by L A Cotton
And there, staring me in the face, was Levi and his betrayer in the throes of passion.
Levi
Phoebe was back.
I’d spent most of the morning watching her as she and Letty did whatever it was they did when they were together.
“Levi, earth to Levi.” Eva chuckled, and I finally dragged my eyes away from Phoebe.
“Yeah?”
“You know this would go a lot quicker if you concentrated.”
“I’m concentrating.” I smirked. “It’s called inspiration.”
Fuck.
I couldn’t believe I’d admitted that out loud.
Eva gave me a knowing smile. “You like her.”
“It doesn’t matter.” I’d fucked it up before it ever got started.
My head dropped back against the wall as my eyes flicked over to where Phoebe and Letty were huddled over a binder. She was so fucking beautiful. She didn’t try too hard, not like Riley who had always been dressed to the nines in designer dresses and ugly fucking pant suits.
Phoebe possessed natural beauty. Her look was effortless. Her dark hair was braided off one side of her face and hung over her shoulder in thick waves I wanted to run my fingers through. It drew your eye to the tattoo sleeve down her arm. She was inked and pierced and preferred to dress down than up.
She was everything I never knew I wanted.
And I’d already lost her.
Because Leviathan wasn’t just my namesake. It was in my soul, imprinted on my fucking DNA.
My mother always said I was her little monster, sent to torment her. I guess there was some truth in her words.
I was tainted, impure. Cut me open and I was pretty sure I would bleed black sticky tar.
“I’ve got it,” Eva said with a trace of excitement. “What if we add the female perspective?”
My brows knitted as I met her gaze. “We only hear the male point of view, but what if we write the female responding to his pain?”
My spine tingled with anticipation. She was onto something. I could already see the lyrics dancing across my mind.
“So right here,” Eva held up her notes, “after your first verse, I could respond. It’ll be like a conversation.”
“I like it.” I liked it a lot.
Even if they would be Eva’s words, her thoughts and feelings in response to my lyrics...
And not the girl’s they were meant for.
“Yes, yes!” Letty’s shriek of approval came over the intercom. “That was... shivers, guys. I have honest-to-God shivers.”
A shy smile tugged at Eva’s mouth. I smirked at her. “It was all Eva,” I said, knowing that everyone beyond the booth could hear us.
“Rafe is already working up a riff.”
“We want to run your sections again, Levi, okay?”
“Not Eva’s sections?” I scoffed.
“Sorry, champ.” Letty teased. “She nailed it.”
Heat exploded in Eva’s cheek. I should have felt a twinge of jealousy, but I knew Letty was right—Eva had nailed her sections.
“Get out of here,” I said.
“You’re sure?”
I nodded. “You did good today, Angel, real fucking good.”
There had been moments, when I’d closed my eyes, I could imagine a different voice singing the lyrics to me. But that was a fantasy, and I knew life was nothing more than a living nightmare.
“Don’t work too hard.” Eva gave me a warm smile. “I think the guys mentioned pizza later.”
“I’m not sure—”
“Come,” she said softly. “You should come.”
Giving her a stiff nod, I waited for her to leave, before slipping my earphones back on and getting ready at the microphone. Brad gave me a thumbs up and I inhaled a deep breath.
* * *
Eyes so deep I fall and fall
Can’t crawl out, and I can’t breathe
These feelings crash over me
Until there’s nothing left of who I used to be
* * *
Eye so deep I fall and fall
Can’t escape, and I can’t feel
These feelings crash over me
Until I’m numb inside and cut free
* * *
But I’m broken now, I’m dead inside
She can’t save me no matter how hard she tries
But I’m broken now, I’m dead inside
She can’t save me no matter how hard she tries
* * *
Down we go… like sinking ships
I’m drowning now… drowning now… drowning yeah…
When I was done, I felt emotionally wrecked. I’d written some heavy stuff in my time. Songs about my mom, about growing up and being unwanted, unloved. I’d written about my addiction and the demons that lived inside me. I’d written about love and heartache and loss.
But I’d never written about a girl.
Until Drown.
I suspected Eva knew the truth, maybe Letty too. But they wouldn’t push me about it. There was a good chance even Phoebe knew the truth, but it didn’t matter now.
I gave myself a second, inhaling a ragged breath.
“That’s great, Levi,” Brad’s voice came over the mic. “We got what we need for today.”
Slipping out of the booth, I expected to find Eva and my bandmates all waiting for me, but I was only met with Brad and Letty.
“Where’d everyone go?” I said.
“Oh, they left already. Something about pizza.”
My stomach sank. They’d left... without me. It shouldn’t have mattered. Hudson was still pissed at me. Rafe too if the lingering looks he kept giving me were anything to go by. Damon was Damon. Peacekeeper. Father figure. Loyal friend. But even he’d been quiet the last couple of days.
“I think they were heading to their suite if you want to catch up with them?” Letty gave me a reassuring smile that did absolutely nothing for the pit in my stomach.
“Yeah, maybe,” I lied. Because no fucking way was I about to invite myself to their cozy little tea party—the one they clearly didn’t want me at.
Johnson was waiting for me in the hall. He didn’t blink as I stormed past him toward the back exit of the studios. He would drive me back to the hotel, and I would retreat to my room and drown my sorrows in the mini bar. If Letty hadn’t been in and cleared it out that was.
But when we got back to the hotel, Phoebe was just heading into her room. The one two doors down from mine. Our eyes collided, sucking all the air from the hall.
“Levi,” she said right as I said, “Phoebe.”
We laughed, hers wrapping around me like silk. Fuck. She was so beautiful.
“You go,” I said.
“You’re not heading up to the suite?”
“Looks like I’m still in the doghouse.”
“You’re not...” She gave me a weak smile. “I mean, I know things are strained. But they just wanted to give you space.”
“Whatever.” I shrugged, aware that we weren’t alone. But Johnson was security. A ghost. He didn’t care about our conversation so long as it didn’t pose a threat to my life.
You had to get used to sharing every part of your life with security pretty quickly, when you went from nobody to somebody overnight.
Silence lingered between us. She wasn’t close enough to touch, too far to ghost my fingers over the ink on her shoulder.
“Well, I should probably go—”
“Wait.” The word echoed through my mind. “Do you want to hang out?”
Her breath caught. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” she whispered, the words like jagged knives to my skin.
“I’ll behave, I promise.” I held up my hands. “I just...” I couldn’t tell her.
I couldn’t confess how lonely I was.
Not me.
Levi Hunter: rock god and sex symbol.
Phoebe inhaled a sharp breath, her eyes fluttering closed. When they opened again, I expected her to tell me no.
But the word, “Okay,” fell from her lips. “Just for a little while.”
She tucked her key card in her purse and moved closer. Sweet relief flowed through me. This was a good sign. Maybe if we hung out, if we were together, she would remember how good it could be between us.
I opened the door and stood aside, letting her passed. It wasn’t the penthouse suite, but it was still one of the best rooms in the hotel. It could have been a hovel for all I cared though. Because Phoebe was here.
“Drink?” I asked her, going to the mini bar.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” Her brow went up.
“Soda then? Juice?”
“I’ll take a soda.”
I grabbed two sodas and went over to where she was hovering. “Here.” Our fingers brushed as she took it from me, electricity sparking up my arm. My eyes lifted to hers. “Phoebe, I—”
“So today went well?” She darted to one of the chairs and sat down.
“Yeah, it was okay. Now we’ve figured out the arrangement, it’s flowing.” I ran a hand over my head, choosing the couch. It put me dead opposite her.
“Letty’s right, I think this will work.”
“You really want to talk about this?” I’d kinda hoped we would talk about us, about what happened with us.
“I think it’s for the best if we keep things professional, don’t you?”
“Actually,” I said dragging my snake bit piercings between my teeth and letting them pop. “I don’t think that’s going to work for me.”
“Levi, please...” She darted out of the chair. “I should go, this was a mistake.”
“Don’t do that.” I got up and stalked toward her. “Don’t call me a mistake.”
It’s all I’d heard growing up. I could be that to my mom, to the father who didn’t want me. But I didn’t ever want to be that to this girl.
Phoebe inched back, but I snagged her waist, pulling her closer. “We need to talk.”
“There’s nothing to say.” She dropped her gaze to the floor.
Irritation licked my spine. She was being stubborn, and part of me understood. She felt betrayed. But Riley was a mistake, one that happened before Phoebe arrived on the scene.
“Hey, look at me.” I gripped her chin and lifted her face to mine. “What happened with Riley was before you and I—”
“Stop, Levi. There is no you and me. It was one night.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it.”
“I can’t do this again. I can’t be with someone who will never put me first. I’m sorry, I am... but this, us, I was a fool to think there could ever be some—”
I cupped her face, slamming my lips to hers. Phoebe went rigid in my arms, but the second my tongue plunged into her mouth, her body softened against me. The kiss became a storm, sweeping us away with every stroke and every press of our lips. My hands dropped to her ass and I picked her up, pushing her up against the nearest wall.
“Fuck, Phoebe, you taste so fucking good.” I caged her body with mine, freeing up one of my hands to glide up her throat. “Tell me you feel it, tell me you’re here with me...” I stared into her heavy-lidded eyes.
“I...”
Say it.
I really needed her to say it.
“You need to stop. We need to stop.” She pushed around my chest, trying to wrangle out of my hold. I jerked away as if she’d slapped me and Phoebe slid down the wall, skin flushed and eyes apologetic.
“I see.”
“It’s for the best, Levi. You need to focus on the band and getting things back on track, and I need to—”
“Got it. You know where the door is. Don’t let it hit you on the way out.” I marched over to the minibar and grabbed the first thing I could find. The liquor barely registered as I chugged it down.
“That won’t help,” Phoebe said softly.
“I thought you were leaving?” I ground out.
She stood there for another second, before letting out a quiet breath and leaving. The door clicked shut but it may as well have been a gunshot to my heart.
What a fucking idiot.
The bottle flew out of my hand before I could stop myself, shattering into tiny pieces against the wall.
“Call someone to clean that up,” I barked at Johnson. I didn’t look at him, I couldn’t.
Instead, I grabbed another two bottles from the mini bar and headed for my bedroom.
At least there, I would have privacy.
Phoebe
I’d messed up.
When I’d agreed to go with Levi, I thought we’d talk. I thought it would be a good opportunity to clear the air.
I didn’t think he would kiss me.
Although kiss didn’t do justice to the way his mouth had laid siege to my emotions. I’d felt his desire for me, the hard outline of his dick pressed up against me. Levi wanted me. But he had the power the destroy me.
It had taken everything to push him away, to do the right thing. Because while nothing about kissing Levi felt wrong, it was a mistake.
One that would only lead me down a path of heartache and misery.
“We have a problem.” Letty greeted me. I was barely awake, and she looked ready to take on the world.
“A problem?” I rubbed the sleep from my eyes.
“Levi, he’s a mess.”
Guilt shot through me.
“What happened?” Letty gave me a serious look as she barged into the room.
“I... I messed up.”
“Talk.”
“I went to Levi’s room last night. I thought he wanted to talk...”
“He didn’t?” Her brow arched but I found no judgment there.
“Not exactly. He kissed me.”
“And let me guess, you rejected him?”
“How did you—”
“Because Johnson found him passed out over a collection of mini bar drinks.”
“We should have emptied it.” We’d discussed it but Letty decided that after two weeks of exile, treating Levi like a child wouldn’t get us anywhere fast.
“He’s okay,” she said. “But his mood is...”
“Dark.”
Her lips pressed into a thin line and she nodded.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, feeling the guilt take hold.
“Don’t. This isn’t your fault. It’s all on that traitorous bitch.”
“Is she taking the deal?”
“Of course she is. Practically foamed at the mouth when legal called her.”
“At least the tour can resume now.”
“Yeah. But this thing between you and Levi… a little word of advice… you need to decide what you want. Levi won’t give up. Once he set his sights on something...”
A shiver ran down my spine. “I understand.”
“Good, because I need him on this.”
“I’ll talk to him.”
My stomach twisted. It was the last thing I wanted but Letty was right. This entire thing relied on Levi. The band needed him, the tour needed him, Razorsharp Records needed him. Without him, the shaky kingdom they’d built crumbled.
“They shouldn’t have left without him yesterday.”
“I know.” Letty grimaced. “But they’re not just a band, Phoebe, they’re friends. Family. And he broke their trust sleeping with...” She hesitated.
“It’s okay, I’m very aware of what happened between him and Riley.” I’d seen enough screenshots to last me a lifetime.
“This is life with the band. It’s messy and fraught and the lows can outweigh the highs... but man, those highs can make it all worth it.” Her expression softened. “This will pass, you’ll see.”
For them, maybe.
But for me and Levi, I wasn’t so sure.
Levi rode to the studio alone while I rode with Eva and the guys.
“How is he?” she asked me, keeping her voice low while Rafe and Damon chatted about the music for Drown.
“I don’t know, I haven’t seen him.”
“We shouldn’t have done that yesterday.” Her mouth downturned at the corners. “I told Rafe it was a bad idea, but you know what boys can be like.”
It amused me to hear her calling them boys. Because despite their age, Black Hearts weren’t boys. They were young men thrust into the spotlight too early. That kind of exposure aged you. Forced you to grow before your time. The parties and women, drugs and liquor… it was a deadly combination for a bunch of hormonal guys on the cusp of adulthood.
“They need to figure it out,” I whispered, but Hudson’s head whipped over in my direction.
“Figure out what, New Girl?” He rubbed his jaw, eyeing me intently.
“Hud,” Damon warned.
“Nah, man. If she’s got something to say about the way we handle band business, I’m all ears. So, spit it out, Pheebs, what exactly do you think we need to figure out?”
The air in the SUV cooled, making my blood run cold. Tension crackled around us, thick and charged.
“You need to forgive him,” I said. “Levi blames himself enough without the three of you making it worse.”
“We need to forgive him?” Hudson sneered. “Do you have any idea how many times we’ve had to—”
“Hudson, enough.” Rafe leveled him with a hard look. “No disrespect, Phoebe, but you’ve been here two seconds, we’ve been dealing with Levi for years.”
“Rafe.” Disbelief coated Eva’s voice. “She’s just trying to help.”
“Yeah, well if she wants to help, she should let Levi work off his tensions on her.” Hudson glowered at me and everything began to close in around me.
“I’ll pretend you didn’t just say that.” I sat taller, my body vibrating with embarrassment.
“Everyone just take a breath.” Damon made a sweeping motion with his hands. “Hudson, apologize to Phoebe.”
He glared harder until Damon elbowed him in the ribs. “Sorry,” he grumbled.