‘It doesn’t make sense...’
She began to move against his finger, her body disobeying her brain as she’d known it would. She’d barely come down from the splintering high of orgasm and she could already feel little spasms of mounting pleasure as he rubbed her. Her nipples ached and she pictured his dark head nuzzling and suckling at her breasts. That turned her on even more.
‘Let’s agree not to question this, Georgie. So what if it doesn’t make sense? We got on this rollercoaster and I think we should just go along for the ride. When the ride comes to an end we’ll deal with it...’
* * *
‘You should at least think about it,’ Rose was saying as she fussed around them.
They had come for breakfast—a routine that had been established ever since they had arrived, a week ago. Their nights were spent together at Georgina’s house. Their days were largely spent with Rose. Time was galloping past and Georgina had decided that uncomfortable thoughts were best left unexplored.
She’d made big decisions. She’d chosen to carry on sleeping with Matias instead of doing what her head had told her to do, which was to write off that single night at Melissa’s as an anomaly. She’d made loads of excellent arguments to support her decision, but now that the decision had been made what was the point of tormenting herself with pointless speculation about whether she’d done the right thing or not?
Besides, with each passing day Rose seemed to have a renewed lease of life, and Georgina knew that the openly touchy-feely stuff between herself and Matias partially accounted for that.
They were no longer involved in a charade—at least not as far as the physical side of things went—and maybe she had picked up on some intangible vibes and was responding to them. Who knew?
Right now Rose was waiting for a response to a question that had the potential to open up a can of worms.
Sprawled in a chair, long legs stretched out in front of him and crossed loosely at the ankles, Matias was watching Georgie from under luxuriant dark lashes and maintaining an unhelpful silence.
‘It wouldn’t work,’ Georgina said awkwardly as she began to clear the table. ‘I mean, Rose, so much of my work is tied up here... I couldn’t just ditch all of that and move to...er...London. It’s a dog-eat-dog world there and I’m just a minnow. I’d be eaten alive.’
She paused after that bagful of mixed metaphors and tried to garner support from Matias with a meaningful look. He returned her stare without taking the bait.
Rose’s face fell. ‘But then I just don’t see how things are going to work between the two of you.’ She looked at Matias with a hint of apology. ‘I know you hate talking about things like this, Matias, and I hope you won’t be offended...’
Matias waved a casual hand and shifted ever so slightly. ‘Feel free, Mother. I don’t want you to think that you have to edit your words because of me.’
‘Well, I do understand that all those clandestine meetings in London must have been terribly exciting...’
She paused fractionally to look at Georgina, who duly responded, ‘Terribly...’
‘But after the first excitement relationships have to grow and mature. You’re both here now, and I can see with my own eyes just how much enjoyment the pair of you find in one another. You’re in one another’s company all the time and I think that’s giving you so many opportunities to really deepen the connection between you. In fact, I’ve seen that with my own two eyes! I’ve seen the way you look at each other!’
Out of the corner of her eye Georgina was aware of Matias’s discomfort at this perfectly reasonable observation from his mother and a dart of malicious satisfaction streaked through her.
He was absolutely in favour of them continuing their relationship while he was enjoying the sex, and because of that he had jettisoned all plans to engineer their situation towards an eventual break-up. Was it any wonder that his mother was now beginning to look beyond the present to the future?
‘It’s going to end up being impractical if you have to conduct a long-distance relationship. Those things seldom work. It’s far too easy to be tempted by someone else if the person you love is a thousand miles away.’
‘Cornwall isn’t a thousand miles away from London,’ Georgina pointed out. ‘And,’ she added for good measure, ‘if a guy is tempted just because there’s a bit of distance between himself and the woman he’s supposed to be madly in love with, then he wasn’t madly in love in the first place.’
Rose knew her son, and she knew very well that Matias had always been short on commitment and big on variety when it came to women. Georgina could understand perfectly well why she was worried about the distance between them, but there was no way she was going to pretend that her migrating to London was an option. No way.
And wasn’t this a good excuse to start sowing the seeds of what might go wrong between the love birds?
It had been so easy over the past few days to be lulled into thinking that there was an element of reality about all this—but she and Matias had two very different takes on reality.
For her, reality was a relationship founded in commitment—a relationship that was going somewhere, developing into something that had a future. Something beyond sex.
For Matias, reality was taking what he wanted. It was sex and fun until the sex got boring and the fun began to peter out.
‘Some might say that a long-distance relationship really siphons off the flash-in-the-pan romance from the slow burn of something long-lasting. Wouldn’t you agree, Matias?’
Matias shrugged and raised his eyebrows.
‘Your mother has a point, don’t you think? Clandestine is all very well and good, but when the thrill of that is over and done with, what next?’
Silence greeted this provocative remark, and Georgina bit down hard on a hiss of impatience.
The telephone trilled from the hallway, breaking the silence, which had continued to stretch.
Rose scuttled out of the kitchen.
‘You’re breathing fire,’ Matias drawled. ‘Care to tell me why?’
‘Why do you think, Matias?’
‘My mother does have a point,’ he agreed mildly. ‘If you want your career to develop beyond doing a few shoots for the chef down the road, then you’re eventually going to have to head for the big, bad city lights.’
‘You know that’s not what she was talking about!’
She clicked her tongue with annoyance. How could he just lounge there, sprawled in that chair with that half-smile on his face, looking so drop-dead gorgeous when he should be taking her seriously? She knew that if he’d already got sick of her, if the sex had run its course, then he would be leaping onto the exit strategy she had tried to set in motion.
‘True,’ Matias was honest enough to admit.
‘We need to prepare the way for your mother to realise that this isn’t going to end up where she thinks it is. Matias, read between the lines. Rose is building up to this being more than just a relationship. Why didn’t you follow my lead?’
‘I’ve always hated the concept of being a follower.’
‘I’m being serious!’ Georgina cried with frustration.
Matias pressed his fingers against his eyes, and when he looked at her it was with bone-wrenching gravity. ‘I know you are,’ he said in a low voice. ‘And, trust me, I fully appreciate the wisdom of what you were trying to do. But...’
He raked his fingers through his hair and for the first time since she had known him Georgina could see that he was grappling to express what he wanted to say. In a man as fluent, as lazily sophisticated and utterly controlled and self-assured as Matias Silva, it was a sight that left her temporarily lost for words.
‘But...?’ she encouraged, when nothing further seemed to be forthcoming.
He straightened in the chair and raked his fingers through his hair. ‘But this whole charade has gone down an unexpected route.’
‘I don’t understand...’
‘My mother was depresse
d. I found myself somehow cajoled into a role I hadn’t auditioned for...’
‘I get that, Matias.’ The last thing Georgina felt she needed was a reminder of just how much of an unwilling participant he had been in this whole charade. ‘Which is why—’
‘Hear me out, Georgie. I thought that once my mother was back in the land of the living—mentally—we could bring this whole game to a timely end. I hadn’t banked on my relationship with my mother veering off in unforeseen directions.’ He shifted uncomfortably and looked at her broodingly. ‘We’ve spent a lifetime plodding along,’ Matias said heavily. ‘Always polite, always distant.’
His voice was so low that she had to move close to him to hear what he was saying. Having sat down, she felt her knees almost touching his, and she was leaning into him, her bright hair pulled over one shoulder.
He absently tugged at the curling ends of her hair, twirling strands around his finger while he continued to hold her gaze. It was a gesture of unbearable intimacy and it went straight to the very core of her, even though she knew she was reading way too much into it.
‘I spent half a lifetime pulling away from my parents,’ he said ruefully. ‘In the end we simply inhabited different worlds. My father could never understand it, and my deepest regret is that it became a rift that was never resolved. With my mother... Well, I suppose I tried to heal that rift by making sure no expense was spared. Whatever she wanted, she got.’
He shrugged.
‘Now, though, that rift is healing, and it’s an unexpected by-product of this little charade of ours. I’ve never been closer to my mother. That’s why I chose not to take you up on the very considerate rescue package you were putting into motion.’ He leaned back and shot her a crooked half-smile. ‘I can see that you’re moved by my uncustomary outpouring of confidences...’
‘I think it’s brilliant that you and your mother are finding a way forward...’ Georgina wanted to tack a diplomatic but on the end of that remark, but then she looked at him, at his guarded expression, and her heart twisted.
She gazed back helplessly at him and he pulled her towards him and kissed her.
Conversation closed.
CHAPTER EIGHT
GEORGINA WASN’T SURE what had been resolved by their hurried conversation.
Would the opportunity arise for her to try and get some sort of timeline for their relationship that should never have been? Did Matias even do timelines? And if she pushed him...what then?
Thoughts whirled in her head, sparking off one another, one confused thought leading to another.
She didn’t want this to end. She wanted a timeline so that she could brace herself for the inevitable, but she didn’t want the inevitable to come.
That realisation of weakness snaked through her, terrifying, implacable and revelatory.
This wasn’t about lust. Maybe it had started there—although when Georgina thought about it she knew, in her heart, that there had been far more than lust when she had stepped out into the unknown and lost her virginity to Matias.
Yes, he was sexy—and, yes, he had touched her and her whole body had come alive. But she’d never been the sort of girl who was seduced by good looks and a bit of charm. Fact was, Matias had won her heart. And he’d won it, without even trying, a long time ago. Making love to him had been the final stage in a journey that had begun when she had been an impressionable teenager.
For him, she had become just like any one of his other women. Yes, they had history—so maybe not quite the same—and, yes, the circumstances behind their relationship were different, but in the end she was sleeping with him on his terms, ceding to something that was going to end because he wasn’t into relationships or commitment.
She remembered the towering blonde in the small dress who had been in the process of being dispatched. She remembered rolling her eyes when Matias had said something about her being better off without him.
Here she was. At some point in time he would end up dispatching her in exactly the same way—probably when he thought that the charade they’d begun was no longer required. He’d never guess that she’d fallen in love with him and Georgina shuddered at the thought of him ever finding out.
‘Where is she?’ Georgina frowned and glanced to the door which Rose had pulled shut behind her when she had gone to pick up the telephone.
Matias looked down at her and then outlined her mouth with his finger, gently tugging at her bottom lip and making her shiver with sudden electric excitement when he inserted his finger into her mouth so that she could suck on it, mimicking what she did to his erection when they were together, naked.
Her mind went blank for a few seconds.
Forgetting to think whenever he touched her was becoming a lifestyle choice.
‘We should go and find her.’ Georgina managed to draw back and shoot him a stern look from under her lashes.
‘If you insist,’ Matias drawled, ‘although, given this little window, I could think of one or two things I’d rather be doing...’
‘Matias!’
‘Will you ever stop being shocked at perfectly innocent statements?’ He grinned but didn’t remove his hand from where it was caressing the side of her neck. ‘Or blushing? No, you’ll never stop blushing. You’ve been doing that since you were a kid.’
‘I can’t help it,’ Georgina mumbled. ‘It must be a novelty for you, Matias.’
She thought of the Amazonian blonde, so beautiful, so experienced, so with-it. She began walking towards the door, her fingers lightly linked with his, as if her body had been programmed to keep touching his whenever and wherever possible.
‘You’re not kidding.’ He tugged her to a stop and stared down at her thoughtfully. ‘I haven’t had too many dealings with women who blush at the mention of sex.’
‘I don’t do that!’
‘You’re doing it now.’
‘Do you like it?’
‘A change is always as good as a rest...’
Georgina subdued a little dart of pain. Who wants to be a novelty in someone else’s life? she wondered. Especially when you’re in love with that someone and want nothing more than to be a permanent fixture?
She plastered a rueful smile on her face and turned away.
‘I’ve never made love to a virgin before, either,’ he murmured, pulling her briefly against him and smiling.
‘Notch on the bedpost, Matias?’
He frowned. ‘Don’t say that.’
‘Why not? It’s true, isn’t it?’
‘Do you want to start an argument with me?’
‘Of course I don’t.’
Georgina looked down, but he wouldn’t allow that, tipping her chin so that she was forced to meet his gaze.
She looked back at him with a veiled expression, then said, her voice cooler, ‘But we’re both into being honest about what’s going on here.’ She shrugged. ‘This is all for your mum, and I’m really happy that it’s ended up being about more than just bringing her out of her mental slump. I’m really happy that along the way the two of you have finally managed to forge a meaningful connection.’
‘What does that have to do with you thinking that you’re a notch on my bedpost because you were a virgin when we first made love?’
Georgina wished that he would stop going on about her virginity. It wasn’t his intention, but did he have any idea how much the mention of her virginity led her to comparisons with all those women he had bedded who hadn’t been virgins? She hated thinking of him in bed with other women. She’d never had a jealous bone in her body before, but right now her entire skeletal frame was glued together by the green-eyed monster.
‘It was just an expression,’ she said lightly.
‘I don’t see women as notches on my bedpost,’ Matias persisted.
She could almost smile at his outraged expression. He’d said to her in passing that when it came to women he always laid his cards on the table, was always open and up-front with them. No commitment, no cosy meals
in, no meeting the parents. If they chose to ignore those ground rules, then that wasn’t his fault. He had a black and white approach to relationships that beggared belief.
‘Let’s drop this conversation. It’s not going anywhere.’
She opened the door to a silent house, but instead of following Matias remained standing behind her, then he leaned down and whispered into her ear.
‘You’re not a notch on my bedpost—and don’t put yourself down by saying something like that.’
‘Who says I mind being a notch on your bedpost?’ Georgina pointed out calmly.
That deepened his disapproving frown which, in turn, gave her a weird kind of kick. She raised her eyebrows and succumbed to something wicked inside her.
‘I mean...’ She dragged the syllables out as she looked at him without blinking. ‘If I’m going to be a notch on anybody’s bedpost, then who’s to say that I don’t want it to be yours?’
‘This conversation is really beginning to get on my nerves, Georgie.’
‘Why?’
‘Don’t give me that butter-wouldn’t-melt-in-my-mouth expression,’ he growled in return.
‘I wasn’t. I’m just saying...’ she paused and tilted her head to one side ‘...that if I had to lose my virginity then there’s no one in the world I’d rather have lost it to.’ She said that with heartfelt sincerity. But little did he know just how sincere those words were, and before he started circling the truth and zooming in on it, like a hawk spying a sparrow, she added lightly, ‘You’re a fantastic lover. You’ve given me confidence. And when I look ahead...’
‘Look ahead?’
‘Well, you know...to when this is all over and I move on...’
‘I don’t speculate about events that have yet to come—so, no, I don’t know.’
‘Well, one day I’ll meet the man I’ll want to settle down with—a man who’s going to love me the way I love him and want to settle down with me the way I want to settle down with him—and when that happens I’m going to think back to—’
‘I get the picture,’ Matias snapped, flushing darkly. ‘No need to expand. And if this isn’t the sound of you wanting to start an argument, then I don’t know what is.’
Modern Romance May 2019: Books 5-8 Page 12