by J B Heller
I was lost in my memories when Stella walked back into my room holding two steaming cups of tea. Stella had never had to take care of me before, I had made sure of that. But now, I was the one who needed her. I knew she wouldn’t let me down, but I couldn’t tell her everything. It would only lead to more questions that I wasn’t prepared to answer.
Dexter
Our morning together kept running through my mind on a loop, trying to figure out where things had gone wrong. Each time it came back to one thing, my father. But I couldn’t work out how Sloan would know him. Most people knew his name but her reaction was personal.
My father considered himself above everyone else, he definitely would have thought Sloan was beneath him. So I doubted they knew each other. Johnathan was too proud and full of himself to mingle with everyday people.
But he was definitely the reason for her flip out. I had to know what he had done. He was responsible for a lot of bad shit, but it had never affected anyone I knew before. I had lived under his thumb, ignorant to the damage he inflicted on others for most of my life. I was the perfect son. I did as I was asked, and I didn’t ask questions. I had no drive or ambition of my own. That was until he turned on his own family.
My mind started to drift, but I couldn’t lose my focus. I hadn’t spoken to my father since I walked out of his house a month ago, but I was going to now. I had asked Bray to take me to my father’s estate when we left Sloan’s townhouse.
As we pulled up to the house Bray turned his worried face towards me. “Are you alright man? You haven’t said a word since we left Sloan’s.”
I didn’t say anything for a moment. Because I wasn’t alright, nothing would be alright until I figured out what the hell was going on. But I didn’t want to saddle Bray with my problems any more than I already had. “Yeah man, I’ll be fine. I just got some stuff to sort out with the old man.”
I opened the door and got out of the car. I leaned my head back in the window to thank Bray for the ride only to find him glaring at the entry way to my father’s house. Following his glare I saw my father standing in the open door way, arms crossed over his chest, sporting an equally harsh expression. Bray and Johnathan had hated each other from the moment they met. Johnathan didn’t approve of my friendship with Bray, said I shouldn’t associate with those so far beneath me.
I don’t know if it was my attempt at rebellion or just the fact that we had already forged a strong friendship that caused me to ignore my father. There was no one in the world I trusted more than Bray, my father be damned. After all these years, I still felt the same.
I cleared my throat to get Bray’s attention. “Thanks for the ride man. I’ll be in touch soon. Keep an eye on Sloan for me. And Bray, if you can figure out what this is all about before I do, clue me in.”
With that I withdrew from the window and tapped the top of the car letting him know he was clear to leave. And he did. He sped out of the driveway spraying pebbles as he went. I didn’t blame him, I figured it was his screw you asshole to my old man.
When I turned to face my father his expression had darkened. “What are you doing here Dexter?”
I rolled my eyes, “Good to see you too, Johnathan. Mind if I come in?”
“I do actually. That is of course, unless you’ve come crawling back to ask for forgiveness for your behaviour.”
I scoffed, “Not likely. I’ve come to ask about someone you may know. Sloan Morgan. What is she to you?”
His face flushed red with anger. I had thought the glare he had directed at Bray was bad, but it had nothing on the fierce look he was now casting on me. I had hit a nerve. Johnathan never did have a good poker face, he relied on intimidation to get what he wanted. People were too scared to defy him. I used to be one of those people, but not anymore.
“So, are you going to tell me what I want to know or do I have to do some digging of my own to get some answers?”
“How dare you! You little ingrate! You think you can show up here and start demanding things of ME! Who do you think you are? You’re nothing without me. You can dig as much as you like, but it will get you nowhere. Do you hear me! I own this city!”
As he spewed his words at me I turned on my heels, and made my way over to the garage. I flipped him off as I walked. I obviously wouldn’t get anything out of him, but at least I knew I was looking in the right direction. Unfortunately I also knew that no amount of digging would unearth anything about my father. He did own nearly everyone in this place. People would rather throw themselves under a bus then cross Johnathan Jordan.
I flicked on the lights in the garage, went to the cabinet that housed the keys to the bikes and cars inside, and fished out the keys to my black Camaro. I had missed her. Running my hand over her shining hood before slipping inside.
I peeled out of the drive way in a similar fashion to Bray. Glancing in the rear view mirror I could see my father still standing on the front steps seething with hatred and anger.
He was so smug when he thought I had come back to grovel. Now he knew that was never going to happen.
I wanted to go back to Sloan’s, I wanted to comfort her. Whatever my father had done to her, I had to fix it. I couldn’t lose her. Last night had only made my feelings for her stronger. Being away from her, knowing she was hurting was eating me alive.
I pulled out my phone to call Bray. He answered after a couple of rings. “No.”
I scrunched my brows, “What?”
He released a deep inpatient sigh, “You’re calling to see if you can come back, the answer is no. I’m sorry man, whatever’s going on, she isn’t ready to talk about it.”
I pulled my Camaro over on the shoulder of the road. Calmly got out of my car and started pacing in front of it. I figured fresh air would help clear my head and calm me down. After taking a few deep breaths I realised this was a stupid idea and nothing would calm me until I had Sloan back where she belonged, in my arms.
I gripped my phone tighter, pressing it to the side of my face. “Can you just give her the phone Bray? Just let me talk to her.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea man.”
Fighting to keep myself from losing my shit on the side of the road I gritted out, “Just, please Bray.”
Again he sighed, “Alright, give me a minute. I’ll ask her if she wants to talk to you.”
I could hear Bray making his way up the stairs inside Sloan’s townhouse, knocking at her bedroom door, a few muffled words, and then silence.
My left hand was gripped so tightly in my hair it hurt, but I didn’t care. I was freaking the hell out! I had to hear her voice. Had to know she was okay.
Finally she spoke, “What do you want Dex?”
My whole body relaxed at the sound of her husky voice. I could feel the emotion and pain in her, I had to fix this. “Hey Sweets, how you feeling?”
It was a stupid question, but I didn’t know what else to say just yet. “Like shit. Now what do you want?”
“To see you, please. I want to fix this Sloan. Let me come see you. Let me make this better.” I didn’t care that I was begging.
She let out a humourless laugh, it sounded half crazed. “You can’t fix it. What’s done is done. You’re not who I thought you were, I don’t want to see you again Dex.”
“You can’t be serious. I know you feel it Sloan, the connection we have. How can you just throw that away before we even have a chance to see where it’s taking us? Please Sweets, just let me come see you, so we can talk about this.”
Silence.
I don’t know how much time passed with just the sound of her breathing coming through the receiver. I clung to that sound like a lifeline. At least she hadn’t hung up on me. She had to be thinking about it, right?
I waited, and waited, until I thought I would go mad. “Sloan, baby, please I’m begging you Sweets.”
When she finally spoke, her voice was small and broken. “Okay, but if I tell you you need to go, you have to go Dex.”
“Anything Sweets. I’ll be there soon.”
I hung up and slipped my phone back into my pocket. I was still in the clothes I’d been wearing the night before. I probably didn’t smell too great either. I slid into the driver seat and headed for my apartment to clean up before I went to grovel.
Sloan
I thanked Stella and Bray for coming to my rescue this morning. After assuring them both I was fine and promising to call if I needed anything they finally left. I left the front door unlocked so Dex could let himself in. Then headed upstairs for a much needed shower.
I had no idea what I would say to him. What could I say? I stood under the hot spray of my high powered shower head, bracing myself on the wall I let the heat engulf my body. Warming my frozen insides, slowly thawing me out.
I numbly turned off the taps and got out, wrapping myself in a fluffy dark purple towel. I stood in front of the full length mirror in my bathroom wondering how he had burrowed so deep into my soul already. This wasn’t me. This emotional woman standing before me was a stranger. And it scared the shit out of me.
My eyes were big and full of wonder and fright as I took myself in. Movement in the mirror startled me, and I spun around to find Dex leaning against the entry to my bathroom. He must have showered before coming back. His dark blonde hair was damp and shaggy, falling in his eyes. They were shining with hope and something else I couldn’t place. Or maybe I could, but I didn’t want to recognise it.
I swallowed hard, there was only one thing I could think of doing right this minute. I took one shaky step towards him, he stood straight, opening his arms for me and I launched into them. He pulled me in closer to his hard body, holding me tight. Dropping his head, he nuzzled his face into my neck.
In that one moment, I knew I couldn’t walk away from him. I had to tell him the truth. With his large body shielding mine, I felt like we could take on anything together and come out unscathed. We fit like two puzzle pieces, he was my other half. That realization floored me, but it felt so right.
It was going to be hard learning to share myself with another person. I had relied solely on myself for so long, I had no idea where to start. There were still things I would have to keep from him, but they were things of the past. I couldn’t keep letting my past dictate my future.
Neither of us spoke, we just held each other like our lives depended on it. Then Dex lifted his head from my neck and stood at his full height. Gently he removed one of his hands from my back, and brought it up to softly hold my face. I leaned into his touch, soaking in the affection shown by his gentleness with me. He tilted my head so that I was looking into his captivating eyes.
I hadn’t paid very close attention to his eye colour earlier, but now, I don’t know how I missed it. They were like liquid amber. Smooth with flecks of gold throughout. I’d never seen anything like them, they were so unique.
The movement of his tongue wetting his lips stole my attention from his eyes to his full lips. I wanted to kiss him, wipe our slate clean and pretend he wasn’t his father’s son, and I wasn’t my mother’s daughter, for just a moment.
But nothing would change who we were.
“Sloan, Sweets, you have to stop looking at my lips like that, or I’m going to kiss you and we won’t be talking about all of the things we clearly need to talk about, for a long time. ‘Cause baby, once I start kissing you, I’m not going to be able to stop.”
My eyes flicked back up to his, he wanted me as much as I wanted him. I got up on my tiptoes, bringing my lips closer to his. I could feel his breath mingling with my own. I bit down on my bottom lip deciding if I should wait until after we talked or if I should take what I wanted right now.
He took the decision out of my hands when he swooped down and swiped my lips with his tongue. My arms were wrapped around his neck and my legs around his waist in record time. He squeezed my arse with both hands before slamming me against the bathroom wall. My towel had come unwrapped and was on the floor at our feet.
His kisses weren’t soft and sweet today. They were hungry, possessive and demanding. I loved it. I wanted him to possess me. I needed it. I threw my head back when I felt his hardness right where I wanted it. He pushed closer, harder. Raining kisses along my jaw, to my ear. His teeth grazed my lobe and I let out a needy moan.
“We’ll talk later, I need to feel you,” he gritted out.
That was the last thing he said before he gently placed me on my feet and pulled his white shirt up his body. My hands were on his belt fumbling with the buckle and pushing his jeans down before he had it all the way over his head. We were panting, staring at each other’s naked bodies, just taking it all in.
I relished the way his eyes devoured my body. My skin was on fire just waiting for him to touch me again. Every time he touched me it was like he was worshiping me. “Touch me Dex, please.”
He didn’t say anything, just shook his head and kept eating me up with his bright amber eyes. A shiver ran down my spine. “Please.”
I watched his Adams apple bob as he swallowed hard, “I can’t, not yet. Just give me a second to calm my shit. If I take you now, I’ll be too rough.”
I swear I could feel my wetness coating my thighs now. I rubbed my legs together trying to find even a little relief. His words made my insides throb with need. I took the two steps between us and pushed him back against the opposite wall with ease, he was letting me take the lead, for now. Once his back was flush with the wall I got to my tiptoes again, reached my hands up behind his neck and brought his head down to my level. “I like it rough.”
No sooner were the words out of my mouth he had switched our positions and hoisted my leg around his hip. Arching my back so we were aligned perfectly he slid into me with one long hard stroke. He didn’t stop there, he moved his hips around in a circular motion, making sure I felt every inch of him.
I was trembling, my insides were clenching, my back arched further bringing my breasts up in front of his face. He latched on to my nipple and bit down. That did it, pushed me over the edge and into ecstasy. His name passed my lips on a pant just before he took my mouth again.
All the while thrusting his hips hard and fast, and squeezing my arse so hard I was sure I would bruise, but I didn’t care. It excited me even more. As he quickened his pace again I felt another orgasm building deep inside of me. His movements became erratic, and he released my lips to bite down on my shoulder as his body shuddered with his release setting me off again.
He held me against the wall for a few more minutes as we steadied our pounding hearts and slowed our breathing. I was so blissed out. I just wanted to curl up in bed with him and go to sleep. Dex obviously had other plans, because while I was thinking of sleep he had moved us into the shower.
Half an hour later we were finished cleaning each other. The feel of his fingers massaging my scalp while he washed my hair was A-MAZING. I didn’t know why I had never let anyone do that for me before. But I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t have been the same with one of my random hook-ups as it was with Dex. He was always so attentive with everything he did for me.
When we got out of the shower I felt so relaxed. I didn't want to ruin it with our impending conversation. But I knew there was no avoiding it. My heart had decided that Dex was my other half. I didn't have to tell him about everything in my past, but this was something we had to talk about. I needed to know how Dex felt about his father.
After we dressed we sat on my bed facing each other silently for a few minutes, unsure how or where to start. Luckily Dex took control of the situation. He linked our fingers together before he started to speak. "I know enough to know that what happened this morning had something to do with my father."
I tried to speak but he cut me off with a stern look. Damn he was hot when he got all bossy. "As I was saying, this has to do with my father. Before you say anything I want you to know that I am nothing like that man. He and I have never seen eye to eye. But not until recently did I step out from under his shadow
and separate myself from him completely."
He dropped his head, unlocking his eyes from mine. I tried to loosen his hold on one of my hands so I could touch him. He looked so ashamed, I wanted to comfort him. But he held strong. Not allowing me to break free. "I can't let you go Sloan. You’re the best thing that's ever happened to me. I don't know anything about you or your past, but I don't care because I know you’re my future. And that's all that matters."
My eyes were full of unshed tears. He had such a beautiful soul, and he wanted to share it with me. "Dex, I'm so broken, I'm afraid you won't feel that way once you see the darkness inside of me. There are things about me, my past that I will never be able to share with you. I would never forgive myself if I dimmed the light that shines from you. So I will shield you from it. But we do need to talk about this morning."
His jaw was clenched tight. I knew he wouldn't be happy about my secrets. But I refused to budge. "I understand you not wanting to tell me everything yet, but later... Down the track, why not then?"
I bit my lip, stealing my determination, "I will not let you into the darkness that consumes my past. You'll want to fix it, make it better. But I already took care of it. It's what I've always done, I take care of myself. You can't vanquish the demons of my past, as much as you will want to. So I won't burden you with them."
He looked like he wanted to argue, but held back. "But you will tell me what happened with my father?"
I nodded my head. And the grief started creeping back in. I would have to relive it all again for Dex. "I will."
He released a breath I didn't realize he’d been holding. I was too focused on myself, and getting through the agonizing truth surrounding my mother’s death.
"The other stuff,” he said, “we'll come back to that later. We're not finished that conversation. But right now, I need you to lay it out in black and white for me, don’t be gentle. What did my asshole father do to you?"
"This isn't something you will be able to fix either Dex. There is no way to undo the past. I, more than most, wish I could. Besides the man is untouchable, there isn’t anything either of us could do that would have any effect on him."