All of Me: Rod & Daisy Duet Box Set

by A. D. Justice

  When I turn around, Daisy’s watching me the way one would watch a wild animal that’s wounded and needs help. Unsure of how to approach it, but too invested in saving it to turn away, regardless of the damage it can inflict. I’ve already caused her enough pain and trouble. The last thing I want to do is add to it now.

  “What are you doing out here?” I finally ask.

  “I could ask you the same thing, but I doubt you’d tell me the truth. I’ve seen that look in other’s eyes before, Rod, so I have a good idea what’s going on with you.”

  “Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

  She takes a few steps closer, keeping a leery eye on me while trying to close the gap. “It looks like maybe you’re a little overwhelmed by my family. Possibly on the verge of an anxiety attack. So you came outside to get a little air, put a little space between you and the horde of people inside.”

  “I’m very strong-minded. I don’t have panic attacks, Daisy.”

  “No? Okay. My mistake, then. I thought you might need someone to talk through whatever’s bothering you. Problems aren’t quite as overwhelming when you let them out, instead of bottling them inside.” She raises her brows in question, giving me the chance to save face and talk at the same time.

  When I’m silent too long, she nods slowly. “You know where to find me if you change your mind. I won’t pressure you.”

  She turns to walk around the corner of the house, and I can’t take my eyes off her. When she makes the turn and is instantly out of sight, I feel as if my heart stops beating altogether.

  “Daisy!” I didn’t mean to yell that loud. The entire neighborhood probably heard me.

  She pops back around the corner and rushes to me. “Everything’s all right, Rod. Focus on the sound of my voice and taking the next breath. There’s no one around except you and me.”

  We ease down to the ground and sit in the shade on the isolated side of the house. She rubs my back in long, soothing strokes. Her soft voice reassures me over and over that what I’m experiencing is nothing to be ashamed of and is perfectly normal.

  Nothing about it feels normal, but if I know anything for certain, it’s that she’s the epitome of all that is good and gentle in this world. I cling to that truth until my heart resumes working. Then I lean my head over on her shoulder, close my eyes, and immerse myself in the love and charity she’s giving. I’ll stay right here as long as she’ll allow.

  When I feel like myself again, I speak without lifting my head. “That has never happened to me before. I’m sorry I’m ruining your trip home.”

  “You haven’t ruined anything. Don’t even think that. Is the worst over now?”

  “Yeah, I’m gaining a little clarity of mind again. Thank you for staying out here with me.”

  “You’re welcome, but for the record, you never have to thank me for that. I’ve been in your shoes before. I understand all too well how devastating it feels.”

  “Your family is the best, Daisy. They’ve welcomed us into their cozy home. Within an hour of meeting them, my family is already part of yours. I’ve failed Juliana and Isabelle… miserably. I believed the material things were what they wanted, what they needed. But seeing their faces today, I realize I’ve not only missed the mark, but I wasn’t even anywhere near the target.

  “I don’t know what’ll happen in the coming weeks. I can’t save my sister. I’m facing raising Isa as my own if Jules can’t beat this cancer. She’s growing weaker by the day, even though I try to fool myself into thinking she’s getting better. All I want is to save my sister.”

  “Rod, what did I tell you about being too hard on yourself? Do you know what I see when I look at the three of you? A family who loves each other fiercely and would do anything to ensure everyone is taken care of and loved. Your sister and your niece have never doubted your dedication to them, not for one minute. Apparently, you can’t see it, but I see it plain as day. You are everything to them, and they love you with everything they have. If that’s not the sign of a man who did everything right, I don’t know what is.

  “Did either of them have a perfect childhood? Of course not, because that’s a fantasy world. It doesn’t exist. None of us have had a perfect life. But they’ve had a wonderful life with you, and they wouldn’t trade that for all the cousins and all the aunts and uncles in the world. They’d take you over all that any day and twice on Sunday.”

  All I can do is nod. I have no words.

  “Your sister is fighting for her life with everything she’s got. We’ll help her with that fight in every way we can. They have tested me to see if I’m a tissue match for her. I’m just waiting for the lab results to come back and the oncologist’s office to call me. Let’s just take it one day at a time. If I’m not a suitable donor, we’ll have bone marrow testing drives until we find one. Don’t give up on her. She’s not giving up on us.”

  “You have my word. I’ll never give up.”

  We walk around to the backyard, Daisy playing host and showing me the pool area as we approach the door. More family has arrived in the time we sat outside, and I’m positive our absence was noticed since we weren’t around to greet them. But no one mentions it or seems perplexed as we gather in the large dining room, taking our seats to enjoy the delicious feast already on the table.

  We’re all just one big, happy family.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  Daisy

  After a long day of traveling, spending time with family, and talking Rod off the proverbial ledge, I am wiped out, and it’s not even late afternoon yet.

  “I’m going upstairs to take a nap before dinner. I can barely keep my eyes open. What about you two? I can show you to your room if you want to shower, nap, change clothes, or just chill in front of the television for a while.” I look at Juliana and Isa, knowing at least one of them needs to rest.

  “That sounds perfect. Lead the way. Come on, Isa. It’s naptime, my little love.”

  “Okay, Mommy, but only because you need it more than I do.”

  We chuckle at her cuteness as we make our way up the stairs. After getting them squared away in one of the guest rooms, I disappear into my room and fall face-first onto the bed. Just as my eyes close and I feel the warm blanket of sleep overcoming me, my cell rings from inside my purse at the foot of the bed. Since almost everyone I know is here with me, I’m too curious to let it go to voicemail.

  When I see the name on the screen, I’m equally scared and excited.

  “Hello?”

  “Can I speak with Daisy Nash, please?”

  “This is Daisy.”

  “Hi, Daisy. This is Claire with Morgan Oncology Center.” She goes through the questions to confirm my identity before continuing with her reason for calling. “We got your tissue type results back from the lab today, and it turns out you are a potential match for Juliana. There are a few more extensive tests we’d have to do to ensure you’d be a complete match, but I’m afraid those tests will have to wait.”

  “Because of the holidays?” That means the time for a transplant isn’t too far away. A few more weeks and we could be well on our way to a bone marrow transplant for Juliana. This could be the cure she’s been waiting and praying to receive.

  “Um, no, not because of the holidays.” Claire hesitates for a moment. “I take it you don’t know then. Daisy, you can’t donate bone marrow at this time because your pregnancy blood test came back positive.”

  Read book 2 of Rod & Daisy in All I Need, available now!!

  Keep reading for a sneak peek of Chapter One.

  Rod

  The Past

  The truth today is the same as it was back when we were kids. There’s not much I wouldn’t do to protect my little sister.

  Life put that sentiment to the ultimate test just a few months before I turned twenty-one. Everything changed during what would normally be a time of celebration—my senior year in college—when I could go on an all-night bar crawl with my friends. Well, legally, anyway. I was looking
forward to my graduation the following spring and making plans for a future of my own.

  “Rod, there’s something I need to talk to you about.” Mom pushed a chair out from under the kitchen table with her foot and motioned for me to sit.

  “You know, in the entire history of the world, no wanted conversation ever started with those words.” I sighed heavily and plopped down in the chair. Yes, I was the typical twenty-year-old guy who had better things to do and more exciting places to be in what little spare time I had. The talk she wanted to have stood between my almighty plans and me.

  The sad smile on her face didn’t give me any comfort, but I sat to hear what she had to say. Arguing would’ve only further delayed my departure. If I wanted to get away anytime soon, I had to put my plans on the back burner and take it like a man.

  “There’s no way easy way to say this, so I’ll just tell you the same way I was told.” She took a deep breath, then blew it out slowly. “I have stage four ovarian cancer. The doctor said it’s already advanced past the point of stopping it, Rod.”

  "I don’t understand. Have you been sick and didn’t tell me?” My head was spinning. How did I miss the signs?

  “I’ve been having some medical problems for a while now. Nothing specific that screamed, ‘Hey Debbie, you have cancer.’ I’ve had a variety of symptoms I thought were all separate—just the result of working too much, not eating right, and not getting enough sleep. Turns out, I should’ve considered all the symptoms were related… a lot sooner than I did.”

  “Mom.” I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to think of something intelligent and comforting to say. But that’s not what happened when my mom announced she was dying. I couldn’t think straight, and the thoughts swirling in my head were all terrible. “What… what’s next? What are they going to do about it?”

  She shook her head and pinched her lips together. “Nothing, son. There’s nothing they can do now to cure me because it has already spread to my spleen.”

  "How long?” I couldn’t make myself look at her face at that moment. Asking the question was almost more than I could manage.

  “We’re looking at a year at the most, May be less than that. Rod, I know this is a lot to put on you and I’m so sorry. You’ve carried such a heavy load on your shoulders since the night your dad left.”

  Her words finally sank in, forcing me to stop staring at the floor. “Wait—what? Why are you apologizing to me? You’re the one who has cancer. We’ll go to another doctor for a second opinion. Chemotherapy. Surgery. Whatever they need to do. This is about saving you.”

  “This is about you living your own life and enjoying it while you’re young. I’ve given this a lot of thought, and I think it’s best if your dad’s parents take guardianship of Juliana when I become too sick to care for her. I wish my parents were still here to help both of you.”

  “Stop talking like that. And Dad’s parents? Really? There’s no way I’ll let that happen, Mom. Juliana will never go live with them. They’ll try to shove Dad down her throat every day. I’ll take care of her.”

  “How are you going to be a mother, father, and brother to your sister, and finish college at the same time? Your future is just as important as Juliana’s.”

  “I’ll finish college. I’ve been working on several new apps I think will be enormous hits and will make a ton of money. When I release them, you’ll have the best medical care available. You’ll get well and we will all still be a family, Mom. No one is going anywhere.”

  Any other scenario wouldn’t work because I couldn’t imagine my life without the two people I loved the most in it. The news Mom laid on me knocked the breath out of me and broke my heart. I wanted to scream at the world, beat my fists against my chest, and order it all to go away. At the end of the day, when I had to face the truth along with all my fears, all I really wanted was my mom. I missed the days when she’d hold me and assure me everything would be okay.

  “You’re the best son a mother could ever ask for, Rod. I believe in you, and I know you’ll make your dreams come true. But raising your sister is too much to ask of you. I want you to have your own life. You need time to have fun with your friends, meet someone special, and travel the world while you’re young enough to enjoy it. You can’t do that when you have an eleven-year-old little sister who needs help with her math homework every night.”

  “I’m a software engineering major, Mom, so I can help with all her homework. Please don’t give up yet. Fight this disease with everything in you, and I will too. You’ll have me here with you, every step of the way, and I’ll do everything I can to help.”

  “I’m not giving up, baby.” She paused, staring at me as if it was the first time she’d seen me… or maybe the last.

  There I was, a twenty-year-old grown man, and she still called me baby. But her use of the endearment never bothered me. She’d told me many times I’d always be her baby, regardless of how old I was. Sitting at the table with her, I would’ve given anything to go back in time to be her little boy again.

  “Understand, I’m only trying to be rational about my prognosis. If I don’t plan for every potential outcome for the future now, Juliana will be the one who suffers the most.” She squeezed my hand then covered it with her other one. We had made a pact, and her gesture was as good as a handshake to seal the deal on my part.

  When our conversation was over and we’d cried enough tears to drown ourselves in, I called my friends to say I wouldn’t make it out with them after all. My heart and mind weren’t into partying, drinking, and chasing girls anymore. Life changed in the span of a few minutes. Those six words irreparably damaged my heart.

  I hadn’t had the luxury of wearing rose-colored glasses since the day Dad walked out and left us. But the news from Mom shattered me in inconceivable and indescribable ways. After hearing the finality in her voice and planning for Juliana’s future without her in it, I knew I’d never make a full recovery from losing her.

  During the weeks following the bombshell news, she and I had several long conversations about her prognosis, and I finally persuaded her to undergo the chemotherapy treatments. Doing something was better than nothing at all. Maybe the medications would at least prevent the cells from replicating so quickly and give us a fighting chance. The poisonous cocktail made her sicker than I’d ever seen her before, but she never complained. She promised she’d fight until her last breath, and she was determined to keep her promise to us.

  Though Juliana knew Mom was sick, it was hard to explain to an eleven-year-old just how aggressive and terrible cancer could be. She alternated between holding onto Mom as if she couldn’t force her hands to turn Mom loose, and acting as though she was afraid to even approach her bedside. All normal reactions for a child, the doctor assured us when I’d taken Mom for her treatment one day. Sickness is a scary thing, and Juliana was dealing with her feelings the only way she knew how.

  I couldn’t blame her. There were days I wanted to hide in my room to escape reality. I wanted to ignore the way Mom’s skin turned grayer by the day. I never pointed out how much weight she’d lost or how slowly she moved when she had to get out of bed. But I noticed every detail. Regardless, when she called my name, I answered her. Every time. The hour of day or night was irrelevant.

  Over the next few months, I put all my energy into writing hundreds of lines of code, testing them, refining them, and marking the days off the calendar until I could finally launch the apps to the public. While Juliana was in school during the day, I worked on my college classes. She worked on her homework at night, and I helped Mom around the house. Juliana was sharp as a tack, so she didn’t need much help with her schoolwork, but I was there when she asked. After they both went to bed, I stayed up writing code for my apps until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.

  Success was within my grasp; I could feel it in my bones. Though I still wasn’t quite in the sweet spot, I knew it was a matter of when rather than if.

  By that time, M
om’s rapidly deteriorating health forced her to take a medical leave from her job. The owners rewarded her years of dedication to them by keeping her on the payroll as a regular salaried employee, easing part of her fears. Her paychecks continued as usual, and her employer even absorbed all her medical expenses from that point forward. Her coworkers were more than willing to help in so many other ways it renewed my faith in humankind.

  But somehow, there was always one more shoe to drop.

  “Rod, come in here with me.” Mom’s progressively weaker voice worried me more than I shared with her. Though I kept the fear in me hidden, I knew it couldn’t be a good sign. I’d missed her symptoms before the diagnosis, so I became hypervigilant about watching her for new ones.

  “Yeah, Mom? Do you need something?” I sat down on the edge of the bed beside her.

  She reached over and took my hand. “It’s time, baby.”

  “Time for what, Mom?”

  She was not saying what I thought she was saying. I wasn’t ready to lose her, to face life without her, to say goodbye—any of it.

  “We have to decide what happens to Juliana. The treatments aren’t helping anymore. The cancer is spreading. It’s now a matter of time, and I’m choosing quality over quantity. I want to spend my last days making memories with my kids, not hunched over a toilet bowl before crawling back into bed again. It’s time to accept the inevitable.”

  “No, Mom, you can’t give up now. We’re so close. My apps are almost ready to launch. I’ll be able to—”

  “Rod, you’ve worked so hard day and night. You thought I didn’t notice you burning the midnight oil, but I saw everything. My health condition is not your responsibility or your fault, sweetheart. You couldn’t have prevented it or changed the outcome if you had a billion dollars. All the money in the world can’t save me now.