by Kate Forster
Seth and Ethan were very quiet around their mother, watching her adoringly but also careful, as though she might vanish at the slightest sudden movement from them.
‘Um,’ said Seth. ‘We got some Lego, video games, nerf guns and bikes.’
‘Bikes – that’s great, what a good idea,’ she said.
‘That was my idea,’ said Simon looking at Marc. ‘Kids should have bikes for a place like this, otherwise it’s pretty boring.’
Marc raised his eyebrows and Christa saw his jaw twitch. ‘Thanks for the advice. They were on the list for Christmas from me but I will have to get something else now.’
‘Anytime, old fellow – if you need more ideas let me know. I had a very happy childhood; parents didn’t let me want for anything.’
‘Explains a lot,’ whispered Adam to Christa who smiled as she handed him a bowl.
‘Roast potato? They were cooked in duck fat, so they are very decadent. Delicious with the gravy. And make sure you take a roll to mop up the gravy at the end. Such a good thing to do.’
Christa swore she could feel Simon’s eyes boring holes into her as she handed the potatoes to Marc who thanked her and smiled.
She felt her stomach flip and then fall when she remembered Paul’s comment about them returning to San Francisco.
Marc poured the wine for them all and offered some to Simon and Avian.
‘We can’t,’ said Avian. ‘Makes me bloat.’
Simon’s face was thunderous. ‘I can have half a glass,’ he muttered, toying with some tofu on his fork.
‘No you can’t. We shoot in a month and I showed you how jowly you looked from the trailer shoot.’
Christa looked at Paul who made a face, and mouthed the word ouch at her.
‘You don’t need to bring up my jowls here,’ Simon snapped.
‘That reminds me,’ said Christa, knowing she couldn’t help herself – it was just too easy a pass to make. ‘Do you remember that lovely lemongrass pork jowl we had in Thailand?’ She looked at Avian. ‘In Thailand, pork jowl is similar to the pork belly that’s so popular in China. Fatty and tasty.’
‘He could work on his belly also,’ said Avian meanly.
For a moment she felt sorry for Simon, being fat-shamed by Avian in front of everyone but then she remembered he was just as mean, albeit much subtler about it.
The dinner was delicious, and Christa thanked Adam and Paul for keeping the mood light at their end of the table, interrogating the boys about Lego and challenging them to a building competition another night.
When they had finished eating, Christa stood up.
‘Now if you can assist in clearing the table, I will get dessert ready for us. It will take fifteen minutes but it will give us time to let this meal settle.’
Simon was sneaking a potato while Avian was looking at Christa. ‘Dessert? No thank you. Simon and I don’t do that.’
‘Hang on,’ said Simon, trying to swallow the potato whole so Avian couldn’t see his duplicitous act.
‘What is it?’ he asked.
‘Chocolate molten lava cake with raspberry coulis and Chantilly cream with a scoop of French vanilla ice cream I made today.’
‘Get out of town,’ exclaimed Paul. ‘I will have Simon’s if he can’t eat it.’
Avian stood up. ‘Thank you but no thank you. Simon?’
Reluctantly Simon stood.
‘Thanks for the kale and tofu,’ he said, glaring at Christa.
‘If you want yours later, I will leave it in the refrigerator. You can heat it up in the microwave.’
‘No, he won’t. It’s bad for you,’ Avian instructed. ‘I will come and see you after dinner,’ she said to the boys, who were looking from adult to adult like it was a tennis match.
‘Go and play, boys, and I’ll call you for dessert,’ said Marc.
Adam, Paul and Marc cleared the table, laughing in the kitchen about Avian and Simon.
‘He looks hungry,’ said Adam.
‘He is hungry,’ said Marc. ‘He looked at that chicken like he was about to propose to it.’
Christa laughed. ‘He is starving, I know he is. I’m betting that that molten lava cake will be gone in the morning.’
‘Avian will probably put a lock on the fridge,’ Paul said.
‘I feel a bit mean,’ admitted Christa. ‘But Avian’s approach to food is so damaging. I’m not sure the boys should be indoctrinated by her weird rules and phobias.’
‘What do you mean?’ Marc asked.
‘She calls food good and bad all the time. Food is morally neutral. You can’t eat like this all the time as it’s not healthy but you can have a meal like this and enjoy it and know it’s a sometime event.’
The men listened keenly as she spoke.
‘If you are given choices with every meal, you will find kids choose a balance. A plate of fruit with some good quality chocolate will be taken from equally. The children will take a strawberry and chocolate. A few berries, a little watermelon and so on and then maybe some chocolate again. If weighed in the balance it would be equal.’
She paused, choosing her words carefully so she didn’t upset Marc about the boys.
‘Being too rigid in anything can be damaging, is all I’m saying.’
Marc sat at the kitchen table.
‘Avian is rigid, that’s for sure.’
‘And Simon will rebel. It will start with the lava cake and then explode into something bigger. It’s only a matter of time,’ Christa said as she put the individual ramekins into the oven.
Adam and Paul left the kitchen to drink their wine in front of the fire.
Christa avoided looking at Marc as she set up the items for dressing the cakes when they were out of the oven.
‘Are you okay?’ Marc asked. ‘It must be really awful for you with them being here.’
Christa stirred the berry coulis. ‘It is what it is.’ She said but the truth was every moment around Simon was unbearable. Her anxiety was back, and she kept waking in the night in a sweat, and had started to twist her hair at the crown when she didn’t realise, only to stop when she felt some of it coming out in her hand. But she wouldn’t say that to Marc, he would think she was fragile and useless.
She thought about what Adam said about Marc and her, and she looked at him.
‘Are you going to go back to America after Christmas?’
Marc was silent for a moment. ‘I don’t know, to be honest with you. The boys have friends there and I share custody with Avian.’
She nodded, and looked down at the bench.
They were talking about things that seemed so far away but so important and yet they didn’t know anything about each other. It was silly.
‘Would you come to America? To visit?’ he asked.
She shrugged. ‘I don’t know.’
They looked at each other until finally Christa broke away.
Everyone was living in a fantasy, she decided, and the only reality was the people on the street who needed help, who didn’t have a choice of which country to live in, or which wine to drink.
‘Probably not,’ she said as she turned on the oven light to check the cakes. ‘America doesn’t interest me. I think I will stay here and see if I can’t get a job working somewhere that helps make a difference. That’s what interests me.’
But she knew she was lying. She would have gone to America if she loved Marc but it was too much of a risk to assume anything anymore. She wasn’t about to give up her new freedom for another man and lose herself again.
She turned around to gauge Marc’s reaction but he was gone and she was speaking to an empty chair.
I guess he didn’t want to find out, she thought as she started to clean up the bench. Not that she blamed him. Who would wait for her anyway?
23
Adam turned the laptop screen around to show Marc the figures.
‘If we buy the network with Blind Baking, then the price goes up enormously.’
Marc sat in though
t.
‘Does Avian know you’re thinking of buying the service?’
Marc shook his head. ‘No, she doesn’t.’
‘Or you can buy without the show, cut them loose and save a bunch of money and still meet your goal.’
He rubbed his temples and then sighed. ‘I don’t want to pay that much, to be honest. The show isn’t worth it; it’s a risk. We already have The Great British Bake Off and MasterChef. Has Avian signed with Cirrus?’
‘She said she has but I haven’t seen the papers yet,’ admitted Adam.
Adam looked back the screen.
‘Find out if you can.’
Marc stood up and went to the window where he saw the boys riding their bikes around the paths. It looked freezing but their faces were red and healthy and he could hear them yelling out instructions to each other. He was glad they had them early, even if they were Simon’s idea. It was good to see them outside and being active instead of being in front of the screen playing video games.
‘Christa asked me if I was going back to the States,’ he said.
‘And your answer was?’
‘I said I didn’t know,’ he answered honestly. ‘I like her, I would like to get to know her but my life is there, not here. I can’t see how it would work and I don’t want to uproot everything for it not to work out.’
He turned to Adam who was leaning back in the chair listening intently. Having worked with Adam for ten years, he knew that his counsel would be wise and considered and always put Marc’s interests first.
But Adam said nothing.
‘Well, what do you think?’ Marc felt frustrated at the lack of response from his friend and business adviser.
‘What does it matter what I think, you will do what you need to do.’
‘What sort of a stupid answer is that?’ Marc was frustrated now. He wanted Adam to tell him what to do so that he didn’t have to make the decision himself. And Adam always chose business, which would mean Marc would be back in San Francisco for the start of the next year.
‘You are asking me if you should go back to America or stay here and pursue the spark you have with Christa?’
‘Yes, yes I am,’ Marc said.
‘I am not telling you what to do about that. That’s a personal issue,’ said Adam.
‘You had no qualms four years ago, when you told me that you thought Avian and I should separate.’
‘Because she’s abusive – to you, to the boys, to people she works with. She’s an awful person who hasn’t changed at all since you divorced. In fact, I think she’s become worse. You see how different the twins are around her compared to when it was just you and Christa spending time with them.’
Marc was quiet now. Everything Adam said was true. Avian was toxic and nasty and he might have escaped it but the boys hadn’t. They had changed and he worried for them.
‘I can’t take them away from their mother.’
‘I’m not saying you should, I am merely pointing out you have an opportunity to explore things with Christa and can keep the boys here for a while longer and let them decide where they want to be.’
Marc sat back at his desk and stared at his computer screen.
Adam was right, as usual.
‘Did you look into the other thing I mentioned, in town?’
Adam nodded. ‘Yes I emailed the papers to you this morning.’
‘Great, now let’s get back to this deal. I want it sorted by Christmas, which is only a week away.’
*
After Adam had finalised the paperwork for the offer for the network, Marc walked through the house looking for Christa but she was nowhere to be found, and we looked outside he saw her car was gone.
He wondered where she was and called Peggy, even though it was her day off. What if Christa had gone?
‘Mr Ferrier?’ Peggy answered. He could hear music and talking in the background.
‘I am sorry to call. I know it’s your day off but do you know where Christa is?’
‘She said she was going to the Shambles Market.’
Before she could say any more, Marc had shoved his phone into his pocket, pulled on his coat and grabbed his keys.
He had no idea where Shambles Market was but he could find it, he was sure.
York was busy when he arrived and he saw people milling around with baskets and trolleys of food and more.
‘Excuse me, which way is the market?’ he asked a man with a baby in a carrier on his chest.
The man directed him while his hand caressed the baby’s head and Marc tried to remember whether he had been that tender with his sons. They had been raised largely by nannies because he was working and Avian was working on a career, which he respected, but he wished he could do it all again and make it better. Love the twins better, tell Avian to be a better parent. Tell himself to be a better parent.
He walked the streets towards the market, noticing every family, every couple of every age. People enjoying their time together, having coffees and laughing and looking at the market stalls. He wanted to be a part of it all and he wanted one person with him.
As he walked past a stall, he saw Peggy in an apron offering a plate of something to passers-by.
‘Peggy?’ he said.
‘Hello, Mr Ferrier, you found it I see.’
Petey from the van waved at him. ‘Fudge?’ asked Peggy, holding the plate in front of him.
‘No thanks, I need to find Christa. Have you seen her?’
Peggy shook her head. ‘Have you called her?’
‘I don’t have her number,’ he said, feeling stupid. He’d never had any reason to call her until now.
Peggy pulled her phone out of her apron pocket and handed him the platter of fudge.
‘Hold this,’ she said, and scrolled through her phone and pressed send and he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.
A market goer walked up to Marc and took a piece of fudge from the plate, then stood there chewing at him.
‘What’s the flavour?’ asked the man.
Marc looked at Peggy. ‘Flavour?’
‘Peppermint and dark chocolate,’ said Peggy, slipping her phone back in her pocket and taking back the platter.
‘There’s a lovely strawberries and champagne one also, if you like something lighter.’
Marc called Christa’s phone while he watched Peggy sell several packets fudge to the man.
She was a truly a gem, underneath her disapproving disposition.
Christa’s phone went through to voice mail and he hung up without leaving a message.
What would he say? He didn’t even know what he would say if he saw her in person; he just wanted to see her.
As if he’d manifested her, he spotted her pink jacket, then her white wool hat with the pom-pom on top and he called out.
She turned and looked around and then saw him and smiled, a tentative smile but not a scowl, nor did she turn away.
He made his way through the crowd and came to her side.
‘What are you doing here?’ she asked, her face pink with cold and her nose red. He wanted to kiss the tip of it but instead he took the bags of shopping she was carrying from her.
‘I wanted to see you,’ he said.
‘Why?’
People passed them in the market but he felt they were all spinning around them and only he and Christa were still.
‘I don’t know, I just wanted to be with you.’
She bit her lip, as though trying to stop herself from smiling.
‘Was there something you needed to tell me? Something I needed to buy? Rhubarb, perhaps? I could make you a lovely apple and rhubarb strudel. I know how much you would love that.’
‘No, thank you,’ he said. ‘I would prefer something else,’ he said.
‘What would you prefer?’ she asked and he knew they were flirting now.
‘You,’ he said and he saw her take in a sharp breath and then she breathed out slowly.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Christa, we like each other, perhaps it’s more than like for me. I want to know you and I want you to know the boys. I’m going to stay here after Christmas so we can get to know each other like normal people. I’m not going to go back to America. I can put the boys into school here for a while. It would be good for them.’
Christa looked down at her feet and scuffed her boots on the cobblestones. ‘It’s impossible to get to know you when both our exes are in the house with us.’
‘I know but we can ignore them until they leave, can’t we?’
Christa laughed but there was no joy in the sound.
‘This is sport to Simon. He is constantly baiting me, needling me, making me feel less than adequate. I thought I left that when we split but no, it seems I am still in his web.’
‘He can’t make you feel anything you don’t want to, and you shouldn’t listen to him,’ he said. ‘I can tell Avian to go if you want?’
But she held up a gloved hand.
‘I can’t tell you to tell Avian to go because she’s the boys’ mother, but you have to understand, I can’t stand Simon being here. It’s exhausting and stressful.’
Simon interjected. ‘Then I’ll tell her to tell him to leave. If she wants to see the boys then she’ll stay. I have no idea why he’s here anyway. I had no idea they were even dating.’ He put his hand on her arm but she pulled away
‘Please don’t. You don’t owe me that. She is the boys’ mother, that means something. We are just an attraction that would probably never happen if I wasn’t in the close confines of the house with you. Our worlds would have never crossed otherwise.’
‘Don’t say that, I sound like some sort of horrible emperor.’ He shook his head at the thought
But Christa had stepped back away from him.
‘I just want this whole thing to be over. I can’t do this game-playing with Simon and Avian using us as pawns in their emotional chess match.’
‘I’m not playing games, I’m just telling you I like you. I want to get to know you better.’
Christa paused, and he could see her choosing her words before she spoke.
‘I can’t tell you what to do with your ex-wife, but I know I can’t be around Simon for any longer than I have to. I don’t want to tell you about my marriage yet but there is pain that is real and raw and I’m not strong enough to see him like this, day after day.’