by Bourne, Lena
Road Knights MC is the club I might have joined back home, had things not gotten as fucked up as they did. My uncle runs it and my dad and brother were both members, and even though I was never officially a member, the club paid a heavy price for my bad luck and my bad decisions. I refused to join when it came time for me to follow in my family footsteps, because I wanted to be free to spend my life with Julie. But that wasn’t the whole reason. My father and brother might be happy following a mean, self-centered man who always found new ways to look down on us, but I don’t think I’d ever be able to respect my uncle enough to obey his orders. The thinly veiled animosity in my family, and by extension the MC in general, was rooted in the fact that my uncle and dad never got along well, not since the beginning. The fact that my mom was a club whore before Dad married her only made it worse.
After my dad got stabbed, the only way to prevent more attacks against the club, and the retaliatory attacks against—God forbid—Julie, was for me to leave town and never look back. Julie’s father orchestrated the attack on my dad, but it was the Roadside Sinners MC that carried it out. She knew nothing about it, but there was a lot of angry talk that she should be used to teach her father a hard lesson. The price of her safety was me disappearing, so I had no choice but to leave. And no choice but to lie to her about it. I hope she’ll understand that. I wonder if Cross would ever send any of his men away like my family sent me away, or would he fight to keep them. I think he’d fight. I’m sure of it.
And I’m about to put it to the test.
Will Cross and the Devils help me keep my family safe?
They might have to, so it’s something I’ve been asking myself a lot, since I decided to go back home. But whatever the answer is, I know now that leaving Julie was a mistake. I’ve regretted it everyday since, and it’s time I correct it if I can, come what may.
Running and hiding is no way to live. Abandoning the woman you love is no way to live. At best it’s a sort of half-life, consisting of trudging along and hoping tomorrow will be better, that tomorrow my regret won’t be as heavy anymore. But it always is, if anything it just gets heavier and heavier.
I hope she didn’t move on. At least not far enough for me to still get her back.
I’ll find out soon enough though. I’ll leave tomorrow morning, bright and early, to catch her just as she gets off work.
Hawk found out that she works at her father’s construction company now, which is the last place she ever wanted to work at. I wonder what that means.
At least she no longer lives at her parents’ house though. She lives in a condo not far from the beach and the cliffs where we did most of our falling in love back in high school. I hope her place overlooks the ocean. Hawk found out everything else about her, but he didn’t know that. He offered to check, but sounded annoyed when I asked about it. I told him I’ll find out when I get there. I hope I do. She’s not married or engaged either, but Hawk warned me that those things don’t guarantee that she doesn’t have a boyfriend. I’ve tried not to think about that possibility at all. Imagining her with another man makes me want to get drunk and start fights. So I don’t think about it. I’ll know soon enough now, anyway.
Maybe I could leave right after tonight’s meeting, and be there in the morning, before she has to go to work.
But no. Then she’ll just have the excuse of having to go to work in case she’s not as happy to see me as I am just thinking about seeing her. She won’t be happy. No matter how far I stretch my imagination, I can’t imagine her being just happy to see me. Maybe she’ll be a little happy, but I broke her heart. I broke mine as well in the process of leaving her, but that doesn’t count as much because it was all my doing.
“So, what do you figure the meeting’s about?” Piston asks as he sits down at my table in the still nearly empty bar room of the clubhouse. The meeting’s not due to start for another hour, and I figured I’d have this time to drink a couple of beers in peace, alone with my thoughts, rehearsing my apology to Julie.
I shrug and finish off my beer, letting it wash away my hopes of coming up with the right words to greet Julie when I finally see her again. It doesn’t matter. I’ve been racking my brain for those perfect words, since I decided to go back for her, and I haven’t found them yet. But I’ll know them when I see her. I know I will. They’ll come to me as soon as I see her heart shaped face, her plump red lips begging to be kissed, and her soft golden brown eyes I can’t help but get lost in.
“Maybe we’re taking on a new job,” I offer.
Devil’s Nightmare MC is a mercenary club. We’re killers for hire, everyone knows that, but Cross is trying to restructure the club and move us away from that line of business completely. Killing off the Spawns was to be the last job of that kind and once it was done, we were supposed to just sell guns. But then there were the Russians to take care of, and the Mexicans are probably next, and after we’re done with them, there’ll probably be some other loudmouths wanting a piece of the Devils. Having a reputation of being unbeatable always means that someone’s gonna try and prove you’re not. There were plenty of tools like that in my uncle’s MC. I wonder how they’ll react to my cut when I show up tomorrow, but I’ll find out soon enough, so I might as well not worry about it.
Piston shakes his head. “I doubt it. This meeting is irregular. I’ve been around since forever, and this isn’t how Cross tells us about the jobs. The last time he called a meeting like this was when we went against Satan’s Spawn MC, and even that one wasn’t mandatory full attendance. Something’s up, something big, mark my words…” he lets his voice drift off ominously then continues to give me a suspicion-filled look as he drinks about half his bottle of beer in one swallow.
I shrug again. I’ve heard this same thing from about fifty brothers by now, all of them long time members. None of them have a clue as to what this meeting could be about. It could be a new contract, it could be an old one that needs loose ends tied, it could be war with the Mexicans, or it could be a rat in our midst. That last option is always spoken in near whispers and quickly moved on from. I know exactly why that is. A snitch is one of the worst things that can happen in an MC, and the punishment is always death. So even talk of possible snitches among us is avoided. I sure as hell ain’t gonna be the guy that does more than acknowledge it as a possibility.
“I think we’re probably moving against the Vagos,” I say and Piston nods.
“That’s the most likely reason for this meeting, yeah,” he says and drinks the rest of his beer.
The room is starting to fill with brothers coming in for the meeting. I bet I’ll have this same conversation about ten more times before the meeting finally starts.
In hindsight, the clubhouse probably wasn’t the best place to go looking for alone time tonight. But I’m not exactly known for having bright ideas. If I were, I’d be relaxing with Julie’s arms around me somewhere near the ocean right now, and I wouldn’t know Piston, or Hawk, or Cross, for that matter, from Adam.
Instead I’m sitting in a stuffy bar waiting for what will most likely be a kill order for the Vagos.
I’m not a killer. I learned that while we were taking out the Spawns. But I did what was asked of me, and I did it well. The Devils saved my life so I owe them my life. They accepted me as their brother, and if today’s meeting ends in another call to prove my loyalty to the brotherhood, I will prove it again. But I’ll go win Julie back first.
2
Julie
I almost didn’t come to work today. The rising sun woke me and I had the overwhelming urge to just roll over, pull the covers over my head and not get out of bed.
But I did. Just like I do every morning. Even though it wouldn’t much matter if I missed a day or two of work here and there.
I force myself to come in everyday, because I know that the day I give in to the urge not to will be the day I quit working here for good.
One year ago, if anyone said I’d be working as the office manager for B
ullard Construction, my dad’s firm that he now runs with my brother, I’d laugh and laugh and wouldn’t stop.
One year ago, I thought my days would be spent riding across the country with Ink, free as a bird, the idea of working for my father, or the thought of my father in general, so distant and faded it might as well be a part of someone else’s memories. Ink and I had it all planned out. We also had enough money saved up between us that it’d be years before either of us would have to work. By the time we needed jobs, we’d already want to settle down, have kids, and get a house. But right now, we’d still be enjoying the free life, if our dreams had come true.
They didn’t though.
Instead, Ink came to me one afternoon and broke up with me. It felt like lighting striking in the middle of a clear sunny day. It still feels that way if I let myself remember it. Most days I don’t. He didn’t even use a lot of words breaking up with me. Just told me he has to leave town and not to wait for him. Ink—the guy who never runs out of things to say, the guy who made the majority of all those plans I still can’t forget, the guy who convinced me they were the right plans, the guy I thought I couldn’t live without—said only that before he disappeared from my life completely. The irony of that was not lost on me. A year on, I’m still pretty sure I can’t live without him. Especially on days like today, when the wind blows in cool and fresh from the ocean, and I wish I’d just stayed in bed.
Instead I’m sitting in my boring-ass office, looking at Bull Senior and Bull Junior laughing at a joke one of them made. I can’t actually hear them through the glass windows of my office, but I can imagine my father’s old raspy guffaw and my brother’s imitation of it perfectly anyway. I don’t hate my brother and father, I don’t even dislike them. I was just never one of them. I was always the outsider in my family. But somehow, I ended up right where my dad always wanted me, ensconced in my place in the family business. Dad’s the owner, my brother will take over, Mom does the accounts, and I’ll work as the office manager, helping them run it all until I’m old and grey and don’t have any dreams left.
I wanted freedom, excitement, adventure, and love that would last a lifetime. Ink wanted the same things. He wanted to share it all with me. Share his life with me, be the family I do belong in. Until he suddenly didn’t anymore.
I didn’t believe he could stay away from me for long. He never could before, so I kept waiting for him to come back. But then the months turned into almost a year and he was still gone. Waiting for him to come back was pointless, I did realize that, but I still did it, and it slowly and surely drove me insane.
So a month ago, I made a decision, and then some plans of my own. I’m going after all those things we dreamed about before it’s too late. All my plans are made. I’m going to San Diego first, and from there, Mexico, Colombia, Venezuela, Argentina, Brazil, the world. I’m leaving in less than two weeks, and I’m not looking back anymore. Too much pain, sadness and boredom lies in the past.
I don’t need Ink to live the life of my dreams. I’m done waiting for him to come back for me. For the first three months after he left, I woke up every morning thinking that would be the day he comes back, telling me what a mistake he made leaving me and begging me to take him back. I believed it so hard that there was no doubt in my mind it would happen.
Then the doubts came and they came strong. They were followed by depression and apathy, and I sunk deep before I finally realized I had to find a way to dig myself out if I ever want to truly live.
So I’m going after those dreams and plans we made on my own. They were mine too, not just ours.
“Do you have a minute, Julie?” my dad asks, startling me and yanking me right out of the triumphant elation that thinking about following my dreams always brings.
I saw the two of them moving towards my office, but it didn’t register that they might be coming to see me, and now they’re both standing right in front of my desk.
“Ummm, sure,” I say and start rearranging the papers on my desk to look busy. I haven’t told them I’m leaving yet. I’ll wait until I’m on the road to do that.
“Good,” Dad says and sits in the chair across from me, while my brother stands at his right shoulder like a bodyguard.
“It’s about the planning committee meeting that’s happening in a month,” Dad says. “I want you to be the one to attend it.”
“What? No,” I say. “Boyd’s handling that.”
I shoot my brother a nasty look as I say it. What kind of excuse did he make to get out of this?
“Boyd was handling it,” Dad says and him and bro share a look and a chuckle. “But, as it turns out, it’s going to need a woman’s touch.”
I don’t like the way he says it, and I like what the tone in his voice is implying even less.
“You remember Jerry Tanner? You went to High School together, didn’t you? He’s been made a commissioner recently,” Dad adds.
I nod automatically, because yes, I do remember Jerry, even though I wish I didn’t. He was in my brother’s grade in high school and took an unhealthy interest in me, which bordered dangerously close to obsession. I’m sure he even stalked me for a while before I started dating Ink, and my father and brother both know this.
“I don’t want to have anything to do with Jerry,” I say, my voice growing firmer with each word. “Let Boyd handle it like we planned.”
“Jerry’s not the same guy anymore,” Boyd says.
“And we need that permit to finally make Euphoria happen,” Dad adds.
Euphoria is a glorified shopping mall complex that’s also going to feature swimming pools, a spa, as well as golf and tennis courts. My family’s been trying to build it since before I was born. We now have the land we need, but not the permits. I’ve never had any doubt that Dad would stop at nothing to make it happen, but what’s he suggesting now? That I seduce Jerry to get the permit. The thought alone makes me want to puke.
“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Dad says and both him and bro chuckle. “But make sure we get the building permit.”
“You want me to sleep with Jerry to get that permit?” I ask, feeling blood rush to my head. “I’m your daughter!”
Dad has enough decency to blush, and my brother is looking at his shoes very intently.
“Nothing like that Julie,” Dad says. “Just spend some time with him, make him think you might be interested. But definitely don’t do anything you don’t want to do. Although you might find out you want to.”
“I can’t,” I hear myself mutter. “I’m going to San Diego in a month.”
Dad shakes his head. “You’ll be right here, attending the commission meeting. You can take your vacation after.”
“I’ve been here every day for the last six months,” I counter. “I need this break.”
“This is too important,” he says and gets up. “You’ll stay here and prep for the meeting.”
I stand up too, so I can look him in the eye. “I’m going—”
“This isn’t a discussion, Juliet,” he interrupts harshly. “Euphoria has been our family’s dream project for generations, and you will do your part. Is that clear?”
He’s glaring at me, his ice blue eyes sharp and merciless.
I nod and sit back down. Not because he’s bullied me into agreeing to this, but because I know there’s no arguing with him. All his cold glare and aggressive order did was remind me once again just how much I want to get as far from the family business as I can.
I guess my trip to San Diego and the world just got bumped up by a couple of weeks. I’m leaving this Saturday and that will be that.
* * *
Ink
It’s almost eight and the meeting is about to start. The bar room at the clubhouse is packed, but it’s so quiet in here, I swear I can hear mice chewing away inside the walls. Cross, Tank and Rook are standing by the counter, and all eyes are fixed on them. Cross is scanning the crowd with that unreadable black gaze of his, and I guess we’re about to
find out why we’re all here.
He clears his throat, then thanks us for coming. His eyes are piercing every one of us, somehow, even though close to two hundred men are in here today.
“I’ll make this brief,” he adds, which earns him several mutters of approval from the crowd.
“We’ve recently come across information about an enemy that has to be dealt with the old-fashioned way,” he continues once the room quiets down again.
He’s goes on to tell us that we’re dealing with the Mexicans, or more precisely, Vagabundos MC, once and for all. And by dealing, he means killing, since it’s recently come to our attention that they’ve been plotting to bring us down and take over our weapons running business. Teaching them a hard lesson is the only way of dealing with that kind of treachery, he points out. I already knew that, but I’m not sure if I’m up for dealing out that lesson the Devils’ way.
After I left Julie, I considered my life and my soul worthless, but now that I’m about to get her back, I worry about what sort of soul I’ll be bringing to her. I prefer selling weapons to killing men. But Cross and the Devils took me in and healed me when I was at my lowest and when I had no one. I owe them my life and I swore them my loyalty. I won’t forget that. For a long time, my honor was all I had. It’s still all I have, but I plan to change that soon.
“We’ll need all hands on deck for this one,” Cross says. “So don’t leave town.”
I already know what it feels like to have the world crash down around you leaving nothing but rubble and dust behind. I’ve been through it before. But this is so much worse.