For the next couple of days, I’ll keep those thoughts to myself and maintain the happy go lucky fantasy world version of my personality. If she mentions seeing me again after this trip is over and we’ve returned to the real world, I’ll slowly introduce her to the parts of me that aren’t so attractive or appealing.
Then I’ll watch her run away as fast as she can, because no one wants to be around that guy.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Daisy
The sun soaks my skin in its warmth as I relax on beach chairs closest to the water at our luxe resort. We have front row seats to the most beautiful scenery on the island, oceanfront with a light breeze. Tracy lies beside me, snoring after complaining she didn’t get enough sleep last night. Rod and Kevin got up early for a run on the beach, which woke Tracy and me earlier than we’d prefer while on vacation. Rather than waste the sunlight, I dragged her lazy ass out of bed to spend time with me.
I got about five minutes of girl time out of her before she dozed off.
More beachgoers emerge from the resort, claiming the surrounding chairs and chatting about the various water sports they’ve reserved for the day. Since my partner in crime wimped out on me, I lean back and close my eyes, enjoying the quiet time. My black shades provide just enough cover to shield my eyes from the rising ball of fire in the sky. Sleep tugs at my senses, pulling me under its warm blanket with help from the sound of waves lapping at the shore.
“Holy shit, man. Would you look at these ladies? Where have they been all our lives?”
“I don’t know, but we have to convince them to change this egregious oversight. It would be a shame to let this chance for true love pass us by.”
When I open my eyes, two familiar guys wearing swim shorts, designer sunglasses, and broad smiles stand at the end of our lounge chairs. The one with blond hair smiles, then blows a kiss at me. The dark-haired guy wears a sexy smirk and waggles his eyebrows.
“Sorry, guys, we’re not interested. We’re both already taken.”
“You have to give me a chance to change your mind. I’ve never seen a more beautiful woman in my life. From the first second I laid eyes on you, I knew I had to meet you. Fate has spoken, and she wants you and me to be together forever. Not with some loser you’ve wasted your time around.” The blond lays the charm on thick, but I see right through his bullshit.
“Hunter, get the fuck out of here. She said she’s not interested in you or your shitty lines.” Rod approaches from my left, fresh from his beach run.
He wordlessly motions with his head, but I know exactly what he wants. I sit up, slide forward, and he sits behind me. With his legs on either side of mine, I lean back against his chest in what I now consider “our thing,” how we stake our claim on each other.
“Now my chair is complete. What took you so long?”
“Sorry to keep you waiting, my blue-eyed beauty. I had to get my exercise in so I can maintain my stamina for you.” He leans around and kisses my cheek. “Daisy, this persistent guy is my friend, Hunter. The one beside him is Jace. These are the guys I’ve warned you about.”
“The guys in the adjoining suite? The ones who passed out waiting for the boat to the cabana? The one who was drunk and sound asleep in your bed?”
“The same.”
“So that’s why you locked and barred the door. He obviously doesn’t remember seeing me in the room with you.”
Rod throws his head back in laughter. “You are a smart, delicious cookie. Two minutes after meeting them and you already get it.”
“Very funny, fucker. What gives, Rod? When did you start letting a woman stay in your room overnight?”
“Since I met Daisy. She and I have spent several days together now, and I have no intentions of letting her go. Move on down the line, boys. She’s one of a kind, and she’s all mine.”
Hunter and Jace openly gawk at Rod, but he doesn’t flinch a muscle behind me. In fact, his words make me question if he wants our vacationship to last past our getaway. I’m trying not to get my hopes up, but my feelings for him deepen every day. As hard as I’ve tried to keep them contained and maintain my “love isn’t real” mantra, he makes it almost impossible to resist falling when he shows his thoughtful side.
Tracy wakes from her nap and looks between our visitors and Rod and me. “All four of you are very noisy early in the morning. You need to keep it down and let a girl get her beauty sleep. My man will be back from the gym soon.”
“Sounds like you’re shit out of luck with her too. By the way, she’s been with Kevin the entire time, and you know how he is about other men hitting on his girlfriend. You can pull up a seat and join us if you promise to behave.” Rod motions to two vacated chairs beside us.
“We’ll catch you later. This party is a little too tame for our taste.” Jace grins and walks away, Hunter falling in line beside him.
Rod leans down to my ear and whispers, “I hope I didn’t spook you with what I said.”
“Did you mean it?” I hold my breath and wait for him to say he only meant to get rid of Hunter and Jace.
“Every word.” His lips brush against my ear as he speaks. I’m almost stunned speechless. Can this be real?
“You didn’t spook me. But if we’re being completely honest, I’m scaring myself.”
“Let’s take a walk and find somewhere we can talk in private.”
After I wake Tracy to tell her we’re leaving, Rod takes my hand in his and we walk off together.
“I have an idea. Let’s rent a Jet Ski and have a little fun. We’ll be far enough away from everyone out there, and we can float on the waves while we talk.”
“Perfect. I’ve always wanted to ride one.”
“Your wish is my command.” He kisses the back of my hand and my heart flutters. It really is the little things.
With the half-day rental secured, we climb aboard our water motorcycle and head offshore, away from the crowds. When we’re far enough out to float on the deep, clear water without being in the way of the other riders, he kills the engine and maneuvers his body until he’s facing me.
“This may seem like it’s coming out of left field after the other talks we’ve had, but it’s something that’s been building since the day I met you. Kevin called me out on my bullshit attitude this morning, and that made me take a long, hard look at my life. I even called my sister and asked her opinion, asked her if Kevin was right about how people perceive me. When the two people who know you best have nearly identical views, it makes you stop and think.”
“What did they say?” I’m not holding my breath. But I’m fairly certain I’m hyperventilating instead.
“In a nutshell, that I’ll end up miserable and alone because I won’t let anyone get close to me. But I’m different with you, and I shouldn’t limit what we have to just a vacation fling. In fact, my sister doesn’t want me to come back to the Atlanta area if I don’t leave my old personality here.” He chuckles, but the humor doesn’t reach his eyes. He looks off toward the horizon. “Since the day we met, I’ve felt a strange connection to you. One I’ve never experienced with another human being before now, so I’m not even sure how to handle it. I quit believing in love a long time ago. For years, I’ve said it was nothing more than a fairy tale that’ll inevitably end in disaster.
“But you make me want the fairy tale, Daisy. So much so I can’t imagine going back to how my life was before I met you. I need you to be honest with me about how you feel.”
A small gust of wind could blow me over right now. My mouth is dry, my heart is pounding, and my entire body is trembling. Vulnerability isn’t in my repertoire of emotions under normal conditions, but the time I’ve spent with Rod has been anything but ordinary. Contrary to my preferred response of deflecting, I decide to go with complete honesty…after I confirm one thing.
“What if your feelings are because of the setting? Vacation brain is an actual thing, and you may make wrong decisions based on the euphoric feeling it gives you. But th
ose feelings aren’t real, and you’ll realize that after you return home and put distance between you and paradise.”
“I’ve given it a lot of thought, even before today, and my feelings have nothing to do with where we are or our escape from the problems of everyday life. This is all about you, who are you, and how I feel when I’m with you. I couldn’t walk away from you now if I tried. What I want to know is if you feel the same about me.”
“I do. I absolutely feel the same way about you. I’ve tried so hard to fight against falling so hard for you, to hold on to my convictions against remotely related to love. But I can’t control these feelings any more than I can control the tide. When we’re together, I can barely hold back from showing and telling you how much I adore you already. I don’t want to hide it anymore, but I don’t want you to freak out and run from me. Whether you believe it, you deserve to feel loved, appreciated, and needed. If you’ll give me a chance, you’ll finally believe you’re worthy of being loved.”
Now I feel especially vulnerable after dumping all my feelings onto his lap. In my mind, I calculate roughly how far we are from shore and whether I can make it back if I jump in the water right now. I asked him not to run, but I’m the one about to have a panic attack because I’ve allowed this to happen in the first place. I swore off men more than seven years ago, only venturing out when Tracy convinced me with strong coercion to go on a blind date.
“You’ll be the one who runs, Daisy. But I’m not going anywhere. Whatever we have to do to make this last when we get home, I’m game.” He takes my hands in his, staring at them in silence for what feels like forever. When he speaks again, his voice is so low I can barely hear it over the waves gently breaking. “How could you possibly know I don’t feel worthy of being loved?”
“Because I don’t feel like I am either and my spirit felt it in yours. Maybe two damaged people can find a way to heal each other. If they can find a way to trust each other.”
“You don’t know how fucked up I really am. What if you decide you can’t deal with my bullshit and you want to take off, get as far away from me as possible?”
“Your bullshit can’t be any worse than mine, Rod. What if we both tried a novel approach and trusted each other?”
“I’m willing to try it.” He doesn’t verbalize the question, but I see it in his eyes.
“Me, too.”
With a reassuring squeeze to his hands, I lean over to kiss his cheek. He turns his face at the last second, pressing his lips against mine. He moves his hands to my face, cupping my cheeks with tenderness and affection. His caress isn’t as demanding or heated as usual. It’s full of love, warmth, and openness. It’s his way of showing his vulnerable side, using a method that makes him feel safe. I return the sentiment in every way—my hands covering his face, letting him take control, and knowing he wouldn’t take advantage of his power over me.
We seal our agreement with a kiss that’s filled with much more than pleasure and desire. It’s a guarantee we’re both committed to seeing this through, past the end of our vacation and back into the world awaiting us. It’s an assurance we recognize our collective painful past so we can move forward with a promising future. It’s a verbal contract assuring the other understanding and patience when working through the ghosts that are sure to reappear from time to time.
In perfect sync, we stop, but hold the connection for a minute longer. Our foreheads remain pressed together, and his eyes are closed, but the bliss on his face fills my heart with so much hope and longing for a genuine relationship. For the first time since that awful night in my past I’ve worked so hard to forget, I’m ready to move forward. I want to give this man my full trust, my heart, and my soul.
“I don’t know how you did it, but you broke through the wall of ice I’ve built around my heart. You saw through the disguise I wear every day and gave me your love despite it. You should’ve run away as fast and as far as you could, Daisy. But it’s too late now, because I’ll be damned if I let you go … and I mean that literally. I’ll be damned to a life of eternal hell if I lose you now.”
He inhales a ragged breath, possibly regretting his last admission.
“No pressure, though.” His smile breaks free, and it’s the most carefree one I’ve seen on his face yet.
“There’s my Hot Rod, back again.” We chuckle together, dispelling the tension before I respond with all the sincerity I possess. “Hearing you say that doesn’t make me feel pressured, Rod. It makes me feel even more connected to you than I already did. I’ve felt bound to you in a way that’s hard to explain since the moment I first saw you. Now, I’m not fighting that bond anymore.”
“You’re all I want, Daisy.”
My heart is bursting with overwhelming feelings, but focusing on the handsome face of the man I love brings everything into perspective.
“Then you have all you want, for as long as you want it.”
“How do you know exactly what I need to hear without me telling you?”
He wraps his arms around me, pulling me onto his lap and holding me as close to him as our lifejackets will allow. To others, we probably look silly. But this is as real as it gets, and I wouldn’t change a single thing. His question was rhetorical, uttered in the moment, but it reveals more about his psyche than he realizes. I should know. I’ve had enough therapy sessions of my own to be recognized as an honorary therapist.
“We still have a few hours left on the Jet Ski rental. Are you up for going full throttle with a powerful engine between your legs and squealing loud enough for the entire island to hear you?”
“Sure, but we did all that in your room last night. How is this any different?” I lean back and give him my best seductive grin.
“Fuck, I love that sassy mouth of yours. We’ll put it to better use later. For now, I want to hear you scream in public.”
After we’re back in our original positions, Rod hits the throttle and we skim across the top of the water at what feels like blinding speeds. Instead of squeezing my eyes shut and holding on for dear life, I release my anxiety and allow myself to feel everything. I feel the wind in my hair, the sun on the face, the spray of water on my body, and the freedom of giving up my tight control on life so I can live again.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Rod
Today marks one week since I met Daisy—the day she first arrived. One week I’ve spent every day and well into the night with her. Seven days and nights that she’s been on my mind, in my arms, or in my bed, often a combination of all three.
I’m not an idiot. There’s no such thing as instant love. It’s not a feeling that just needs a dash of salt, sand, and surf to create. All the free flowing liquor in the world can’t create feelings that aren’t there. But I do believe two people can have instant chemistry and a strong physical attraction to each other and build on that foundation. There’s so much more I have to learn about her and details about her life I want to know, need to understand.
Somewhere between day one and day seven, we’ve started a new chapter in the book of Rod and Daisy, and now all I want is to find out where this plot twist will take us.
If that means we end up back in Atlanta together, so be it. Worse things could happen. I’ve lived through enough of them to know. We’ve shared vague references of where we live in our time together, mostly in the getting-to-know-you stage, so I’m sure there’s a way we can work it out to see each other after we leave here.
That makes our new relationship all very real.
“You’re drinking bourbon?” Kevin steps out onto the balcony where I’m sitting alone with my thoughts.
“Yep.”
He sits across the table from me and leans back in his chair, his eyes narrowed while carefully scrutinizing my face. He props his elbow on the armrest and covers his mouth with an open fist. That’s his signature move when he’s concerned, but knows he should approach cautiously.
“This is the first time I’ve seen you drink bourbon in a long ti
me, a very long time. Want to tell me what’s going on?”
“I told Daisy I love her.”
He’s silent for a couple of minutes, shocked beyond words. “You actually said those three words?”
“Well, no, not verbatim, but in a roundabout way.”
“I’m confused. How did you say, ‘I love you,’ without saying the actual words?”
“I told her I want the fairy-tale life, and I want it with her. I said I don’t want to be without her.” I shrug, trying to appear aloof and nonchalant about the entire conversation. The truth is I’m still freaked out about it on so many levels, even though I meant every word.
“Well, that’s a start, I guess. What was her response?”
“Long story short, she returned the sentiment, so we’re on the relationship track now.” I empty the tumbler of bourbon and pour another shot from the decanter.
“Don’t bolt on her, Rod. She deserves to be treated better than your usual dates.”
“Did you hear what I just said, what I told her?”
“Yeah, I heard the words, but I also see the actions. The only time you drink bourbon is when you’re dealing with the devil, and he makes you do stupid things. You don’t listen to the expert advice your best friend gives you. But you need to hear what I’m saying, Rod, because I mean every word. If you turn your back and hurt her, don’t expect me to help you put the pieces back together.”
“Wow. I can’t believe the best friend I’ve ever had just said that to me.”
“It’s called tough love, brother. You’ve sabotaged yourself for as long as I can remember, and I’ve helped you back on your feet every time. I’ve enabled you in your dysfunction and made it too easy for you to make excuses for your behavior. Because I have mad love for you, I can’t do that anymore.
“Put the bourbon away and deal with the demons causing your confusion. You took the first step and admitted she means a lot to you. Now prove you’re a man of your word and not a lame loser who can’t live up to his promises.”
All of Me: Rod & Daisy Duet Box Set Page 15