by A. M. Arthur
“He got banned from some clubs, but it’s the distant past, Mack. I’m putting that part of my life to rest, so don’t feel like you need to go pound the guy into dirt on my behalf.”
“He hurt my friend.”
Colt’s heart turned over hard. For a little while, he never thought he’d hear Mack call him his friend again. “And your friend is fine. Better than, and when I see Avery again in a month, we’re going to do some more work on my issues, and I would like it if you guys were there.”
“Oh? Where?” Reyes asked.
“The place where I got shot. At night. I haven’t really faced that trauma yet, and I need to. With Avery and my brothers.”
“Done.”
“Absolutely,” Mack replied. “You know, we can talk about that night. We haven’t yet, because I’ve been so caught up in my anger, and I guess I never really considered how you were affected. I mean, you took a fucking bullet for me, brother.”
“I’d do it again in a heartbeat, for either of you,” Colt said. “You’re family.”
“You saved my life.”
“Sometimes I have nightmares where I don’t. You get shot, or Wes gets shot. Lately, it’s been Avery, and I wake up screaming because I can’t save you guys.” Colt’s eyes smarted with tears. “They’re stupid nightmares, because I did save you, but I was so fucking scared in that moment. Not only that you could die, Mack, but that maybe I was about to die, too. I don’t know why I couldn’t say that out loud before now.”
Mack’s own eyes were suspiciously bright. “Never easy to admit when you’re scared. Especially when your friends don’t give you a chance to.”
“For a long time, I didn’t think I deserved that chance so I didn’t say anything and the feelings got worse. But I’m grateful you’re letting me say it now.”
“Me, too. C’mere.”
They hugged again, and this time, Reyes wrapped his arms around both of them. Colt soaked in their love and support, grateful to finally, truly have his family back.
* * *
Colt didn’t hear from Avery as regularly while he was on location, because Avery’s schedule was a lot more varied. Some scenes were shot at night, some early in the morning, very oddball hours to Colt. But they texted frequently, chatted often, and a few times a week, they managed a Skype call. Avery had sent him a photo of Colt bound, gagged, and blindfolded before deleting it from his own phone, and Colt frequently jerked off to the memories of that afternoon.
A light snowfall visited them the second week, mystifying the horses, but hey, climate change was real. The third week after Avery’s visit was the last week the ranch was open to guests before shutting down for winter, and they only had six. The nights were colder now, and fewer people were interested in horses and camping in December.
Avery flew into San Jose on December twenty-third, at three in the afternoon. Colt drove him to the ranch, where they shared in an early supper with the rest of the hands in the guesthouse dining room, now that the guests were gone for the season. Avery seemed delighted to be back at the ranch, among familiar faces. Wes was there, too, visiting for a few days leading up to Christmas, and he and Mack were staying in the family quarters on the third floor of the guesthouse for privacy.
Tomorrow, most of the regular workers were going off to visit family for the length of their break, leaving a skeleton crew behind to tend to the horses. Colt was part of that crew, as was Reyes, but neither of them had family to visit, anyway. Avery was staying at the ranch until the twenty-seventh, and then he had to head back to campus to prepare for winter term.
Colt planned on taking advantage of every single minute they had together. He’d even bought and decorated a small Christmas tree.
The moment he and Avery were alone in his cabin, Colt went to his knees. Avery’s obvious hesitation sent him back to his feet. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Avery replied, eyes wide with surprise. “Did I do something?”
Colt studied the man he’d missed so much these last few weeks, unsure if Avery was even aware of what he’d done. “I guess it was more what you didn’t do. When I went to my knees, you looked startled.”
“Oh. I didn’t mean to. I suppose it’s been so long since we’ve seen each other, I didn’t expect to fall into a scene right away.”
“Are you sure that’s it? You had a similar look on your face back in San Jose, when we stayed over in the Hotel De Anza. It was like you hesitated. Fuck, it’s hard to explain, but sometimes I sense this distance with you. Like you aren’t allowing yourself to really embrace this second chance and are keeping me at arm’s length.”
“Colt, I’m sorry.” Avery led him to sit on the bed, then held both his hands. “I don’t mean to be distant, I promise.”
“Then what’s going on?”
Avery chewed on his bottom lip while he thought. “Nothing is going on, exactly. I guess, when I see you, sex isn’t the first thing on my mind. I’m just happy to see you and spend time with you. I love the scenes we do and the sex we have, but I suppose you wanting to jump right to it…”
Colt wrapped an arm around Avery’s waist and squeezed. “Talk to me. You can tell me anything.”
“It makes me wonder if you want me, or if you want Sir.” His dark eyes glowed with uncertainty, which wasn’t something Colt was used to seeing in Avery.
“Oh, babe, I want you. All of you. I want Professor Hendrix, my best friend Avery, and my Dom Sir. I know I broke your trust when I left five years ago, but I promise I won’t do that ever again. I’m not leaving you. I thought I was proving that to you.”
“You are.”
“But broken trust is a hard thing to fix, I get it.”
Avery flinched. Colt pulled him into a hug, folding Avery’s slimmer body against his so he could breathe in his Sir. His Avery. His heart.
“I’m trying,” Colt whispered.
“I know. I do trust you, Colt, I promise. I just need time.”
“Time I’ve got.”
For Avery, Colt had all the time in the world. They sat like that for a while, simply existing in each other’s arms, until Avery made the first move. They didn’t do a scene, but they did make love. Slow and sensual, Colt loving every second his Sir—his beautiful Avery—was inside him. They cleaned up and lounged together until the seven o’clock meet time for the ride up to the ghost town.
Mack and Reyes already had four horses saddled and ready. Colt had requested this, since that’s how he’d ended up there that night. He rode Duchess, while Avery rode Blizzard. Mack had an electric lantern, and Reyes handed out flashlights. The moon was full and high in the sky, making it easy to find their way to the site.
Colt’s insides trembled the closer they got, until he was having trouble breathing. He heard a phantom shotgun go off several times, and he was pretty sure they just passed the tree where he’d tied off Duchess that night. Mack did a good job leading them through the wilderness, because they entered the clearing east of the ghost town almost exactly where Colt remembered.
The site looked remarkably different from that night, with new structures lining a wide, dusty street. What had once been haphazardly leaning frames were now complete buildings, providing twenty times as much cover as before. The trailer was still there, the window previously shattered by a bullet repaired, and Wes was safely back at the ranch, instead of cowering in fear.
Mack was on his own horse, instead of ducking bullets and trying to save his town from paid vandals. No one was in danger tonight, but Colt couldn’t get his racing heart to calm the fuck down.
He swung off Duchess and handed her reins to Reyes. Walked forward a few steps. Straight ahead, at the far end of town, was where it happened. Colt had come around the corner of a structure and come up behind Mack, who was chasing a guy heading toward an ATV. He’d heard the guy behind him moving, saw the gun go up, and
he’d bolted into action. Protecting Mack, fully expecting those to be his last moments on earth. Felt the bullet tear into his skin and muscle. Hit the ground.
He fell to his knees as the terror of that moment swamped him, cutting his legs off and stealing oxygen from his lungs. Someone was there, holding him tight, but Colt was shot. Dying. He’d saved his brother, but what if he never got to speak to Avery again? Tell him he did want to be friends, he wanted Avery back in his life, needed him back, damn it! He sobbed into the neck of the person holding him, unashamed of his tears. It was okay to cry if you were dying, right?
Except he wasn’t dying. Colt had survived the gunshot, he did have Avery in his life, and Avery was holding him. Keeping Colt together as he fell apart and faced this one, final fear: his own mortality.
“You didn’t die,” Avery whispered. “You survived so we could find our way back to each other. Don’t let this control you anymore, baby, please.”
“We’re here, pal,” Mack said. “And you’re right here with us.”
Avery lifted Colt’s head and wiped tears away with his thumbs. Colt stared into Avery’s beautiful dark eyes and saw love, adoration, and respect shining back at him. “I don’t want to be afraid of this place anymore,” Colt said.
“Then don’t be. Don’t give it power over you. It’s just a piece of land. It can’t hurt you.”
“It’s just land. It can’t hurt me.” Some of Colt’s anxiety shriveled up and blew away, but not all. Not yet. This was a work in progress, but he’d come here tonight and faced the place where, for little while, he’d looked death in the face. And he’d given death the middle finger and lived.
He stared down the stretch of dirt road, no longer seeing his own death at the far end. He just saw a road. And buildings. Mack’s future investment in the tiny town of Garrett, California. He saw his two best friends, and he saw Avery. Avery, who loved him with his whole heart, and whom Colt loved back unconditionally.
My family.
“I’m good, I think,” Colt said. “I needed to get that out of my system.”
“You sure?” Mack asked. “You still look pale.”
“Moonlight fucks with my complexion.”
Reyes snickered.
“Let’s walk for a few minutes before you get back on a horse,” Avery said. He took Colt’s hand and they strolled up Main Street, enjoying the sight of the completed buildings. Come spring, Bentley Ghost Town would officially open for visitors. And now that the motel was completely bedbug free, they would—hopefully—start hosting plenty of out-of-town guests.
Colt’s chest swelled with pride for what Mack had envisioned, and for what Avery had helped accomplish here. If it wasn’t for Wes letting his horse get away from him, no one would have known this place existed, and if Mack hadn’t showed interest in renovating it, Colt never would have given Mack Avery’s number. So many happy accidents had gotten Colt to this place, where he was in love, happy, and on the road to recovery from so many of his past mistakes and failures.
Now he had to do everything in his power to protect that happiness from the outside world—no matter what.
* * *
For the first time in his life, Avery woke up on Christmas morning with someone else in his bed. Well, their bed. The big bed they made in Colt’s cabin by shoving the two twin beds together again, and where they’d spent the last two nights enjoying each other’s company. Next to him, Colt was still asleep on his stomach, his arms wrapped around his pillow. Avery marveled at the beauty of the man for a while, loving the complete lack of tension as he slept.
Colt had changed after their epic scene in San Jose four weeks ago, but after facing down his fear in the ghost town, he changed again. He found a therapist he liked so he could talk things out and put things in perspective. He walked with purpose, friendly smile always in place—the more easygoing Colt Avery had first met years ago in a Los Angeles park. Colt was older and wiser, but he’d worked out his fears and traumas, and while he couldn’t completely erase the memories, he could disengage and release their hold on his life.
And Avery absolutely loved it.
He climbed out of bed and slipped a sweatshirt on to combat the chill, so he could put on a pot of coffee. Breakfast was being served at the main house at nine, giving them time to laze about and open presents. Avery grinned every time he looked at the tree Colt had bought, which was decorated in Wild West ornaments and horse figurines. They’d put their presents under it last night before bed, and Avery eyeballed the packages with his name on them. There were also small gifts for Mack, Wes, Reyes, Arthur, and Patrice.
His phone chimed with a text. Violet and Mike were spending Christmas at a bed-and-breakfast in Vermont so they had snow, and it was three hours earlier there.
Violet: Happy Christmas and Merry Holidays! Hope you enjoy the fruit basket! Love you!
Oops. They didn’t know he was in Garrett. Hopefully a neighbor stole the fruit basket off his stoop so it didn’t go to waste. An elderly couple lived a few doors down from him and had a key to bring in his mail during extended absences without a subletter. Maybe he’d call them later, wish them a Merry Christmas, and ask them to save the fruit.
Sheets rustled and Colt muttered something. Avery listened, but Colt quieted quickly. He hadn’t had any nightmares the past two nights, but Avery knew Colt still had a recovery period ahead of him. Painful wounds could be lanced, the poison left to run out, but they didn’t always heal quickly.
Avery returned to their bed to tickle Colt awake. “It’s Christmas day, stop sleeping.”
Colt laughed and wrestled with him as he came awake. Then he tugged Avery down for a long, good morning kiss. “Merry Christmas, babe. Our first together.”
“I know. That’s why you have to stop sleeping through it. I want to see what Santa brought.”
“You are such an adorable dork.” Colt pinched the top of his ass. “Do I smell coffee?”
“Yup, now get up or you don’t get any.”
Avery poured them each a mug, while Colt hit the head and put some clothes on. He didn’t get how Colt could sleep naked when the cabin was so chilly in winter. Then again, Colt had always run warm. The tree was set up on the small table between their sitting chairs, with the gifts on the floor, so they settled together, legs touching.
“Your tree really is perfect,” Avery said.
“I ordered everything online last week,” Colt replied smugly. “I wanted it to reflect us.”
“It does. I love it, and I’m so happy we’re spending this week together.”
“Same. Here.” Colt grabbed a long, narrow box wrapped in peppermint stripe paper.
Avery accepted the package, curious about the shape. Average weight, and tissue shifted inside when he gave it a little shake. He tore off the paper to find a plain brown box. Lifted the lid and pushed tissue aside. Nestled within was a gorgeous hand-tooled flogger with moderately stiff tails and a grip that seemed handmade for him.
“Oh, Colt, this is beautiful.” Avery lifted it from the tissue and tested the weight. “This is artwork.”
Colt grinned. “It’s handmade by a leather tooler. I put in the commission right after we decided to try again.”
“Really? You were that certain we’d still be together for Christmas?”
“Yes.” No hesitation.
Avery thanked him with a long, claiming kiss. “Thank you. It’s perfect.” He picked a small, square box and handed it to Colt. “For you.”
Colt ripped into it and discovered a shiny pair of spurs. “I don’t really ride enough to need spurs.”
“Oh, pet, they aren’t for your boots. Have you ever felt those little teeth rolling down bare flesh?”
The heat in Colt’s eyes nearly made Avery use them right away. They exchanged a few more gifts as they drank their coffee under the Christmas tree, and it was the most pe
rfect moment in time for Avery. Christmas morning with the man he loved, sharing presents they each knew the other would adore.
The first of many, for the rest of our lives.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
The anniversary party was the third weekend in January, and Avery was picking up Colt at the airport for a change. LAX was a nightmare for most people, but Avery flew so often it no longer bothered him. Colt landed late Friday, and the plan was to drive down the coast in the morning and stay in a hotel Saturday evening, return to Los Angeles by lunch, and then spend the afternoon together before Colt’s six p.m. return flight to San Jose.
Avery hadn’t planned any scenes for them, but he had a few things packed in his overnight bag—including his Christmas flogger—just in case. He had no idea how the party would go, because he still hadn’t told Violet he was bringing Colt. During their last conversation, all he told her was “I have an appropriate date.”
Fortunately, she took him at his word. Part of him felt like he was lying by not admitting to being with Colt again, but the rest of him didn’t care. It was his life, damn it, and he chose Colt. She could accept it or lose her relationship with Avery. Losing her would hurt, but Avery would survive. Colt was proving himself to Avery every time they were apart for a long period of time. He never acted jealous or angry at Avery’s travels, not like he had before. It really was different this time.
Colt finally emerged from the airport terminal with a carry-on over his shoulder. He swaggered toward Avery in his leather boots and cowboy hat, sex on two legs and he knew it. He also turned heads, male and female, so Avery wasn’t embarrassed when Colt leaned down for a hard hello kiss.
“Hey, you,” Colt drawled. “Miss me?”
“Always. Flight okay?”
“Other than the guy in my row who had to say every clue in his crossword puzzle out loud? It was fine.”
Avery laughed. “There’s always someone on every flight. Trust me, I’ve been on enough. I’m not sure what’s worse: a screaming toddler, or someone who’s bathed in their aftershave.”