Caught. I rolled down the window.
"You were just gonna disappear without a goodbye, weren't you?" he asked, leaning his arms on the window frame.
I smiled guiltily. "I ain't very good at goodbyes."
"Well, me neither, but you can't blame me for feeling like I should get one."
I nodded. "You're right. Well... goodbye, Chris. You were a good student."
He snorted and smacked my arm with the back of his hand. It looked like he wanted to say something, but couldn't find the words. I was in the same boat. This was what I wanted to avoid. The longer I stayed in his presence, the more painful it became for me to get out.
I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to tug his ass into the backseat of the car and steam up all the windows. And from the way he was looking at me I knew he was thinking the exact same thing. He tilted his head into the car, and just as we were about to kiss, someone called out to him.
"Mr. Barker!"
Chris pulled away so quickly he nearly smacked the back of his head on the window frame.
"Mr. Barker, we're ready for you now."
"Alright," he grunted at them. "Give me a second." He turned back to me. "Well, I guess I'll see you later, then."
I smiled. "Stay out of trouble, alright? I don't wanna see your name on any tabloids." I put the car into gear and waved as I drove away.
"Don't read that shit!" he shouted. "They're bad for your health!"
The gate opened, and as I left the property I took a final look in my rear-view mirror and saw Chris disappear out of view as I turned onto the street.
15
CHRIS
It'd been the most difficult month of my life.
Since Sylus left, the temptation to go back to the comfort of the bottle was massive, and it definitely didn't help that the opportunities to drink were numerous because of the new album. But I was determined to keep my word. I thought of the story he'd told me about his eye, and the strength that allowed him to endure and come out on top. I wanted to tap into some of that strength and use it for myself.
I'd begun writing a new song about him. How could I not? There was so much to say, so much I had to express that I'd never been able to before. Audrey agreed to collaborate on the track with me in a duet.
We sat in my home studio to record a demo to present to the label executives. I was on my acoustic guitar, running through the song and making adjustments as Audrey practiced singing.
"I like this," she said, reading the lyrics. "Chris, this is so different from your other music. It's beautiful."
"Hey," I said with fake offense. "You saying my other music sucks?"
"Low-key terrible," she said with the biggest shit-eating grin. "Jay-kay."
I shook my head and turned back to my guitar.
"This song is about him, isn't it?" she asked.
"Who?"
"Why are you playing dumb? I know you miss Sylus."
I plucked the strings, drawing out the melody of the song. I'd hoped I'd be able to move on with my life and everything I felt would just fade away, but a month later and I could still feel the touch of his fingers on my skin, how his lips tasted on mine, and the warmth of his body against me. Everything was just as fresh as the day he left.
Audrey sat next to me and touched my shoulder. "Hey," she said gently. "It's alright."
"I feel like I'm going insane," I said.
"I don't blame you. I would be going crazy too. You're being completely unfair to yourself, you know? You don't need to be suffering like this."
"What else can I do? There's nothing I can do."
"Tell him how you feel, maybe?"
"As long as I have to keep things a secret, that won't matter."
She crossed her arms over her chest. "So, enough with the secrets.”
I laughed. "You're shitting me, right?"
"I am absolutely not shitting you, Chris," she said.
"You know exactly why I can't do that."
"Yeah, you've told me. And I'm telling you that if you don't face the fact that you're just scared, you're going to regret it for the rest of your life. Is that worth saving your career for? You've made it, Chris. You've already done what you set out to do in the music world." Audrey reached out and put her hand on my wrist. "Now, you've gotta do what's right for you. Don't you think?"
I stared at her, speechless.
She squeezed my arm. "You can do it."
Audrey went home after finishing recording her part of the demo, and I stayed up late tweaking the mastering. It was already perfectly acceptable, I knew that, but I didn't want to go to bed. I was thinking about him more than usual tonight, and I knew that passing by the guest room would set me off. The house was lonelier than ever before. I missed Sylus.
I hit the play button and listened to the track again. Audrey's and my voice harmonized beautifully with the unplugged acoustic guitar.
I had accomplished everything I'd set out to with my career, hadn't I? I wanted to be a superstar musician, and I was. I had money and fame. So, what was I so afraid of?
The track ended. I pressed play again. This was definitely nothing like anything I'd released before. This wasn't some catchy twang fest meant to reach the top of the pop charts. This was music from my heart, maybe for first time.
I knew what I wanted. I knew what I needed to do. The question was whether or not I could summon the courage to do it.
We all had different mountains to tackle. This was my Everest.
16
SYLUS
Safety off. Target acquired.
"Sending," I said, and squeezed the trigger. Crack.
"Fuck!" Virgil groaned. "You got me."
The instant replay on the TV screen showed the path of the laser-beam as it disintegrated my brother's avatar.
"Alright," I said, throwing the controller on the table. "I've had enough of this game."
"Want another beer?" he asked, going to the fridge. We were at the ranch, taking care of the place while Bau was off on a contract. "Oh, hey. There's still venison in the freezer. I can rustle up some steak for dinner."
"Nah," I said. "I've been cutting back on eating meat. Actually, I think I'm gonna head back to the apartment."
"Really? You're not gonna crash here?"
"Been here all week. I should make sure my place is still standing."
"I'm sure it is," he chuckled.
I'd only meant to stay over at the ranch for a couple days, but it’d quickly become much longer. I didn't want to go back home to downtown where I'd be alone with my thoughts, but I was unemployed and running through my savings. Thankfully, the contract with Chris had been equal to nearly half a year’s wage.
"Bro," Virgil said, holding a beer out to me. "Just one more night. Go home in the morning."
I groaned, but quickly relented. I really didn't want to go back to where I'd have to face my lonely reality. "Fine."
The third beer gave me a headache. I wasn't used to drinking anymore. I watched Virgil play the video game until he ended up falling asleep with the controller in his hand. I covered him up with the throw blanket from the back of the couch and went upstairs to the loft bedroom.
Before going to sleep, I found myself logging onto the computer and checking Chris's name. I couldn't help myself, I needed to see how he was doing.
Thankfully, he'd been keeping out of trouble—or at least managing to stay out of the tabloids. There hadn't been anything new with him except for buzz over his new album, but when I checked tonight I found a new article posted at the top of the search results.
Chris Barker Stevens debuts surprise single!
Only a month after the release of his hit new album, 'Open Road to Love', country pop star Chris Barker Stevens debuts a heartfelt new single available for free download on his website.
I thought about clicking the link to listen to the song, but I didn't think I could deal with hearing his voice.
The next morning, I got up early to take care of the g
arden before I headed out. Virgil was still sleeping in the recliner, snoring loudly. I smiled and started the coffee-maker so that the pot would be filled by the time he woke up. Outside, I watered the soil and picked some large grapefruits hanging like glowing suns from the branches, and snipped off some cucumbers and tomatoes that were ready for harvest. I put the haul in a basket and then took some time to walk around the garden.
I touched the trunk of a large lemon tree and remembered back to when my brothers and I had planted it when we were just kids. Mom had started the garden when I was around ten years old. We used to come out and help her with the planting and harvesting, and we'd play games of hide and seek in the tall raspberry bushes and climb the branches of the orange trees. Even though my parents were no longer with us, we still felt their presence every day. The ranch held memories of them everywhere I turned, and the bond I shared with my brothers was credit to the way they'd raised us. We’d always been a close family.
I thought about Chris, and wondered if he was alright. The man had chosen to be alone. Maybe loneliness was the only thing he was used to.
"Morning, Sylus," Virgil said, trudging sleepily towards the garden with a mug of coffee in hand. He held it up to me in a salute. "Thanks for putting the coffee on."
"Yeah."
"You heading out soon?"
"Just about," I said, grabbing the basket of fruit and vegetables.
"Amazing how productive the garden still is," he said. "After all these years, the trees we planted are still bearing fruit."
"Bau inherited Mom's green thumb," I said. "That helps some."
We went inside the house, and I poured myself some coffee and went to the sink to wash the veggies before I put them in the fridge. Virgil turned on the TV and flipped through the channels.
"Nothing but shit," he said. "Shit, shit, shit, shit. Oh, hey. Dude. Isn't that the singer you were working for?"
My heart skipped a beat as I heard Chris's voice through the television.
"--inspired me to write this song."
I turned around and saw him on the screen. He was sitting in his living room being interviewed by a woman from some entertainment show. On the bottom of the screen, an overlay read, "Chris Barker Stevens on his surprise single, 'Our Mountains.'"
"It's a love song that’s a lot different from your previous romantic bops. This one feels like it could be a love letter to someone specific. You had Audrey Apple feature for a duet. It's both been long rumored you two are a couple..." The interviewer smiled at him. "Is this a confirmation?"
Chris laughed. It made me smile, like I was in on the joke. But I was also eager to hear his response.
"A confirmation that Audrey and I are a couple?"
"Yes!" she said.
"Not at all," he said, and then turned to the camera. "Sorry to disappoint everyone." He flashed a bright smile. Motherfucker really knew how to turn up the charm for the cameras. "No, Audrey is one of my best friends."
"So, the song isn't for anyone specifically?"
"Oh, I never said that," Chris said.
I drew in a breath and felt my pulse quicken. Onscreen, Chris pushed himself up by the armrests to adjust his posture and cleared his throat.
The interviewer leaned forward, her eyes sparkling. "Care to dish?"
I recognized Chris's discomfort, but he hid it quickly. He licked his lips and wiped his eyebrow with his fingertips. "Um... There's something that I would like to say, that I should've said a long time ago, but couldn't. I can't make any excuses about it except that it wasn't the right time for me, but I've decided that I need to come clean. Yeah, the song is about someone. He's a man that I can easily say is my first love. He's the one who taught me what real love is, not just something from my imagination."
"A man? Hold on, Chris, are you... gay?
He shifted again, smiled, and then winked at her. "Wouldn't be in love with a man if I weren't."
My jaw dropped.
"Oh, shit," Virgil said, looking over at me. "He's talking about you, isn't he?"
Then, as if on cue, Chris looked right at the camera and said, "Sylus, I know you aren't watching this, and I guess that makes it a little easier for me to say… I love you."
My heart was slamming in my chest. I dropped the cucumber I was holding into the sink. "I gotta run," I said.
Virgil nodded, eyes wide. "Get the fuck out of here, dude."
I sprinted outside to the truck. It felt like my feet were about to lift off the ground and carry me into the sky.
There was traffic on the freeway south into Los Angeles, adding an extra hour and a half to the commute into the city. Part of me was in complete disbelief about what I'd heard. I took out my phone and searched Chris's name and found every entertainment website reporting on Chris coming out of the closet. I turned on the radio and the truck filled with his voice intertwined in a beautiful duet with Audrey, the sound of his acoustic guitar twinkling like stars in the background.
It was a song about being saved by love and defeated by fear, about rising to conquer all obstacles in the name of that love.
I felt our time together in the lyrics and music, and I could feel the longing in his voice. I found myself crying. It took me by surprise—I hadn't cried over anything or anyone in years. But at that moment, I realized just how much I'd missed him.
I pulled up to Chris's gate and punched in the code. The gate opened. I had to laugh—of course he wouldn't have changed it. I doubted he even knew how to use all the security tools I'd installed for him after the break-in.
The TV vans were still sitting out in front of the mansion, and men were carrying out cases of camera equipment. I pushed past them and went into the house. My heart was flying, and all I could think about was being with him again.
Then I saw him. He was on his phone, pacing back and forth in the living room.
"That's fine," he said. "Sure. Fuck it. I don't need their sponsorship. Good."
"Chris!" I shouted.
He looked up, his eyes wide. "Sylus?"
The phone clattered to the ground. He ran to me, full sprint. I opened my arms and caught him, and our lips met. It was pure electricity. The crew, the producers, whoever they were, all looked at us. I didn't care and neither did he. We laughed and kissed, and I stroked his hair and then held him by his shoulders.
"You son of a bitch," I said. "I'm so fucking proud of you."
He grinned. "God, I can't believe you're here."
I kissed him again, and felt myself melting into him.
"I love you," I whispered in his ear.
He held me so fucking tight, and this time there was no way I was ever going to let go.
EPILOGUE - CHRIS
"I need you," I said.
I had my legs wrapped tight around Sylus's waist as he carried me up the stairs to the bedroom. It was our first night together after I'd sold the LA property and moved into the Synn Ranch. Bau had moved into the barn loft he used for his business, which had left the main house open and in need of new tenants. Sylus had quickly volunteered.
The old wood floorboards creaked with each step, and we passed by old family photos hanging along the staircase. Sylus and his brothers when they were younger. School portraits. Photos of their parents. It brought me comfort to be surrounded by such warmth. There was love and history in this home, and that was far more valuable than any Beverly Hills mansion.
I knew that it was healing for Sylus, too. For the past year that we'd been dating he'd still lived in an apartment in LA, and had been suffering because of it. For a man whose senses were so attuned to the world around him, Los Angeles could be an overwhelming place—especially when you were in a relationship with a high-profile celebrity. He wasn't my bodyguard anymore, but I knew that he couldn't help but always be on alert for me. Two months ago, we had a run-in with an overzealous fan and Sylus nearly broke the guy's arm subduing him.
It was easy even for me to see how relaxed Sylus was when back at the family home, so i
t was a no-brainer to move here with him. And this place really did feel like home.
He fucked me from behind, holding my wrists tightly behind my back as I moaned into the pillows. I reveled in the feeling of his cock, the pleasure of being taken by him.
Two singles and another brand-new album. My style had taken a definite turn in the year since meeting Sylus. Nearly every song was inspired by our love. One critic said, "Chris Stevens had a knack for putting out the type of music that was quick and easy to consume. You desperately wanted more of it, but chances were you would forget about it quickly. I say this in the past tense, because what we have now is a new Chris Stevens, one who may end up joining the halls of country western's most beloved classic artists."
He wrapped his hand around my neck, kissing me deeply. "I love you," he groaned into my ear, and all I managed to do was moan in response.
I could feel him finish when his raw cock swelled and throbbed inside of me, filling me up with his come. It pushed me over the edge, and I clenched at the sheets as I came.
After we showered together, I lay in bed and watched Sylus as he crossed the room, still naked. He opened up his duffel bag, which basically contained all of his belongings, and unpacked his pajamas and some other clothing items. He also removed the black fiberglass case that housed his pistol.
I expected him to open it and take the gun out like he usually did at night, but instead he put it away into the closet. He joined me under the covers, filling the bed with heat from his body. I moved close to him, letting my fingers move around to explore his muscles. I moved lower.
"You're excited," he said, grinning.
My fingers reached his cock, and he was hard again.
"First night living together. First night at home. There's a lot to be excited about. You're not gonna get out your pistol?"
He exhaled as I touched him, crossing his hands behind his head. "You're playing with it, aren't you?"
I batted his dick, and he laughed.
"I think," he said, "I'm ready to let that go."
I smiled and brought my lips to his. His hand found my cock, and we stroked each other.
In His Sights: A Brothers Synn Novel Page 10