by J B Heller
A small smile formed on my lips thinking about Mumma. I missed her so much. But then the memories kept coming and the smile disappeared.
“I could faintly overhear Mumma asking him where he was taking me. He wouldn’t tell her, said it was a surprise. Mumma told him he wasn’t taking me anywhere until he told her where we were going. So he said we were going to a fancy restaurant on the other side of town, near his place. I don’t know if Sloan told you much about where we grew up, but it wasn’t a nice place. To say we lived on the wrong side of the tracks is an understatement.
“I noticed Sloan had gotten ready to go out too, where I was dressed up in a new red dress and shiny black heels, Sloan was wearing black skinny jeans, a black tank top with a Guns and Roses logo on the front and her Dr Martin boots.”
I paused not sure how to go on with my story. Brayden slid a finger under my chin, bringing my eyes level with his. “It’s okay Stella, if you’re not ready to tell me, its okay.”
I shook my head, I was determined to get it all out in the open, tonight. “No, I want to tell you, I do. It will just take a little time. I get lost in my memories, I don’t let myself go there anymore because it consumes me and I find it hard to come back to myself. But with you here, holding me, reminding me I’m safe, I can do it.”
“I promise I won’t let you get lost. You can stop whenever you need to.” He assured me, giving me a small understanding smile.
I could do this, get it all out at once and I would never have to go there again. “I know you won’t.”
Looking down at Fergus sleeping in my lap I ran my hand through his soft fur, I’m not sure when he’d crawled up there.
“Sloan left just as I found my shoes. When I came out I kissed Mumma goodnight and went out to his car with him. He was so attentive, opening the car door, even clipping up my seatbelt for me. He held my hand as he drove and made small talk about my day. After a few minutes I got a strange feeling. Looking out my window it became apparent that we weren’t going to the restaurant he had told Mumma about.
“When I asked where we were going he let go of my hand and grabbed my thigh. Not hard at first, but firm. He just said it was a surprise, nothing else. He kept driving for another half hour, by then I was really freaking out. I tried to ask again where we were going but he told me to shut up
“He drove on in silence for another twenty minutes before he noticed I was shaking. A cruel smirk turned his once handsome face, showing the monster he truly was. Then he stated ranting, said I had it coming. That it took him a while but he had figured out my game. I had no idea what he was talking about, I tried to ask him but he started squeezing my thigh painfully hard. I was terrified.
“By the time he stopped the car I was so scared I couldn’t move. He told me to get out, but I couldn’t. Fear had completely taken over my body. He got out and came around my side of the car, yanking the door open he got in my face, unclipped my belt and told me again in a deadly calm voice to get out of the car. But I still couldn’t move. I just sat there clutching the little bag I had brought with me. I had my phone but I couldn’t think of a way to make a call without him noticing.
“He grabbed my wrist and pulled me out of the car, but my legs weren’t working so I fell flat on my face in the dirt. I had no idea where we were. There were lots of trees. It wasn’t somewhere I’d been before. Then I remembered him telling me when we started dating that he had a cabin out at the lake just out of the city. I doubted that even if I could get a moment alone with my phone that it would get any signal up there.
“I felt sharp pain spit through my head when he grabbed a hand full of my hair and hauled me to my feet. I’m not sure how he got me into the cabin, things get a bit patchy from here.” I took a deep breath and Bray rubbed my back softly.
“I had scrapes on my palms and cheek from falling out of the car. He was mad at me, said I’d gone and messed up my pretty face. I wanted to vomit I was so scared, I started dry heaving but my stomach was empty. I was sitting on a couch in a large open sitting area in front of a fire place. It wasn’t lit, but there was a pile of wood sitting in it, as if waiting to be set alight.
“I looked around the room but I couldn’t see him. I thought this would probably be my only chance to escape, not that I knew where I would go. Anywhere was better than being there. Just as I got to my feet to make a run for the front door he appeared. He had a hand full of zip ties, and a roll of duct tape. He told me to sit down, but again I couldn’t move. Just the sight of him had me paralysed with fear.
“He didn’t look like the nice guy I had been dating anymore. He had this feral look in his eyes, and a sneer on what I once thought was a kind, gentle face. He stalked over to me and slapped me hard enough to make me stumble back onto the couch. I could feel blood seeping from my lip. Before I could wipe it away he had my hands behind my back securing them with the zip ties.
“He jerked at my pony tail again ripping my head back. I remember wishing I hadn’t done my hair up like that. He ran his tongue up my neck, and I started to dry heave again, so he threw me on the floor. My nice red dress was ruined, and now bunched up around my waist. I could see blood pooling around my head, soaking into the timber flooring. I’d hit my head pretty hard when I had landed. My vision was starting to blur.
“I wished my hearing had been impaired too when he knelt down beside me on the floor. I could hear him unclasping his belt buckle. He told me I had been teasing him for weeks and he’d had enough. That the only reason he’s taken me out in the first place was because he thought I’d be and easy lay. He said that he was actually glad I had played him, that it would make it more fun for him to take me like this. Said I deserved everything he had planned for me. He started going into detail about all the sordid things he had in store.
“My mind started to shut down, I couldn’t face the reality of what I knew was about to happen to me. But then someone started bashing on the front door. He pushed my face down harder into the floor, and told me to keep my mouth shut or he’d call some of his friends to come join the party. For good measure he jammed his foot into my ribs with such force I swear I felt them break. He grabbed the duct tape he had earlier and put a strip across my mouth.
“He rolled my body so I was laying on my side against the couch, out of sight. He stood next to me for a few seconds just staring at me. Then blinding pain shot through my body. I don’t know how many times he kicked me—” I swallowed hard, I could feel the pain in my crotch, like it was happening all over again.
“He left me there, trying to pull as much air as I could through my broken, bloodied nose, while he made his way over to the door. I could hear him refastening his pants. I lay there praying that it was someone coming to rescue me. But nobody knew I was there. Nobody was going to save me. I thought I was going to pass out, my mind was consumed by the pain engulfing my body.”
I wiped the tears from my cheeks. Brayden had wrapped me in a blanket, but I was so submerged in my memories I hadn’t noticed him do it. He smoothed his hand down my cheek gently wiping my tears away. “You don’t have to tell me anymore Stella. I don’t like what reliving this is doing to you. I’m so, so sorry. You don’t have to do this for me baby.”
He pulled me into his big warm chest, and I nuzzled in closer, as if I could bury myself in his warmth. One of his hands rested gently on the back of my head, the other was running soothing circles over my back. I could have stayed like that forever, until I felt Fergus squirming in my lap trying to get free. I sat back a little so he could escape, but kept my head pressed to Brayden’s shoulder. As soon as Fergus was gone I moulded every inch of my body to Brayden’s.
I had to finish. I couldn’t leave my story there. He would assume the wrong thing. He already was. I had to get it all out in the open, if there was ever going to be anything between us. And I hoped that there would be. I could see a future with Brayden. A future where I wasn’t scared all the time. A future where I would finally feel safe, protected and h
appy. I knew in my heart I could trust him. I could feel him in my soul. This man, in such a short time had changed my whole outlook on my future. I was beginning to think I could have one.
Brayden
For the first time in my life I was contemplating murder. I was going to kill the fucker that did this to Stella. My blood was boiling. I’d never been filled with such rage. How could someone do something like that? My poor, broken, Stella, I was going to fix her. If I had to spend the rest of my life trying, I would. Failure was not an option.
Holding her in my arms now, seeing all the emotions as they passed across her face while she relived those horrifying memories nearly killed me. I was finding it hard to breathe, just listening to her. I couldn’t begin to imagine the pain she had been through. No wonder she was like this.
I didn’t think I could stomach any more, that’s why I had told her she didn’t have to finish telling me. I was being selfish. But I knew when those words left her mouth, telling me this sick fuck had raped her, nothing on heaven or earth would stop me from hunting the fucker down and gutting him. But if I was in jail, I couldn’t be here for Stella.
She started sitting up again and I wanted to pull her back into my body. I tried to tell her again that she didn’t have to finish, but she held one of her delicate little fingers against my lips silencing me. “I need to tell you who was at that door.”
I resigned myself to a life in prison, I had to let her tell me how it ended. I could tell she needed this. She needed to let it out, so she could start to heal. I caressed her tear stained cheek with my knuckles and nodded. “Okay Stella.”
“It was Sloan.” She whispered.
My head jerked back in shock, Sloan? “What? How did she find you? How did she know something was wrong?”
“She followed us. I told you she had never liked him, she didn’t trust him. And when he took his time telling Mumma where he was taking me she says she got a bad feeling and decided to follow us.”
I let out the breath I hadn’t realised I’d been holding. Thank God! She wasn’t alone. Stella got that faraway look in her eyes, and I knew her memories had pulled her under again.
“I remember the sound of the latch clicking as he unlocked the door, the sound of the door swinging open and hitting the wall, a loud crack, followed by a dull thud. Then I heard the sweetest sound, I thought I was dreaming, it was Sloan’s voice, calling my name. I tried calling out to her. But the tape, I couldn’t speak, scream, nothing. So I started kicking the couch to get her attention. She came running and I’ve never felt anything better than her arms wrapping around me.
“Everything after that is a blur, she took away the duct tape, cut off the zip ties and got me out to our car. On the way out, I saw his body lying on the ground. Blood was pooling around his head, and the old baseball bat we kept by the front door at home, laying on the floor next to him.
“Sloan got me settled into the car and disappeared back into the cabin. I laid back in my seat and closed my eyes until the smell of smoke overwhelmed me. I opened my eyes and saw Sloan walking back out to the car, the cabin going up in flames behind her. She got in but didn’t say a word. Just turned the key in the ignition and started to drive away. Finally my body succumbed to the pain, and I passed out.
“I woke up a few days later in a hospital. Sloan had told the police that I had arrived home late Saturday night all messed up and she called the ambulance. She told them she didn’t know what had happened to me, that I was meant to be going on a date with someone I had met on Friday and that I hadn’t said anything before passing out on the doorstep. I backed up her story. I told the police I had no memory of anything since Friday. Including who I was supposed to be going out with.
“Fortunately the head injuries I had sustained made it seem plausible that I had short term memory loss. So the police had nothing to go on. The only thing Sloan ever asked me was if he had raped me. After I answered her, we never spoke of it again. Not even Mumma brought it up. Sloan had told her all she needed to know.”
My heart ached for her. For everything she had been through. I just wanted to hold her and keep her safe in my arms for the rest of my life. How she had taken over my soul so quickly I’ll never know. I never saw myself as a relationship kind of guy, but I wanted it all with Stella.
One thing was bothering me though. What had happened to the guy? I didn’t want to upset her anymore then she already was. But I knew it would eat away at me if I didn’t ask. “What happened to the guy?”
“He’s dead. That’s all that Sloan told me, that I’d never have to worry about him coming after me. I didn’t ask her what had happened when she went back into that cabin, and she never told me.”
Everything she had just told me swirled around in my head like a tornado. “This is some heavy shit Stella, I know how hard it was for you to tell me all that. I’m so humbled that you felt that you could trust me enough to share your past with me. And I want you to know that, I want to be here for you, anything you need or want, it’s yours. I'll do whatever I can to help you heal.”
I could feel the weight that she had been carrying in her heart all these years drift away when she finished telling me what happened to her. It made me feel like some kind of superhero, I had helped her heal just a little, just enough to let it go.
She started crying again. Fuck! What did I say? I was trying to make her feel better not worse. “Shit I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you baby. Tell me what to do, I’ll fix it.”
A small smile spread across her beautiful face, and her eyes were shining, not just with tears but happiness. “You didn’t upset me, I’m happy. Never in a million years did I think I would be able to trust a man again, let alone be held by one. I know I can trust you not to hurt me, I feel it in my soul. I feel you in my soul, Brayden. It’s the strangest feeling. I don’t quite know what to make of it.”
Now I was the one smiling. She felt it too. “I feel you too. From that first time I met you in your office, I walked out feeling like the biggest arse on the planet, normally being an arse comes so naturally to me that it doesn’t bother me.” I said with a shrug, “But I was more than bothered by it that day. I was pissed off with myself. I swore I would make a mends. That’s why I came back the next day with the flowers. It’s the first time I’ve ever brought flowers for a woman. You’re a lucky lady you know that.”
The atmosphere in her small apartment felt much lighter now. So I bounced my eyebrows up and down at her with my last statement. She was still smiling and it made my heart beat faster, that I could make her smile like that.
“And why am I such a lucky lady?” she asked coyly.
“You’ve brought Brayden Brooks to his knees baby. You do know what that means don’t you?” A look of concern crossed her face when I said that last part in the sternest voice I could muster given the situation. She slowly shook her head.
“It means you’re stuck with me Stella. Nobody has ever affected me the way you do. You’re as much a part of my soul as I am yours.”
She threw herself into my chest and wrapped her delicate arms around my neck and burrowed her face into me. I revelled in the feeling of her tiny warm body snuggled into mine so tightly. She fit perfectly in my arms. I was overcome by a wave of pure contentment. I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
Stella
When Brayden opened up like that I was flooded with bliss, just pure bliss. I never thought I could be this happy. A few minutes passes with neither of us talking, just soaking up the contentment we had found in each other.
When I pulled away a little so I could look at him while I spoke I swear I saw love shining in his eyes. “I thought I was going to end up the crazy cat lady, but with little dogs.”
He burst out laughing, a deep belly laugh. I could feel his muscles tensing beneath me as he tried to control it. “Little dogs, more like rodents. I thought your dog was an over grown rat when Sloan brought him out here.”
Oh hell no. Nobody disrespe
cted my baby like that. I hit his arm playfully. “How dare you! I’ll have you know that Fergus has been my constant companion for the last three years. He is a good, loving, and loyal dog. There is nothing ratty about him thank you very much.” I used air quote around the word ratty.
I felt so light, a weight had been lifted and I would never have to think of it again. I was relieved that not only was Brayden still here, but we had moved on from dwelling on my past so quickly. I didn’t want to stay there, I wanted to be here, with Brayden.
“Yea, okay. Whatever you say, baby. I don’t think your rat likes me very much.” He muttered.
I rolled my eyes, “Maybe, because you keep calling him a rat?”
“Or maybe because I’m the only other male to enter his domain?”
I pondered that for a moment. He was probably right. “I think you might be onto something there, although I maintain he doesn’t appreciate being called a rat. But you are the first man I’ve ever had in my apartment. Fergus isn’t used to visitors. I don’t really have many friends, Sloan and Bianca are the only people I really spend time with.”
“Who’s Bianca?”
“My receptionist.”
“Oh you mean doe eyes?”
I had no idea what he was talking about, who the hell was doe eyes? I tilted my head to the side trying to make a connection.
“God you’re cute, especially when you cock your head to the side like that when you’re thinking.” He murmured.
I’m pretty sure I blushed. No one had called me cute in the longest time. “Thank you. But who is doe eyes?”
“Your receptionist, whenever I go to your office she just stares at me with these big brown doe eyes, doesn’t really say much, just stares.”
Now it was my turn to laugh. I recalled thinking the same thing when she brought our lunch into us the other day. Bianca was going to love that!