Break Even

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Break Even Page 10

by Lisa De Jong


  He pulls two forks from the drawer and takes the lid from the cake. “This can count as dessert in the kitchen. Besides, I was just thinking I may have overpromised by one room.”

  He sensed the sore subject and skirted away from it. Good man. We polish off half the cake, then he grabs my hand and leads me to a dark bedroom. “Marley, will you stay the weekend with me?” River Holtz actually sounds timid. I’m just scared out of my damn mind—of what I’m doing, of what I’m feeling. River makes me comfortable and uncomfortable all at the same time. He’s bringing some of the old me back while testing my morals. I have no idea where this is going, but I’m not ready to walk away just yet.

  “Sunday morning,” I answer. “I can give you until Sunday morning.”

  “You won’t regret it,” he groans before burying his face between my legs. Something tells me this is going to be a no clothes required type of weekend.

  “ARE YOU AWAKE?” he whispers, kissing my shoulder blade.

  “I’ve been up for a few minutes.”

  We fell asleep after moving from bedroom number one to bedroom number two where he had me in a couple of positions I’d never been in before. I guess that leaves us two bedrooms, one bathroom, the gym, the theater, and family room, or in other words, with lots of sex yet to be had.

  His lips move down my spine. I can’t remember the last time I slept naked with my own husband. I miss the intimacy of it—lying skin to skin, tangled with one another. “Do you need breakfast?” he asks, his lips brushing against the back of my neck.

  Reaching back, I tug his hair between my fingers. “I wouldn’t mind having you first.”

  “You have quite the appetite, beautiful.” His palm brushes across my nipples before he splays his hand against my stomach, slowly sliding it down between my legs.

  I moan. This man has magic fingers—they do everything just the way I need them to.

  “There’s one little problem,” he states. “We’ve seen this room. I think it’s time to check out another. The family room maybe?”

  “As long as you’re touching me, I don’t care where we are,” I answer, my breathing heavy from his subtle caresses.

  His hands leave my body as he untangles himself from me. He jumps off the bed then reaches for my hands, using them as leverage to pull me up. We’re both completely naked as he leads me into the family room, practically tossing me down on the sectional. Before I can blink, he’s between my legs spreading kisses around my belly button. His lower lip runs along my soft skin all the way to my breasts. I yelp as he tugs my nipple between his teeth, pulling his hair between my fingers.

  Foreplay. It’s what I’ve been missing. What I’ve been craving. River has proven that he can fuck. He’s also proven he knows his way around a woman’s body—my body. It’s as if he gets more from pleasuring me than he does pleasuring himself.

  His lips press to my throat, my chin, then to my mouth. They reach me in places far deeper than my skin. Sometimes he kisses hard and fast. Sometimes it’s soft and sweet.

  I spread my legs open as much as I can, aching to have him inside me. “River,” I beg, my lips brushing against his.

  “I need to grab a condom,” he says, brushing some loose hair from my face.

  I pull my lower lip between my teeth. I think it’s my turn to show what I can do for him. “I have a better idea,” I say timidly.

  “What’s that?” he asks, the corner of his mouth curling up.

  I swallow hard. “Sit on the couch, Mr. Holtz. There’s something I need to show you.”

  His half smile turns to a full grin. “Since when do you call the shots?”

  “Since I agreed to spend the weekend with you. If I remember right, that was my call too.”

  The look in his light blue eyes tells me he won’t let me get away with this for long. He scoots off me, sitting up at my feet. I slowly crawl toward him, fully aware that I’m naked with no make-up and bedhead. When I’m close enough for him to touch, he places his index finger under my chin, forcing me to look up. “Do you know how sexy you are right now? I’ve never been more turned on in my life.”

  “Not even last night in the car?” I ask as he strokes my lip with his thumb.

  “No, but that was a very close second.”

  I wrap my hand around the back of his neck, kissing him once then slide down to the floor. Sitting back on my knees between his legs, I start working my hand up and down his shaft as I watch his lips part. Nerves creep up, but I push them back. River makes me confident and comfortable in my skin and that makes me … happy. And, feeling happy with River also brings back the guilt. He moans out of pleasure, and I bury the negative feelings away.

  I smile to further convince myself that everything is okay, tracing my tongue around my lips. Before I doubt myself, I wrap my mouth around him. I lick the tip, tasting the first sign of his excitement, then lick again. I bob my head, trying to take a little more of him each time. He groans, burying his fingers in my hair. He gently presses me down until I feel him at the back of my throat.

  “That’s it, beautiful. Take all of me.”

  His words propel me. I come up, licking along the underside then take him in all the way again. I continue—slow then fast—hearing his breathing pick up. His groans become louder.

  His pleasure sounds ease my nerves. The way he tugs my hair winds me up. Last night—this entire weekend—was just supposed to be about fun, but something inside me is awakening. A part of me that hasn’t seen the other side in God knows how long.

  “Fuck,” he mutters, as he spills down the back of my throat. I hold him there, my own arousal at its peak. When he’s calmed down—when his breaths become steady, his fingers untangle from my hair. He pulls me up. “Sit here,” he instructs, patting his bare thigh.

  I stand on wobbly legs and straddle his lap, letting him kiss me hungrily. “Did you like it?” I ask when his lips finally leave mine.

  “I fucking loved it.”

  I lean in, kissing him once again.

  “It’s your turn,” he announces, pressing his fingers between my legs. He moves in slow circles, and it’s not long before my walls clench. The gasoline was already there; he simply threw in the match.

  He kisses my neck. “Have I broken the orgasm record yet?”

  “You accomplished that last night,” I admit.

  “How do you feel about a bubble bath?” he asks, running the backs of his fingers up and down my arms.

  “Definitely one of my top five favorite things.”

  His arms wrap around my waist as he sits up and pulls us both up from the couch. I nestle my face in the crook of his neck as he carries me down the narrow hallway. I still smell the cologne he wore yesterday. It’s faint, but it’s there. He walks us through a spacious bedroom into an oversized bathroom with a huge tub. To make it even more spectacular, it sits against a window with a perfect view of the ocean.

  He carefully sets me on the counter then leaves me to turn on the water. I can only stare—at him, the bathroom, the view—at everything. After adjusting the water temperature, he stands and walks over to kiss me. “Stay put. I’m going to grab something out of the kitchen.”

  “Hurry back?” I ask, sliding my fingers along his forearm.

  He cocks his head. “You don’t really think I’d let you get in there all by yourself, do you?”

  I shake my head. If I’m in there naked, he’s going to be there with me.

  “Be right back,” he says, slipping away from me.

  I fixate on the ocean just as I would if I were in my office. It’s become a collage of memories; my eyes have held it so many times throughout the years. My thoughts ebb and flow with it and become a part of it.

  The bad part is most of those thoughts involve Cole. I see him when I look out into the ocean because he’s usually on my mind every time I fixate on it. I wonder what he’s doing so many miles away. Has he tried to call? Is he even thinking about me? Does guilt consume him like it’s starting to
do with me?

  I’m done, but he doesn’t know that yet, and here I am spending the weekend with a man I don’t know anything about. I took the first opportunity that presented itself to me. River swept me off my feet the minute he picked me up last night, and this is first time he’s put me down. The quiet leads to thinking. The thinking leads to guilt.

  River sets a tray down on the counter, startling me. “You do that a lot?”

  “Do what?” I ask, relieved to distract myself from the pressure of the situation.

  “Bite your lip.”

  “I was just thinking,” I admit, resisting the pull the ocean has on me.

  He cups my face in his hands. “Don’t let yourself ruin this weekend by overthinking anything. It’s ours, and I’m not willing to give it up yet.”

  I open my mouth to speak, but he kisses me instead. The picture within the clear blue water fades. River kisses me until I’m blind of my worries and guilt. Whoever said an ocean is better than a river has never met my River.

  “Better?” he asks as he pulls away.

  “Much.” I watch as he sits on the edge of the tub and turns the water off. When I first met him, I saw him differently. His compassion was veiled by arrogance. If River Holtz wanted, he could make a woman happy for more than a night.

  He motions me over to where he sits.

  I lift myself from the counter, slowly walking to him. When I’m close enough, he reaches for me, pulling me against his rock hard body. His chin rests on my chest as he looks up at me. “You’re mine until tomorrow morning. Don’t forget that.”

  I comb my fingers through his hair. “I haven’t. And, I also haven’t forgotten that after I leave here tomorrow, we’re nothing.”

  “Not true,” he says, kissing between my breasts. “I’ll always be the guy you wish you could have again. The one you’ll compare everyone else to.”

  “Full of yourself much?”

  “You should know that by now. Besides, you’ve been full of me too.”

  Rolling my eyes, I can’t help but smile. He’s too cocky for his own good. “Can I get in the tub yet, or are you going to make me stand here all day and listen to your nonsense?”

  “Women like that about me.” His fingertips trace a line where my ass meets my thighs, then brush down to the backs of my knees before coming up again.

  I close my eyes, relishing in his touch. It’s been a while since I felt desired like this. “I’m not just any woman, Mr. Holtz.”

  “I realize that.” He presses his lips to my stomach once before releasing me. “Bath time.”

  Before he has a chance to change his mind, I stick one leg in, letting it adjust to the hot, bubbly water. Once it’s comfortable, I put the other in and slowly sink down until the water covers my breasts. “I thought I had everything, but my place doesn’t have a tub anywhere close to this size.”

  “If you had everything, you wouldn’t be here right now,” he remarks. And there’s the truth. A woman who has everything at home wouldn’t be spending the weekend at the home of another man. Sometimes having everything means nothing at all.

  Shrugging off all thoughts of my daily life, I watch as he walks over to retrieve the tray from the counter. For the first time, I take notice of the two piping hot cups of coffee resting on it. He carefully places one on the ledge near me, and the other on the opposite side then climbs in.

  “How often have you given these kinds of personal tours of your apartment?” I ask, changing the subject.

  “Never,” he answers, shaking his head firmly.

  “Never?”

  He rubs his chiseled jaw between his thumb and index finger. “I don’t bring women here. Thought I’d try something different this time since you’re not the typical woman and all.”

  “Where do you usually take them?”

  A smirk highlights his dimples. “I have a small apartment downtown. It serves me well.”

  “Have you ever had a girlfriend?”

  “There were a few back in high school and college. Nothing serious.” He eyes me for a few seconds, seemingly studying my features. “What about you? How long have you been with … you know?”

  Just thinking about him makes my stomach drop. Not only how many years I’ve been with Cole, but also how I got here. How I don’t feel as if I’ve grown much since Cole and I’ve been together. My soul is depleted of happiness—something I’ve forgotten the feeling of. Some great memories were gained, but for the most part, eleven years were lost. I grew comfortable with him. He was security. He was my home. But, I’m not content with any of it anymore. A home should be full of happiness … a place you actually want to be.

  “Long enough,” I answer honestly. It’s long enough when you’ve had enough.

  “What made you decide to stay? Here, I mean?”

  “I gave him one last chance.” I pick up my coffee cup, taking an easy sip. It’s perfectly brewed. “Actually, I gave him lots of last chances, but I’ve finally given up. He doesn’t love me enough to choose me first anymore.”

  He nods, drinking from his own cup. “You’re a beautiful, intelligent woman. Any man would be lucky to be with you. You just need to find one who deserves you.”

  “You’re not that guy?” I ask, smiling sadly.

  “For a day or two, I can show you what you deserve, but I don’t deserve you.” I know River isn’t the type of guy that’s going to settle down. He’s the type of guy you have fun with to erase the last guy before moving on to the next. Deep inside, though, he has some of the forever type guy in him, but for whatever reason, he’s chosen not to let him out.

  My legs rub against his as we relax back, enjoying our coffee for a few moments. This is the type of thing most women wish their men would do with them. This is the type of thing I wanted Cole to do with me.

  “Can we dissect your life now?” I ask when the silence becomes too much.

  He shakes his head slowly.

  “Come on. This doesn’t seem fair.”

  He sets his cup down then scoots closer to me until his hands have hold of my hips. “I’ll let you ask me a question or two if you play a little game with me first.”

  “WHAT’S WITH YOU AND GAMES?” I ask, trying to think about something besides what he feels like inside of me. I had my first taste of him, and I’m already an addict.

  His thumbs slide up, brushing my nipples. “I don’t remember playing games with you.”

  “We were married for a day last week. You played husband. I played wife,” I remind him, pretending his touches aren’t affecting me.

  “That was nothing compared to what I’d like to play with you,” he whispers, his palms circling around my breasts.

  I want to know more about him.

  I want him to touch me.

  “What are the rules?” I ask, biting my lower lip.

  “Have you ever given total control to someone else?” His hands leave me. I want them back. There’s not much I wouldn’t do to have them back.

  “That’s not an easy question to answer.” I pause, thinking of the parts of myself I’ve lost the last few years. I’ve given up my happiness and all of my dreams. I haven’t lost everything, just the best parts of me. “I always have some control, and I need it.”

  He pushes a few loose strands of hair away from my eyes. “Do you trust me enough to give it to me for a little while? I want to show you how it feels to trust someone that much.”

  “And how are you going to do that?”

  His thumb brushes my cheek, a grin highlighting his ruggedly handsome face. “I’m going to fuck you.”

  His words are crude, but it’s nothing I haven’t heard slip from his lips before. There’s a difference between wanting someone and craving him. He’s definitely a craving. “How is that any different from what you’ve been doing to me?” I ask.

  He grabs the bar of soap, gently running it over my skin. “I’m going to blindfold you.” I close my eyes, imagining it as he circles my breasts yet again. �
��Then I’m going to tie you to my bed so that you can’t move. That alone will make you hot for it, but when my hands touch your body and you can’t touch mine, it’ll drive you crazy. You’ll lift those sexy hips from my bed, wanting me so fucking bad, you’ll beg me for it.” He stops, slipping the soap down my stomach. I open my eyes, noticing his tongue dart out over his bottom lip. “And the best part is, I get to decide if I’m going to give it to you. You can’t touch me. You can’t touch yourself. It’s all me.”

  I hide my eyes again to guard my thoughts. There’s an ache between my legs just thinking about the words that just rolled from his tongue. Every freaking one of them scares me, but the ache is still there. I guess what scares me also excites me.

  His thumb pulls at my lower lip. My eyes open. He’s so close I could kiss him. I want to kiss him. I want to do more than kiss him.

  “Do you want to play?” he whispers against my lips.

  “It depends,” I say, trying to catch my breath. “How much control are you going to give me after?”

  “I’ll let you ask me a couple of questions, and with whatever time is left in our day, you can decide what we do. Something tells me you’ll want to be tied up again,” he remarks. Cocky doesn’t even begin to describe him.

  Adventurous isn’t a word anyone would use to describe me. Fun might even be a stretch. Yet, I seem to be leaving everything I thought I was or wasn’t behind this weekend.

  “I’ll play, but you have no idea what you’re setting yourself up for later.”

  He grins. “You’ll be lucky if you can walk when I’m done with you, and that soft voice of yours is going to be hoarse. I can’t say I’m too concerned.”

  “Do you shower yourself in arrogance every morning, Mr. Holtz? You may want to use a little less next time.” My toes curl in the water, but I hold my voice steady.

  He grips my hips, sliding my body close to his. If his cock is any indication, he’s just as turned on by this back and forth as I am. “Just admit you like it. You like having someone take care of your every need. You like having all my attention, and you definitely like my cock.”

 

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