly had time to comprehend it. I wasn’t ready to tell anyone. I might never tell anyone other than Cain. I would be leaving here soon enough. Where I went I wouldn’t know anyone. I’d be starting over.