by A. M. Arthur
“So if you and I get our second chance, what kind of relationship do you want?” Colt asked.
“I want an equal partner in my life who will submit to me in order to get what he needs. Exactly like you did, once upon a time. But not someone who is so insecure and jealous that he can’t let me go away for six weeks on a consulting job.”
Colt flinched. “Touché.”
“I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, Colt, I’m being honest.”
“I know you are, and I appreciate it. I know how I fucked up, but I’m not that guy anymore. Sometimes I think it was a lot of very bad timing. I was still dealing with knowing I killed Geoff, I was stupidly in love with you after having never been in love before, and the thought of you going away terrified me.”
Avery pulled Duchess to a stop, then waited while Colt turned Groot around to face him. He studied the naked emotions on Colt’s face and his inner Dom rebelled at his sub being so pained and uncertain. Because even though they didn’t have any official contract or promise of what they were, Colt was his. He always had been.
“I agree that some of it was bad timing,” Avery said. “And maybe we could have worked it out after I got home, but you were the one who left. You disappeared on me and that hurt.”
“I promise I won’t run again. I don’t want to be that coward anymore. The guy who runs from a broken heart, and then again from the best friend he hurt. I’m done being that person, Avery. I want to be the guy who deserves you.”
Avery melted inside, and he silently cursed the horses for keeping them apart, because he really wanted to kiss Colt. “I believe you. And you’ll have a chance to prove it when I go home at the end of this month.”
Colt’s eyes narrowed briefly. “I know. It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours, but being with you again, Avery, being your sub again, it feels right. Different, too, because I know we aren’t the same people now, but I feel like I’ve been chasing a ghost for years and I can finally rest. I will prove I deserve this second chance, I promise.”
Avery was still a little scared that this was all about the D/s, but he decided to put his faith into Colt one more time and trust in that promise. “Okay.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt about keeping this up long distance, so we’re both all in, but not public until we no longer have the same employer.”
“Deal.” Colt somehow got Groot to side-walk over so their horses were side by side. He leaned in and sealed the promise with a sweet kiss, then rested his forehead against Avery’s.
Only time would tell if this was the best decision Avery had ever made, or the worst mistake of his life.
Please, don’t let us fuck this up.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Colt walked into the guesthouse kitchen on cloud nine after his afternoon with Avery. They’d wandered the trails until Avery complained about his ass hurting, and then they spent time brushing down their horses. Avery definitely seemed less afraid of horses, despite having a bit of trouble getting down from Duchess. Colt had been disappointed to see their time together cut short by Arthur approaching them in the barn and inviting Avery up to the main house for dinner with him and Judson.
Arthur had been cooking for himself since he was eighteen, he had sixty years of recipes in his head, and he preferred making his own food. Colt wasn’t hurt by not being invited, too. The hands rarely ate up at the house, even Mack.
Patrice had made a big pot of chili with cheddar biscuits for the hands, and Colt’s mouth watered as the spicy scent hit him. She preferred Texas-style chili, which was all meat and spice, beans optional. Colt greeted his coworkers with his trademarked sunny smile, then helped himself and settled in to eat.
Reyes walked in a few minutes after Colt decimated his first bowl and was getting up for a second helping—he’d worked up an appetite with Avery this afternoon. They ended up sitting together.
Colt had just taken a sip of his cola when Reyes casually said, “So Avery mentioned you guys got a bit tied up this afternoon.”
Colt inhaled his soda. Reyes, the bastard, chuckled, then handed him a paper towel to wipe his streaming eyes once he’d righted himself. “Fucker,” Colt whispered.
“I couldn’t help it.” Reyes tore off a piece of biscuit and tossed it back. “So you two starting something up again?”
“Yes.” He glanced around, but no one seemed to be listening in. “We’re going to try again, get to know who we are now, and how we work together. I’m going to prove to him I can manage long distance.”
“Congrats, man. You’re kind of glowing right now, which is really irritating.”
Colt chuckled. “Hey, if you went out more, you might meet someone of your own.”
Reyes shrugged as he spooned up some chili. “I like my life as is.”
“So did Mack until Hurricane Wes hit.”
“It like a quiet, simple life, and now that I’m head cowboy, I have a hell of a lot more work.”
“Mack made time for Wes as head cowboy. Seriously, have you ever actually dated in your life?”
“I’ve dated.”
His tone suggested Colt back off the topic. “Whatever works, as long as you’re happy.”
“I’m happy.” Reyes gave him an exaggerated smile. “Seriously, I’m fine. You worry about your own relationship and stop trying to get me into one.”
“Okay, done talking about that. Promise.” Colt made a show of locking his lips with an imaginary key, and then throwing it over his shoulder.
Reyes snorted. “You hear about Mack’s plans to build a house?”
Colt nearly dropped his spoon. “To do what?”
“He told me about it this morning. Arthur is giving him a spot of land west of the road to the ghost town. Mack and Wes are going to design the whole thing together.”
“Wes is designing a house? Is it going to be abstract?”
“I’m sure Mack will temper Wes’s wilder impulses. Mack’s gotta live in the place, too.”
“Good point. So how’s this week’s crop of guests shaking out?”
Reyes rolled his eyes. “I have two recent divorcees who won’t stop flirting with me, but other than that it’s a pretty standard bunch. The kids are adorable and great with the horses.”
Robin, with all his grace and tact, plopped down beside Colt and asked, “So are you fucking the historian?”
Colt choked for the second time that meal, this time on a biscuit crumb. Reyes got Colt’s soda in his hand so he could wash it down and stop embarrassing himself in front of all the other hands. “I hate you both,” Colt rasped.
“I assume you wish this information to remain on the down low?” Reyes asked as he cut a sharp glare at Robin.
“So it’s true?” Robin asked.
“We’re seeing each other, yes,” Colt replied in a harsh whisper. “And yes, we’re keeping it private for now, while we’re both employed here.”
“Dude, you want to stay private, stop smooching in the barn.”
We’ve done a lot more than just kiss in that barn.
“Noted,” Colt said.
“Happy for you, though. We’re a ranch full of almost totally single people, so it’s nice to see folks finding someone.”
“Careful,” Reyes said, “or Colt will start trying to fix you up, too.”
Colt huffed. “I didn’t try to fix you up, all I did was suggest you try dating. Sue me for looking out for my friend.”
“Some of us are just lone wolves,” Robin said with a wink at Reyes.
“Maybe you two lone wolves should go out hunting together sometime.”
Reyes smacked Colt across the back of his head—a familiar, old-friendship thing he hadn’t done in months. And it made Colt smile.
Colt got roped into a poker game with Robin, Ernie, and Slater afte
r dinner, so he didn’t get back the cabin until after eight. The lights were on, so Avery was home.
Home. It sounds weird and right.
Avery was in one of the sitting chairs with his laptop open, earbuds in, typing away at the keyboard. Colt didn’t want to interrupt him—he recognized The Zone Avery got into when he was focused on a particular topic of research—so he grabbed a beer from the mini-fridge and took it to the back half of the cabin. He’d looked forward to being alone with Avery again, so finding him working was disappointing.
Maybe he could tempt Avery into a break.
Colt very slowly pulled his work polo off by the back, then took three deliberate steps toward the laundry basket. Bent slightly at the waist to drop it in. Glanced over his shoulder.
Avery was typing away.
Damn it.
He remained shirtless and undid his belt buckle. Took his jeans off, leaving him only in his boxers, but still not a hint that Avery was paying attention. Colt watched him for a moment, curious and confused. Was Avery seriously going to ignore a nearly naked guy for his computer? Avery didn’t have as high of a sex drive as Colt, so maybe everything couldn’t always be about sex with them, even though Colt wanted to bend over every time Avery so much as smiled at him.
And even after they started dating the first time, Colt and Avery had never lived together. They rarely spent the night at each other’s place, so this whole living together thing was brand new. Maybe Avery had his evening rituals he stuck to? Sexy-times didn’t seem to be on the table and it wasn’t as if Colt needed multiple scenes a day, so Colt fetched his tablet and earbuds, and he settled in to stream a movie. He got so into it, he didn’t notice Avery was up and about until he was climbing into his own bed.
Colt paused his movie. “You going to sleep?”
“Yeah, I have to be up early enough to ride to the site with Mack. You?”
Disappointment squeezed his chest. “Movie’s about done, and then I guess I’ll turn in, too?” He turned the statement into a question on purpose.
Avery didn’t catch it. “Okay, well, good night.”
“Good night.”
That disappointment dug in deep as he watched Avery put on a sleeping mask and settle in beneath the covers. They’d really spent their first night cohabitating in near-complete silence? That…sucked. But apparently it was what Avery wanted, and Colt needed to make this work.
He finished his movie, his enjoyment of it spoiled now, and he was restless and upset when he finally brushed his teeth and went to bed. Despite being pretty tired from his day, he had a hard time falling asleep.
And then a man with a gun stepped out from behind a burning building and aimed it right at Avery’s heart. Colt screamed, tried to warn Avery. He ran toward him, but only seemed to get farther and farther away from Avery. A shot rang out.
Colt screamed.
Hands were touching him, someone was saying his name, but the terror overtook his common sense and he lashed out. A firm grip stilled his flailing hands, and then a familiar voice broke the haze of fear.
“Colt, you’re safe. Wake up for me. Come on, baby.”
Avery.
Colt yanked his hands free and pulled Avery into his arms, needing his heat and scent more than he needed oxygen in that moment. Avery rubbed his back and shushed him, until Colt could open his eyes and see for sure that Avery was okay.
“I know you said you’d been having nightmares since the shooting, but damn,” Avery said quietly. “You’re shaking a little.”
“You got shot.” Colt was surprised at how wrecked his own voice sounded. “You got shot because I couldn’t get to you fast enough.”
“Oh, pet, I’m safe and sound, right here with you.” Avery pulled back to look into Colt’s eyes. Avery was near tears, and Colt hated that it was because of him. “No one’s going to hurt me.”
“You can’t know that. Mack probably never thought Geoff would get shot, much less by his best friend.”
“That was a one-in-a-million freak accident, Colt. You know that.”
Colt pressed his face against Avery’s neck and inhaled the man’s unique scent. “I never paid for taking a life. The city settled a million-dollar lawsuit, rather than giving me up for criminal prosecution.”
“I think you’ve paid plenty in guilt these past five years. You kept that from all the important people in your life for a long time.”
“Not all of them.” He raised his head, needing to see Avery’s beautiful face, framed by loose waves of silky brown hair. “I told you. And then I lost you because I couldn’t tell the person who deserved to know the truth the most. I couldn’t tell Mack.”
“It’s all in the past now.” Avery stroked his face with a tender touch. “We need to find a way to let that all go so we can move forward. Now why on earth do you think you dreamed about me being shot?”
“I guess because I was confused and worried about last night.”
“What happened last night?”
Seriously?
“Nothing happened last night, that’s the problem,” Colt said. “You were working so hard when I got home that I didn’t want to disturb you, so I got undressed, and when that didn’t work, I figured you needed some you time. So I watched a movie, and then you went to bed, and I didn’t understand any of it.”
“Oh. I see.” Avery got them both settled so they were facing each other and holding hands. “Last night was a bit of a misfire for both of us, I think. I did notice you come back, but you didn’t say anything to me or come over to see me, so I assumed you didn’t want anything last night. When you put your headphones on, I also assumed it meant you had a nightly ritual and I shouldn’t disturb you.”
Colt groaned. “So we both ignored the other person, because we assumed that was what the other person wanted?”
“Apparently so, yes.”
“Good God, we’re a pair of idiots.”
Avery chuckled. “No, we’re two grown men who’ve been living very different lives for the past five years, and we’re getting to know each other again. Just because we’re suddenly living together doesn’t mean this will be easy. And to be honest, I don’t think we should get too used to doing scenes or having sex every night, because in a few weeks, we’ll both be living separately again.”
As much as Colt hated the idea of not being intimate with Avery every single day, Avery also had a very good point. Colt couldn’t let himself get used to something he’d lose soon, anyway. Setting limits now would help him deal better when Avery was gone for long periods of time. “I hate that you make sense.”
“Gosh, thank you.”
“But I get it, I really do. We need to set some kind of boundaries, I guess.”
“I think we should.” Avery gave his hands a squeeze. “What if during the week, we’re friends and roommates who occasionally kiss, and on the weekend, we do more. A scene, or simply sex, whatever we’re feeling at the time.”
The plan wasn’t entirely unreasonable, and Colt could control himself. “How about random ass pinches?”
“Allowed.”
“Jerking off our morning wood together?”
“We’ll play that by ear, okay?”
“Okay.” Colt raised their hands so he could kiss Avery’s knuckles. “I want to be with you so badly, but I do understand the need for limits. I really do. My fatal flaw the first time was getting so fucking attached to you that the idea of losing you for six measly weeks freaked me out.”
“You were also in an emotionally fragile place, and to be honest, a small part of me hoped the entire time I was gone that you had acted impulsively with suggesting the breakup. I honestly hoped that when I got back to the city, we could talk and work it all out.”
“But I was gone.”
“Yeah. Losing that hope hurt so much.”
“I know. You’
ll never understand how much I regret leaving like that, knowing it hurt you. All I could think about back then was me and what I needed. But I’m not that selfish anymore, I promise. I want us to work, but I won’t make ultimatums.”
“And neither will I. This has to be a partnership. Chemistry and scenes? Never a problem. It’s all the day-to-day stuff we both have to work on, starting with it’s okay to interrupt me when I’m working in the evenings. Usually, it’s prep, or I’m researching for my PhD. If I really can’t talk, I’ll tell you, finish my thought, and then pay attention to you.”
“Okay. I’ll try not to be so needy.”
Avery sighed. “Wanting to chat with your boyfriend isn’t being needy, it’s completely normal.”
Colt sat up straighter and grinned. “Boyfriend.”
Avery opened and closed his mouth several times, as if searching for his words. “Well, yes, that’s what we are, aren’t we?”
“Secret boyfriends. For one more month.” Colt grimaced. “Mostly secret.”
“Well, yes, Reyes knows, of course.”
“Yeah, uh, so does Robin. He’s kind of a big kid sometimes, but he does know how to be discreet, and he promised to keep our secret.”
Avery frowned. “All right. Do you want to tell Mack?”
“I do, if I get the chance. Is that okay?”
“Of course. You need to mend that relationship, and the best way is to be honest about everything.”
“You’re right, as always, professor.” Colt winked.
“Yes, I usually am. I’m also getting up again in three hours. You okay to go back to sleep?”
“I am. This really helped.” Colt leaned over for a chaste kiss. “Thank you.”
“Any time. Good night.”
“Night, Avery.”
Avery kissed him again, then retreated to his own bed. He’d turned on his lamp, so Colt settled against his pillow while Avery switched off the light. Moonbeams filtered in through the front windows of the cabin, and Colt stared at their shapes for a long time before finally falling asleep.