The Eightfold Paths of BDSM and Beyond

by Lee Harrington

  Each of us is in a different place in our journeys. And you know what? That is okay. Some of us have had moments of epiphany and personal revelation between the sheets or in the dungeon and were completely unprepared for it. Others have been drawn to these ideas all of our lives. Some have seen these paths from a distance but have been struggling with which to follow. Others have glimpsed the potential while pondering the journeys ahead, and are ready to go back for more.

  Wherever your history might be, the journey ahead is yours. Whether you are exploring altered states of consciousness for good times, or stepping away from the world, the journey is yours. If you long to connect to a partner or are seeking change, healing, or personal identity work, the journey is yours. If you are journeying into the astral, exploring your energetic self, connecting with a divine force, or finding your place in the universe, this journey is yours. Because you, too, are a psychonaut. You, too, can explore.

  When we each become authentic to our journey and find our own path, we open doors in the world. We have the power to change the world. When we follow the path waiting for us, or blaze our own trail, we give permission to others to follow their path or set their own way in the world. We change the world by becoming ourselves, no matter who we need to be. We help the world gain confidence by gaining confidence ourselves in our own journey.

  “You don’t get confidence by knowing how to single tail. You get confidence by knowing who you are and what your energy and path truly is.”

  - Cleo Dubois, www.sm-arts.com

  This is the call to awakening. You deserve to find out who you truly are, not just live a cookie-cutter life others expect you to live. Whether you are called to be a hermit Master or a leather missionary, a priestess in PVC or a shaman in tailored hides. If your path is hidden in the heartbeat of the earth or in struggling past your preconceived notions. If your path moans and sighs in the night, or wakes every day to the same rituals of connection. If your path fills you up with each deep breath or echoes in each mask you or the divine wears. If your path takes the narrow road through minimalism or is found on the tip of your tongue. Your authenticity is waiting for you.

  Authenticity has nothing to do with being “out” at work about what you do in the privacy of your world beyond the office. It is not about your family knowing every detail of your bedroom or your personal bliss. Authenticity comes in the form of becoming the vessel that holds truth, rather than chasing truth through the darkness of your life. We awaken our consciousness, not just alter it each day. We find us, and in doing so, open the portal for others to do the same.

  We stop living our lives entirely by accident, and embrace our greatness.

  Or we can just have a good time with it all. That is fine too, if it is where you are called to be. But if you are ready to embrace all that is sacred in your world, you are not alone. Whether the sacred is found in debauchery or in working at soup kitchens, whether your work is in the dungeon, or in town hall, whether your journey leads you to fall in love with your partner or with world peace. Whatever the journey is—your authentic journey awaits, full of its own challenges, and its own bliss.

  This journey is yours to have, if you want it.

  All you have to do is rise to the occasion. Put one foot in front of the other, and with eyes and spirit wide open, walk the next step along your own path.

  Acknowledgements

  I climbed the mountain and found

  I was in the foothills

  Writing a second edition of a book is a challenge. You pick up the baby that you gave birth to years ago and realize that it has gone out into the world and had a journey of its own. It has come back home and is ready to be birthed anew with 7 more years of knowledge and experiences under my belt. After receiving so much love and courageous attention, I knew it was time not just for a facelift, but for some ways to help more people find this type of work. It is my kinky spiritual thesis, and it was important to have others understand what my heart had poured out.

  The first edition was highly academic, and this work still carries that vein because it is important to know where we are coming from if we hope to move forward with our eyes wide open. However, the number of people said that they had a hard time even getting through the first chapter because of how dense it was–I want to start by thanking each of you for your vulnerability and compassionate language that helped me see where you were coming from as we moved forward with this new edition. My hope is that it is full of new breath and more accessible to everyone.

  This book would not have been possible without the love, support, inspiration, late night conversations, and occasional nagging of a number of amazing individuals and groups. Even with nearly twenty years in the public kink community and twenty-two years of active spiritual exploration, if this book has taught me nothing else, it taught me I had so much more to do. Every breath is a new opportunity to grow, as is every rope laid, every kiss, every moment of silence.

  I am grateful to each of the teachers who have inspired me along my Sacred Kink journey: Raven Kaldera for writing the article that appears in the appendix in the first place and kicking my ass in the best ways possible; Barbara Carellas for plunging me into Urban Tantra; Master Skip Chasey, Slave Rick and Slave Caroline for showing me first-hand how profound I knew M/s relationships could be; Michelle Bellanger and House Khepheru for opening up a path of Ethical Psychic Vampirism that so easily applied to the work we do in kink; T. Thorn Coyle, Storm Faerywolf, Christopher Angelo, StarChild, Shade and the other Feri whose hearts afire rocked my world; Master Archer, Elegant, and their leather family for putting a bit of Huberd’s into my Leather; Jack McGeorge for reminding me of atonement and its place in D/s; Lady Hilary and The Marine, who are providing a vanguard of possibilities; Nayland Blake, Sarah Sloane and Sir Bobby for showing me more windows into the ash; Fakir Musafar, Cleo Dubois, Elwood Reid, Rena, Greg, Eve Minax and the rest of the Black Leather Wings family for lifting us all up on hooks, brands and prayers; Peter Slemrian who reminded me of the power of a single line; and Sam Stone for reminding me of my work as a Shaman with smoke rising.

  Many thanks to my friends, allies and cohorts who talked to me all hours of the night or morning on these topics as I tried to wrap my head around them, or who danced on desire and dream to help me live these journeys first-hand including: Aaron Blaise Garber-Paul; Adam Jarvey; Ahleah; Aiden Fyre; Aisling Nic Lynne; Alyxx “Panther” Berg; Andrea Zanin; Amy Wakingwolf; Angel, Alexi, Judge, Eva Destruction, Frank, Grim and the rest of the Temple of Atonement; Arabella Champaq; Arden Leigh; Asrik Tashlin; Ava Amnesia; Ayem Willing; Barak and Sheba; Becky and Preston; Ben Mandall; Bendyogagirl; Brett Slocum; C.A. Sizemore; Cannon and Tifereth; Captain Gordon and all of Primal Arts; Carol “Stella” Carmick; Carol Queen and Robert Lawrence; Casey Morgan; Cat Castellas; Catherynne Valente, Dmitri Zagadulin, K. Wiley and the rest of my Gypsy Arts Family; Celeste Tanner; Chris M.; Claire Black; Conrad Hodson and Margaret; Coral Mallow; Corey Alexander; Craig and Marcus Green; Daddy Deb and Joseph; Dan and dawn; DaniBearess; David and Martin McGrath; December Fields-Bryant; Deborah Addington; Deborah Lipp; Dee Bellweather; Del Tashlin; Dossie Easton; Dylan and Bonnie Richards; Edwardian; Erynn Laurie; Femcar; Forge; Freya; George and Shale Vaughn; Gray Miller; Holly at WholeDC; Hunter Demonachello Bruin; Ice Cammins Bretts; James of Rhode Island; J.D. Lenzen and Kristen; Janice Stine; Jim Anderson; Jim Deuder; Jim Duvall; Joshua Tenpenny; Julie Fennell; Klawdya Rothschild; Koe Creation; Kosse; Lady Kona; Lady Pandion and the Circles of Kink family; Leanne Lapspace; Luna Bella; Lupa; Lydia Hellasdottir, Galina Krassakova, Tannin Shwartzstein, Kenaz Filan, Kiarna, Anya Kless, Ruth and the rest of the Grouchy Spirit Workers; Madison Young; Magpie; Maitrisse Betka Schpitz; Margo Eve; Marilee Glenn; Marlen; Martin Miller; Master Dennis, Ms. Bonnie and Dragon Clan; Master Duane and Kelly; Master Gallad; Master Malik; Master Obsidian and slave Namaste; Master Z of Dallas; Matthew “Flagg” Somers; Max Fields; Michael Wanderingangel; Mitch and the rest of Dv8; Mistress Barbara and Aj
ax; Mistress Joanne and the rest of Famila Purpalia; Mistress Simone; Murphy Blue and Kae Harmony; Nina Hartley; Ninja; Orien and Christine Laplante; Palmer; Paige Gyldersleeve; Paul NyteOwl; Phillip “Boymeat” Wolf; Randy Bear; Roni and Rajih; Ruin; Rune and the ICS; Scratch Hunter; Sean-Michael and the crew at LILA; Slave 705; Sophia Skies; Strider and Andii; Rae Goldman; Rebecca Lowrie; Rev. Stephen and Anna Bell; Rick Bannerman; Scotty Thompson; Scout; Seani Love; Sharrin Spectre, Bear and the rest of their leather family; Sheryn B. and her stone allies; Skian McGuire; Stormy, Red and Team Fluffy; SwitchMe; Suzanne SxySadist; Tai Fenix and Stian Kulystin; Taylor Elwood; Tillie King; Vincenza; Whittney Matlock; Wintersong and Owen Tashlin; Xochiquetzal Duti; Zahava.

  Much love goes to the venues and events without whom these ritual experiences and passionate explorations might not have taken place: Dark Odyssey; The Agora; Alaska Center for Alternative Lifestyles; Beyond the Edge Café; Bay Area Sacred Kink; Bound In Boston; BurningMan; Cauldron Farm; Center for Sex Positive Culture; Dark Moon Rising; Denver Bound; Desire Leather Women; Edge of the Circle Books; Free Spirit Gathering; Geeky Kink Event; House Je Te Vois; House Kheperu Gather; In The Woods Bellingham; Kinko de Mayo; La Garou CampOUT; Living In Leather; Keepers Crossing; KinkFest; Leather Retreat; The Master/slave Conference; No Holes Barred; Ohio Leather Fest; PantheaCon; Paradise Unbound; Primal Arts Festival; Queer Playcon; Ramblewood; Sacred Sexuality Beltane; The School of Erotic Mysteries; Seattle Sex Positive Community Center (aka The Wet Spot); ShibariCon; SouthWest Leather Conference; Southern Exposure; SpankFest; Spirit of the Islands; SummerBash Albany; TNG3; Twisted Leprechaun; Twisted Tryst; Winter Wickedness–and all the events to come who create spaces for spiritual journeyers and erotic explorers to gather and create connections.

  To the rest who have journeyed with or without me in private and public sex magic, sacred kink, or alternative sexuality journeys, I extend profound appreciation.

  To my amazing students, intensive attendees, panelists, and readers, who keep shaking up my world and pointing out vistas never before considered. I am incredibly blessed by each fresh mind that walks into my world. Thank you for keeping me on my toes.

  My fantastic editorial and arts crew, Jess “Razz” Menton, Nick Elliot and the beautiful Butterfly whipped the second edition into success, while Brent Dill and Rev. Dr. Phillip Bernhardt-House made sure to check me on accuracy of information in the first edition. Our beautiful cover was shot by Scott Stansbury with Athena and Enigma gracing us with their passion, while Mikal Cassandra and Lucian Alastar brought their energy in as well. The first edition featured the work of Leon Grossman of MonkeyFetish Studios featuring Mistress Simone, John, Cherries Jubalie and Benny as the kinky archetypes. Rob River once again brought the images and copy to life by transforming raw words and pictures into something beautiful to behold.

  Special thanks to Miss Piper, who taught me the truth of what receiving Puja meant; Butterfly, who kept reminding me throughout the process that she believed in me with love; S.J.”Sooj” Tucker and Alexander James Adams, who crafted the soundtrack to much of writing this book and large parts of my life; and my parents, for disagreeing on what faith to raise me, and thus sending me out into the world to dance in groves, sing in churches, meditate in temples, pray in mosques, contemplate in synagogues, and breathe in the truth naked under the stars.

  And to my Patron, She who I serve in all I do—Bear. Thank you for helping me open doors for the world, and for trusting me with the Work I do in this world and beyond.

  I climbed the foothills and found

  I had been dancing amidst the stars

  Bright blessings on the journeys ahead,

  Lee Harrington

  www.PassionAndSoul.com

  February 2016

  Anchorage, Alaska, USA

  Appendix 1:

  The Terminology of Sacred Kink

  This is a collection of terminology to help guide in your exploration of this text and the world of Sacred Kink. The definitions are my own, and are not necessarily representative of every person in the Kink community-at-large, or the world-at-large. If a word within a definition can be found elsewhere in the appendix, it appears in italics. “A.K.A.” refers to “Also Known As”—the other phrases the concept is known by, associated with, or compared to, in alphabetic order. Not all A.K.A.s are direct translations of concept, and there may be other names the concept is known by that have not been listed. For items with multiple definitions, any or all may apply to different individuals, circumstances, or situations.

  Abstinence. Voluntarily choosing not to indulge in a desire for a specific bodily activity, such as Sex, a specific sexual behavior, drugs, alcohol, and food.

  Active Listening. Focusing on the intent and nuance of a communication channel, to the exclusion of other distractions or planning ahead for a response to what is being shared. A.K.A.: Being Present, Paying Attention, Really Listening, Shutting Up.

  Aftercare. The time, activities or support needed by an individual to reintegrate and recuperate from an Altered State of Consciousness, Scene, Ritual or other interaction. This may or may not involve Processing.

  Altered State of Consciousness. A state of awareness or experience that differs significantly from the baseline or Normal consciousness; an experience of losing connection with our own body or perceptions, losing sense of self-identity, zoning out, hyper-focus, connecting with something “bigger” or any change from our day-to-day way of experiencing the world. A.K.A.: Altered Consciousness, Altered State, Altered State of Awareness, ASC, Journeying, Sub Space, Top Space, Trance State.

  Archetype. A stereotype, template, model or idealized example of a concept or pattern. Archetypes fall into the categories of Universal (understood and recognized by everyone in all cultures), Cultural (understood and recognized by individuals within that culture or group), and Personal (understood and recognized by an individual).

  Astral. A conception of the world of Spirit and Energy, as distinct from the Mundane or Profane world. A.K.A.: Astral Realm, Astral Space, Celestial Realms, Celestial Sphere, Dreamland, Dreamtime, Faerie Lands, Heavens, Inner Realms, Inspiration, Mindspace, “Out There,” Spirit World, Totem Realms, Underworld, The World Tree.

  Astral Body. An individual’s representation within the Astral, which may also apply to an idea, Spirit or Deity. A.K.A.: Aura, Energetic Body, Subtle Body.

  Atonement. Actions and behaviors which wipe the energetic slate clean; a tool used to help previous actions and behaviors to be forgiven, fully pardoned, or absolved. A.K.A.: Making Amends, Penance, Redemption, Restitution.

  Aura. A conceptualization or perception of the Energy that imbues or surrounds a person, place or thing.

  BDSM. Shorthand or slang for Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), Sadism and Masochism(SM), erotic Slavery and Mastery (SM).

  Bondage. Anything that restricts options; Imposed physical or psychological restraint; being held in place by materials such as rope, leather, metal, or other materials.

  Bottom. The receiving or receptive partner in a dynamic or encounter; the person experiencing sensations, actions or activities; in gay male culture, the sexually penetrated partner.

  Casting a Circle. Using Energy to erect a temporary Temple.

  Cathartic Flogging. Repetitious and rhythmic impact from a Kink tool used to bring emotions and/or echoes of personal trauma to the surface or to clear and unclog the energetic system of an individual, often providing Catharsis.

  Catharsis. A form of release or experience in which a person’s emotions or memories are brought into consciousness to be experienced, mourned, embraced, or purged. Often paired with Processing to help in using a cathartic experience for growth and development. A.K.A.: Letting Go, Releasing Trauma, Embracing Personal Truth.

  Celibacy. Remaining unmarried, often confused with Sexual Continence, Chastity and Abstinence. Used as modern slang to describe refraining from or having no access to sexual relations.

  Centering. The
process of finding a sense of self and awareness of personal consciousness; connecting to some source of Energy to create or maintain emotional and personal balance or normalcy. A.K.A.: Finding Balance, Focusing, “Getting a Grip.”

  Chakra. A nexus or concentration of Energy within the soul or body. A.K.A.: Energy Point, Node.

  Chaste. Originally used to mean pure from unlawful or extramarital relations, it is now used to describe someone following appropriate sexual behavior within cultural and religious norms, such as sexual Abstinence before marriage.

  Chastity. Originally used as a synonym for virginity, it is now used to describe someone following appropriate sexual behavior within cultural and religious norms, such as sexual Abstinence before marriage.

  Compersion. Coined within the polyamory community to express the feeling of being happy when our loved one is with someone else they love, or having a good time with another. A.K.A.: Frubble.

  Cross-dressing. Wearing the clothes, makeup or cultural objects of a gender other than one’s own, sometimes to denote a temporary gender expression, or for sexual or erotic stimulation or arousal.

  Cult. A group of individuals dedicated to a common Sacred purpose; A religious or secular group who are perceived by outsiders to be Weird in some way. See “The Advanced Bonewits’ Cult Danger Evaluation Frame,” online or in the book Playing Well With Others: Your Guide to Discovering, Exploring, and Navigating the BDSM, Kink and Leather Communities, for a useful tool on determining if a group is a potentially harmful Cult.

  Deity. A form of Energy that seems to exhibit a conscious Will. A.K.A.: The Big Picture, Consciousness, Dharma, Divine Force, God, Goddess, Gods, Great Cosmic Muffin, Greater Will, Maker, The Plan, Power, Spirit, The Universe.

  Discipline. The instruction given to a disciple or follower of a system of rules and conduct; to instruct a person to follow a code of conduct or order. Often associated with Punishment, as a form of negative reinforcement, though positive reinforcement may be used as well. A.K.A.: Development, Drilling, Practice, Regimen, Training.