by Iona Rose
Finally, when my heart was racing so hard I thought I would collapse on the spot, Ashton turned and left the room without a word. I finally broke through my paralysis and went back to my clothes. But I didn’t put them on. At least not straight away. Instead, I sat down on the bench that ran around the outside of the room beneath the clothes pegs and I opened my legs. I rubbed my fingers over my clit until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I slipped two fingers inside of myself and I brought myself to orgasm. The whole time, I thought of Ashton, of the expression in his eyes. I pretended he was crouched in front of me, that those were his finger jamming into me.
As soon as I came, I felt a mixture of disgust and lust.
I was still turned on at the thought of what had happened, but I felt so ashamed of myself. How could I let myself feel that way about the boy who humiliated me time and time again? How could I be so turned on at the thought of his eyes on me, the idea of his hands on me? I got dressed quickly and ran from the school. When I got home, I showered again. I spent hours that night lying awake. First masturbating, then berating myself for being such a fool.
I had gone to school the next day full of dread, just waiting to hear the rumors spreading, to hear the other students talking about what Ashton had seen the day before. But no one was talking about it. And they never did. Whatever passed between us in that moment to my knowledge never got discussed with anyone. I certainly never told anyone, and the fact no one mentioned it to me told me Ashton hadn’t either.
I’d like to say the bullying ended there, but it didn’t. If anything, it went up a notch, but every time Ashton threw an insult at me after that, it felt charged with sexual energy, and somehow, it never really bothered me much after that. How could I be offended by what he said when I knew deep down he wanted me bad, real bad. He could say I was disgusting all he wanted to. He could oink at me all he wanted to. But I knew the truth now. He had been as aroused by me as I had been by him in the girl’s locker room.
I had the one thing he wanted and the one thing he would never have.
And now I was about to get back into the lion’s den with him. I’m all grown up and he may not remember me, but I do know the chemistry that bubbled up between us in the locker room all of those years ago is still there. It’s going to sit between us, the elephant in the room, and it’s going to make for one hell of an awkward atmosphere. It could be worse though. At least I know who he is, and I know that no matter what feelings he stirs up in me, no matter how wet he makes me, I can never, ever go there with him.
I look at the clock again. It’s almost five and I have my alarm set for six. It’s a waste of time lying here underneath the sweaty mess of sheets, so I push myself free from the sheets and get out of bed. I’m not going to be able to sleep now, and even if I do, an hour is neither here nor there. I’m just going to have to drink coffee all day and make sure I use plenty of concealer underneath my eyes.
Because as much as I hate Ashton, and as much as I would never go there with him, I can’t help but want to see that look of lust in his eyes again, when he looks at me. I can’t help but want him to want me. Maybe it’s a power thing. Maybe it’s finally my turn to hold all of the power and use it to humiliate Ashton, even if just in my own mind.
I tell myself that’s what it is because it’s safer that way. It’s much safer than letting myself admit the truth. I want to impress him. I want him to like me.
Chapter seven
Elena
I arrive at Wave just before eight and ride up in the elevator, alone thankfully, As soon as I get to the reception area I duck into the bathroom to quickly check myself in the mirror. I’m wearing a black shift dress and a black jacket with nude sensible heels. A safe outfit, one I feel comfortable and professional in. My hair is blown out into loose blonde waves and my make-up is minimal – just enough to cover up my sleepless night and add a bit of gloss to my lips. I run my fingers through my hair and take a deep breath. I look the part and I know it.
I step back out of the bathroom and I realize I have no idea where to go from here. I don’t know if I’ll even have an office, let alone where it might be. I falter for a moment, then I tell myself to forget about Ashton and treat today like how I would my first day at any job. I nod to myself and step up to the reception desk where a pretty redhead is sitting typing.
“Hi,” I say as she looks up at me with a smile. “I’m Elena Woods. I’m starting work here today as Mr. Miller’s personal assistant. I’m not really sure where I’m supposed to be.”
“Pleased to meet you, Elena,” she says. “I’m Becky. Welcome to the company.”
I thank her.
She goes on, “Mr. Miller isn’t in yet, but he’s due any second. Why don’t you take a seat over there and wait for him to get in?”
I thank her again, and go and sit down in the waiting area. It’s the same waiting area where I waited for my interview and I’m actually even more nervous this time around. I take long, slow breaths, trying to steady my nerves.
I give myself a talking to as I wait. Either Ashton knows who I am or he doesn’t. Either he’s still an asshole or he isn’t. Neither of those things change what I’m here to do. Do the job to the best of my ability and earn my wages. I can do that. And if somewhere along the way, I prove to Ashton that I’m not some worthless piece of trash he can bully, then that’s just a bonus. I am starting to feel confident again. I know I can do this job with my eyes closed.
Ashton appears at a couple of minutes after eight and all of my new found confidence drains away. He steps out of the elevator and walks towards me. He’s wearing a different suit from the one he was wearing when I came for my interview, but it looks just as expensive and he looks every bit as hot as he ever did.
“Good morning Becky,” he says as he passes her desk.
“Good morning Mr. Miller,” she replies. “Would you like your usual coffee?”
“Please,” he nods. “And whatever Elena is having. Elena?”
I freeze for a moment, tongue tied. Whatever I say will be wrong. He’ll mock my choice of drink, or my accent, or my clothes, and Becky will laugh then I’ll be right back at school. Except this isn’t school and if he does any of those things, chances are, Becky won’t laugh. She’ll be disgusted at him. I force myself to smile. “Black with one sugar please,” I say.
Becky gets up and goes to fix the coffee.
Ashton nods at me. “Good. You’re on time.”
Which is more than I can say for him, but of course I don’t say that. Instead, I just nod.
“Right, let’s get you settled in,” he says. “Follow me.”
I get up, my legs slightly shaky and follow Ashton along a hallway. A different one from the one I went down for my interview. There’s a thick, springy blue carpet beneath my feet and a lot more glass along this area. Each office is glass fronted. Most of them are empty, but a few already have workers in them.
“That’s Bruce, he works in accounts,” Ashton says as we pass one of the offices. “And that’s Jess in there. She’s one of our best techs. She’s the brains behind our latest organization app.”
That makes me feel a little better. At least, he’s not misogynistic. It was just me he hated, not all women. We’re almost at the end of the hallway now, which widens out to a large open plan area filled with cubicles and people on phones.
“This is the secretary pool,” Ashton says, nodding towards the group of workers.
I nod and we carry on into the hallway that narrows down again. The end of the hallway is dominated by a huge glass fronted corner office with amazing views of the city. It has a large mahogany desk with black leather seats, including a couch and armchairs arranged around a low coffee table.
“That’s my office,” Ashton says, nodding into the huge one. He then points to a smaller one beside it. “And that will be yours. Charlie, our handyman, will be along later to put your name and job title up, and Stewart from IT should already be on his way up to get your compute
r and phone line up and running.”
“Ok,” I say, trying to hold on to all of the information I’m being given. Right now, I’m just glad the partition wall between my office and Ashton’s isn’t made of glass.
“Come on into my office and we’ll go over everything while Stewart is getting set up and then you can get started,” he says. He pulls the office door open and stands back holding it, gesturing at me to enter first.
I smile my thanks and step into his office.
Chapter Eight
Elena
“Take a seat,” he says.
I move towards his desk and sit down taking another deep breath. He puts his briefcase down and takes his jacket off then he comes to sit opposite me behind his desk.
Before he can get started, there’s a light tap on the door.
Ashton waves his hand in a come in gesture.
Becky steps into the office with our coffees. She informs Ashton that Stewart has arrived in my office and leaves.
I curl my fingers around the hot mug.
“It’s a pretty standard set up,” Ashton says, taking a sip from his mug. “You’ll be in charge of running my diary and whatever other daily tasks that crop up. You’ve done this before, so I won’t insult your intelligence by going over every detail of what that entails, but if you do have any questions, just stop me at any point.” He turns the monitor on his desk around to show me the screen. “This is our computerized diary system. It’s another one of Jess’s babies so if you hit any snags, she’s your gal, but I’ve never known any of her features not to work.” He clicks around in the system, showing me how it all works.
It looks straightforward enough and I’m confident I can pull off using it.
Ashton opens his top drawer and hands me a red leather bound diary. “Call me old fashioned, but I like a paper copy of everything in this schedule too. It doesn’t matter how much something is backed up, if our systems go down, I need to know where I should be and when.”
“That makes sense,” I say. It’s the first time I’ve spoken to him and I’m pleased my voice comes out sounding normal. I take a sip of coffee so Ashton can’t see the look of relief on my face.
“I’ll have one of the secretaries give you a tour of the building later on today, so you can start finding your feet,” Ashton says.
I nod.
He smiles. “You’re very quiet,” he points out. “But I’m assuming that won’t last. I’m not one of those bosses who wants everyone to bow down to me and be afraid to state their opinion. I like strong people who will stand up to me when they need to, and I like people with ideas who will come and talk to me and pitch things to me. Will that be a problem for you?”
“Not at all Mr. Miller.” It feels strange calling Ashton Mr. anything, but especially Miller, a name I still don’t really associate with him.
“It’s Ashton,” he corrects.
“Ok,” I agree.
“Do you have any questions?”
How do you not remember me after you spent so much of your time making my life hell? “No,” I say. “I’m sure I’ll pick it up as I go along and if I think of anything, I’ll let you know.”
“Sounds good,” he says.
I can’t wait to get out of this office. Although I think I’m holding my own, and I’m pretty sure I’m not giving away how nervous I am— inside, I am actually a bag of nerves, just waiting for the penny to drop. For Ashton to remember who I am and fire me or dredge up the past again.
I start to stand up, but Ashton motions me back into my seat.
I sit back down, already hating the fact that I have to do as he says now.
“Wait Elena,” he says. “Before you go, there’s something else I want to talk to you about.” He takes a drink of his coffee, puts the mug back down and gets to his feet.
I wait patiently while he goes and stands at the window, and looks out over the city. It is such a long pause I’m starting to think I’d misunderstood and I was meant to leave his office when he speaks
“I know you remember me. I wasn’t sure at first, but you do, don’t you?”
I want to say no. To be able to act casual and then be surprised when he tells me who he is, but I’m not confident I can pull it off. If I let him think I’m lying about remembering him, he’s going to know for sure how much his treatment of me bothered me, and how it still plays on my mind, even after all of these years. “I remember you,” I say coolly. “I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t sure you would remember me.”
He turns back to face me. He doesn’t come back to his seat. Instead, he perches on the extra wide windowsill as he studies my face. “I do. And I want you to know I’m not proud of the way I treated you back then.”
I shrug. “It was a long time ago. We were just kids.”
“I know. But I was old enough to know better. I’m sorry, Elena. Really I am. I was an asshole. I want you to know you have nothing to fear from me, ok?”
“It’s fine,” I say coolly. “Let’s be honest, maybe if I had noticed you existed before you started having to act like an ass, none of it would have happened.” I give him a clipped smile as I say it. I notice some of the spark goes out of his eyes and his shoulders slump slightly. It’s exactly the effect I was going for. I wanted him to think he hadn’t been important to me growing up, that I had barely known he existed. But now that I’ve done it, it doesn’t make me feel good like I thought it would. In fact, it makes me feel awful. I remind myself of how many times Ashton made me feel awful. Of how many lunch breaks I spent locked in the bathroom crying. It should help, but it doesn’t.
“Is there anything else or should I get started?” I ask crisply, trying to push through the awkwardness.
“That’s everything,” he says, recovering himself. He gets up from the windowsill and smiles at me as he makes his way back to his seat. “Remember I’m only next door if you have any questions. Welcome to Wave, Elena.”
“Thanks,” I say as I stand up. I practically run from the room, conscious of Ashton’s eyes on me the whole time.
Chapter Nine
Elena
I’m shaking when I get into my office. I want nothing more than to turn around, leave this place and never come back. I’d settle for being able to close the door, sit down, and compose myself with a few breathing exercises. I can’t do either. I can’t just walk away from this job because I like not being homeless. And I can’t take a moment to centre myself because of all the damned glass. Anyone coming along the hallway outside of my office would see me.
I hate this glass set up already.
I close the door quietly, although it seems a little pointless really. I take a proper look around the office. I have a smaller version of Ashton’s desk, a comfy looking leather computer chair and two more chairs opposite the computer chair. There’s also some filing cabinets and a small coffee table in the corner with two arm chairs. The office is a little bigger than my old one and if it wasn’t for the glass, I’d be more than happy with it.
I step towards my desk. As I do, a head pops up from behind it and I gasp. The head laughs, a good-natured laugh that I can’t help but join in with.
“I’m Stewart from IT,” the head says. “I’m sorry I scared you. I thought you knew I was in here.”
I did. Ashton told me Stewart was in here, I just forget in my panicked state. Suddenly I’m grateful for the glass. If I had a solid wall, I likely would have been hyperventilating with my back pressed against the door when I met Stewart. “I’m Elena,” I say with a smile. “Ashton mentioned you were getting me all set up but when I didn’t see you in here, I thought you were done.”
“Almost,” Stewart smiles. “Go and grab a coffee or something while you wait if you want. The kitchen is just along there.” He points to my left with a thumb
I realize now, the hallway didn’t actually end with Ashton’s office. It turns ever so slightly. I nod. Coffee sounds like a good idea, and it’s not like I can do any work without a co
mputer or a phone. “Would you like one?” I ask.
“I’d love one. Cream, no sugar, please,” Stewart says.
I move over to the arm chairs to leave my bag and jacket on one of them then step back out of the office. I go in the direction Stewart pointed me in. The hallway doesn’t go much further. I find four rooms. A small cleaning supply closet, a male and female bathroom then a large kitchen that seems to double as a break room, judging by the tables and chairs in it.
I go into the kitchen and see a pot of coffee. I touch the pot, glad to discover the coffee is hot. I open up a cupboard, the one directly above the coffee pot, and smile when I see I guessed correctly. I pour and fix two coffees.
Now I’m out from underneath Ashton’s gaze and I have had a moment to center myself, I feel much better. I don’t feel so mean about what I said to him now. I finally stood up for myself and I shouldn’t have to feel guilty for it. It’s not even like I can say I’m even. Ashton has done a lot more to me than I ever could do to him.
I head back to my office shaking off thoughts of Ashton.
Stewart is no longer under my desk. He’s sitting in my office chair, doing something on my computer. He smiles when I step back in. “It shouldn’t be much longer. I’m just installing a few programs and then you’re good to go,” he says as I hand him his coffee.
He takes a sip. “Thanks.”
I sit down in one of the chairs opposite Stewart and sip my own coffee. “So what’s it like working here?” I ask.
“It’s hell,” Stewart says. “Everyone is awful and Mr. Miller is the worst boss I’ve ever had. Always yelling and cursing.”
I feel my heart skip a beat and I stare at him incredulously.