by Cheree Alsop
“I knew it was a grizzly,” Alex answered quietly.
He had to look away from her gaze. She kept searching his face as if wondering why he would do such a thing. There was a hint of uncertainty in her eyes. He knew she thought he was crazy. The way she was looking at him, it felt like she could see his soul. He rubbed a hand across his eyes. She didn’t want to see what he buried deep inside.
“Why would you do that?” It wasn’t an accusation; it was said with wonder. “Why would anyone?”
“Cassie calls it my death wish,” Alex admitted.
Kalia tipped her head to one side; he could feel her gaze on him. “That does make sense with all you’ve been through.”
He shook his head. “It’s not like I want to die.” He hesitated, trying to explain how he felt. He was at a loss until he remembered Jaze’s words. “It’s as if in helping others, I find myself.”
She nodded slowly. He looked at her, wondering if she truly understood. “Sometimes I feel like I don’t exist.”
His heart gave a little backflip. “Exactly. I feel like I’m just floating, just surviving, until either Drogan or one of the other freak accidents around here succeed in destroying me altogether. But when I’m with Jaze trying to save werewolves, or with you and the bear...”
“You feel like you’re real,” Kalia said softly.
Alex nodded.
“You help Jaze rescue werewolves?”
Alex nodded again. He knew he probably shouldn’t have said it, but it was true, and in that moment, he felt like he couldn’t hide anything from Kalia.
“Is it scary?”
“Sometimes,” Alex admitted. “Sometimes it’s horrible. The things Drogan and the General do to werewolves are completely wrong. That’s why I help. I can make a difference, helping to get werewolves out of their clutches.” His voice quieted. “I can avenge my parents and Jet, if only a little bit.”
“I’ll bet they’re proud of you,” Kalia said.
Her words gripped Alex’s heart. He watched her, willing himself to believe what she said, daring to accept it as truth. “You think so?”
She nodded. “I’m proud of you.”
Tears burned in his eyes. He gritted his teeth and glared at his knees that were bent in front of his chest, willing himself to maintain composure.
Before he knew it, she was by his side with an arm around his shoulders. “It’s okay to cry,” she whispered.
He shook his head, but the tears were already falling. He inhaled a breath, trying not to let it burst into a sob.
“They see everything you do,” she said, her voice gentle. “They know how hard you try.”
“H-how do you know?” he asked.
“You can feel it,” she breathed. “Close your eyes.”
When he didn’t listen, she repeated herself. “Close your eyes, Alex. You have to trust me.”
His defiant heart gave a little stutter. His breath caught in his throat. “Why should I trust you?” he whispered.
“Because I trust you,” she replied as softly.
He inhaled her clover and honey scent as he closed his eyes. For a moment, he was painfully aware of her arm around his shoulders, of the brush of her hair across his neck, and of the soft sound of her breath near his ear.
“Let yourself accept that they are proud of you,” she said.
He didn’t want to. He had put up the walls so firmly, yet they were crumbling with every word Kalia said. Hiding from the pain had been the only way to exist. Pretending he didn’t care if he and Cassie were alone, telling himself it didn’t matter that their home was an Academy in the middle of a forest instead of a house with a living room, pictures on the walls, and memories in the kitchen; it was the way he protected himself. She asked him to let that loose, to allow himself to accept what had happened. He didn’t want to do that.
“I’ve seen you talking to Jet’s statue,” she said.
He nodded, his eyes shut tight.
“You know he is a part of you. He’s a part of what pushes you so hard because he knows what you can become.”
“What can I become?” Alex asked.
“The best of us,” Kalia replied.
Alex opened his eyes and stared at her. Her light blue eyes were inches from his. They were filled with honesty and compassion.
“You were willing to die for me,” Kalia said. “I’ve never known anyone like you.” She let out a slow breath. A hint of something touched her eyes. Her lips pulled up in a gentle smile. “You have so many things you are willing to die for.” She paused, then said, “Maybe you need something to live for instead.”
She pressed her lips against his. The kiss was quick, barely a whisper of her lips against his. The next moment she was standing. Red colored her cheeks. She touched her lips with one hand. He couldn’t read her expression. She turned and left the room.
Alex could taste her kiss. His heart thundered in his chest. He let his head fall back against the wall and relived the moment a hundred times. He couldn’t believe it had happened; perhaps he had imagined it. Yet her scent lingered, and her kiss still hinted on his lips. At the end, when he gave up exhausted from his thoughts racing in circles and getting nowhere, a smile spread across his face.
Chapter Nineteen
Alex led Kalia to the train tracks. It was strange being there in human form. He had walked the pathway so many times as a wolf that he could have followed it blindfolded.
“I’d like to see you try,” she said when he told her.
Alex laughed and shut his eyes. “Seriously, I can’t believe you don’t smell the trail. Even in human form I—” Alex let out a yelp of pain when something smacked his face. He opened his eyes to see the offending pine branch complete with the scratchy needles that had no doubt left an impression on his cheek.
Kalia giggled helplessly. “Guess you can’t smell everything she said.
Embarrassed, Alex tried not to laugh, but he couldn’t help it. “In my defense, as a wolf I would have been able to pass underneath that,” he stated, glaring back at the branch that hung innocently across the trail.
“Blindfolded, huh?” she pressed.
“Oh, be quiet,” he chided.
She laughed again.
“So you run along here for fun?” she said.
Alex shrugged. “I guess it’s more like conditioning. I’m trying to get stronger.”
“For what?”
“For Drogan,” he replied.
Kalia fell silent for a few seconds. When she spoke again, her tone was sober. “You’re trying to condition your heart.”
Alex didn’t answer. He hated that she knew about the way his heart stuttered. Weakness wasn’t something werewolves shared. “I can’t help it,” he admitted quietly. “And it could get me or any of Jaze’s pack killed if I can’t do what I need to when we go out.”
Kalia glanced at him, her gaze unreadable. “Has your heart always done, uh, whatever it does?”
Alex shook his head. “Not always. I think I did it.”
Kalia stopped and gave him a straight look. “You think you injured your heart?”
Alex walked past her a few paces, then turned and crossed his arms, studying the snow at her feet. “Jet saved Cassie and me the day our parents died. We wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him.” He kicked at the snow with the toe of his sneaker. “He took us to a safe house and promised us he would be back.” He glared at the small pile of snow. “But he didn’t come back,” he said quietly, kicking the snow away. “When Jaze told us Jet had died, I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to fight, to cry, to scream, and to die myself, because we had lost everyone and everything.”
He looked at Kalia, willing her to understand. “We had no home, no relatives. We barely even knew Jaze and the others. We were alone.” His voice grew softer as he remembered. “I woke up late that night at Two and found the training room. I pulled a practice dummy into the middle of the room and hit it so hard.” His knuckles throbbed at the me
mory. “The wood broke. I kept smashing it, driving it into the floor. I imagined that it was the man with the mismatched eyes, Drogan. I kept seeing him kill my mom and dad. I couldn’t stop myself.”
He fell silent, lost in the memory.
Kalia touched his arm. The feeling of her fingers on his skin jolted him back. “What happened?” she asked quietly, her eyes searching his.
He let out a shuddering breath. “They found me there in the morning. My knuckles were bloody from beating the dummy into splinters and I was unconscious. I woke up in the infirmary with Cassie sleeping in a chair next to the bed. She had tear stains on her cheeks as if she had cried herself to sleep.” He grimaced. “I made myself promise then that she would never cry for me. I would be the brother she needed. I would make up for everyone else who had left us behind. I would be strong for her.”
When he stopped speaking, Kalia said, “And that’s when your heart started to stutter.”
He nodded. “When I climbed off the bed, I almost fell over. I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t want anyone to know. Cassie found out eventually. She tries to take care of me.” He cracked a smile. “Guess I’m not doing so such a great job at the strong brother part.”
“I think you’re doing amazing,” Kalia said.
A train horn sounded. Alex’s head jerked up.
“Is that it?” Kalia asked.
“Yes.”
“I want to see you race it.”
Alex fought back a smile. “You do?”
She nodded enthusiastically. “I do. I want to see how fast you are.”
“I, uh, I’ve got to phase first.”
A hint of red brushed across her cheeks. At that moment, with her icy blue eyes, her pale blonde hair escaping the white fur of her hood, and her rosy cheeks, Alex realized she was beautiful. “I won’t look,” she promised.
He stared at her, wondering what she was talking about.
“Are you going to phase?” she asked with a hint of confusion.
Alex nodded quickly. He stepped behind a tree, cursing himself for acting stupid. He stood with the tree blocking his view of her for a moment to gather himself and collect his thoughts.
At that moment, a buzzing hum cut through the air. The familiar sound sent adrenaline rushing through Alex’s limbs. He jumped out of the way as a missile smashed into the tree.
“Alex!” Kalia yelled.
He found her in the next second and caught her hand. She ran behind him back into the forest. The sound of the tree falling and pulling others down with it crashed behind them. Alex didn’t dare to look back. They were gunning for him, and Kalia was with him. His presence put her in danger.
“We can’t stop,” he called to her. “We’ve got to run to the Academy.”
She nodded, her eyes wide. Alex slowed.
“What is it?” she asked in fright.
“Your eyes,” Alex said. “They’re gold.”
“They’re—” Kalia grabbed her head in both hands. A cry of pain tore from her. She hunched over, unable to move.
“We’ve got to run,” Alex told her. He looked over her shoulder, expecting Drogan’s men to appear through the trees at any moment. He had seen how many soldiers Drogan could send after him. He didn’t dare to entertain hopes that they would give up after the miss.
“I can’t...” Kalia said. Her fingers were white where they gripped her head.
Alex slipped an arm beneath her legs and another behind her shoulders. She held onto him as he stood up and ran.
He heard the hum of another missile. He dodged through the trees. The missile slammed into a trunk near his head. The force of the explosion knocked Alex and Kalia backwards into the snow. Alex gathered Kalia up again and ran as fast as he could.
His heart stuttered. His legs faltered. He gritted his teeth and forced them to hold. He cut through the forest at an angle, aiming for the Academy wall instead of the gate. If he couldn’t get away, maybe he could give Kalia a chance to escape.
“Get ready,” he told Kalia as they neared the huge brick wall that towered above them.
“I’m not leaving you,” Kalia protested. She groaned and buried her face against his neck.
“You don’t have a—Boris!” Alex spotted the Termer Alpha near the gate. Several werewolves were already out, searching for the source of the explosion.
Boris’ eyes widened when he saw Alex carrying Kalia.
“What on earth is going—”
“I’m a target. Kalia’s having a headache. I’ve got to go.”
Alex set Kalia into Boris’ arms.
He spun back around, suddenly free. He didn’t have to worry about Kalia, Cassie, or any of the students. If Drogan was after him, he was going to give the Extremist what he wanted, complete with fangs and a thirst for revenge.
“Alex!”
He paused at Jaze’s voice.
The dean reached the gate; it was clear by his rapid breathing that he had run the entire way.
“I’ve got to go,” Alex said. His heart thundered in his ears. Instinct screamed for him to find the source of the danger to the Academy and end it. He was tired of running and being fired upon. He wanted to end it once and for all.
“Drogan’s not here,” Jaze said, grabbing Alex’s arm before he could take off.
“But he shot at me. He almost killed us!”
Alex didn’t want to believe Jaze’s words. He wanted to fight back. He could attack Drogan in the forest and stop the threat.
“The missiles were long-distance. Mouse’s drone is tracing them to the source,” Jaze said. The dean looked around at the students who stared at him as if he was speaking another language. He gave Alex an urgent look. “Come to my office, now.”
It was an order from the Alpha who was his leader. Alex nodded reluctantly.
The other professors had caught up to them. “Kaynan, Vance, take the north perimeter. Chet, Dray, sweep south. Colleen, send Rafe’s wolves down the road so we’ll have a warning if they try for a ground attack.” The professors left without a word
The dean looked around at the students who watched with wide eyes. “The rest of you need to stay within the walls,” Jaze instructed. “Boris, Torin, you’re in charge of making sure all of the students get back inside.” The two Alphas nodded. Jaze noticed Kalia in Boris’ arms. “Take her to Meredith and Lyra. They’ll see that she’s comfortable.”
Alex followed the dean wordlessly into the Academy.
Cassie and Tennison were walking down the hall. She spotted Alex amid the crowd of students. “Is everything okay?” she asked, rushing to his side.
Alex nodded. “I’ll talk to you guys later,” he promised quietly.
She let him go.
Alex hated the worried look that crossed her face every time she thought something was going on with him. He hated more the fact that she was usually right to be worried.
The rest of the students fell away when they reached the dean’s office. Jaze shut the door and turned back to Alex with a shake of his head.
“You weren’t supposed to go outside the walls alone.”
“I wasn’t alone. Kalia was with me,” Alex pointed out.
Jaze speared him with a look. “Alex, you endangered Kalia, you endangered yourself, and—”
“And he showed us the holes in our defense system.”
Both werewolves looked at Jaze’s chair in surprise. The chair spun around, revealing Brock with an ice cream cone in his hand.
“We needed to know,” Brock said.
An expression close to rage filled Jaze’s usually calm face. “You knew Alex was going out there?”
Brock rose from the chair as if he realized it had been a bad idea. “Well, uh, the cameras, you see, and...” His voice died away. He licked the ice cream cone.
The phone on Jaze’s desk rang. Brock reached for it, but glanced at Jaze and stopped. Jaze picked it up.
“Can you help me with William for a minute?” Nikki’s voice asked on the
other end of the line. “He spit up and it’s all over our bed.”
“I’ll be right there,” Jaze promised. He hung up the phone and stood there for a long moment looking out the windows.
Alex barely dared to breathe. He preferred it if Jaze had forgotten he was there.
“We’ll talk about this later,” Jaze told them both in an even voice without turning back around.
“Okay,” Brock said quickly. He headed for the panel in the wall.
“Let me know as soon as Mouse finds the location of the shooters,” Jaze said.
“Will do,” Brock promised. A drop from his ice cream cone fell to the floor. Brock paused beside the open panel. He glanced at the drop, then at Jaze’s back, and hurried through the panel. It slid shut behind him with a quiet shush.
Jaze crossed to the door without looking at Alex. “I’m going to take care of my family,” he said. “When everything, including myself, has calmed down and we have more information, we’ll regroup.” He met Alex’s gaze. “Until then, Stay. Inside. The Academy.” His strong words left no doubt about the Alpha command that filled them.
“I will,” Alex replied.
Jaze nodded and left through the door.
Alex sank onto one of the chairs that ringed the dean’s desk. Until that point, his limbs had held up despite the strain he had put on them. He had carried Kalia from the train tracks to the Academy even with his heart faltering. The adrenaline had begun to fade once they reached the Academy. Alex hadn’t been sure during Jaze’s short phone conversation with Nikki if he could stay up, but he didn’t want to cause a scene, even with only two people.
He let his head fall back and concentrated on what was happening inside of him.
His heartbeat sounded almost normal. He could feel the blood pulsing through his veins, carrying life-supporting nutrients and oxygen to his limbs, organs, and brain. The rhythmic whump-whump was occasionally followed by the slightest stutter, something that hadn’t been there before. It would go away, he told himself. He hoped he was right.
When he could manage, he pushed himself to his feet and left the office. He could hear the sounds of the students eating in the Great Hall, but couldn’t muster the energy or appetite to join them. Instead, he made his way to the medical wing, hoping to find that Kalia had already left.