by Vella, Wendy
“Come, we will make our way to his side.”
People nodded, and she saw again the questioning looks in their eyes. Why had the Carlows left London abruptly three years ago, and why were they now back?
“I was just speaking of you, gal.” A gnarled hand wrapped around her wrist.
“Good evening, Duchess.” Beth curtseyed, her wrist still gripped tight. Her mother did the same.
“I was saying how wonderfully well you read the latest Captain Broadbent and Lady Nauticus book.”
The duchess wore emerald, but not a nice emerald. This was garish and actually made Beth’s eyes hurt. She wore a matching pelisse over the top with fur around the edges. It was truly hideous.
“Thank you, that’s very kind.” Beth looked at the group with the Duchess of Yardly. She knew Lord Raine, and his fiancée, Miss Saint-Bonnard. Luckily, she did not see Nathan.
“I say, do you have a book with you?” someone said.
“I hardly think the theatre is the place for an impromptu literary salon.” The duchess looked disgusted at the very thought.
“If you will excuse us.” Beth took her mother’s arm once more and left the group.
Something made her turn—it was instinctive—and she saw him then, with a woman on his arm. A beautiful woman who was smiling up at Nathan just as she used to. The pain in her chest tightened.
She’d known, of course, that he had moved on. That his love had not been as deep as hers had been for him. No, that wasn’t fair; she’d forced him to find someone else to love.
Did he love the woman on his arm?
“Are you all right, Beth? Your breath seems raspy.”
“Of course,” she managed to get out.
They made their way to Gilbert Valentine and joined his group.
“Miss Carlow, how beautiful you look this evening, and your lovely mother also.” Mr. Valentine took her hand and kissed the back. Beth wanted to shudder.
He wasn’t an unattractive man, nor, she suspected, a nefarious one, but being the king’s right-hand man had given him an inflated ego. He was also older than her father and someone she could never be attracted to.
You must at least pretend.
“How kind of you to say so, Mr. Valentine. My mother and I are delighted to be here and must thank you again for our wonderful invitation.”
He tugged on her hand, thereby pulling her to his side. He then placed it on his arm, keeping her there. Beth forced a smile onto her lips.
“Shall we take our seats?” Mr. Valentine said, patting her hand.
He took the lead with her, and the others followed. She loathed it. Loathed that everyone was watching them. They were soon all in the royal box.
“If you’ll sit here, my dear Miss Carlow.” He lowered her to a chair.
“It’s so grand,” her mother said from beside her. “I never thought the day would come we’d be seated here. The view is unequalled.”
“I wish we weren’t,” Beth whispered back.
“Be brave, dear. It will be over soon.”
Dear Lord, let it be over soon.
Returning her attention to Mr. Valentine, she set about flirting and behaving in a way that told him she was interested in everything about him.
“Are you quite well, Miss Carlow?” Mr. Valentine said. “Your voice—”
“It is the excitement, you understand, Mr. Valentine. I have never been seated in such a glamorous location for the theatre,” Beth said quickly. “And in such distinguished company.”
He smiled. “Of course, I understand.” He leaned in. “I am so pleased to have you at my side, and long for us to be alone together soon.”
Stay calm; this is what you want.
“Oh yes, I would love that above all things,” Beth managed to get out.
“Excellent. Now if you will excuse me, I must not neglect my other guests any longer, even if I would rather simply sit here and talk with the most beautiful among us.”
She didn’t gag, but it was a near thing. Seeking anything to focus on, Beth searched the other boxes and found the Earl of Raine’s. His family was all there, including Nathan and the woman he’d arrived with. The brothers were there of course, and Miss Saint-Bonnard, but there was another dark-haired man. She couldn’t make out all his features from here, but thought he looked similar to the Deville brothers. The woman was standing beside Nathan still, chatting.
How can I hate a woman I do not know?
He moved slightly, and his eyes searched the theatre as hers had, found hers briefly, and then he turned away.
She may deserve his anger, but there was still a small voice inside her head that thought if he loved her, surely he should have questioned why she’d done what she had.
“Excellent, it is about to start. Now I can simply sit at your side and enjoy the performance,” Mr. Valentine said, taking the seat to her right.
Beth smiled at him, and it was then she saw the edge of something blue in his hand.
Surely not?
“I have heard you write poetry, Mr. Valentine. Are you inspired to do so now?” Beth nodded down at the book.
“No indeed, this is of far more importance than my poetry, Miss Carlow. This is, simply put, my life.” Opening his jacket, he tucked the blue book inside a pocket.
“Your life is written in that book?”
He chuckled, then patted her hand as if she were a silly brainless young girl.
“I am the king’s confidant. It is a position of great responsibility. I am the keeper of many important pieces of information, my dear.”
“I am in awe,” she breathed. “Are they in that book?”
He looked left and right, then leaned down to whisper, “They are,” in her ear.
“I would like to listen to some of your poetry,” she said with steady voice, as if she had no idea he’d just given her the exact information she so desperately wanted.
“And you shall, my dear Miss Carlow. I will do a private reading only for you.” He leaned in, his lips brushing her cheek.
If someone asked Beth what the show was about, she’d have no idea, only that she kept her eyes on the stage, clapped when required, and answered any questions sent her way.
It is within my reach.
Mr. Valentine was attentive, touching her knee and leaning into her body. She didn’t tense or empty the entire contents of her stomach over him, even though she wanted to. Instead, she behaved like a besotted young woman, and all she could think was that if she got that book, it could be over.
It was nearing the close of the second act when something had Beth turning away from the stage to look at a box. There were not many seated in there, four guests in total. One of the men had theatre glasses focused her way. A chill swept through her as the glasses lowered. It was Justin Logan. She was suddenly filled with cold icy fear.
She’d known, of course, he was in London. Known he would be keeping an eye on her, as he’d told her so, but it had still been a shock to see him. She returned her focus to the stage.
The pressure in her chest tightened, and it became harder to draw air into her lungs.
Beth managed to stay in her seat for the remainder of the first act, but as soon as it finished, she rose. The guests were chatting in her box, and Mr. Valentine had moved to speak with someone else.
“I shall return shortly, Mother.”
“I will come with you.” Her mother looked concerned.
“Mary is outside. I shall be but a few minutes; there is no need for you to accompany me,” she lied. She had become quite adept at doing that in the last few years.
Hurrying outside, Beth made her way through the guests. All she could think about was fresh air, filling her lungs with the stuff to stop this tightness.
“Are you well, Miss Carlow?”
“I am, Lord Ryder, thank you.” She nodded but kept moving. Walking along the edges, she searched for an exit. Finding a door, she got it open and slipped through and was soon walking along a dark hall
. It was colder in here, which told Beth she was close to finding her way outside.
A hand pulled her left and into the shadows, and then everything was dark.
Chapter Seventeen
“I’m going to mingle,” Nathan said to his family.
“Are you all right?”
“Yes, Gabe. I just want to stretch my legs,” he said with a smile. “Fret not.”
“Me, fret?” He looked shocked at the very thought.
“You do fret about them,” Dimity said. “Basically, you wish they would all simply conform to your every whim, as that would make your ability to control them and their movements far easier.”
“I do not want to control my family,” Gabe gritted out, his brows lowering as all around him his family scoffed. “I don’t,” he muttered as Nathan left the box laughing.
He’d seen Beth seated in the royal box with Valentine. Why was she spending time with that man? He was not titled, and yes, he had the king’s ear, which gave him power, but his wealth was not great, that Nathan knew of.
Has she changed so much?
That discussion with his brothers about the Carlow family had disturbed him. Ripped the blindfold from his eyes and made him think back to the events of that year she left him. Was there more to Beth’s behavior than he’d realized?
“Are you enjoying the performance, Mr. Deville?”
“I am, Miss Fellows.”
He smiled and moved on, ignoring her little mew of disappointment as he did so.
Nathan liked women. He enjoyed watching their small gestures, a flick of a skirt and tilt of a head. He loved their scent—well, most of them—and he enjoyed making them laugh, but he did not want to dally tonight. Now he had a few questions he wanted to ask Beth. And this time, she would answer them.
He searched everywhere, knowing she’d left the box, but could see no sign of her. Moving around the edges, he looked over heads but caught no glimpse of her. He did, however, find a door. Surely she had not been foolish enough to leave the guests and seek solitude? It was far too dangerous for a young lady to do such a thing. Opening it, Nathan slipped through.
Was she meeting a man? That stopped him briefly. Had Valentine organized a private rendezvous with her? His stomach clenched, but he ignored it and walked on. Was that the sound of voices?
Moving slowly, he breathed through his nose and kept his steps light. He’d learned a lot being part of Alexius, and often, like now, that came in handy. He could move without making noise.
“I have seen it and will get it, but I have conditions before I do,” someone said to his left. He couldn’t see anyone, so he moved closer. “I will do no more until you promise that this will be the end.”
That was a woman’s voice.
“You have nothing to bargain with, and I hold all the power, so you will do as I say.”
“I will not. I need some sort of guarantee that there is an end to this.”
“It will end when I say. Now if you wish for you poor sick father to stay out of prison, or worse, then do what I direct you to.”
“This cannot go on. I will not allow it to.”
“Be very careful how you speak to me, or I will give you a reminder of what is at stake. There are many people you hold dear whom I can harm.”
“No!”
“Get me what I want, and your family and friends may keep good health.”
He continued to listen, but there was now only silence. Nathan then heard the sound of soft footsteps ahead of him.
Moving along the dark hallway, he made his way to the end where there was short set of steps up. Instinct had him climbing, then, when he heard the click of a door closing, he followed.
Turning the handle, he walked out into the cool night air. The space out here was not big, a narrow path leading left and right, but the view was spectacular. The light from streetlamps gave the streets below a soft glow.
A noise like the wheeze Zach’s cat, Mr. Sludge, used to make when attempting to dislodge a fur ball had him moving left. He found Beth. She was bent at the waist, and it was her making the wheezing sound.
“What’s wrong?” He took the two steps to reach her side.
She gave a start but did not straighten. It sounded to him like she was struggling to breathe.
“Beth, talk to me.” He touched her shoulders.
“C-can’t breathe.”
He moved in behind her, taking her shoulders in his hands, he then lifted her upright. Ignoring her attempts to stop him, he continued until she was standing before him.
“Brace your hands on the railing.” He did it for her. “You can’t force air into your lungs if you’re curled in on yourself.”
She didn’t speak, just made a hideous gulping sound.
“Slow your breathing down, Beth. Listen to my voice now. Breathe in slowly.” She did as he asked. It was weak, but he heard the air going into her lungs. “Out now, slowly.”
He repeated the process until it sounded to him like she was breathing more calmly.
“You have to relax and try not to panic.” He placed his hand on her stomach. “Focus on pushing my hand out and in.”
She tensed as he pressed it to her stomach.
“Try it, slowly,” he cautioned, and soon she was doing as he asked. It took a while longer but slowly her wheezing eased.
“Th-Thank you.”
“How often does this happen? I don’t remember seeing you this way before.”
She still stood before him, his arms around her, holding her hands on the railing. His chest pressed to her back.
“Not often.”
“Is this something new for you?”
She nodded, and his eyes fixed on the back of her neck. That place he’d promised himself he would kiss every day when they were married.
“I’m better now, thank you, Nathan.” She turned, but he didn’t step back. Suddenly there she was, the woman who had once been his. Those lips he’d kissed more than was appropriate, and the sweet curve of her jaw he’d trailed his fingers over. His eyes drank every inch of her face in.
“Nathan, I…” Her words fell away as they looked at each other.
“Why?” he whispered, leaning closer, so close that the exhale of her breath brushed his lips. “Just tell me that?”
“I cannot.”
“Tell me, damn you.” He pulled her closer. Her breasts were now pressed to his chest. “Why did you leave me?”
“It was nothing to do with you, Nathan. Or the love we shared.”
“You expect me to believe that when tonight I watched you falling all over yourself to please Valentine? Was I not a big enough catch for you?”
“And I saw you enter with that woman on your arm!” she fired back at him. “It appears you too have moved on.”
“My cousin,” he snapped.
She looked away. “I’m sorry. Now, please, I-I can say no more.”
“Is this the true Miss Bethany Carlow I’m seeing? Were you acting before so I would fall in love with you? Or did you want to get close to my brother the earl? Was that your goal all along?” He didn’t know where the words came from, just that suddenly they were there. Everything he’d tamped down rose to the surface.
“No! How can you say such hateful things to me?”
“How?” His laugh held no humor. “How can I not? You reappear as if you never left and throw yourself at Valentine.”
“I loved you!”
“Then why?” His eyes ran over her face, settling on her lips.
“I can’t say.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
The nights he’d dreamed of her, nights spent aching to kiss her, suddenly had him lowering his head. The temptation of those lips just inches from his was too much. Pressing his to hers, he felt it again, that wonderful connection they’d shared. The fierce need he’d always felt to possess her.
He tasted their desperation and desire. He took her mouth in a deep, savage exploration of need. His head swam, his body wa
s hard in seconds, and he wanted more. Only with her did he feel like this. No woman before or since had made him experience this reckless rush of need. He’d always controlled it… until now.
She clung to him, her arms around his neck, hands digging into his scalp. Each kiss grew fiercer. His hands swept her body, pressing her curves into chest. He wanted to feel her skin. Wanted to stroke her until she was hot and wet. Then do what he’d always dreamed of, make her his. Drive into her slick, tight heat and brand her as his own.
“No.” She eased back pressing fingers that trembled to his mouth. “No more, Nathan.”
“You wanted that as much as I did,” he rasped when she stepped back and out of his arms.
“Yes, I will not lie and state otherwise. B-But it cannot and will not happen again.”
This time she moved to the right and farther away from him. He wanted to follow and grab her. Haul her back into his arms and make her stay with him. He could do it, they both knew that, but he wouldn’t.
“Why?” Just the one word again. Her reaction had told him she still felt as he did, which made him more determined to find the reason she had left him.
She looked down at her hands. He noted they were shaking and was fairly sure his would be the same.
“Please know that if I could, I would answer you, but I cannot. Therefore, I would ask you, as the gentleman I understand you to be, to not come near me again, and to not pursue the answer to your questions.”
“A very pretty speech, Miss Carlow, but I am not gentlemanly enough to leave this alone. You walked away from what we had, and I deserve to know why. No vague words about this having nothing to do with me and the love we once shared will satisfy me. Why are you back if not to catch a bigger fish than me, which, by the way, Valentine is not.”
She flinched.
“Answer my questions.” He stepped closer, grabbing her hand as she prepared to leave. “Tell me why you left.”
“Unhand me, Nathan!”
It wasn’t her reply that shocked him, but her tone. Beth had never spoken to him like that before. She’d always been sweet and accommodating. Passionate, yes, but never had she growled.
When he didn’t move, she kicked him, hard, in the shin. Yes, her evening shoes did not have the sturdy soles of his, but still he felt it. His grip on her eased, and she jerked her hand free. Then she was running away from him.