‘I’m sorry.’ She might have said more but footsteps rushing past on the corridor outside distracted her.
They caught Elliot’s attention too. He got to his feet, opened the door, and peered down the corridor. ‘Some emergency happening.’ When he turned, his eyes were shuttered. ‘Maybe we should go–’
‘Nathan?’ Keri jumped to her feet and brushed past Elliot to hurry back to the ward. Nathan’s bed, the first inside the open doorway, was surrounded by staff. They were all intent on the person in the bed and didn’t notice her arrival.
It was Elliot who held her back when she cried out and tried to rush forward to the blood-slicked body in the bed, who pulled her away, whispering in her ear to let the staff do their job. Keri was pulled, resisting, down the corridor, her cries fading to a low sob as the detective continued to hold her.
Nathan’s bed was wheeled out surrounded by staff. Loud voices gave directions. The nurse Keri had seen earlier joined her. ‘They’re taking him back to theatre for emergency surgery.’ A shout took her away. The bed and its attendant satellites disappeared into the lift. Then there was silence broken only by Keri’s sobs into Elliot’s shoulder.
He stayed with her in the operating theatre waiting room, sitting while she paced the floor. An hour into their wait, he disappeared, returning with two disposable mugs of coffee, one of which he pressed into her hands. ‘Sit and drink it.’
She did sit for a while, sipping the coffee he’d laced with sugar. He was being kind, she drank a little then put it down and got to her feet. She’d done one length of the small room before the door opened.
Keri didn’t recognise the woman who came into the room. Her face was lined with experience and shaded with sadness. She wore pale-blue scrubs with one single blood spot over her chest as if her heart were leaking. Keri’s eyes fixed on it as the woman approached her.
‘Mrs Metcalfe?’
Keri felt Elliot coming to stand beside her but she couldn’t lift her eyes from that spot on the woman’s chest. Was it Nathan’s blood? Would he be missing it?
‘Mrs Metcalfe?’ The voice again, softer, kinder.
‘Yes.’ Keri finally looked up. She felt Elliot’s arm slide around her shoulder and wondered why.
‘My name is Tina Bailey, I’m a vascular surgeon.’
‘Yes.’ Keri couldn’t think of another word to say.
‘I’m sorry. We did our best, but I’m afraid he’s gone.’
‘Gone?’ Keri stared blankly, then turned to look at Elliot. ‘Gone where? What’s she talking about?’
‘Perhaps we should sit down,’ he said.
Keri shook off his arm. ‘I don’t want to sit. I want to know what you’re talking about. Where has Nathan gone? To another hospital, is that it?’
‘Mrs Metcalfe, your husband is dead. It happened suddenly. An arterial bleed. By the time the staff were alerted, he’d already lost too much blood. We did the best we could in theatre but we couldn’t stabilise him.’
No, this wasn’t right. This couldn’t be. Keri backed away, her hands clasped under her chin. ‘But…’ She shook her head. ‘Nathan looked well, he was talking to me, we were making plans…’ Her voice faded. She turned to look at Elliot. ‘He’s really dead?’
Elliot looked stunned. ‘I’m so sorry, Keri.’
She stumbled backward, accepting the detective’s help when he put a hand out to guide her to the seat.
‘I need to go,’ the surgeon said. ‘Stay here for as long as you need.’
‘Can I see Nathan?’ Maybe they’d made a mistake. She’d go in and find him sitting up, laughing at all the fuss.
‘They’ll be bringing him back to the ward, probably into a private room, you can ask at the nurses’ station.’
It was Elliot who replied. ‘Yes, that’s fine, I’ll bring Mrs Metcalfe down to the ward and stay with her for as long as needed.’
Keri sat motionless. She heard the detective make phone call after phone call, but didn’t hear any of the words. All she could hear was Nathan’s voice. You always fix things, Keri. Not everything. She wouldn’t be fixing this.
40
Keri left the talking to Detective Inspector Elliot when they reached the ward and followed him and the nurse to a small side room. Hiding Nathan and his death away as if it were something to be ashamed of.
She was being unfair. It was to give her privacy, of course, so that she could wail like a banshee for her loss. Instead, she stood in the doorway of the room and stared across to where the man she had loved for so long lay. He’d always looked serene in sleep. He looked like he did every morning. Every morning for the last twenty-five years since they married and the years they were together before that.
‘He doesn’t look dead,’ she said.
Elliot, standing behind her, said nothing.
Keri didn’t want to go closer. Didn’t want to put her hand on Nathan’s cheek and feel the chill of death, didn’t want that final confirmation. ‘What am I going to do without you?’ She hadn’t realised she’d said the words out loud. They floated on the air before fading into silence.
‘You need to say goodbye, Keri,’ Elliot said quietly. ‘Then you need to contact your children and your family. They’ll want to come in to say their farewells too.’
Of course. All the things she’d need to do. There’d be time for tears. A whole empty future stretching ahead for her to fill. Time for regrets and recriminations. For the guilt of her infidelity to seep into the memories and sour them.
A few short steps took her to the bedside. She reached under the sheet for his hand. It was already cold and stiff. Taking her hand from under the sheet, she placed it on his cheek. There was a little warmth left there. She brushed the pad of her thumb over his lips. Warm. She leaned down and pressed hers to them. Wishing she were the prince in Sleeping Beauty with the power to restore life with such a simple act.
‘It’s not sinking in,’ she said, glancing back at Elliot who hovered inside the doorway.
‘Sudden death is always more difficult to accept.’
‘I need to ring Abbie and Daniel but what do I say to them?’ She cried then, hot tears that came and wouldn’t stop.
Elliot hesitated before stepping in as he’d done earlier and putting an arm around her. ‘I’ll help where I can.’
‘Thank you,’ she said, pulling back. ‘You’ve been so kind.’ She reached into her pocket for her phone, then looked blankly at it. ‘What do I say?’
‘Tell them that there’s been an accident, Nathan has been hurt, and that a car will pick them up and bring them here.’ He took out his mobile. ‘Tell me a location and I’ll arrange it.’
She gave him the name of the university. ‘There’s an administration office in the main building. That would be the easiest place. Wait until I contact them though, it isn’t always that easy.’ She looked at Nathan and shook her head. ‘I can’t ring from here.’ It was illogical, she knew it was, but she couldn’t bear to talk about him being dead while he lay there.
Elliot opened the door. ‘We can go back to the visitors’ room.’
When they were inside, he shut the door. There was no lock on the inside, he improvised and leaned against it. ‘I can wait outside, if you’d prefer.’
Keri shook her head. ‘No, thank you, that’s not necessary. She rang Abbie and Daniel and was in luck. Between lectures, they answered immediately, sounding so normal, so cheerful. Soon that would change. ‘Your dad’s been in an accident. You need to come to the hospital.’ Each of them responded with disbelief and shock and asked the question Keri dreaded to hear.
‘Is he badly hurt?’
She held her hand over the phone as she took a shuddering breath and let it out slowly. ‘Yes. You need to get here as soon as you can. There’s a car on its way to pick you up from outside the admin office. I’ll see you when you get here.’ She cut the connection both times before they’d time to ask more questions.
It was tempting to tap out Nathan’
s dead and send it to all her contacts, informing the world in two words. Instead, she made call after call. Nathan’s brother was stunned but recovered quickly to say he’d be in as soon as he could get there. Friends were shocked and quick to offer support.
The last call she made was to the office. ‘Luke, hi, it’s Keri. Will you tell everyone that there’s been an accident, that Nathan…’ It was strange that this final call was the one she couldn’t finish. She handed the phone to Elliot. ‘Tell him please.’
‘Luke, this is Detective Inspector Elliot. Unfortunately, Nathan Metcalfe passed away a little while ago. Can you tell everyone who needs to be told–’
‘Tell him everyone is to go home and shut the office.’
Elliot repeated her message, hung up and handed the mobile back.
She took it and sank onto a chair. ‘Nate and I wondered how we were going to cope without Roy, but we had each other. How am I going to cope now?’
Elliot said nothing, his silence strangely comforting. Over the next few hours and days, she’d hear the usual platitudes, time was a healer, she was lucky to have had him for so long, she’d get through it, her children would keep her going, she was glad he hadn’t resorted to using them. ‘I suppose you get used to dealing with grieving people and their loss.’
‘No. It’s not something I’ve ever got used to.’ He sat in the chair opposite. ‘It helps keep me focused on my job though, makes me work harder to get justice for people like your husband.’
The tears came and Keri let them fall.
Soon she’d need to be strong for Abbie and Daniel.
41
DI Elliot stayed with Keri as she negotiated the minefield of telling her two children that their father was dead.
‘There was an incident in a café, your dad was stabbed. The hospital did what they could but he didn’t make it.’ In case the euphemism confused them, as she had been confused, she added, ‘He’s dead.’
Blood rushed from Daniel’s face and he dropped to the ground in a faint. Abbie cried out, then stood with her hands clamped over her mouth, her eyes wide in shocked disbelief. Elliot turned the unconscious boy on his side while Keri pulled Abbie into her arms, holding her while she sobbed.
Daniel came to as fast as he’d gone out and sat up looking confused and embarrassed. ‘Slowly,’ Elliot said, reaching a hand to help when Daniel struggled to get to his feet.
‘I’m okay.’ He stood and brushed a hand over his shirt, looking at Elliot blankly before turning to look at the entwined mother and daughter. ‘It’s true? Dad’s dead?’
‘Yes.’ Keri’s voice trembled on the one word. She took a breath. ‘We can go and see him in a minute. You can say goodbye.’ She looked across to Elliot. ‘I’m sure you need to go, we’ll be fine. Thank you for everything, you’ve been extraordinarily kind. Now go and do what you promised me.’
Daniel was still brushing a hand over his clothes as if by doing so he’d be able to restore order. He looked at Elliot in surprise. ‘I thought you were a doctor or something. Who are you?’
‘Detective Inspector Elliot. I’m in charge of the investigation into Roy Sheppard’s death, and now your father’s too.’
Abbie pushed away from Keri’s arms and glared at him. ‘What?’ She looked from the detective to Keri in confusion. ‘There can’t be a connection between the two. Roy was a paedophile.’ Her eyes grew round. ‘You’re not saying–’
Keri grabbed her arm. ‘No! Of course not, that’s not it at all. We think your father was killed because of a job he did years ago. I’ll explain, but not now.’ She prayed her daughter would settle for that, she couldn’t have gone through the twisted tale without breaking down. ‘Now, it’s time to say goodbye to your dad.’ She looked back to Elliot. ‘Thank you.’
He looked as if he wanted to say something but realised there was nothing to say and left without a word.
Only the need to be strong for her children stopped Keri falling apart when she brought them to say goodbye to Nathan. She stayed dry-eyed with one arm around each as they sobbed. It was easier when her brother-in-law arrived with his wife and daughter. Philip looked pale and shocked. Eva, his daughter, was a year older than Abbie and Daniel and they’d always been close. She joined in the huddle, arms stretching to enfold her cousins.
Keri stepped back and found herself pulled into a hug by her sister-in-law. ‘I’m so sorry. I’ll be here for you. For whatever you need,’ Louisa said quietly. No platitudes there either. The simple promise of support. It would get them through the hours, days and weeks that loomed ahead.
The worst part was leaving Nathan behind when, eventually, they had to depart. Louisa took the sobbing Abbie while Eva put her arm around Daniel.
‘Leave me a minute,’ Keri said to Philip. She put a hand on his arm. ‘I’m okay, I’ll be right behind you.’ She waited till he’d gone before approaching the bed to stand and stare down at the only man she’d ever loved. Then, because she needed to, because she’d never be able to do it again, she kicked off her shoes and lay down beside him, her head on his shoulder, her arm across his chest.
He was cold and the chill seeped through her. She’d never feel warm again. ‘Oh, Nathan, I will miss you forever.’ It was time to go. She swung her feet to the floor, slipped on her shoes and stood, her eyes on the door. She needed to go. But how could she leave him? How could she go on without him?
She sat on the side of the bed, and leaned over to press her lips to his, her hand on his cheek. What wouldn’t she give for one more hour with him? ‘What am I going to do, Nathan?’
You always fix things, Keri.
The words so clear she was startled and looked at him more closely, hope stupidly rising at the thought they’d made a mistake, that he wasn’t dead. Of course, he wasn’t dead. He couldn’t be.
But there was no warmth under her hand, no heat in his lips when she pressed hers against them.
You’re much stronger than I am, much better at making those difficult decisions. Don’t think I haven’t noticed and loved you for it.
Memories. Not words. Keri got to her feet. Nathan was dead.
But he’d been right. She was much stronger than he was. Always had been. She’d need that strength to get through without him.
She had to leave.
A final kiss before she walked slowly backwards from the bed. She reached for the door handle, holding onto it tightly as she took one last lingering look at the man she loved, wanting desperately to return to his side, knowing she had to leave. She pushed down the handle, and slipped through the doorway.
‘Ready?’ Philip’s quiet voice, his hand reaching for hers.
‘How could I be?’ She squeezed his hand. ‘I have the children to think of. They’ll get me through.’
It almost amused her that she was the first to use a platitude.
42
Philip insisted that he, Louisa, and Eva stayed at Northampton Park that night. ‘And we’re happy to stay for as long as you need us.’
Keri was grateful for their company, for the extra work required to make up the spare beds, for Philip’s insistence that he’d organise the funeral when Nathan’s body was released. ‘It’ll be a couple of weeks,’ he said. ‘Because he’d been…’ His voice faded.
‘Because he’d been murdered. You can say the word. If I hear it often enough, it might eventually sink in.’
Louisa looked after the practicalities and, after checking the cupboards, fridge and freezer, made a list and ordered a mountain of food from Waitrose.
Friends of Abbie and Daniel’s arrived to offer condolences and support, but after a few minutes when everyone spoke together, an awkward uncomfortable silence fell. ‘Why don’t you get some beers and take your friends upstairs?’ Keri whispered to Daniel. The attic room had been converted years before. At various times it had been the children’s den, a gym, and a cinema room, but since Daniel and Abbie had started at university it was rarely used. It would be a good place for them to
sit with their friends.
Daniel looked conflicted, wanting to stay with her, wanting to be with his friends. ‘You sure you’ll be okay?’ She kissed his warm cheek, the heat bringing tears. ‘Yes, of course, I’ll be here with Philip and Louisa. No doubt we’ll have more visitors.’
It was easier when they’d gone. She could let the strong woman mask slip a little without worrying about them.
‘They’re good kids.’ Philip handed her a glass of wine.
She didn’t really want it. No, that wasn’t true. She’d have liked to have got blindingly stinking drunk and stayed that way, possibly forever. And maybe if she didn’t have Abbie and Daniel she’d have taken that easy option.
Louisa put a plate of food in front of her, and a fork in her hand. ‘You need to eat.’
Keri wanted to ask why. What was the point in eating to stay alive in a world without Nathan?
Instead, she did as she was bid, eating without tasting, swallowing each mouthful with difficulty, brushing away the tears that wouldn’t stop falling. Neither Philip nor Louisa told her she should stop crying, neither offered any words of comfort. Because there weren’t any. She was grateful to them for that, for letting her cry while she could, while the children were out of sight. For allowing her to be weak for a while. Before she’d have to face this strange new life on her own. Before she’d have to take on the burden of running Metcalfe Conservation without Nathan.
Especially before she had to face the terrifying truth. DI Elliot believed that the same person had killed Roy, Nathan, and Dexter Sylvester. If it was an act of revenge for that boy’s death were they satisfied? And how on earth was Roy tied in with it?
There was another truth that simmered. If she hadn’t had that affair, if she hadn’t thought the wreath had come from Barry, she’d have told Nathan about it the day it arrived. They’d have talked about it, and maybe they’d have called the police.
The Couple in the Photograph Page 15