by Guerin Zand
“Can I trust you to keep it between us, Maria? I don’t want you going off blabbing it to all of your friends.”
“I promise, Dad. I won’t tell anyone. What is it?”
“I don’t know. That’s the problem.”
“You’re going to have to be more specific, Dad.”
“I can’t. I don’t understand. Everything is different, but it’s not. Everyone goes on about how I’ve been gone for 200+ years, but to me, it seems like it’s only been a few years. I mean, I know I was gone that long, and I remember it all, but it doesn’t seem that long. Like my sense of time is different.”
“That could be just you adjusting to the idea of having actually lived this long, Dad. You...”
“It’s not that, Maria, and that’s not the only thing. I don’t know what Julie did to me. Maybe for you, it’s easier since you were born like this. For me, it’s like I’m someone else now. It’s like I’m just following my life wherever it takes me. It’s as if I’m not actually in control of anything. Even the decisions I make.”
“I don’t understand, Dad?”
“Well, neither do I. There are times, I swear, I’m being led along by someone or something. I end up in places where I’m needed, and I don’t think it’s by accident. There was an incident with a Trogan slaver who was running child slaves. We were heading towards Trogan space to raid a supply shipment that was being smuggled through ASTN space. The crew was bored, so I decided to skip the raid on the supply ship. Instead, I decided to head off to one of the more pleasant worlds out there for a little R&R. Just outside the system we emerged from the portal and less than 100,000 kilometers away was the Trogan slave ship. Coincidence?”
“What else could it be, Dad?”
“You don’t get it, Maria. That’s just one example. This happened hundreds of times. There are thousands of worlds I could have picked, but I picked that one. It’s my decisions that lead me to these places, not some external input.”
“You know that sounds a little bit crazy, Dad.”
“That’s the problem. If I tell anyone about this, that’s what they’re going to think. Maybe I’ve finally and truly lost it. But to me, it’s like reality changes ever so slightly with time, and only I notice it. If I am crazy, then why am I aware of everything? I mean these things did actually happen, but everything seems a bit foggy for lack of a better term. Like this issue with how I perceive time now.”
“Perhaps you should talk with Stella. I’m sure she could help.”
“I can’t. She won’t understand it any better than you do. I just know that something is off, or different. It’s like I shouldn’t even be here.”
“Quoting Clerks now?”
I smiled at Maria. “It’s probably not a bad comparison for how I feel.”
“So, what are you going to do about it?”
“Nothing. There’s nothing I can do. I just go along with it. I don’t have a choice. It’s like I’m just a passenger in my own life, and not really participating. No matter what I do, things are going to happen. When I left here, I found a nice planet and a simple job on a cargo ship. Next thing I know I’m captain of a pirate ship. Maybe it’s Nancy’s game. It’s writing the script and I’m just a character in that game.”
“You have some serious issues, Dad. Try and put them out of your mind and don’t ruin tonight with all of this depressing talk, ok?”
“Sure. I’m glad we had this little talk. It was no help at all, but you get points for trying. Now I know you’re definitely Bree.” Maria hugged me.
The doorbell rang, and Maria said, “Come on, let’s go greet our guests.”
We went to the front foyer to see Sly and the whole family. It had been a while and Sid and Nancy were married now. They introduced me to their partners. Sid’s wife was named Sadie, and Nancy’s husband was Darren. We ushered them back to the bar in the main living room where Maria and I went behind the bar to play bartenders.
“I assume you’d like a Gluark, Sly?”
“Of course, Guerin.”
“Same for me.” Sid added, and Darren nodded likewise.
“A whiskey sour for me, Guerin.”
“That’s a new one, Stella?”
“Well if you ever bothered to visit us, Guerin, you would have known.”
“I’m sorry, Stella. You’re not going to hold it against me all night, are you?”
“I might.” She batted her eyelashes at me if that’s what they were?
“And you, Nancy?” Maria asked.
“A glass of Chianti would be nice.”
“Wait a minute. I don’t know what Stella wants to drink and I’m an asshole, but you didn’t know what Nancy wanted, and that’s ok?”
“YES!” They all responded in unison and then laughed. Even the two in the group I just met for the first time.
“So, Guerin. You must tell me all about your adventures as a dashing pirate captain. Maybe you’d like to have lunch with me tomorrow and we can talk all about it.”
“Stella, your technique has definitely improved, but your timing still needs work. A little small talk first would have been nice, but I’d loved to have lunch with you tomorrow. You may find me actually challenging for once. My daughter thinks I may have gone crazy. Perhaps you can confirm that with your professional opinion.”
“I don’t need to talk to you to confirm that. I think that was established a long time ago, Guerin.”
“Still as witty as ever, Stella.”
“Of course.”
“So speaking of your career as a pirate, Guerin. Have you considered what you will be doing next? We’ve surveyed the gamers and we have a few suggestions if you’d be interested.”
“Nancy, I can’t believe that you want me to live my life in a way that makes your game more popular.”
“Why not? I think you might actually enjoy some of the ideas we’ve come up with. How about this one? You care after a new developing species? You’d be like a god, with a little ‘g’. You could teach them to make fire, mate with a few females, and contaminate their gene pool. We could actually create a spin-off if it goes well.”
“Really, Nancy? Do you have a world in mind? Are the women pretty?”
Everybody laughed.
“I’ll have my people contact your people, Guerin, and we’ll go from there.”
“Sounds great, Nancy.”
The doorbell rang. Maria went off to greet the arriving guests. A few minutes later she appeared with Bart and Gladys. I shook Bart’s hand. Gladys came over and gave me a big hug and grabbed a handful of my ass while she was at it.
“You didn’t bring your daughters?” I asked.
“I told you, Guerin. I’m not letting any of my daughters near you.”
“Most of the mothers in the Collective feel the same way, Gladys. I don’t understand why.”
Next Roger and his team arrived. There were Roger and Katie with their son Tim. Cindy said they had a boy, but Tim was a full-grown man. Steve and Jackie were with them, as well as a young Asian looking woman. Roger introduced her as Huiliang Zhu.
“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Mr. Zand. My grandmother’s diary contained several entries where you were mentioned.”
“Call me Guerin. I don’t like being called, Mr. Zand.”
“Alright.”
“You do know that your grandmother was a conniving, devious little she-devil who would have just as soon have killed me as look my way, don’t you?”
“That’s not how she saw it. You knew she was MSS from the first day you met, yet for some reason you always protected her. Knowing this, you let her work at New Future Technologies, and when China and America were on the brink of war, you warned her to return home before she was caught with all the other MSS agents in the field. The fact that she survived that, and thanks to your support, she was able to rise to Premier.”
“Ok, I sort of liked her, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t want me dead at times.”
“It’s not
like she was the only woman who ever felt that way.” Katie chimed in.
“True, Katie. Speaking of which, how have you been?”
“We’ve been busy doing all of your work. The rest of us haven’t spent the last 200 years on a pleasure cruise.”
“A simple thank you would do, Katie.”
“For what?”
“Let’s see. I removed the menace Heesa Deuce Baghan from the universe and I’ve been keeping the Trogan military busy so they wouldn’t bother you.”
“Oh gee, thanks. You do know the whole Heesa / Trogan empire mess was your fault to start with?”
“Of course it was my fault, Katie. Just like every other fucked up thing in this universe.”
Maria decided to break us up. “It’s nice to see you two are still such good friends after all of these years.”
Katie came over and hugged me. She whispered in my ear. “Good job with Heesa though. I really thought you were going to fuck that up.”
I responded by grabbing a handful of Katie’s ass and pulling her in closer for a kiss.
She pushed back, then bitch slapped me with all her augmented strength.
“God! You’re still such a fucking asshole!”
Roger was the first to laugh and then everybody joined in, including me.
I wiped the blood from the corner of my smile. “You have a little more bite to your blows these days, Katie, but I’ve had worse.”
“Perhaps I should let my son have a go at you, Guerin. I think you might just be outmatched.” Her son Tim moved forward. He was built like the proverbial brick shithouse with no neck. I wondered if the Collective had polluted his parent’s DNA with a little Erandisi instead of Bree DNA. He’d obviously joined the team, so I assumed he went the special forces route.
I walked over and looked down at Tim. He was maybe 5’11” and I was 6’4”. “Well, first off, ‘little’ Timmy, I don’t like the way you’re looking at my daughter. I might just have to teach you a little lesson at some point. You can ask Sid just how protective I can be when it comes to Maria.”
“My name is Tim, not ‘little’ Timmy, and I’m not afraid of you.”
“Really? Then what do you say to a little wager?”
“Guerin, if you touch my son I’ll kill you.”
“What do you say, ‘little’ Timmy? You need your mommy to protect you?”
“No.” He pouted. “What sort of wager.”
At this point, all of the guests had arrived and were gathering around to see what sort of stupid stunt I was going to pull. Maria had been taking care of the greetings while I caught up with everyone.
“I’ll give you a free shot. If you can knock me down, then, when I get back up, I’ll apologize. I’ll even kiss your mommy’s army boots.”
“And, if I don’t knock you down?”
“Then, I get a free shot.”
I barely got the last word out before a right cross landed square on my jaw. He was his mother’s son alright. He had just sucker punched me. Luckily, I had experience with this sort of attack when I visited Erandi. My head only moved slightly to absorb the blow. I think I heard something pop in my neck and I shook it off. I looked down in my right hand and my Gluark was still there.
“Well, not bad, but a 13-year-old Erandisi girl hits harder than that. I mean, I didn’t even spill my drink. Now that would have really pissed me off.”
“And how would you know what a 13-year-old Erandisi girl hits like?” Julie asked.
“Very funny, Julie.”
I heard a bell ringing, and it wasn’t from the punch. I looked over to see Seca ringing a small dinner bell.
“If you would all like to make your way to the dining room, dinner will be served shortly.”
“Saved by the bell, ‘little’ Timmy. Don’t worry though. We can finish this over drinks later.”
Maria came over, took my arm and led me to the dining room. “Really, Dad? Do you always have to be such an asshole? What are you doing picking a fight with Tim in the middle of a dinner party?”
“You told me to lighten up and have some fun. I’m having fun.”
Maria just shook her head and led me to my seat at one end of the dinner table. She took the seat to my right, and Cindy was on my left. There was probably close to thirty guests at this little gathering. Julie was seated at the other end of the table with Sammy on one side, and Milly on the other. Along with Roger, Katie, Tim, Jackie, and Steve, Diane was also there. I hadn’t seen her in a very long time and I hadn’t had the chance to talk to her before dinner. The staff started to fill the guest’s wine glasses.
“So, Diane, how have you been? It’s been a long time.”
“I’ve been busy, Guerin. I’m working on the FTL drive project. A lot of what I learned while spending a few years among the Bree has really helped. We’ve just started drone testing the drive, and construction of our first interstellar craft is underway. We just need to finish the drive testing before we install the FTL drive in the ship.”
“What name have you come up with for the new ship?” I asked.
“We haven’t decided yet. Of course, everyone wants to name it Enterprise. I wanted to name it The Heart of Gold, but it was rejected.”
I laughed. “Well, I know some might just see that as a Star Trek rip-off, but it was first used for naval vessels you know. It’s not a bad name.” I took a sip of my wine. I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to ask the next question. Diane was known for lengthy and extremely technical answers. “How does this drive work? You haven’t invented the Infinite Improbability Drive, have you?”
We both laughed. We were the biggest fans of the Guide in the room. “It engulfs the ship in a volume, a bubble I guess you could call it, that’s outside of our spacetime.”
“Like the void?”
“No. It’s quite complicated to explain. It’s more like the ship exists in its own little pocket universe. In normal spacetime, the ship has an apparent mass that we can vary. If we make the mass close to zero, relative to normal spacetime, the effects of inertia are reduced to almost zero as well. See, if the ship has very small mass, in normal spacetime, the force needed to accelerate it in any direction becomes very small. At the same time, within this pocket universe we create, the mass is constant, and the ship’s velocity is always zero. To the occupants of the ship, everything seems normal. By increasing the mass of the ship, relative to normal spacetime, we can increase the gravitational attraction to other objects. We can use that to propel us within a planetary system to extreme velocities. Being that the ship is essentially in its own universe means it’s also not vulnerable to weapons from our normal universe, and it is undetectable to normal sensors. Relative to this universe’s spacetime, the ship doesn’t exist while in this pocket universe.”
I shook my head in agreement as if I actually understood all of that. “So, what do you use for propulsion outside of a planetary system?”
“We see space as empty, but it’s not. It’s actually a very turbulent environment with waves of various types of energy constantly churning. There are gravitational waves and dark energy that we can’t see in our normal three-dimensional view of the universe. It’s these types of energy we harness and convert into propulsion. I like to think of it as surfing these waves. If you have time, I’d enjoy showing you what I mean in more detail. You should come to my lab and see for yourself what we’re doing.”
“I’ll try to make the time to visit.” I probably wasn’t going to. This science stuff could get really boring. Maybe I would though. It was always fun watching Diane zone out in her own world where she seemed to be really happy.
The staff started serving the first course. Since my daughter was in charge of the dinner it was no surprise it was nothing more than basically a salad. I ate a bit of it and left the majority on the plate.
“Guerin, you seem to have lost the majority of your pirate crew. You have what, an engineer and a couple of accountants left?” Julie was obviously looking to get me st
arted. I tried to ignore her.
“I’m joining the crew.” Prima blurted out.
Maria raised an eyebrow. “Really, Prima? Should I bother to ask what your duties will be?”
“Ha, ha.” That was my witty retort. I’d been gone for a good amount of time, but still, they all thought the same thing.
“I’m going to be the Captain’s personal steward.”
“Oh, that makes sense.” Maria looked at me. “Seriously, Dad? You don’t have enough crew to man the shuttle properly and your first recruit is for your steward?”
“First, it would be nice for once, if all of you pervs would get your dirty little minds out of the gutter. A proper pirate crew is not recruited. We prefer to shanghai our workforce, not look for volunteers. That being said, I would normally like to get the potential crew good and shit faced before abducting them. In your case, Maria, I think I’ll just let you know that you’ve been volunteered.”
“WHAT?”
“You heard me, daughter. Welcome to the crew of the Vengeance.”
“I’m not joining your crew.”
“Sorry, but you are. Your father has spoken, and it’s not up for discussion.”
“We’ll just see about that. I’m not a little girl anymore, Dad. I do what I want.”
“Well, you better start wanting to be on my crew, because that’s what you’re doing. You’ve spent way too much time with these aliens and you’re in need of a good and proper attitude adjustment. I’m worried about you.”
“You can’t make me.”
“Oh please, daughter. How do you plan on stopping me? Are you going to throw one of your little tantrums?”
“Little” Timmy was laughing. “What’s so funny, ‘little’ Timmy? You’ll be joining us as well. Enjoy your meal, and sleep well. I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.”
Maria and several others broke out in laughter, at least those that were familiar with that quote. Maria explained it to the others.
“Very funny, Guerin, but I’m definitely not joining your crew. I’d love to see you try and make me.”