by Vella, Wendy
“The doctor felt it better my father stay in the country.” Beth stepped into the conversation, dragging his eyes back to her.
Her eyes looked stormy now. Dark and angry. Nathan wondered what he’d said to create that reaction.
“I hope he recovers soon,” he said smoothly. The man had, after all, nearly been his father-in-law. He should at least appear to care.
“That is an exquisite gown, Miss Carlow,” Dimity said.
“Thank you, and yours also.” Her voice had a slight lisp to it he’d once found endearing.
“It has been nice meeting you,” Dimity rushed to add when the silence stretched between them. “Come, Nathan, many will be wanting to dance with you. Miss Carlow cannot expect to monopolize your time,” she added loudly.
“Goodbye.” His eyes met Beth’s. Something flashed across them that looked like pain, and then it was gone. Clearly, he was deluded.
They began to circle the room to where his family was standing. Nathan slowly released a breath. His chest felt tight, and his clothes a size too small.
“Do you know, Nathan, I am considered an excellent judge of character,” Dimity said, leading him away.
Beth was watching him; he knew this, as the back of his neck tingled.
“By whom?”
“Me. Now be quiet.”
“Being quiet,” he said, wanting to hunch his shoulders. Being in the presence of Beth Carlow again had unsettled him, and that annoyed him. She was nothing to him now.
“That woman did not strike me as the callous, coldhearted shrew I have been led to believe she was,” Dimity added. “And I’ll tell you something else, Nathan.”
“I can hardly contain my excitement.”
“She and her mother were scared, and I understand meeting you would do that to the younger Miss Carlow, but why her mother?”
“You spent a total of ten minutes at the most in her company, Dimity. I fail to see how you could have ascertained anything in that time.”
“I know what I felt and saw, and those women are not happy.”
He refused to acknowledge that she may be right. He had seen Beth, and now he could get through the season without having to speak with her again. He’d ensured that they were not gossip fodder for society by doing what he had, but he would be distancing himself now.
“It matters not, as that woman is nothing to me and never will be again. I would be grateful going forward if you did not discuss her with me, Dimity.”
She slid her arm through his and pressed to his side, but thankfully said nothing further.
Chapter Two
“I’m sorry, my love.”
“’Tis all right, Mother,” Beth said, her voice sounding wooden. Pain stabbed at her tight chest as she forced herself to breathe slowly.
“He was the man you gave your heart to, and due to the horrid circumstance we were thrust into, you were unable to wed him. My heart breaks for you both.”
Beth’s mother was of a dramatic nature; the smallest issue could turn into a calamity for Lady Carlow, but when she stated the words “horrid circumstance” in regard to the situation their family had been in for the last few years, she was correct.
Horrid did not begin to describe the hell they were living.
“It no longer matters. My feelings for him have dwindled, and as you just saw, he feels little for me. It was a passing flirtation. We are both older and wiser now. Perhaps I learned something by leaving London and not marrying Mr. Nathanial Deville. Mayhap we did not love each other after all.”
Dear Lord, I’ve seen Nathan.
“Don’t belittle what you felt for him, Beth. I know what your father’s youthful indiscretion has cost you.”
Youthful indiscretion. The words had her wanting to laugh, but if she began, there was every chance she may not stop until someone slapped her. Her father’s “youthful indiscretion” had resulted in their mother’s abduction and the ongoing blackmail of the Carlow family.
“If you wish to leave then we shall.”
“We cannot leave, Mother. You know that.”
Lady Carlow slipped an arm around Beth and squeezed her gently.
“Forgive me, of course I know what you must do. I just loathe that you are hurting and afraid. A mother’s instinct is to protect.”
“I know,” she said, swallowing down the tears. “Just as I know you are suffering as I am.”
The Carlow family had been ripped from the life they’d always known and forced to live with fear and uncertainty. Beth was terrified nothing would ever be normal again.
They stood in silence watching the guests, and she battled the urge to search for Nathan. Seeing him, every hope and dream she’d ever had about their life together had resurfaced.
Others had thought him arrogant with a fiery temper, but not her. When she and Nathan were together, he’d been a gentleman. Not once did he raise his voice to her as he had with others. She’d wanted his love desperately, and to ensure he gave it she’d been the perfect lady, as her mother had schooled her to be.
Her fingers clenched into fists as she remembered the time they’d spent together. Reading, laughing, and talking. Her love for Nathan Deville had been a powerful thing, and when she’d been torn from him, Beth had wondered if the pain would destroy her.
It hadn’t, because she’d learned strength. Learned to hide her pain and do what needed to be done to survive.
“For all we have been gone three seasons, there is not much change,” Lady Carlow said, attempting to distract Beth.
“Yes, some of the faces are the same.”
Her eyes found Nathan’s tall straight back where he walked with Gabriel Deville’s fiancée. His hair curled more than his brothers’, and he often forgot to get it trimmed if his sister didn’t remind him. Beth had loved to touch the curls that rested on his collar, but it had been his smile that had first drawn her to him. It lit up his face and made her tingle all over when turned her way.
She’d been driving in the park with her friend Mary Blake the day she’d seen him. He’d been riding with his brothers. They’d presented a handsome picture, the rakish Deville brothers. But it had been Nathan she’d seen. He’d found her eyes, and his smile had filled her with giddy excitement. And that one look was all it had taken to tumble in love with the second-eldest Deville brother.
The pain of longing had kept her awake many nights. Had he missed her the same way? His disinterested look suggested no.
But none of that mattered now. She had a mission to accomplish, and Nathanial Deville was her past. Her future was to protect her family. And protect them she would. Her father’s treasonous actions had set them on this course, but Beth would do all she could to ensure that one day soon they were free again.
“Miss Carlow.” Mr. Eustace stood before her now. “May I enquire if you have a dance free?”
“I should be honored, thank you, sir.”
Beth lifted her card and filled his name into a space in the first set. It was nearly full, but the one man whose name she needed was missing.
“Do you see Mr. Valentine, Mother?”
“Not yet, dear.”
“Beth?”
She tensed as someone called her name. Approaching her was a lady who had once been dear to her. A friend.
“Miss Blake.” She curtsied. “How well you look.”
“Mary,” she said slowly. “My name is Mary.”
She forced a silly laugh from her lips.
“It has been overlong since last we met. I had quite forgotten your name.”
This was the second of the two people who had known her well. Someone she’d once thought as close as a sister. Forthright, intelligent, unlike the rest of her family, Mary Blake spoke her mind and did not suffer fools.
“Of course.” Mary backed away. “It is good to see you again, Miss Carlow. Good evening.”
Swallowing down the need to call her back, Beth said, “You also, Miss Blake.”
She would not cry. She
would pull her shoulders back and remember why she was here.
“Mother, go and sit with your friends now, as I am to dance.”
“Very well. But you know where to find me. Stay safe, daughter.”
She placed her hand on the sleeve of her first partner and took to the floor. She’d seen both Nathan and Mary now; the worst was over. Perhaps not the worst, considering what she must do, but the most painful, she amended.
“Miss Carlow.” The clipped greeting came from her right as she moved to stand across from her dance partner.
“Lord Raine.” She curtseyed to Nathan’s brother.
“I would appreciate if you kept your distance from my brother,” he said so only she could hear. “I have no wish for him to suffer any further at your hand.”
“I—of course.” Nathan had suffered because of her actions. Her heart ached at the thought. But then what had she expected? He’d pledged his love to her as she had him.
He nodded, his eyes dark and angry. She stumbled back a step, landing on a foot.
“Pardon, Duke!”
“Had you been Lord Plunge, I may now walk with a permanent limp, Miss Carlow, but as it was you, I barely felt it.” The Duke of Raven smiled at her.
“Thank you,” she managed to get out.
“One hopes Plunge’s tailor has finished humiliating him,” his wife, the Duchess of Raven, said, moving into the line beside Beth. “The man looks like a piece of candied fruit most of the time.”
The duke chuckled.
The music started, and Beth danced as she’d been taught to do, the steps engrained in her memory, but her chest hurt, her eyes felt scratchy, and she called herself every kind of fool for thinking she could do this and not suffer. That she could shut out everything and everyone she’d once held dear and do what she must. That she could see Nathan and feel nothing.
But you have to do it.
She didn’t remember the dance but got through it and the inevitable questions about her family’s absence from those she came into contact with. Of course they’d want to know where the Carlows had suddenly disappeared to, but she wouldn’t tell them. Instead, she offered vague smiles and lies.
As she made her way back to her mother’s side, Beth knew that now it was time to slip away.
“I shall return.” She squeezed her mother’s fingers, then left. Slipping from the ballroom, she hurried to the stairs and climbed, heart thumping. Nodding to guests and servants, she pretended to head for the retiring room.
This evening’s ball was hosted by Lord Russell, friend and adviser to the Prime Minster of the United Kingdom.
“Don’t think about what you are doing,” she whispered.
She walked slowly, studying paintings and peering in cabinets if she saw anyone. Beth kept moving in the direction she’d been told to take. When she was sure no one was looking, she ran along the hall and took the stairs up, remembering the directions she’d been given.
Third floor, third door on the left. Lord Russell’s office looks over Hyde Park.
Heart pounding, she opened door number three.
Entering, Beth closed it softly behind her. A desk lamp glowed, thankfully allowing her to see where she was going. Pressing a palm to her chest, she concentrated on slowing her breathing.
Stay calm and get it done.
Trying the drawers in the desk, she found them locked. Which of course they would be. After all, in no way was this meant to be easy on her! Tugging off her gloves, Beth opened her reticule, then took out the slender leather case she’d been given.
She’d been taught over and over how use the lock picks, now she hoped all that practice would come to fruition.
Dropping to her knees before the desk, she maneuvered first one pick into the lock, then inserted the second. She tried several times, but her fingers shook, and she kept dropping a lock pick.
“Please!” Beth begged the inanimate object. Inhaling and exhaling slowly, she tried again and was finally rewarded with a click.
Opening the drawer, she found two small black books, not dissimilar to her father’s pocket diary. Reading the first, she saw it was household accounts. The second was full of numbers in rows and words written in Latin—or she thought they were Latin.
Bring me the book with lists of codes, Miss Carlow.
Voices outside the door had her stuffing the book down her bodice. She then crawled under the desk as the handle turned.
“An office,” a woman said, sounding disgusted. “I will not be ravished in an office, and most especially not one belonging to that puffed-up, stuffy Lord Russell!”
“Surely it matters not the location, my sweet, only that you will be ravished by me.”
She knew that voice.
“But it is the first time you have done so,” the woman mewed. She then sighed, and Beth heard sounds that could only be kissing. “Oh my,” the woman sighed. “Perhaps Veronica was not overstating your abilities.”
More kissing sounds and sighs. Beth hoped fervently she did not have to stay here while they conducted an entire affair. As an innocent, she had no wish for her first experience with the act to be as silent observer.
“But I wish to be ravished on a sofa or chaise,” the woman said.
Beth held her breath, hoping she got her wish.
“I doubt the comfort will matter soon, as you will be transported into rapturous delights.”
Zacharial Deville certainly had an inflated opinion of himself, Beth thought.
“But I wish only to make you happy, so we shall find another place for said ravishing, as there is merely a chair in this room.”
More kissing sounds had Beth clasping her hands over her ears.
The Deville brothers had reputations as ladies’ men. Nathan, however, had been nothing but a gentleman to her.
Don’t think about him.
Seconds later, the door closed, and Beth was able to exhale.
“Unlike my father, I am not made for this kind of treachery.”
Regaining her feet minutes later, she took out the book and placed it in the bag on her wrist. Pulling on her gloves, she hurried to the door. Opening it a crack, she heard no voices, so let herself out.
She’d made it to the stairs and was hurrying down when she heard his voice.
“Well, well, if it isn’t the perfidious Miss Carlow. What has you so far from the ballroom? Surely you are not conducting an illicit rendezvous?”
“Not all of us behave in such a way, sir.” She didn’t turn to look behind her but kept walking. The sound of running feet told Beth that Zachariel Deville was determined to speak to her. Apparently, the ravishing he’d intended had not gone to plan.
“At least I am open about my intentions. I do not seek to hurt or wound.” He growled the words at her. “Do not toy with my brother, Miss Carlow. It will go worse for you if you do.”
“I have no wish to toy with him.” She shot him a look. “And don’t threaten me, sir.”
“I will threaten you if I feel it is required.”
“Your brother no longer has feelings for me, and I have none for him.” Which was a lie. Seeing him had made her ache deep inside.
“Good, because there is another in his life now who will not betray him.”
Beth fought hard not to let the shock show on her face.
“Then I wish him well.”
“You had all of us fooled with your sweet, innocent appearance, but no longer,” he snarled.
“If I may offer you a piece of advice?”
“What?” he snapped.
“Your necktie looks like it has been tied by an infant. Perhaps after your illicit rendezvous, you should get the woman to help you look presentable once more.” Picking up her skirts, she ran down the remainder of the stairs.
Nathan has another woman in his life.
Chapter Three
Every muscle in Beth’s body tightened as she heard the king’s arrival announced. He’s here.
Suddenly, the book she’d
stolen felt heavy in the bag around her wrist. Beth knew that if she was caught, she would likely be in serious trouble. She was now a criminal, and not just any criminal, a treasonous one like her father. This book contained secrets that, in the wrong hands—which they were going to be—would endanger lives and her country.
She felt ill.
“I’ve thought about it and decided you are behaving out of character, so I forgive you.”
Mary Blake stepped into her path. Beth’s height, which was not overly tall, Mary was dressed in yellow, and in her blond hair was a small red bird. Her mother liked to make a statement, and not always for the best. In fact, Mary often said her mother was set on ensuring her daughters remained unwed, as they left the house most often as fashion disasters.
“I—ah, have no idea what it is you speak of.”
Mary frowned, her eyes locked on Beth’s.
“I know you, Beth. Know what we shared and that we were friends. I don’t know why you left London and never contacted me again but know you must have had a good reason, because I am an excellent judge of character.”
“Mary, please—”
“So, I have decided I will be your friend, as clearly you need one.”
She longed for a friend, but that was no longer possible. She had to turn Mary away.
“You always did that when you were gripped by emotion.”
“What did I do?” Beth found herself asking, when she’d just decided to turn Mary away.
“Bite the inside of your cheek. Now come, we need not speak, and you need not tell me anything you have no wish to, but let us just walk, and I will tell you how annoying my sister has been.”
“I am afraid that is not possible, Miss Blake. I must—”
“Something is off with you, Beth.” Mary stepped closer and grabbed her hands. “I know you would never have left Nathan unless you were forced to do so, as you told me he would be the only man you ever loved.”
“Mary, please—”
“Very well, we shall leave that subject alone for now. Just let me be your friend, please, Beth. I missed you.”
The words were spoken in a soft, wistful voice and had Beth wanting to burst into noisy sobs. She’d missed her friend too. They had shared so much once. Secrets, yearnings, and so much more.