Her cancer has returned.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Rod
It took an inordinate amount of finagling, but I eventually got on an evening flight back to Atlanta. Even though I won’t make it home until the early morning hours, at least I feel as though I’m doing something rather than just sitting in my room, waiting with my bags packed. I didn’t call Juliana before I left. The conversation about her diagnosis and prognosis requires a face-to-face, sit down, come to Rod meeting.
Somehow, I did remember to send Kevin a quick text to let him know I was leaving early, so he doesn’t waste his time looking for me. But I didn’t say anything about why in the message. For one, Juliana’s medical status isn’t mine to tell. But even if she’s okay with sharing the details, I don’t have any to give and Kevin would have questions. He’s known Juliana almost as long as he’s known me, and he’s always considered her as his little sister too. I’ll fill him in when he returns from the Caribbean and his life returns to normal.
The flights and layovers felt as if they took forever, but I finally pull into my tree-lined drive just as the sun peeks over the horizon. I don’t bother with any luggage when I jump out of the car and rush inside. Juliana will be up soon, and I want to be parked at the kitchen table with a tall mug of piping hot coffee in my hand when she comes downstairs.
Once the coffee is ready, I don’t have to wait long for her to come flying around the corner, expecting to see Louise, my house staff manager, in the kitchen. She screams when she sees me instead.
“Rod! What the hell are you doing home so early? You scared the shit out of me.” She puts her hand over her heart and huffs loudly.
“You know, I had the same reaction when my phone alerted me to a voicemail … and I heard the oncology center confirming your appointment for today. Is there something you forgot to tell me? Because I’m fairly certain I would’ve remembered that minor detail.”
She at least has the decency to appear uncomfortable about withholding vital information from me. “I may have neglected to mention a detail or two. Yes, it’s back, but I don’t have time to go into all the details right now. Isabelle will be down in a minute for breakfast. Can we talk about this later?”
“If you promise we’ll have a very long talk and you’ll tell me every single detail.”
“I promise. Actually, I’m glad you’re here now. Can Isabelle stay with you after school today? They only have a half day of class today.”
“Of course. You know I never turn down time with my best girl.”
“Thank you. I’ll drop her off on my way to the doctor.”
Juliana kisses me on the cheek just as Louise walks in the back door. She’s shocked to see me at first, but the way her eyes dart between Juliana and me confirms she already knows the score.
“I’ll make breakfast. You can help Isabelle get dressed for school.” Louise pats Juliana on the shoulder and starts pulling food out of the refrigerator.
Once Juliana is upstairs, Louise turns her attention to me. “She’s been trying to find a way to break it to you. She’s been worried more about how you’ll react than about herself.”
“She should already know we’ll get through it together, whatever it takes.”
Louise nods and turns back to the stove. “Isabelle will be happy to see you. She has missed you.”
“I’ve missed her too.” But at the moment, I can’t stop thinking about my little sister.
Isabelle walks into the kitchen, sees me, and flies into my arms, squealing, “Uncle Rod!”
“Good morning, munchkin. Guess what? You and I have a date after school.”
“Yay!” She sits in my lap while she eats then Juliana shoos her toward the door for school.
After my girls leave, I retreat to my home office to work and try to focus on something other than the fiasco my life has become, seemingly overnight. When it’s time for Isabelle to get home from kindergarten, I’ve accomplished nothing more than taking a shower and a nap.
Spending the evening with Isabelle isn’t work for me. She and I are thick as thieves. We have a standing date, one we both look forward to when she comes to stay with me. We can be whoever or whatever we want to be. She’s in this phase where teatime from Alice in Wonderland is the best pretend game ever. We even use horrible English accents.
Okay, so I’m wrapped around her little finger and never want to be cut loose.
Sue me.
“I’ve made tea, finger sandwiches, scones, and petit fours. If you don’t need me anymore for now, I have a few errands to run.” Louise gathers her personal effects and starts for the door.
“Thank you for getting all this food ready. You’re a lifesaver, Louise.” I kiss her on the cheek as she walks by me.
“What you do for those two little ladies, it means more to them than you’ll ever know, Rod. You’re a generous man with an incredible heart. You need to let it show more.”
“Those two ladies are the loves of my life. You know what Juliana went through as a child. Then what happened with Isabelle. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to take care of them.”
“It’s more than just taking care of them, Rod. You’re their rock, their stability. They look up to you. They need you.” She pats me on the shoulder as she leaves. “It’s past time for you to meet someone, settle down, and have a family of your own, though.”
“Now why would you wish something like that on me after all those kind words?” I openly gawk at her as if she’s lost her mind.
She laughs while looking me square in the eye. “Rod Stone, if you think today is the first time that I’ve said that prayer over you, then you don’t know me at all. Your time is coming when you least expect it.”
“I’m crushed you would say such a cruel thing. I thought you loved me, Louise. But the truth eventually comes out. What’s sad is it’s always those closest to you who betray you the worst.”
“Yes, I’m such a terrible person for wanting you to have the best life possible. How will I be able to sleep at night?”
That’s a rhetorical question, apparently, because she walks out of my home without the common courtesy of giving me a chance to answer her.
“Uncle Rod!” I hear my little munchkin yell as she steps through the doorway. “Do you know what time it is?”
“Time for high tea, my little love. Everything’s ready. Get a move on before it gets cold.”
“You know I have to change clothes first. I can’t have tea dressed in these old rags.” She rolls her eyes at me and I burst out laughing.
“Don’t even look at me like any of this is my fault. This is all on you, big brother.” Juliana shrugs and drops Isabelle’s book bag beside the table. “You’re the one who takes her shopping and spoils her with everything you find.”
Yeah, that may be true. No sense in confirming her accusation, though.
“I wonder if she’ll let me in the palace with my T-shirt and shorts on.”
“I’m sure she will. You can do no wrong in her eyes, Rod. That little girl is crazy about you.”
“The feeling is mutual. What time do you think you’ll be back?”
“My treatment may run a little long today. They’re fully booked. There’s no need to call the police to track me down, again, if you don’t hear from me for a little while.”
“Define ‘a little while.’ Because if I don’t hear from you for several hours, the police will raid every doctor’s office in the Atlanta metro area until they find you.”
“Or, you could do what normal people do and use the app on your phone to find me. What do you do for a living again? Software developer and professional hacker, isn’t it? Surely you know how to use the GPS in my phone to figure out exactly where I am.”
“Of course I do. I can even tap into your phone and use your camera to check your surroundings if I wanted to, but it’s much more fun to use the police force to prove the lengths I will go to just to keep you safe and sound.” I waggle my brows at her, k
nowing this is a complete double standard, but not caring.
She didn’t raise me. I raised her.
Enormous difference. Huge.
“I love you, Rod. I don’t tell you enough how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, and for Isabelle, our entire lives. Have fun with Isabelle and try not to spoil her more than you already have.”
“I can’t make that promise, little bird. One can never have too many crowns.” I pull her into my arms. “Please be careful. Come back home in one piece. I love you.” I kiss the top of her head as her arms squeeze me tighter.
“Stop worrying about me. We only live once.”
I watch her leave and a twinge of pain shoots through my chest. She’s all I have. If anything happens to her, it’ll be the end of me. Since I know how much I love Juliana, I can only imagine how much Mom’s diagnosis broke her heart, for us more than for herself.
“Uncle Rod, I’m waiting.” The little girl’s singsong voice pulls me from the dark thoughts in my mind before they take over completely.
“I’m coming, Princess Isabelle, with hot tea in hand. I hope you’re hungry because we have a lot of sandwiches and scones to eat today.”
Juliana came back in the late afternoon, looking exhausted and pale with a hint of green tinge. The lethal cocktail of medications is already working on the cancerous cells in her body, but since they can’t tell the difference between good and bad, they wipe out everything.
Knowing she didn’t feel well enough to eat a big dinner, I made soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for us. She ate, slowly and meticulously, but the food at least gave her a little more energy than she had when she got home.
“You relax. I’ll throw the munchkin in the bathtub and read her a story before bed. Then when I come back down, you can give me the condensed version of everything you’ve been hiding from me.”
“Thank you. I appreciate the help.”
Her not arguing with me confirms she feels much worse than she’s saying. Every horrible thought about her illness and her future fly through my mind as I carry Isabelle up the stairs, thrown over my shoulder, with her laughing and squealing like any other five-year-old.
Exactly the way I want her to stay as long as possible. She deserves the best carefree childhood we can give her. The one Juliana and I never had.
After a bath complete with bubbles, toys, and drenching Uncle Rod, Isabelle kisses her mom goodnight before bedtime. She convinces me to read her two stories, but she’s sound asleep before we’re halfway through the second one. I place a gentle kiss on her forehead and leave her door slightly ajar on my way out.
Juliana is lying on the couch with her arms held tightly against her body when I walk in the den, so I grab a blanket and cover her.
“Let’s hear it.” I purposely keep my voice low and neutral. No sense in shaming or guilting her.
“It’s acute lymphoblastic leukemia. I found out about three weeks ago. I just started the chemotherapy protocol. This round lasts four weeks.”
“And then?”
“And then, they’ll tell me if I’m in remission or not. But for the next four weeks, I’ll need your help with Isabelle. These drugs will kick my ass, and I may be in the hospital for part of that time because it’ll kill my immune system.”
“You know I’ll do whatever you need me to do. There’s no question about that. Why didn’t you tell me you suspected the cancer had returned?”
“Because I had no idea it had. I had heavy periods and terrible headaches, and I just felt tired a lot. I thought the doctor would change my birth control pills or put me on iron supplements. This diagnosis caught me completely off guard. Really, I haven’t stopped long enough to deal with it yet. I’m only doing what I have to do to stay alive, one day at a time.”
“You and Isabelle can move in with me until you’re completely well. I’ll take care of both of you. If the doctor needs to admit you, all of Isabelle’s things will be here for her. Maybe that’ll make the changes a little less of a shock to her system. If you’re not inpatient, I’ll get to spend more time with you. Plus, I can work from home whenever you need me here.”
“Okay, Rod, you’ve convinced me. You don’t have to keep going with your arguments. You win, I lose.” A small smile plays on her lips, but she doesn’t seem to have the energy for a full one.
“You probably should go to bed now, too. I’ll take care of all the logistics in the morning—packing clothes, forwarding mail, whatever else you need me to do.”
She pushes up from the couch and heads for the stairs. When she reaches for the rail, she looks at me. “You are the best big brother in the world, Rod. You’ve taken care of me my entire life, even though it cost your childhood. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I love you.”
Her declaration takes me aback and makes me feel guilty for all the times I resented not being footloose and carefree during my teenage years. Not that I ever let her know I had those thoughts of betrayal and resentment because of our situation. It wasn’t as if she asked for the perfect storm of a fucked-up life.
“I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love you too, little bird.”
She climbs the steps, each one taking more of a toll on what’s left of her energy than the last. I watch with my heart in my mouth as she reaches her bedroom door, holding on to the doorframe to steady herself.
“I don’t know what I’d without you, Juliana. You can’t ever leave me.” My whispered words are out in the universe.
I hope someone is listening.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Daisy
Two weeks later
The first day in my new teaching position has been nerve-racking. Not because of the students, since I haven’t even made it to my classroom yet. I’ve been in the office all morning trying to sort out my employment paperwork. Somewhere between leaving my previous school, moving from a small town outside of Atlanta to the Buckhead area, and taking a Caribbean vacation, I somehow failed to ensure the superintendent’s office had received all of my documents.
A few calls and a lot of pleading with others to email additional copies eventually works in my favor. My class lines up in the in the hallway, waiting for their turn to enter the cafeteria when I finally join them. I walk down the line and introduce myself to each student personally. As expected, there are a few who are not shy at all and others who aren’t so sure about me yet.
Five-year-old kids are my favorite age group to teach. Kindergarten can be so much fun and a time of tremendous discovery, given the right encouragement, or they can be tiny terrors.
There’s no way to tell which way the wind will blow from one day to the next.
At the end of the line, watching all the students march toward the cafeteria, a young lady greets me with a smile as I approach. “You must be Daisy. Welcome to Peachtree Elementary. I’m Glenna Porter, the paraprofessional assigned to your class. I’m looking forward to working with you.”
“Nice to meet you, Glenna. I’m not late for work, I promise. We ran into a paperwork snag that took all morning to correct. I hope you haven’t had too hard of a time keeping them occupied alone.”
“Not at all. Don’t worry about it. Ours is the best of the four kindergarten classes.” She smiles as she opens the door and reminds the kids to keep their voices down as they go through the line.
As we walk in with them, Glenna gives me the rundown on the school lunch policies and expectations. I’m relieved to find there’s nothing out of the ordinary from the last school where I taught. This one is much more upscale, being a private school. Everything is still bright and shiny. The walls are freshly painted, the tables are new, and the floor is squeaky clean.
Nothing but the best here.
After we ensure all the children have their lunches and find their seats, Glenna and I take ours.
“How long have you worked here, Glenna?”
“Three years, and I still love it. The staff here is great. Everyone is so easy to work
with and gets along like family. I’ve never seen a school like it before. Usually the politics and mean girl cliques make life miserable. Maybe it’s different here because the teachers aren’t friends with any of the parents. We’re on opposite ends of the tax bracket range from the parents of our students.” She laughs good-naturedly, but I know exactly what she means. The teachers and parents don’t run in the same circles, so the chances of nepotism are low.
We chat over our meals until it’s time to line up the students again. When we reach the classroom, everyone automatically goes to their assigned station for free art time. I walk around and ask each child about their painting. I’m not a psychiatrist, but I’ve learned a lot about what’s going on inside their little heads just by talking about their art. Most of the boys draw their favorite superhero, giving me a glimpse of how they’d like to see themselves one day. Most girls draw something pretty, sunshine and flowers, friends and family, or princesses and castles.
“What a pretty picture. Who is this?” I kneel beside one beautiful little girl with thick black hair and big, beautiful blue eyes.
“This is my mommy in my room with me. We play dress up and I get to wear a crown, like a princess.” She smiles brightly as she tells me about her home, animatedly explaining every detail. She’s a bright little girl, seemingly already ahead of some of her classmates.
“That sounds like so much fun.”
“It is. But we haven’t played this in a long time.” Her face drops and her demeanor changes noticeably.
“Oh, I bet she’s just busy with work and stuff. She’ll play with you again soon.”
“Yeah, she will when she comes back home.”
Not knowing the family situation in the home, I decide against pressing for more information today. Her sunny disposition has already dimmed somewhat. “Well, you’ve drawn a beautiful picture.”
All of Me: Rod & Daisy Duet Box Set Page 18