“Alyssa. I shall allow you to hold the baby first.” Darius’ voice boomed around the living room. He sounded like Thor.
She pulled a face. “You will allow me? Jesus.” She turned to me. “He talks like this all the time you know now? Bloody alpha. Kim digs it for her own reasons, but all I hear is too much testosterone sloshing around.” She stood up, and I handed her the baby. “Oh my God, you are so cool. There aren’t enough girlies around here. You can be my new bestie.”
Darius passed me a gift. “This is an official gift from the Hogsthorpe Pack.”
I unwrapped the gift to find a photo frame. Behind the frame was a large tooth. “That is a fang from the first Alpha of the Hogsthorpe Pack. It is there in order for us to declare that we offer our help to Charlene whenever she shall need it. The fang is to show that we would savage anyone who would wish harm on her or her kingdom. And of course while we wait for her to take over, you know we pledge the same to you as our current Queen.”
“Thank you, Darius. Charlene is extremely fortunate to have such a loving tribe behind her.” And yes, I was currently ruler of Withernsea and I’d not got a fang. But then again there wasn’t a prophecy about me being the most badass ruler ever either. My daughter was foretold to be quite something. Hard to imagine while she cooed, pulled grimaces, and filled her nappy.
But I was happy for her to go to reins before reign. I was going to enjoy every bit of having my baby and watching her grow up, even if that did mean I had to entertain half of Withernsea in between.
Chapter Eleven
Shelley
“Damn. Mary’s gone out and I forgot to ask her who else is visiting.”
Ebony looked up at me from her seat on the sofa. She put the fashion magazine she’d been reading down on her knees. “I know she said someone at 1pm and someone at 3pm. She spaced them out.” She wrinkled her nose. “Oh I remember. The Pixies are coming, then it’s someone from the sea.”
“Oh God. Please tell me I’m not getting another bucket of fish on my head.”
“You should be safe. It’ll be Charlie they might want to pour sea water on.”
“They can go whistle.”
She smirked.
“So great. Bloody Tristan’s coming first. Charlie, your next visitor is an asshole.”
I’d first met Tristan, the leader of the Pixies, at a speed dating event. Charming he was not. His ego was larger than his body. Luckily I never got as far as Lucy had. Poor Lucy had suffered an unfortunate sexual encounter with him pre-Frankie where she discovered that although he was well endowed for a Pixie, for her she hadn’t been able to… well, feel it. Anyway, the situation had been smoothed over. I just had to hold my temper, think of being patient, and hopefully he wouldn’t stay long.
I figured I’d better greet him at the door myself given what Brishon had been like when he’d visited. On swinging the door ajar I discovered that not only was Tristan on my doorstep, but he’d brought six other pixies with him. He was wearing a charcoal grey suit. Tristan was a good-looking guy but unfortunately his personality made him ugly.
“Hello, Shelley. I am here to visit your daughter.” He was straight and to the point as always.
“Come in, Tristan, and… your friends too of course.”
“They are my entourage, not my friends.”
Here we go. Bite your tongue, Shelley. Even if it bleeds.
I escorted them through to the living room. Ebony nodded that everything was okay and went off to make Tristan a drink. Apparently his entourage were forbidden from drinking until after he’d finished his own.
Tristan peered over the side of Charlie’s crib.
“Robust bones. Shame it’s a girl, but if the prophecy says she’s the one, then she’s the one.”
One. Two. Three. Four. Five… breathe, Shelley, breathe. Do not put a spell on him!
Charlie remained asleep. Ebony returned. “Your coca cola and a straw as requested.”
“Well don’t give it to me, girl. Give it to him.” He pointed to one of his crew. “What are you waiting for, Bryan? Christmas?” The pixie leapt forward for the glass and held it to Tristan’s mouth while he took a drink.
“Mikkel. Come forward with the gift now please. Place it in front of the crib.”
Mikkel did as asked.
Tristan cleared his throat.
“Charlene Kimberly Landry. I, Tristan, Leader of the Withernsea Pixies, hereby declare our support to you where it be needed. In war or,” he coughed, “in matters of love.”
Oh my God was he seriously suggesting he’d shag my daughter if she needed it? Please mean he’d help her find a suitor.
He turned to me. “If she needs to further the line, I would be honoured.”
Nope, he meant shag her.
“Thank you for your kind offer, Tristan. As I stated to Duke Brishon yesterday, Charlie will choose her own suitor when able.”
“Duke Brishon? What was that toe-rag proposing? He’s a billion years old.”
“Not him, his son Lord Drake.” Ebony informed him. She obviously had a death wish.
“Lord Drake?” Tristan’s face went puce. “And what did you say to this?” He glared at me. “Because if he gets first refusal I shall take you to court for diversity. The little people shall not be ignored.” He swung his arm in the air.
“Tristan. I told Duke Brishon the same as I am telling you. Charlie will choose her own suitor. And speaking of diversity, no one knows if her intended is even male, or supernatural for that matter.”
“Do you know about my legendary manhood? She would be very satisfied. What would she do with a woman?”
I wasn’t getting into this.
“Were you not in the middle of your speech?”
He paused. “Oh yes.” He turned back to the crib.
“From the date of your birth until the date of my death, I give you the freedom of the realm of the Pixies.” He opened the box at his feet and removed a key and handed it to me.
“I never knew you had a realm, Tristan. Thank you. On behalf of Charlene, I thank you for your generous offering.”
“It’s the key to Withernsea Waffles on the seafront.”
“Sorry?”
“Withernsea Waffles. We keep it on the down low, but that is our kingdom. It is not confined to waffles of course, but sugared doughnuts and burgers do not begin with a w.”
“You own the unit on the seafront?”
“I am pleased to say I do. So should you ever want a coffee and a sugared doughnut please visit.”
“That’s very kind, Tristan.”
“It’ll be £2.99 to you, usual price. Of course Charlene can have whatever she wishes for free although obviously it’s a business not a charity so don’t go mad. A moment on the lips, hey Charlene. Can’t fulfil the prophesy if you’re a heifer who can hardly move.”
“I’m just going to change Charlene’s nappy and then I’d be very honoured if you would hold her.”
“Yes, that would be most fitting. As Pixie Leader, I need to have held the newborn.”
I left the room with Charlie who didn’t need her nappy changing at all, but I didn’t know how to clear up dead pixie body and anyway what if he then haunted the place like Mary and I was stuck with him forever? I shuddered. Charlene just made baby gurgling noises. “Well you’re no help, little lady today.” Then I had a thought. “Though you could be…”
On my return I passed the baby to Tristan and he sat awkwardly on the sofa.
There were footsteps on the stairs and then Henry popped his head around. “I’ve run out of white emulsion. Thought I’d have enough to finish this room, but it needs an extra coat.” He looked at everyone. “Oh, hello. What’s going on here? I saw you guys in the Panto at Christmas didn’t I?”
Tristan went puce in the face again. “It is dwarves who do Panto. I am the leader of the Pixies. How very dare you?” He looked at my daughter as if deciding where he could put her while he launched at Henry.
My d
aughter made a puce face of her own and then an almighty godawful smell came from her.
I’m so sorry, Charlie. Please forgive me, but… thank you. I promise I’ll give you a bath and a baby massage after.
I lifted my daughter from his lap. “Oh no. I forgot to put her a new nappy on. Seriously, I have complete baby brain. I’ve lost my mind.” I whipped her away from Tristan who looked down to see he was covered in a yellowy-green foul-smelling shit sludge.
“Aaarrrrrrgggghhhh. Get it off me. Get it off me.” He launched off the sofa, shaking at his clothes. Then he looked at Henry, who unfortunately had started to laugh. Tristan launched, knocking Henry to the floor and coating him in my daughters poop.
“Could you please deal with your leader?” I asked Bryan and the others. “And remove him from my home.” I turned to Tristan on the floor. “Tristan, I thank you for your gift but if you could kindly leave now, I have further guests due shortly.”
I looked at Ebony who was shrieking with laughter at the shit-wrestling happening right in front of her. She looked at my daughter.
“Oh, Charlie. I adore you. A class act.”
“I’m going to get her cleaned up. Could you please tell Henry he can use the shower again when Tristan finally leaves?”
“Sure thing.” Ebony said, then she sat back on the sofa. Didn’t look like she was in any rush for the fun to end.
On my way out, Bryan pulled on my arm. “I apologise on behalf of my people.” He lowered his voice. “And also I do indeed star in panto every Christmas, but don’t tell Tristan I moonlight. Free entry for your family anytime.”
I thanked him and left the room.
Chapter Twelve
Ebony
I really tried my hardest not to laugh, but a pixie was on the floor wrestling with a six-foot-something man mountain and I’d have to say things were pretty much even. Tristan was small but mighty, which I guess was a pre-requisite for the leader. Every time they rolled around, more of Charlene’s poop transferred itself to Henry. She’d not communicated a word to me this morning, but she’d certainly communicated her opinion of Tristan.
The rest of the pixies lifted Tristan away from Henry. Stepping back, Tristan put his head back and held his nose high in the air. “Thank you for the drink, Ebony. I shall be on my way.”
My vision went dark, and I saw something that in a strange way made a lot of sense. A vision about his future. It wasn’t for a while yet as the love of his life looked different in my vision to how she did now, but she was coming.
Tristan had paused in front of me. “Ebony. What did you see?”
I smiled at him. “Tristan. It’s not imminent, but you’re ‘one’ is coming. You will be very happy together. She’s lovely.”
Despite the fact he was coated in poop, he beamed at me and dropped to a bow.
“Ebony, you have made my day. Thank you, kind lady.” He looked at the others. “We shall show ourselves out.”
They left, leaving me in the room with Henry who stood glowering.
“If you want to get showered, I’ll run your clothes through the machine.”
I could tell by his expression he didn’t want me anywhere near him. However he stank to high heaven so he had no choice but to follow me up the stairs. “You can use the guest bathroom that I use. Oh and I use unperfumed shower gel so you won’t smell girly.” I pushed open the door and he followed me in. I didn’t realise how small the bathroom was until we were sharing the same space.
“Okay, thanks. You can go now.” He dismissed me.
I glared at him. “Karma came to you. You deal shit out, you get it back.” I made sure to emphasise the word ‘shit’ that he was so fond of.
What I didn’t expect was for him to flick his t-shirt at me, coating me in Charlie’s finest.
“Oh my God. You so did not just do that. Ugh.” I pulled a face and shivered.
Then without thinking, I stripped my top straight off. It was one thing to have to endure the sight and smell on someone else. Quite another for it to be on me and directly under my nose.
I realised Henry was staring at me.
“I’m going in the shower first now. You’ll have to wait.” I told him and I drew back the curtain, stepped into the bath then closed the curtain in his face. I threw the rest of my clothes over the top of the curtain and then noted I’d not got myself a towel. Oh my God, I was stuck naked in the bath. Sighing I flipped the shower on. Then the curtain moved slightly and a naked Henry got in at the side of me.
My jaw hit the floor.
“Henry, get out. You can’t be in this shower with me. That’s totally an invasion of my personal space to a degree so high I can’t even count that far.”
“Move over, you don’t even have any shit on you. It was only a tiny bit on your top. I got covered in it.”
“How do you know it didn’t seep through? It was very watery.”
“Move.” He went to move me but accidentally grabbed my breast.
There we stood. Him frozen in mortification while he awkwardly remained standing there with my breast in his hand. Then he dropped it and turned ready to get out of the shower. He looked back at me.
“I’m sorry. You just make me feel lots of confusing feelings all at once. I don’t know whether to hate you or kiss you.”
I sighed. “So kiss me, you idiot.”
“But last night…”
“Last night I got a vision of you getting your penis stuck in your zipper. I was trying to warn you.”
His eyes searched mine. “You mean, you weren’t turning me down?”
“No. I was totally going to embrace some alfresco sex and live a little.”
He groaned. “I had blue balls for no reason.”
“Well, if I hadn’t intervened you’d have had a black and blue todger.”
He smirked. “Ebony, for fuck’s sake, call it my cock.”
I sighed and reached out, stroking him.
“I’d like your cock inside my pussy please, Henry.”
A serious groan escaped his mouth. “Jesus, I came already. Tell me more.”
“Yeah, when you’re clean.” I handed him a sponge and the shower gel.
As soon as that hot as hell body was clean, I found myself backed against the tiled wall, the cold hitting my skin and making my nipples harden further. They were soon warmed by Henry’s mouth as one by one he sucked on them.
His fingers slid between my thighs, teasing at my core until the pressure built and I exploded over his digits. My breath came in short gasps. I reached for him again and stroked his length in my hand. Gently I ran my manicured nails up and down him.
“I can’t wait any longer.”
He pushed inside me, the feeling exquisite, and my back continued to be pushed against the wall as he kissed me fervently. Our tongues tangled until we had to part to be able to catch our breath. With a final thrust he took us both over the edge, and then we stood resting against the wall, his forehead against mine as we tried to get our breathing back under control and in my case try to stop my legs from bowing out beneath me.
“That was incredible.” He whispered in my ear.
“EBONYYYYYY. Where are you? The next visitors are here.”
“Oh shoot.” I yelled. Shelley needs me. I’d better get dressed and towel my hair quickly. I looked at him. “Henry, I still need to wash your clothes.”
Henry shook his head. “I always have spare overalls with me. You get ready and I’ll do the same.”
I toweled off my hair and body, quickly dressed, and headed downstairs back to the living room.
Charlie was in the hands of a tall man with long red hair. He wore green-blue satin trousers that looked like fish scales, and no shirt. My whole opinion of his outfit must have shone through on my face.
“This is Kai. He is the leader of the Mermen.” Shelley introduced me. “His merman legs turn into these funky trousers. Groovy aren’t they?” Shelley’s face was sending clear signals that this was not the tim
e for me to dish out fashion advice.
He’s fucking hot, isn’t he, Auntie Ebony? And his hands are so smooth and warm.
Completely inappropriate baby talk, Charlene Landry.
Charlie let out an audible sigh.
“Oh listen to that. You have the magic touch. She looks so contented in your arms.”
“I’ll say.” I added.
Kai smiled a huge beam at me and then turned to Shelley, nodding in my direction. “It is very pleasing that your subject came to me damp.”
“Excuse me?” How did he know my panties were a little wet from thinking about what I’d just done with Henry?
“Your skin. It is damp, yes, and your hair?”
“Ohhh. Yes.”
“It is custom, not for the Queen,” he nodded towards Shelley, “but for others to present themselves wet or damp to me as leader of the Mermen. It is very polite.”
When I’ve grown up I’ll present myself to him w-
“Charlie!” I didn’t realise I’d shouted out loud.
Shelley looked at me worriedly. “Is she in danger?”
Kai looked disgusted. Oh God I was causing chaos.
I held a hand to my chest. “Sorry, I thought she might have broken wind and she had an accident on a guest earlier. My apologies, Sir, for alarming you, and you too, Queen Shelley.” If he thought I was a subject, I’d better go the whole hog.
“She’s fine and has a nappy on anyway.” Shelley said, but Kai passed her back to Shelley all the same.
Now look what you did.
You caused it!
“If you shall hold Charlene for me, I will make my speech and present my gift.”
Kai bowed at Shelley and Charlene’s feet. I didn’t mind because from here I could see his tight butt in those strange pants. I shook my head. What was wrong with me? Had Henry made me a sex-crazed monster?
“Charlene Kimberly Landry. It is the honour of myself and the mermen of Withernsea to serve you and protect you.” He opened the jeweled box at his feet and held it open to Shelley. “Inside here is a golden bejewelled whistle. Should you or Charlene need me, or my men, you blow on this whistle and we shall be here as fast as our fins and land legs can carry us.” He stood again.
The Complete Collection: Supernatural Dating Agency Books 1-6 Page 47