by Piper Rayne
“Juno?” Colton has a specific tone he uses when he’s obsessing over something. “We need to talk.”
Our eyes lock. We can’t cross that line now. We can’t have the conversation I think he wants to have now.
I shake my head. “Later.”
“I’ll come by tomorrow at lunch,” he says.
I nod although every cell in my body is screaming no, he’s getting married.
“And switch!” Mrs. Johnson claps.
One of the middle-aged women slides between Colton and me while her partner puts his arms around me. But my eyes don’t stray from Colton’s and his don’t leave mine.
All I can remember is that night before he left for Colorado State.
Thirteen
Juno
Seventeen years old
“Come on.” I pull Colton down the pathway of our house toward the lake on our property.
“Why are we going to the lake? I thought we were going to watch The Hangover?”
I slide my arm through his and lean my head on his upper arm. He’s grown so much through high school. The other day I noticed the way even his forearms are corded with muscles. He’s going to forget me when he goes away to college.
“We will, but I want to give you a goodbye present.”
“We wouldn’t be saying goodbye if you would’ve come with me.”
I look up at him and smile softly. Going to college together was the plan when we were young. But when my parents died, my plans changed. I can’t leave Austin here alone to raise the twins.
We all get money for college or a business from my parents’ inheritance, so I need to spend as little as possible so I have enough to start my matchmaking business. It just makes more sense for me to go to college here in Alaska.
“You’ll be back. Lake Starlight is your home.”
He nods. “Eventually, but if I don’t end up going to vet school here, then we’re talking eight years.”
I shake my head. “Can we not talk about it right now?”
We arrive at the lake, the moonlight reflecting along the surface of the dark water. Small lanterns I put around a blanket at the edge of the water glow in the dark. My heart races as his footsteps fall to a stop and he looks at me.
“What’s going on?”
I take his hand and lead him to the blanket. “I didn’t want to just watch a movie in my basement where Kingston or the twins could come in and join us. I wanted to be alone with you.”
A small smile tips his lips as though he’s surprised that I would want that.
Just wait.
“I got all your Lake Starlight favorites. Strawberry pie from Lard Have Mercy, cookies from Sweet Suga Things, and Austin wants me to tell you it was him who went to Carol’s Crabby Shack to pick up hushpuppies and crab legs.”
I fall to my knees on the blanket, but Colton stays standing and takes in all the food and the lanterns.
“Juno.” He shakes his head. “This is amazing.” He drops to his knees and looks me in the eye. It spurs a rush of nerves. “Thank you.”
“You’re my best friend. Did you think I wouldn’t do anything before you left?”
He shrugs. “I would’ve been happy to watch The Hangover. I just wanted my last night to be with you.”
I push back thoughts of this being his last night in Lake Starlight. He’s leaving me, but I want him to. Colorado State has always been his dream, and he deserves it and so much more.
“Let’s eat before it gets too cold.” I open up the takeout Austin picked up for me.
We eat in near silence except for the crickets making their music.
“Oh, I almost forgot.” I abandon my food and walk over to the bench next to the lake.
My dad installed the bench for Grandma Dori because the lake is a place of reflection for my family. During family gatherings, she disappears here to think about my grandpa. I always wonder if I’ll find the same kind of love that she shared with him.
I turn on the speaker so that music interrupts the crickets.
We eat our crab and talk about his new roommate, who he’s talked to over the phone. He doesn’t think he’ll get along with him. I can tell how nervous Colton is to be away from home and not know anyone at his new school. We promise to write letters, emails, and text all the time. And we count how many days he’ll be gone before he returns for the short Thanksgiving break.
After we’re both full from our dinners, “Need You Now” by Lady Antebellum comes on the radio and Colton stands, holding his hand out for me.
“Dance with me,” he says.
“I can’t dance.” I shake my head, cleaning up our containers.
“As a gift to me?”
“Hey, I got you that nifty shower caddy thing.”
He chuckles and continues to hold his arm out to me. “Come on, Juno. One dance.”
I accept his hand and rise off the blanket. His arms wrap around my waist, and I lock my hands behind his neck. We’re so close, my nipples peak under the thin T-shirt I’m wearing. Since we’re both in shorts, the hair on his legs rubs on my thighs as we circle around in one spot, our feet barely moving, but our emotions swirling like a tornado building momentum.
Tears build in my eyes and I lay my head on his chest, trying to commit the sound of his heartbeat to memory. I can’t remember a day when we haven’t seen one another, other than when his family goes on vacation.
His arms tighten around me and his chin rests on the top of my head. “I’m going to miss you so much.”
I slide my arms from his neck to around his middle, hugging him. “I’m going to miss you too.”
We’ve conveyed this string of words to one another before. It’s no surprise to either of us, but maybe it’s the slow song or the fact we’re hugging tighter than I’ve ever hugged him before, but the words hold more weight and emotion this time around. A single tear rolls down my cheek.
The song comes to an end and “Firework” by Katy Perry plays. He loosens his arms.
I rest my chin on his chest, staring up at him. “I have one more gift for you.”
He runs his thumb along my cheek, wiping away my tear. “This is plenty.”
“It’s kind of big.”
His eyes search mine for some hint as to what it could be, but he’ll never guess. And I know it’s going to take some convincing. He won’t go along with this right away.
“What is it?” he asks.
I break away from his hold and go to my bag, where I pull out a condom. “I want you to take my virginity.”
The shadows from the lanterns mask me from seeing exactly what he’s thinking.
“Why?”
“Because we’re going to college, and sooner or later, I’m going to want to cross that off my list. I don’t want to be a virgin forever.” It sounds crazy as the words spill from my mouth, but Emily’s words from when I was thirteen and hadn’t had my first kiss yet ring in my ears. Colton is the one I want to remember my first time being with.
“That’s not a reason, Juno.” He rushes by me, sits on the bench, and puts his hands in his hair. “You can’t just use me to get rid of your virginity. That’s not how it’s supposed to work.”
I sit next to him on the bench. Close, but far enough that we don’t touch. My hands press between my thighs and I lean forward. “I’m not using you. I don’t want to remember my first time as something bad or something I regret. I’d never regret it if it’s you.”
He turns his head to face me. “This is huge. This isn’t asking to borrow my bike while I’m gone. Or me leaving my lucky rabbit’s foot.”
“Do you still have that rabbit’s foot?”
He chuckles at my ability to change the topic so quickly. “Be serious.”
“I was. Do you?”
He shrugs. “I think it’s in my dresser drawer or something.” He buries his head back in his hands. “You do realize I’m a virgin too?”
I had my suspicions but didn’t know for sure. His ex-girlfriend Mo
nica was clear nothing had happened between them and told me it was my fault. That I play mind games and the two of us get off on pretending we’re only friends.
“I didn’t know for sure, but…” I slide along the bench, so we’re hip to hip. “That’s kind of perfect, right? We both lose our virginity to one another. That way we’re ready for when we want to have sex. You’re my best friend, and I trust you so much. I trust you to be gentle and understanding. I really want my first to be you.”
He bites his lip. “Only you would come up with this plan.”
“I’m sure we aren’t the only best friends to lose their virginity to each other.”
He sits up straight and his cheeks fill with air that he slowly releases. “On one condition.”
I turn to face him, propping my one leg up on the bench. “What?”
“We kiss and have some foreplay. I’m not just gonna put the condom on and slide in.”
My body zings with electricity that he wants some intimacy with his sex. But I’m not surprised. That’s Colton. “You think I’m going to complain about kissing?”
“It’s going to be weird.” A groan rumbles up his throat. “Will this change things with us?”
I take his hand and lock it between mine. “No. We always know our friendship is the most important thing.”
He nods again and rocks back, entwining our fingers together. Sitting up, his eyes flare to mine and his free hand rises and cups my cheek. “Juno, you’re my everything. I cannot lose you, so I’m trusting you that you can handle any feelings that happen afterward.”
I blanch. “It’s me. Of course I can handle my feelings.”
A smirk crosses his lips and he leans forward, placing his lips on mine. It takes us a moment to get comfortable, but once he slides his tongue along my lips, I’m shifting forward and releasing our clasped hands so I can touch him.
Before I can straddle him, he draws the kiss to a close and leads me to the blanket. Colton lays me down and his lips land on mine once again. Our tongues glide together sloppily, but I enjoy every second. His fingers graze down my body, his hand sliding up the hem of my shirt, goose bumps chasing the feel of his hand on my breast.
He leans back to ask, “Is this okay?”
I nod, and his lips trail across my neck. He lifts my T-shirt and unclasps my bra with a perfection that has me thinking he practiced this move at some point. As his mouth closes over my nipple, I arch off the blanket, wanting and needing more from him. This is nothing like prom night when I let Pete feel me up over my dress while we made out. The energy coursing through my entire body feels as if my hand is on one of those electronic balls at the science center that make your hair stand up.
I bring his face up to mine, my hands sliding under his shirt because I want to feel his skin and the chest he’s teased me with all summer when he’s been swimming in his board shorts.
His heavy breathing sends shivers up my spine as his face lands in the crook of my neck and we dry hump with most of our clothes still on. His hard length makes me widen my legs to get more friction on my sensitive area.
“I think I’m ready. Are you ready?” I say.
He nods and we both strip ourselves. I lie on the blanket, the moonlight falling over his body allowing me to see his shaking hands sliding the condom down his length. I’ve never seen a penis besides my brothers’ and that was obviously way different than this. For a moment, I second-guess that this is what we should do.
But then Colton’s body weight presses down on me and it feels right, and his knees widen my legs farther. The tip of his penis pushes at my opening.
“I’m going to take this slow, okay?”
I nod. He pushes in slightly, I wince, and he withdraws. “Maybe this is a bad idea. I don’t want to hurt you.”
My hands grip his shoulders. “No, please. I’m good.” I kiss the hollow of his neck, which relaxes him.
His head falls into my neck again and I hold his body on top of mine as I close my eyes, breathing heavily through the pain.
“Shit, Juno. I’m not sure.”
“Fast. Just do it fast, Colt.” My hands grip his shoulders.
He sighs in my ear and pulls back his hips. “I love you, Juno.”
Those four words shift my attention from the pain. It isn’t until he’s already completely inside me and the pain hits and subsides slightly that I’m back in the moment.
I’m sure he meant he loves me as a friend, and I love him too.
He moves inside me, the two of us awkwardly trying to get into a rhythm that just doesn’t seem to come.
“I’m sorry. Can you stop moving for a second.” Colton laughs and thrusts inside me, but he’s being gentle because he’s worried that he’s going to hurt me.
For a moment, we’re on the same page and his thrusts and his breathing increase. I love hearing how much he’s enjoying this.
“I can’t go much longer,” he says like a warning.
My mind is in so many places, I’m positive I’m not going to orgasm. I heard most girls don’t their first time anyway.
“Go ahead, Colt,” I say.
“Not until you,” he pants.
“Don’t worry about it.”
My name comes out of his mouth right before he stills inside me. “I’m sorry.”
I run my hands through his hair and stare at his face only millimeters from mine. I take my last opportunity to kiss him, and his body falls on me as his tongue explores my mouth.
We lie on that blanket for the entire night. We don’t have sex again, but we do kiss, and when dawn arrives, Colton leaves for college.
Colton was right to worry. That night changed us forever.
Fourteen
Colton
I knock on Brigette’s apartment door. The playlist I made her of my favorite songs is playing inside.
She opens the door. Her hair is pulled into a high bun, and she’s dressed in yoga pants and a short T-shirt that shows her stomach.
“Colton? What are you doing here?” She’s surprised to find me here because I never called.
It’s about time we talk everything out. She’s been dodging me, and the fact she doesn’t kiss me on the cheek says I was right that she’s worried.
“Can I come in?”
She steps out of the doorway and grabs her phone from the waist of her yoga pants, turning off the music coming through the speaker. Coming here always feels weird because the setup is the same as Brooklyn’s apartment was when she lived in this complex.
“I’m just cleaning so after the wedding, we can move it all out and I can get my security deposit back.” She goes to the fridge. “Drink?”
“No. I’m good.” I sit on her couch.
Her furniture is sparse because she doesn’t have a ton of money. She’s still working under Dr. Murphy and me because she’s recently graduated. Still, there’s enough room for her next to me. However, she grabs a sparkling water and sits on the floor across from me, crossing her legs and sipping her drink. I guess this is how it’s going to be.
“I should have told you about Juno.”
“That you love her, you mean?” she asks, eyebrows raised.
“No. I mean, I love her, yeah. She’s my best friend.” Which is all true. All these feelings coming to the surface have to be because of Juno trying to kiss me the night of the triple baby shower. That my subconscious is saying, “You finally have a chance at her, take it.”
“Is that all?” she asks.
I look at the carpeted floor, thinking about Brooklyn’s wedding and how she ended up finding Wyatt right after she was left at the altar. How happy they are now with their new baby.
“You’re going to have to trust me on the Juno thing, okay? We’ve been friends a long time and I think me getting married is just changing things. It’s weird for both of us.” I’m being as honest as I can, but Brigette’s slight scowl suggests she wants to dig more.
Our past is our past, in all truth. I don’t go prying int
o hers, so she shouldn’t pry into mine. What difference does it make?
“I have something I really need to talk to you about,” I say. “Dr. Murphy is going to call you into his office after the wedding.”
She sits up straighter, wrapping her arms around her legs. “Dr. Murphy? Why?”
“I mentioned to you how I want to eventually take over the practice once he retires? I want to buy him out and make Four Paws my own. He was on board before, but now he feels me marrying you changes things. I need you to reassure him it won’t.”
“Okay. What is he going to ask me?”
“He’s going to ask you if you see your life here in Lake Starlight.”
Her head falls back, and she winds it around as if her neck hurts. “I thought I’d be okay with that, but now with the Juno thing, it feels weird.”
“You have nothing to worry about.”
I know she hears the aggravation in my tone because she narrows her eyes at me. “You know.” She stands, placing her sparkling water on the table. “I never did ask you why you agreed to this arrangement.”
I should’ve known she wouldn’t let the Juno thing go. I’m not sure if she’s just too proud or if she’s worried that I won’t honor my commitment.
She picks up a rag and dusts the bookcase behind her, picking up knickknacks and picture frames that really should be packed up.
“I’m doing it as a favor to you because you asked.” I’m positive I told her that, but even so, the paperwork in the folder I’m holding feels as if it weighs about a thousand pounds right now.
“Really? Because I kind of wonder if you’re not doing it to get Juno jealous.”
I place the folder on the table and stand, needing to exert some energy by pacing before I tell her again that my relationship with Juno is none of her business.
Sure, maybe making Juno jealous is part of it, but I won’t tell Brigette that. At first, I was so pissed with Juno when Brigette asked me if I would want to marry her that I agreed on impulse. Then once the reality of what it would mean set in, proposing to Brigette seemed like a good way to force myself to get on with my life. Get over the one woman it seems I can never have. I’ve grown tired of pining away after something that’s never going to happen. I needed something more than just my willpower to snap me out of it. This seemed like it would do the trick.