“I don’t know,” I tell him the truth. “I don’t know if I can do that. I don’t think my heart could take it if you broke me again.”
“If you give me this chance, I will spend the rest of my life proving that I love you.” His other hand comes up. “I want this house to be ours, and I want this to be the baby’s room. I want to fill the rooms with our children. I want to come home at night and see you holding our children. I want to turn out the lights at night and hold you in my arms. I just want you.”
“You broke me,” I tell him. “You broke me, and you did it without a second thought.” I put my hands on his wrists.
“And for that, I will spend the rest of my life regretting that,” he says.
“I don’t know,” I tell him honestly. “I don’t know if I can.”
He nods his head at me. “Please,” he begs me. “Just give me a chance.” He puts his forehead against mine. “Let me show you.”
I close my eyes taking in his words. “When do you want to move into this house?” I ask him, my chest pounding.
“I bought it this morning, so now would be a good idea,” he tells me, and I smile.
“You bought this house, not knowing if I would say yes?” I ask, a bit shocked.
He shrugs. “I would have given it to you and the baby if you didn’t want me back.” My mouth opens in shock. “But I also bought this house knowing I wouldn’t give up until you were here,” he tells me.
“I’ve missed you,” I tell him quietly.
“Not as much as I’ve missed you,” he tells me, and he kisses my lips softly. The minute his lips touch mine, I feel a flutter in my stomach. He pulls me to his chest, and I finally hug him. When he wraps his arms around me, I feel safe.
“Can I see the rest of the house?” I ask him, and he smiles. Taking my hand in his, he shows me the house.
“All the furniture is optional,” he tells me. “We can keep it, or you can get stuff you like.”
“But do you like it?” I ask him, and he brings our hands to his mouth.
“I don’t care.” He looks around a guest bedroom. “As long as I have you and our baby under the same roof, that is all that I need.” I try to hide my smile, but I can’t. I see only half the house before I need to sit down, and he has to get me some crackers.
“The sickness should be easing up once you get past the first trimester,” he tells me and gets up to get me some water. “After that, it should be okay.” I look at him. “I read it in the books.”
“Books, plural? I only saw you reading What to Expect When You’re Expecting,” I ask him.
“What To Expect When You’re Expecting, On Becoming Baby Wise, You: Having A Baby, We’re Pregnant The First Time Dads Pregnancy Handbook.” He smiles. “And my favorite The Sh!t No One Tells You About Pregnancy: A Guide to Surviving Pregnancy, Childbirth, and Beyond .”
“You read all those?” I ask, shocked because I really haven’t gotten any books.
“I didn’t read every one all at once. Well, most are week by week, and it’s like a surprise present to read it each week. Like Christmas for forty weeks, if that makes sense,” he tells me. “We can read it together if you want.” I nod my head. “I will have to get you yours because I make notes in mine.”
“Notes? What kind of notes?” I ask him, baffled by this whole conversation.
“Nothing really,” he says. “Just what you were feeling, what foods you ate that didn’t give you sickness, how sick you were.”
“You wrote down all of that?” And he nods. “You are seriously crazy.”
“It’s for the baby,” he tells me. “So he or she can read it and see how much you did for them.”
“I’m pretty sure me carrying the child and giving birth will let them know how much I did for them,” I tell him. “But now that the nausea has passed for the moment, I’m starving.”
He gets up, and I follow him with the glass putting it down in the sink of the huge white kitchen. “What do you want to eat?” he asks me, walking out of the house and opening the car door for me.
I look down, shy now. “Chicken parm,” I say, and he just smiles.
“That’s my baby,” he says. His chest puffs out, and I roll my eyes at him. He takes me to an Italian restaurant. We walk in holding hands, and I have the best chicken parm I’ve had in my life, and I pray that it stays down. When we walk out, there is paparazzi there, and he holds my hand the hold time. They call his name and ask him who I am, but he doesn’t say anything. He makes sure I get into the car, closing and locking my door, and then unlocks the door once he climbs in it. Social media and the tabloids are going to have a field day in five, four, three, two, one.
We make our way over to my house, and he comes in with me. I walk to the couch, and when he goes to the kitchen, he seems at home. I just realize that he’s been here every single day since I found out I was pregnant. He puts the water on to make me a ginger tea, and everything that he has done is starting to come out. He makes me tea every night before he leaves. He prepares my coffee for the next day, so it’s ready when I get up. I’m watching him when I hear his phone ring, and he looks at me. “It’s your father.” I sit up when he answers the phone on speaker. “Hey.”
“Did you just buy the house I showed you this morning?” he asks angrily.
“I did,” he says, coming to me, carrying the hot tea.
“Motherfucker,” He curses, and I hide my smile with my tea. “You know I was buying that for my daughter, right?”
“Yeah, except I wanted to buy it for my woman and my daughter or son,” he tells him.
“Your woman?” he says. “Did you tell her that she’s your woman yet, or is your head still in your ass?” I finally let my laugh out.
“I’m here, Dad,” I tell him, and his voice gets soft when he says my name.
“How are you feeling, baby?” he asks, and I hear the television in the background.
“I’m doing good, Dad,” I tell him. “Now, are we going to talk about you buying me a mansion?”
“It was for my grandchild,” he tells me. “So you can’t say no.”
“I can say no,” I tell him. “Just like I said no to you today when you tried to fire me and get me to work from home.”
“It was a suggestion,” he says.
“That’s a great suggestion. You should think about it.” I glare at Carter. “I have to go back to Montana this weekend. She should come with me and relax.”
“I’ll tell Sylvia,” he says. “Honey, I have to go. See you Monday.”
“I can’t even with you both right now,” I tell him, taking a sip of the tea. “Just like that, you think I’m going to go to Montana with you, and my father agrees with you. I’m doomed.”
“Yes,” he says, leaning forward. “You most certainly are. Will you come with me?”
“I don’t know,” I tell him.
“I don’t want to be without you,” he tells me softly. “If you need me or anything happens, I want to be there.”
“You know you can’t use the baby as your bargaining chip to get me to agree to do things,” I tell him, leaning forward to put my tea on the table.
“What do you say?” he asks me. “Want to go to Montana with me for the weekend? We just have a couple of scenes left to film, so it should take us one day, but we can stay there for the weekend. Maybe go on another hike, just not as far if you aren’t feeling up to it.”
“I would love that,” I tell him, and he just smiles. He gets up and gives me a soft kiss goodbye. I get up, watching him get into the truck. I place my hand on my stomach. “What do you think, little one? Should I give your father another chance?” I ask, feeling the flutter again in my stomach. “I think so, too,” I say, turning and walking to bed.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Carter
“And that’s a wrap, folks!” Ivan shouts, causing the whole staff to clap. I hold my hands up and clap over my head and then walk out of the stage and make a beeline to the h
ouse. I rented the same house we stayed at before, and I’m going to make her dinner tonight. I walk into the house and up the stairs, expecting her to be on the couch, but she isn’t there. I walk to her bedroom and see her sleeping in the middle of the bed, holding her stomach. I smile, going into my bedroom. It’s killing me not to hold her in my arms, but I’m not going to push it in case she decides she doesn’t want me there.
I walk to my room, grabbing the three pregnancy books that I am reading along with the journal I started when she told me she was pregnant. I get into bed beside her and try not to wake her. Sitting against the headboard, I start with the first book. Then I take my journal out and start writing.
We are still in Montana. Mommy is pretty tired all the time. She spends her days working, and at night, she is asleep almost as soon as she finishes dinner. She sleeps with her hand on her stomach, but I don’t know if she knows she does this or not. I wonder if you can feel her hand and know how much love flows between you and her.
I’m going to cook for her tonight. Fingers crossed that you let her keep the food down.
We love you little one.
Dad
I look over at her and see that her eyes are open, and she is looking at me. “Hey, did I wake you?”
“No,” she says, not moving. “What are you doing?”
“I’m writing in my journal,” I say while I watch her.
“Do you do that often?” she asks me, and I nod.
“Every day, I write something in it.” I shrug. “When he or she is old enough, they might want to read it. If not, it’ll be just for me. It’s sort of something I wish my parents had done for me, ya know?”
“What do you want?” she asks me, and I look at her with furrowed eyebrows. “Do you prefer a girl or a boy?”
“I don’t care. The main thing is that he or she is healthy.” I smile at her. “What about you?”
“I already love him or her so much, I don’t care.” She smiles, and her hand remains on her belly. “Will you read me something?”
“From my journal?” I ask her, and she just nods. “Any day in particular?” She shakes her head, and I open it to the first page, figuring the beginning is where we always need to return.
Dear Little One,
I found out today I’m going to be your dad. There are no words that I can say to justify how happy I am that you chose me. That you chose us.
I sit here in the guest bedroom of my house, and all I can think of is all the things I want to tell you. All the things I want to do with you. All the ways I’m going to show you how much I love you.
Your mom is . . . she, she is just amazing. I never thought I would love someone the way I love her and you. She came into my life, and she just made it so much better. Made absolutely everything better.
I messed up big time, Little One, so big I don’t think she will ever forgive me, but no matter what, I’m going to love her forever. I don’t think I know how to not love her.
I can’t wait to meet you, Little One.
Dad
I look down and see her with a tear running down her face. “Will you read me another one?” Her voice is soft. I turn the page to the next entry.
Dear Little One,
I met you today for the first time. Well, I saw you for the first time. I also heard your heartbeat, and my heart filled with so much pride and excitement that I thought my own heart would burst out of my chest. I was so proud to be your dad. I held your mom’s hand and looked down, hoping she knew how much I loved her, how much I love you.
I saw your two little nubs that will one day soon be hands and feet. You were spinning around and around. Don’t tell anyone else, but you are the best-looking kid in the world.
I can’t wait to meet you, Little One.
Dad
P.S. If you can, try to go easy on your mom. You are giving her a bad case of morning sickness, and I worry when I’m not there to make sure she is okay.
“One more?” she asks, and I turn to the page when she called me when she was bleeding. The scariest day of my life so far.
Dear Little One,
We had a big scare tonight, so big I didn’t know what to do. I prayed for the first time in a long time, prayed that you would be okay, prayed and even tried to sacrifice myself for you and your mom. I would give anything to make sure you are never hurt. I sat there watching your mom be the bravest person in the world, and the only thing I could think about was you and your mom. The only thing I could think of was making sure that every single day you know that you are loved.
I need you to be okay, Little One. I need you to fight to be okay, and I need you to know that I love you and your mom so much.
I spoke with your grandpa Ryan tonight. He’s a good guy, but don’t listen to what he has to say about me. He told me that I need to fight for your mom. I need to fight for you and for her and for us. I need to show her how much I love her. I’m going to do it. Until my last breath, she is going to know that I love you both with everything I have.
Be good, Little One.
Dad
I look down at her, waiting for her to tell me she wants to hear one more journal entry, but instead, she just sits there, staring at me with a look I can’t make out on her gorgeous face.
“I knew that, no matter what, you would be a good dad,” she tells me, sitting up. “I know that now. No matter how you were raised or what your own parents did to you, you’d never make those same mistakes. You are amazing, Carter.”
“I am going to try,” I tell her. “I don’t think I’m going to be perfect, but I’m going to be the best I can be,” I tell her, putting my journal on the side. “I want to be the soccer dad, the football dad. I want to be there for the first crawl and first step. I want to teach them how to ride a two-wheel bike and how to swim. I want to be there every single step of the way not missing a thing.” She smiles at me. “I love you,” I tell her again. “I know I tell you that all the time, but I just don’t want you to ever doubt it. I want us to be a family, and I want to wake up with you every morning. I want to go to bed with my hand on your stomach, so our baby knows I’m there.” She wipes away a tear. “I want to put up the crib with you, and I want to hold your hand at night and in the morning. I want you to depend on me. I want it all, Erin.” I’m putting all my cards on the table, so I will never have to be thinking I should have. “I want it all, and I want it with you.” She comes to me and throws her leg over to sit on my lap. My hands go to her hips, and she leans her head forward. Her hair falls to the front, and I take both hands, tucking it into the back over her shoulder. “You are so beautiful,” I tell her, and she puts her hands on my face.
“I love you,” she tells me, her eyes lighting up. “I love how you put us first. I love how you love our child and didn’t even bat an eye when you found out. I love that you haven’t pushed or asked me for anything more than I was willing to give, and that you’ve given me that time to get there.”
“Are you there, baby?” I ask her, hoping to Christ that I get to have her forever. “There is no going back,” I tell her. “It’s forever. I will not let us fail at this.”
“My parents love me,” she starts to say. “I knew that growing up, and I never doubted that. Not once did I ever feel I wasn’t loved. But I missed my dad. I missed not being able to make him pancakes on Father’s Day or get him to go to the store with me so he could help me buy a gift for my mother.” Her fingers play with the scruff on my face. “This isn’t happening like I thought it would,” she tells me. “I thought I would be married when I became a mom, but I wouldn’t change our journey for anything in the world.”
“Marry me?” I ask her, and she gasps. “This is definitely not the way I wanted to ask you.” I smile at her. “But it is only a matter of time.” My heart pounds in my chest. “Marry me and be my wife.” She puts her hands on my chest, and I know she can feel my heart pounding. “This isn’t how I wanted to do it. I wanted to do it with roses, and candles, and for
it to be romantic.”
“Oh my God, you’re serious?” she says out loud, and I move her from my lap. “Carter,” she says my name, but I walk to the bedroom and grab the bag where the red Cartier ring box is. I grab it and then go back to the room.
“Can you stand up, at least?” I laugh nervously, and she gets off the bed and comes over to me. She is wearing yoga pants, but she is wearing my thick sweater over it. Her hair is loose. I’m wearing jeans; there are no roses, no candles, and no string quartet to serenade her. It’s just me and her where I first fell in love with her.
I get down on one knee, and she gasps again, her hand going to her mouth. “I bought this ring when you told me that you were pregnant. Not because you were pregnant but because I knew I couldn’t live without you.” I open the ring box, and she silently cries. The blue ten-carat square diamond reminded me of her eyes. “Erin, I love you,” I say. Suddenly, my words are gone. Everything is gone as I look at her. “Don’t cry. Please don’t cry.” I look down at the ring. “I want you to be my wife, to be the mother of my children, to be my rock. But most importantly, I want to be your husband. I want to be the father to your children, and I want to be your rock. I want to hold you through the good times, and I want to hold you through the bad times.” I look up at her, now the tears are flowing down my face also. “Don’t let me live another day without you.”
“Yes,” she whispers and laughs while she cries.
“Oh my God. You said yes,” I say, almost shocked. I get up and hold her face in mine and kiss her. Finally, we share a real kiss. Her arms wrap around my neck, and I wrap my arms around her. I let her go and then get down on my knees again. This time, I lift her shirt to expose her little stomach. “She said yes,” I whisper to our child and kiss her stomach. “The ring,” I say to myself and get up and grab her hand. “This means forever,” I tell her, slipping the ring on her finger, and she looks down at her hand.
Hollywood Prince Page 23