Out to Find Freedom

by Lila Rose

  She looked everywhere but at me. Still, she shook her head.

  “Then I want you to understand I’m gonna take my time in this. Already see this’ll go somewhere between us, so we need to take it slow, get used to it. Already my body reacts to your looks, to what you say. It ain’t really the place for that to be going on. Usually I wouldn’t give a shit, but when we’re taking this slow because I want this to last, then we gotta talk about that sorta stuff another time.”

  She looked shocked with her wide eyes, but also pleased with her small smile.

  I chuckled. “Let’s enjoy our first dinner together, yeah?”

  “Yes, Ryan.”

  I’d take care of Emmie because she deserved it. We wouldn’t rush into this. We’d take our time, make sure it’d last like I already felt I wanted it to deep down in my core. And she didn’t seem fazed that I’d told her that either.

  Goddamn, I was a lucky motherfucker.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  EMERSON

  M y feelings for Ryan were cemented inside of me. It had only been a couple of months, but I knew I was completely in love with him. If it was crazy, then so be it, but every time I called him, saw him, my heartbeat shot straight to erratic. Even if I got a text from him, I would smile, my body would warm, and happiness consumed me.

  We’d shouted at each other a few times over stupid things, but I always felt safe, felt like I could be myself. I wanted to share my opinion, even if he didn’t agree with it.

  He could annoy me, make me angry, but I still loved him.

  I hadn’t told him, and I wasn’t sure he was ready to hear it. I wasn’t even sure I was ready to share it.

  No matter, I knew how I felt and was happy.

  I glanced at myself in the mirror. I was back to the weight I had been and more. Since Ryan was showing any moment to pick me up for a lunch date and the weather was still warm, I dressed in a light sleeveless summer dress.

  Ryan had taught me to love myself. He gave me the strength to do so and not care about what other people thought. Of course, it took time to come to that conclusion, and I struggled along the way, but I got there. It was also so Ryan would promise to try and stop worrying about the age difference. He’d brought up how concerned he was about it, and his worry about if something happened to him, and he left me alone. He didn’t want to tell me at first, but he confessed it late one night when we’d been lying in bed together. I’d rolled into him and told him how I couldn’t waste my time worrying about something that could happen. I wanted to enjoy the time we had together, no matter how long it was. No one could predict the future, so it was best to make the most of it.

  He’d tucked my hair behind my ear and said, “Okay, baby doll.” He’d rolled me more on top of him, where I felt how he liked me on there, and had distracted me with a kiss soon after.

  I loved our nights together, no matter if it was at my place or his. Going to sleep at his side, tucked close, had me gushing just thinking of it… but I wanted more.

  I wanted him.

  I’d tried a couple of times earlier on to get us to move forward, but in that area, he kept me at arm’s length. He never shied away from affection. He enjoyed as much as I did showing how we cared by touching, hugging, and kissing. Even if people were around.

  It was time to kick this relationship up a notch.

  We stood on his back deck talking before bed. A deck I’d been apprehensive to go onto because it was in view of the basement window. A room I never wanted to remember. However, as Ryan eased me out the first time, I realised, even when my stomach rolled and body tensed, Ryan was there. He was this me and that nightmare would be just that from then on. A nightmare I would eventually get over.

  Ryan stepped up and slid his arms around my waist, bringing my thoughts back into the present. My hands wrapped over his arms and I rested my head back.

  “We’re dating, right?”

  I tilted my head to the side to see his lips twitching. “Yeah, baby doll, we’re datin’.”

  A gasp burst from my chest when he swept me up into his arms and carried me up to his room. Finally.

  Once on the bed, he locked my travelling hands between just one of his large ones above my head.

  “You gonna stop?” he asked.

  “Sure,” I said, then bit my bottom lip to stop from smiling.

  He didn’t believe me. He chuckled, kissed me deeply, and rolled into me more. His free hand glided over my breast, causing me to suck in a breath. He pulled his lips from mine and his dark eyes locked onto my gaze. “You hurtin’, darlin’?”

  I tilted my head in confusion. “Hurtin’?”

  He smirked. “Aching, baby doll. You wantin’ to come?”

  Understanding dawned on me. “Um, yes.” My body shivered from the thought of it.

  “Then let me help you.” He kissed me again, only to stop. “Tell me if you don’t like anythin’ I do.”

  A snort slipped out. I said, “I doubt that will happen.”

  “Promise me, Emmie.”

  As soon as his hand loosened from my wrists, I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Okay, Ryan.”

  “Good. Now put your hands back. No touchin’. Gonna make you feel good, baby doll.” When I didn’t move right away, because my clit was crying in joy, he ordered again, “Hands up, darlin’.”

  I did, as I doubted my body would forgive me for missing out on what was to come.

  His lips touched down on my neck. Immediately, I arched it, only to freeze when they glided over my scars on my chest. “Baby, you’re beautiful,” he murmured.

  I relaxed, only a little, until his mouth reached my nipple. He bit down on it over my clothes. With a gasp, I latched onto his head, wanting to keep him there.

  “Hands,” he growled.

  I forced them back up and gripped the metal poles on the headboard.

  He moved, hiked up enough to grab my tee at each side of my waist and pulled it up. I shifted so he could drag it all the way off.

  His heated gaze zeroed in on my breasts covered by my bra. He didn’t bother undoing it. Instead, he gripped the top of one cup and pulled it down, exposing my breast to him. His eyes lifted to mine. They held questions. He was worried he’d scared me or that he’d moved too fast.

  He was wrong.

  Smiling, I nodded. A puff of breath escaped his mouth before he slid down to his elbow on the bed and hovered half over me. First, he kissed just above my nipple. His tongue came out to play and he licked all the way around the areola before he sucked my nipple into his mouth. I gasped, my hips jutting up and rubbing against him. He groaned as he swirled his tongue around my hardened nipple. He covered that one up and then pulled the other side of my bra down to pay it just as much slow attention as he had to the first.

  By the time he lifted his head, grinning, I panted, “More?”

  “Christ, yes,” he said, covering my breast with my bra. “Gotta make my woman cry my name.” He kissed my stomach and it quivered under his lips. I felt him smile against my skin. Lower again he went and kissed just the top of my jeans. His fingers grazed my exposed skin as he undid the button. A needy shiver ripped through my body and he glanced up, but I was already nodding. He chuckled and slowly unzipped my jeans.

  Unfortunately, he climbed off the bed next.

  “Ryan?”

  “Relax, baby doll. I’m comin’ back.” He removed his tee and then his jeans, and my breath caught. I’d always admired his bulky form, but to have it and see it up close was even better. I made to climb out of bed, wanting to touch him, but he shook his head. “Don’t move, darlin’. Lift up for a sec.” I curled up as he pulled the sheet down, then lay back and lifted my bottom so he could move the sheet all the way. He climbed back into bed and tugged the sheet over us. When his hands went to my jeans and he pulled them free, along with my panties, I was glad he’d covered us.

  “Wasn’t sure how you felt about bein’ fully naked in front of me yet, baby.” That was sweet. I’
d never been naked around a man before, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for it just yet. I was even glad I still had my bra on. His concern warmed me.

  Reaching over, I ran a hand through his hair. His eyes lifted to mine. “You’re very thoughtful.”

  He winked. “Don’t tell anyone.”

  I smiled. “I won’t.”

  Next, his hand circled my stomach. My pulse spiked, knowing he had easy access to my parts below. “You still want this? We can stop anytime you want.”

  “I want it, please. But….”

  “What, baby doll?”

  “Can, ah, I touch you?”

  “Yeah, darlin’.”

  Since he was on his side and I was on my back right next to him, though we weren’t touching except for his hand on my stomach, I slid my hand out and cupped his cock behind his boxers.

  “Whoa,” he growled out. “I… fuck, you wanna touch my cock?”

  I dipped my brows. “Well, yes.”

  “Shit, sorry, didn’t expect it. Thought you meant my body, minus my dick, while I pleasure you.”

  I’d shocked him. I liked that I had. A laugh escaped me before I sobered and made sure. “So you don’t mind?”

  He gulped. I watched his Adam’s apple bounce up and down. “No. You can do whatever you want to me.”

  I licked my suddenly dry lips. “You’ll tell me if I do anything wrong?”

  His forehead hit mine. “Yeah, baby doll.” He kissed me. I opened my lips under his and touched my tongue to his. Slowly, I placed my hand against his hard, so very hard cock and stroked up and down on it. His hips shifted forward, so he must have liked that.

  I couldn’t believe how firm he was. I’d heard stories, seen things from health class at school back in the day, but I’d never experienced anything. The only orgasm I’d had was by my own hand.

  Spreading my legs felt natural when Ryan’s hand slid lower. His fingers glided through my pubic hair, and on the first touch of his finger against my clit, I gasped. My head dug back into the pillow, my hips jutting forward, wanting more of his touch.

  “Baby doll, you’re so wet for me,” he whispered into my ear as he slid two fingers down to circle my opening. I nodded against his shoulder, shielding my burning face. “Look at me, darlin’,” he ordered, his voice deeper and rougher than normal.

  With a gulp of strength, I pulled my head back and met his hot gaze. “You feel so damn good, baby.”

  I gripped my hand tighter around him, and he grunted. Even though I was embarrassed for being so turned on, having Ryan talk eased some of it. I told him, “So do you.”

  “You mind if I lick you here, darlin’?” He glided his finger up and down my slit.

  My body quivered. “R-really?”

  “Yeah, baby doll. I’d love to taste you.”

  Too nervous to say what I wanted, I nodded. He kissed me and nipped my bottom lip, slowly dragging it from between his teeth while holding my eyes. With another peck of my lips, he trailed kisses to my chest, my shoulders, my arms. Tears sprang to my eyes. He was showing me my scars didn’t bother him.

  He kissed down my stomach, then pulled the sheet up over his head. The grip on my thighs as he spread me open made me groan. My heart couldn’t slow. I tried to calm it by taking bigger breaths, but it wasn’t working. Instead, I gave up and let myself get lost in Ryan and his fingers and mouth. Especially when his large frame slid between my open legs. I covered my face and bit my bottom lip. While I knew I shouldn’t have been embarrassed by him seeing me like that, I was.

  Only when he kissed my thighs over and over, and tears welled and fell, did I pull my hands away from my face. He ran his large hands up, over, and around my legs, caressing me.

  I was dumbfounded by how the scars truly didn’t bother him. He touched them like he didn’t care they were there. He made me like them.

  But then all thought dropped from my mind when his warm breath brushed against me. Between my legs. His lips pressed against my clit. A noise dropped from my mouth. Holy moly, I liked how that felt. Even better was when he licked from my clit down and then back up. He groaned. I didn’t know why, but it vibrated against me and had me gripping the sheet. I wanted to lock his head between my legs. I wanted to grab his hair and drive myself up onto his face, but I didn’t. Instead, Ryan hooked his hands under my bottom and lifted me onto his face more. His mouth, tongue, teeth, and lips went crazy up and down, all over me.

  “Ryan,” I cried. Already my orgasm built. That sweet, wonderful feeling spread through my lower belly. “Ryan,” I begged, wanting and needing more. I just didn’t know what.

  His lips pressed against my clit again, but then he knifed himself up, hovered over me. “Trust me?” he asked.

  “Of course,” I replied, my throat dry from panting.

  His hand between us moved around. I didn’t know what he was doing until I felt something pressed against my clit. My eyes widened. “Is that…? Are we going to…?”

  “Not yet, baby doll, but one day soon. Tonight, we’re both gonna come though.”

  “O-okay.” I nodded. When he gently slid his dick over my clit, I gasped. It felt like his finger, but better because I knew, from the heated look in his eyes, he liked the feeling too.

  Reaching up, I used my hand behind his neck to tug him down. He landed over me, and he kept rubbing against me over and over, my thighs secured around his waist, gliding with him up and down. I chased his lips, but he didn’t give them to me right away. “Baby, I taste you on my tongue still.”

  “I don’t care,” I told him, and I didn’t. Once again my insides were firing up, ready to explode. He groaned and planted his mouth on mine. I held him tightly. “Ryan,” I mumbled against his lips.

  “Right here. Right with you,” he said, his forehead pressing down into my shoulder. His hand slid under my arse and he pulled me up against him more. “Christ,” he clipped.

  I slammed my eyes shut when my clit pulsed and I came, screaming, “Ryan.”

  “Yes. Fuck yes, darlin’.” Warmth spread between us, over my mound and stomach as Ryan groaned low in his throat.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  EMERSON

  A knock on my front door brought me out of my thoughts of the night I spent with Ryan. I knew I was probably flushed from them, but I still raced into the living room and to the door. Without checking who it was, as I was expecting Ryan, I opened it.

  My smile faded. “Harriet,” I whispered.

  Tears welled in her eyes as they moved over my scars. “I’m sorry,” she blurted before burying her head into her hands.

  I moved without thinking about it. I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her close as she cried.

  “I’m sorry,” Harriet mumbled again.

  “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who’s sorry. I should have contacted you sooner.”

  She sniffed and wiped at her face. “No, I understand why you didn’t.”

  Smiling gently, I asked, “Why don’t you come in?”

  Her smile was wonky, but she nodded. “I’d like that.”

  With an arm around her waist, I led her into the living room. We sat together on the couch. Surprise flittered through me that I wasn’t nervous to be around her. Maybe it was because I already knew her and liked her from years ago.

  “I shouldn’t have believed the lies,” she said softly.

  She didn’t know better; they’d been good lies. It had all come out in court. How my aunt had told Harriet I moved to the new school to get away. She’d made the impression that Donny had tried to rape me, so I wanted to get away from him and from the friend who’d set us up in the first place. The police had visited looking for Donny after he disappeared. Only they didn’t look too far into it after his mum had found a suicide note stating how he regretted so much in life. Gloria and her people made out that he’d raped and killed a girl. The letter told the police where to find the body. Of course, the police believed the note when it did lead to a body. Apparen
tly the girl who looked very similar to me had been questioned by the police about Donny. She cried and told them of the horrid night he took her out on a date. She confessed it was all a lie in the end. What hurt the most was that Donny’s mum never knew the truth. She died from cancer not long after her son’s death.

  “I’d been hurt thinking Donny would do that and how you could blame me for it. W-when they found his note, I… I lost it. I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t. I eventually climbed out of that pit. But then all this came to light and….”

  “You didn’t know what to do or say?” She nodded. “I didn’t either, and I don’t still. I wanted to reach out to you so many times.”

  “You saved me and my family from her and those others.”

  “You would have done the same.”

  “I don’t know if I could have.”

  “I do.”

  She shook her head. “I’m sorry for not coming sooner. I mean, I’ve been trying for the last month, but that lady at the private investigation firm, Violet, kept putting me off. She said you were getting your life together.”

  I honestly didn’t expect that. I wasn’t sure why Violet held Harriet back, but I did appreciate the thought.

  “I am. I have.” I smiled, thinking of Ryan and my business, my house and my friends.

  “So…” She licked her lips. “Do you think you would do an interview with me for channel ten?”

  I stiffened, my throat thickening. “Sorry?” I asked, just as the front door opened. Ryan stepped in and closed the door behind him. His eyes narrowed on Harriet. I should have known it hadn’t been Ryan at the door earlier; he wouldn’t have knocked since he had a key, and if it was open, he would just walk in. Still, if I’d have looked first, I had a feeling I would have opened the door to Harriet anyway.

  But regret tightened my stomach.

  She wasn’t really at my house just for an interview… right?

  “Get the fuck out,” Ryan snarled.

  “Ryan?” I said, standing from the couch.