by Drew Elyse
“It wasn’t what I had planned,” I defended. “You pushed. I warned you. Now it’s after ten and we’re having cereal.”
She grinned like the minx she was, scooping up another bite, looking totally unrepentant. Truthfully, I was more than happy with how that all played out. Feasting on her repeatedly was better than any meal I could throw together.
She shrugged. “I like cereal.”
The way she purred the words, they might as well have been “I like cock.” That’s certainly what mine heard, perking up against the loose sweats I had on. Her eyes dropped, noticing right away, and the self-satisfied look that followed didn’t surprise me for a second. One thing that was becoming clear about Jess, she now knew the power she had over me and she liked it. Since she also liked to reward it in her way, I didn’t mind at all. If that voracious appetite of hers didn’t abate, she could keep making me hard as much as she wanted.
“Eat up. I’m not done with you yet,” I warned. Not for tonight, not at all.
She dutifully ate another bite. The colorful spoonful made me grin. She’d had her pick of cereals since I wasn’t one for cooking breakfast first thing, but hitting patrol without a meal was not a good call. Some days there was plenty of time to grab something, others you were non-stop from start to finish. The boxes covered the spectrum from high fiber and healthy to more sugar than substance. She hadn’t even spared a glance at the bland “adult” brands. Instead, she’d gone right for the boxes that were as bright and colorful as she was.
“What?” She was looking at me with suspicion in her gaze.
“Nothing.”
“Tell me,” she insisted.
“It’s nothing. I just like you. You’re original, just genuinely yourself. I like that.”
Her eyes dropped to her bowl, swirling her spoon around in it. Jess was so fucking confident in some ways, bold as you please without apology most of the time that it was easy to overlook that hint of shyness about what was beneath the surface. She knew damn well that she had a great body, a beautiful face. She had no problem flaunting them. Trying to go deeper than appreciating that threw her.
Setting my bowl down, I moved in close and took hers to place it on the counter out of reach as well. I grabbed her knees, peeling them apart so I could move between them.
On cue, the sass came back. “Sure, take it. I wasn’t eating that or anything.”
I sifted a hand through the long fall of hair to the one side of her head, at the same time lightly running my fingers across the tattoo on the other before settling on her neck. It was time to work at understanding this gorgeous creature better. If I wanted to keep her, I had to know all of her to do it.
“Why did you give me a chance?”
She blinked, not expecting that. “I’m sorry?”
“We both know you were all too ready to kick my ass to the curb after our confrontation that day. Why did you end up calling?”
Her expression turned concerned, like she thought I might be losing it. “You sent me the invitation,” she replied like I was dense.
“Why did that matter?” I pressed.
She shifted like she might try to move away. I tensed my hand on her neck, not anywhere near enough to hold her, just enough that she’d feel it and get the point.
“You know why,” she answered, an edge in her voice that spoke of her rising temper. “You told Park what to say.”
“I know what I thought might be bothering you, what I hoped giving you that would do, but only you know what was happening in your head.”
She shook me off harder, bringing one knee up to swing the leg out from around me. Concerned about her hurting herself, I stepped to the side and let her get down. However, I planted myself between the counter and island, making it clear that I’d give her some room, but she wasn’t running out of here to escape the conversation.
She retreated, making a beeline for the far side of the kitchen, right into the corner like a trapped animal.
“Jess, I’m just trying to understand you. I don’t want to work off of my assumptions and hope I’m getting this right only to find out I was wrong and end up losing you because of it. But I can only do that if you talk to me.”
Her arms were crossed, shielding herself, and I hated seeing her like that. She looked fragile in a way I once wouldn’t have thought she could. I took a few cautious steps closer, stopping when there was a glint of panic in her eyes.
“Let me in.”
“But you know!” she snapped. “You gave me that invitation because you knew what it meant that you’d take me as your date to something like that.”
I did, and this all confirmed what a sensitive spot that was for her.
“Because you got it in your head that I might want you in my bed, but I wouldn’t be proud to have you at my side,” I filled in, seeing that getting her to say it herself wasn’t likely to work. Her eyes widened hearing it aloud, and her chin gave an almost imperceptible jerk of confirmation. I kept going. “Whose voice says that in your head? It isn’t my Jess. She’d tell anyone to fuck right off with that bullshit.”
Nothing from her, just a vaguely fearful girl curled in on herself.
“Is it your mother’s? That vile shit she fed you growing up still in your head?” She bit her lip. I couldn’t tell if she was close to breaking down or going on the attack to defend herself. “Because she was wrong. She was wrong from the fucking start. She was wrong to force you to be her little performing doll. She was wrong to abuse you into staying on that stage. She was wrong to say that you’d ruined yourself by doing exactly what it took to set yourself free. She was a fucking bitch that knew her daughter had it in her to be everything she didn’t get the chance to be. You had your whole life ahead of you, with more fucking spirit and beauty that goes way beneath the surface than anyone I’ve ever met. And you fucking know it. She might linger in there, but you know that covering yourself in those tattoos only makes you more incredible, that you know who you are and let that be free. So why do you let her hold you back from this?”
Her eyes were wide, so big and shining with a mix of terror and hope. They were battling in her, and hell if I would let that fear win.
“She taught you not to trust, but why the fuck should you listen to her?” I demanded. “It’s giving her what she wants, holding you back from what could make you happy. And fuck that. You aren’t the type of woman to let anyone hold you back from a damn thing. So don’t let her. The bitch doesn’t deserve that win.”
It was there in her eyes, she knew I was right. It was just her fear and the pull of a lifelong habit keeping her trapped.
I took a few more steps her way, pleased that she didn’t react to that. “Why did you give me a shot, goddess?” I asked, voice soft.
“Because I’m tired of being afraid,” she answered. Her voice was quiet, but there was a firmness to it that spoke volumes.
I kept moving toward her. “You don’t have to be. Why the hell should I scare you?”
“I might care about you.”
“Well, I’m already there. So who has the upper hand here?”
Her posture straightened. Yes, we were getting somewhere.
“This might not work. I can’t fucking imagine why except that you’d decide you want something else, because I’m already sunk. But it might not. There’s no way to know unless we give it a real shot, no walls, no holding back. I can promise you one thing: I’m not going to decide I’m not interested because of any of that shit that woman put in your head. I know what I’m getting into. I know what I want. And that’s you, Jess.”
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
She shrugged, trying to brush aside the lingering anxiety, and repeated, “Okay.”
That’d do. I wasn’t a fool enough to believe this might not linger as an issue, but this was more than her agreeing to a date. She was giving me a real shot, and I knew she was no liar. That “okay” meant she was truly ready to try.
And that was a r
eason to celebrate.
Advancing the last few feet, I grabbed her, took that mouth, and dragged her back to bed to do just that.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Braden
Two days later, I walked to the master bath, leaning against the doorjamb. The sight before me was captivating, to say the least. There was my goddess, leaning over the counter to get close to the mirror. She’d been in here half an hour already, doing whatever the hell she did to take her from her natural gorgeous to the bombshell look she favored.
I knew some men had all sorts of opinions about women and makeup, women and clothes, women and all sorts of shit that it wasn’t their concern to have strong opinions about. With Jess, I found my preference was whatever she gave me. I’d admit that it was nice to have her fresh and without all the extras, if only because I knew she didn’t usually spend much time around other people that way. Seeing her just as she was, waking up next to that, it was beautiful. But that didn’t mean her red lips, tight skirts, and sex-kitten heels didn’t do it for me in an explosive way.
What I liked, what I wanted, was Jess. However she came.
Last night, after I’d worked a shift, I’d gotten her at Park’s. We’d gone for dinner at a burger place she loved—and I now knew was incredible—then came back to my house. I’d learned that if we wanted to get more time to just talk, we were going to have to eat out often. As soon as we’d gotten in the door, we’d been all over each other again that had lasted most of the night.
The memories of that, along with her pert ass sticking out as she bent over like that were getting me way off track. The fact that she was doing that in just a pale pink bra and panties was too much. The colors were so light compared to her usual look, and they made the dark lines of the tattoos that traced all along the curves of her body pop even more.
How she could ever think I’d find her ink anything but arousing was beyond me.
Unable to help myself, I pushed off the wall and went up behind her. Careful not to jostle her as she worked a brush over one eyelid, I wrapped my arms around her. I let my hands rove over her soft skin as my lips went to her neck.
When she finished what she was doing, she nudged at me with her elbow. It wasn’t enough to force me off, but enough to make a point. I responded by gripping her tighter, pulling her ass back against me.
It was a stupid move. There was no way to keep my cock from responding with her pressed against it.
“We’ve got to leave soon. I have to finish getting ready,” she admonished.
“You look too good to just leave you standing here.”
She laughed. “You can get your fix later.”
I ran one hand down her stomach until my fingers were teasing into the waistband of her underwear. “Oh, I’m going to. Don’t worry about that.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever have to.”
She was right about that. It’d only been a few days, but having her in my bed was only making the hunger stronger. Every taste got me more addicted. Luckily, she seemed to be just as ravenous as I was.
Making a point, she picked right back up, swiping eyeshadow on in a practiced hand. Since she seemed perfectly capable of doing it from that position, I stuck to where I was. I kissed along her neck, nibbling a bit at the spot where it flared out into her shoulder. When I looked up, the brush was arrested an inch from her face.
“You need to let me go.”
“Never,” I growled against her skin.
“Not like that. Caveman,” she responded, exasperated. Oh, well. It was true. “I need to finish up and then we have to go. They’ll probably be waiting as it is since you wouldn’t let me out of bed to start all this.”
That was true. She’d told me how long she needed, I’d thought she was being dramatic. Turns out, I don’t know shit.
Whatever. “Let them wait.”
She wasn’t the only one that could be stubborn.
“You can have what you want later.”
That got my head up, meeting her eyes in the mirror. “What I want?”
“Yes.”
I smiled. “Whatever I want?”
It was thrilling to see that her reaction to the challenge in my tone was to look intrigued. “Yes.”
I cupped the back of her head, turning her so I could devour those lips before she painted them whatever color was coming tonight. Only once I’d gotten a good taste did I release her.
“Okay. Get ready before I change my mind.”
I backed away, but only to the doorway again. It was hard to go sit around somewhere else when I had her in my space. She eyed me standing there in the mirror, but just rolled her eyes and got back to her task.
After a minute, while she was sifting through her large bag of supplies, she announced, “I need to go back to my apartment.”
No, she didn’t. If I had it my way, she’d never be going back there. “What do you mean?”
Catching my tone, she looked at me through the mirror again. “Not to stay,” she assured me. Her eyes drifted away, not just from mine, but from everything. I knew she was thinking about the long term. Whether she would ever return there to live, if she even could. She blinked, focusing back on the now and continued, “But most of my stuff is still there and I’m tired of doing without all the time.”
That was fair. “Make a list, I’ll go.” If she needed more after that, I’d go again. Maybe keep some of it here if there wasn’t room at Park’s.
Fuck, I was already trying to move her in with me.
She set everything down and turned around, leaning against the counter as she faced me. “I need to do this.”
“Why?”
I didn’t like it. I didn’t care what Jager had outfitted the place with. I didn’t care if there wasn’t a chance in hell of that fucker getting close to her there, she’d still been attacked there. Being back there would drag those memories up, and I didn’t want her being forced to relive them.
Jess sighed. “Because that was my home. I might not ever feel comfortable to move back in, but I won’t let him make me so afraid that I can’t even face it.”
My jaw clenched. I wanted to stick to my guns on this one. I wanted to be a total dick and tell her she wasn’t going back there, but not only was that not a tactic that had a prayer of working with Jess, it also wasn’t acceptable in general.
“Fine,” I ground out, unable to sound more sincere.
Seeming to know pushing the issue of when right now wasn’t great, she turned back to her task. I stuck around, watching her and reassuring myself she was fine. She’d be fine. Because I wouldn’t accept any other scenario.
Forty-five minutes later, we were walking into Delilah’s together. There was a tension to Jess that I wanted to ask about, but I figured it was just nerves. We were meeting Jack and Cassie there. As Jess had said when I’d brought up the invite Jack had extended, “Partners are like cop family.”
I didn’t know if I’d call Jack and Cassie family yet, but down the road, I could see it.
The couple were already seated at the bar, the bartender, Tamara, that had served Jack and me last time we were there across from them, chatting. She noticed us first, looking from me to Jess, then back again before saying loud enough to carry, “Well, I’ll be damned.”
Jess, releasing my hand, sidled right up to the bar. “I didn’t text you.”
“You did not,” Tamara agreed.
“Can I beg forgiveness for that by stating that I had pretty much the worst night ever after I left here?”
Though there was still some speculation in Tamara’s eyes, concern was winning out. She looked over Jess, and I noticed the concern take over entirely when she saw the wrist brace. “That wasn’t there when you were here last.” It was a question even if she didn’t phrase it as one.
“No, it wasn’t,” Jess agreed.
Tamara’s eyes shot up to me, a different type of speculation forming. “Is this the guy?”
Jess glanced over her shoulder at m
e, biting her lips, then turned back. “Yes.”
“And he doesn’t have to do with the brace?”
I bristled at the accusation, but Jess jumped in right away. “Not at all,” she said emphatically.
Tamara’s eyes slid to Jack, who also came to my defense. “No. He’s a cop, Tam.”
She held her hands up. “Look, it’s nothing against either of you or your fellow boys in blue in general, but being a cop does not necessarily mean you’re not an asshole.”
Unfortunately, because it should, especially in the type of asshole she was talking about that would result in a woman getting hurt, she wasn’t wrong.
She tapped the bar in front of the empty stools next to Cassie and Jack, a clear command to take a seat. “At least this time it’s the two of you sitting here together” —she went on to Jess, already getting a glass out to fix her a drink— “rather than each of you in here drinking about each other.”
Jess looked over at me, eyes a little wide. I almost laughed. It wasn’t like I’d hidden it from her that I was seriously into her.
Unfortunately, it was dawning on me just what Jess and Tamara were talking about. Jess had said in her statement that she’d been out at a bar before she got home that night, what I was now coming to understand was that she’d been here, talking to Tamara. And not because they were old friends, but because she’d needed a release after seeing me that day and thinking I’d blown her off.
If I had any idea of the connection this place had to all of that, I’d have told Jack we should meet somewhere else.
I reached out, smoothing a thumb over her cheek and getting her to focus on me. “Are you okay being here?” I asked, low enough for just her to hear me. “We can go if you need to.”
Her face softened. “I’m okay. This isn’t part of that.”
It was, but I wouldn’t argue it with her if she was strong enough to separate the two. Instead, I just gave her a soft kiss, then let her turn around to officially meet Jack and Cassie.
The girls were both buzzed by the time we left. Well, Jess was. Cassie was pretty far past that.