Georgina sighed to herself, because it seemed as though by taking this step she and Matias might well have jumped from the frying pan straight into the fire. And, much as she wanted to adopt his approach to the situation, which was to take things one day at a time and only cross bridges when they got to them, she found herself chewing over all the worst-case scenarios that might arise.
While she waited for Matias and Rose to return from the lengthy consultation, she thought about the dangers inherent in this pretend situation that she so badly wanted to be real. She wondered how long they would continue the pretence...how long they would continue sleeping with one another. She felt helpless to end things. She wanted him so badly that she was willing to take whatever was on offer. And she hated herself for becoming so much like all those women who had preceded her.
And then there was the practical question of how they would conduct a long-distance relationship...
For the first time Georgina gave house room to thoughts of moving to London. Of course it was a nonsense, because she would never leave Cornwall to pursue the dream of being more to Matias than a casual affair. But if she were to be close at hand...
She was staring down at the ring on her finger when she heard footsteps and looked up to see Matias and his mother walking towards her.
‘All booked for the day after tomorrow,’ Matias said, looking from the engagement ring on her finger to the delicate bloom of colour in her cheeks.
‘I thought I might as well get it over and done with.’ Rose’s voice was brighter than it had been. ‘I’ve never believed in private healthcare, but I have to admit that it’s a weight off my shoulders knowing that I don’t have to wait weeks to have this operation. And, as Matias says, the sooner it’s done, the sooner I can start enjoying wedding plans. That is, Georgie, if you won’t find a middle-aged woman too intrusive? Of course your parents will be want to fly over as soon as they can... Alison’s going to be beside herself with joy. You’ll have to tell me what she says! I expect you’ll want to phone her as soon as possible. It’s wonderful, isn’t it?’
CHAPTER NINE
‘I’VE BEEN THINKING...’ Georgina didn’t look at Matias as she said that. She busied herself sweeping up the suit jacket he had discarded on the kitchen counter and the tie which he had dropped to the ground. The jacket would have cost what most people might earn in six months, and the tie was the softest of silk.
She had discovered that Matias treated his clothes with the casual disregard of someone who knew that he could snap his fingers and replace the lot at a moment’s notice. However, it went against the grain for Georgina to accept this cavalier indifference to possessions that cost the earth.
‘You’ve been thinking...?’ Matias drawled, sitting on a kitchen chair and swivelling it so that he could stretch his long legs out in front of him.
Summer had abruptly turned into a rainy, bleak autumn, and outside the relentlessly blue skies had become a thing of the past. Now, a fine, persistent drizzle was drumming against the window panes. Nothing like the savage downpour that had accompanied that very first time they had made love, but weedy and insistent and never-ending.
Something smelled good. Georgina not only photographed food but had also proved herself to be more than competent when faced with cooking it.
‘You’re doing an awful lot of travelling to and from here.’ She leaned against the counter and looked at him with clear, level green eyes. ‘I’ve had a lot of interest after my last shoot—from people in London and a publishing house in France, of all places. I feel that it might further my career if I moved to London.’
She could have added that the frequency of his visits to Cornwall was no longer strictly necessary. It was over a month since Rose had had her operation, and she was now back on her feet and wondering why on earth Georgina wasn’t thinking about moving to London.
‘After all,’ Rose had pointed out, ‘it’s not as though Matias is ever going to contemplate moving down here full time, and commuting can’t be a long-term proposition. I’m back to rights, and if I’m going to be moving into something smaller in the village I shall feel quite capable of being on my own. You two need to think about what’s going to work for you...’
Georgina thought uneasily about the engagement that had only been put in place as a temporary measure. She’d held off telling her parents, because she knew that involving more people than strictly necessary—especially her parents—would be to start hurtling down a dangerous slope, but the fact of the matter was that she and Matias were lovers, and still no mention had been made of timelines.
That being the case, this didn’t seem too dramatic a step forward. Did it...?
‘Is my mother behind this sudden decision?’
Something in his voice made the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end, and something in those cool dark eyes was setting alarm bells ringing in her head. However, having put one foot on this road, she now felt obliged to carry on.
‘She has been wondering why you’re continuing to commute. I know you spend a couple of days a week down here, but the rest of the time you’re up and down, and she thinks it’s weird for a newly engaged couple not to be trying to find a solution so that they can be together a bit more.’
‘Is that a fact...?’
Matias stood up and strolled to the window to stare silently outside for a few seconds before turning back to look at her. His expression was shuttered, unreadable.
‘I wouldn’t normally consider moving as an option but, like I said, I’ve had a lot of interest from two companies in London and one in France. The Paris one is obviously... You know... Actually, they want to set up a meeting with me...’
She knew that she was stammering and her voice tapered off into a lengthening silence as he continued to look at her for a while without saying anything. Georgina recalled the knotted stomach she had had when she had first gone to his house to tell him of her hare-brained idea to rescue his mother from her downward spiral of depression.
The knotted stomach was there again.
‘It’s not what you want to hear?’ she said flatly.
Matias inclined his head to one side. ‘No,’ he returned. ‘It’s not.’
‘Why not?’ Georgina asked bluntly.
‘The fact is, I’ve been doing some thinking of my own.’
He glanced across to where a pot was simmering on the stove, to the bottle of wine on the kitchen table, to the jacket and tie which had been neatly tidied away—all trappings of a domesticity he had always shunned.
‘My mother is back on her feet. The operation was a success, as I knew it would be. She’s now strong enough, in my opinion, to deal with the fact that there isn’t going to be any walk down the aisle.’
His fabulous eyes were the colour of wintry seas and his expression was remote—the expression of someone retreating and walking away.
‘Of course there’s not going to be a walk down the aisle.’ She felt sick, dizzy, and she was sure that it showed on her face because she could feel her colour draining away. ‘That’s not what this suggestion is about. Yes, it makes sense if this engagement is going to continue, but also I really have a chance of developing my career if I move out of Cornwall.’
‘This is my fault,’ Matias breathed with self-condemnation.
‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’
‘Don’t you, Georgie?’
‘No. I don’t.’ She kept her voice cool. ‘And I wish I’d never said anything.’
‘Look around,’ Matias told her quietly. ‘You’re cooking for me...you’re tidying up behind me... Somewhere along the line you’ve started the business of trying to domesticate me.’
‘Matias, I’m doing no such thing! And please don’t forget that it was your idea to take things one step further by pretending to be engaged! And if I’m cooking, and tidying up your clothes, have you stopped to think that it’s because you happen to be staying in my house and I don’t want to see clothes everywher
e? And I have to cook for myself so I might as well cook for you as well.’
She tilted her chin at a defiant angle, and in return Matias looked back at her with appreciation.
‘I’m not up for grabs, Georgie. And the reason I blame myself is because you were wet behind the ears and a virgin. I should have known that there was always going to be a danger that you might start confusing fantasy with reality...start thinking about a relationship I’d never have time for. I wanted you—and I took what I wanted because I’m a selfish bastard.’
Georgina’s eyes flashed and she held his stare steadily. ‘Don’t try and take responsibility for this, Matias, and please don’t try and make out that I want all this to be real. I might be inexperienced, but I’m not an imbecile. I didn’t have to carry on sleeping with you after that first night. If you took what you wanted, then has it occurred to you that I did the same? Took what I wanted?’
‘Is that your story and you’re sticking to it?’
‘I haven’t started confusing reality with fantasy,’ she said through gritted teeth.
And she hadn’t. She knew that their engagement was a sham, but the truth was that she’d begun to hope... They’d slipped into a comfortable zone, and she’d started hoping that beneath that comfort there was something substantial for him, just as it had become substantial for her. She’d deluded herself into thinking that the sizzling sex and their easy familiarity amounted to more than it obviously did.
He hadn’t been lulled into wanting her more because of what they’d ended up sharing. He’d ended up having to deal with just the sort of unwelcome expectations that got on his nerves.
‘Okay.’
He shot her a crooked smile, which made her teeth snap together in frustration because of the disbelief he couldn’t be bothered to conceal. But she knew that it should come as no surprise. His history with women told its own story, and she had chosen to ignore all the warnings he had put out there at her own peril. He was too astute when it came to the opposite sex not to have noticed those sidelong glances, the tender touches and, yes, that slide into domesticity that said more than words ever could about what they had and what it signified for her.
If, however, he thought that she was going to break down and start getting emotional, then he had another think coming—because no way was she going to do that.
‘Perfectly understandable to call off the engagement at this stage,’ she informed him. ‘You’re right. Rose is in a much better place now that the operation is out of the way and she’s been given a clean bill of health. Also it suits me, because I can focus exclusively on seeing where my career takes me now that my field is expanding.’
‘So you do intend to move to London?’
‘Possibly. I don’t know.’ She fiddled with the ring on her finger, then removed it and slid it over to him. ‘I don’t want this. The thought of keeping something “for services rendered” makes me feel sick.’
‘Georgie...’ Matias stared at the ring but didn’t pick it up. Instead he raised his eyes to hers and held her gaze. ‘This is for the best.’
‘I know,’ she said sweetly. ‘I think I’ve already heard that speech from you. Remember? When you were getting rid of the Amazonian blonde?’
‘This is hardly the same sort of situation.’
Georgina shrugged. ‘It is—more or less. It’s a break-up...one that was always expected. But there’s no need for you to spin the line about you being bad for me.’
‘It wouldn’t be a lie.’
‘Nor would it be relevant.’ She looked at him defiantly, challenging him to take her up on that statement. When he didn’t, she continued, ‘I’ll talk to Rose...let her down gently.’
‘You can leave that to me,’ Matias muttered heavily. ‘Like I said—and whether you choose to believe me or not—I blame myself...’
‘If you want to be a martyr then I can’t stop you. But I’m not blaming you, so there’s no need for you to jump in and throw yourself in front of the train. At any rate you’re no longer the bad guy in the story. You’ve built a great relationship with your mother. Don’t jeopardise that by being the one to let her down. I don’t want her assuming that you’re leaving a heartbroken wreck behind because you couldn’t resist returning to your revolving door love life.’ She tilted her head at an angle, eyes cool.
‘What will you say?’ Matias asked, recognising the stubborn set of her jaw.
‘That things didn’t work out in the end but that we’re going to remain good friends.’
She stood up and wondered how the rest of the evening was going to play out after this conversation. She couldn’t see some cosy chat over the chicken casserole followed by a romp in the sack. What she could see was her howling to the four winds because the void opening up in front of her made her feel nauseous and lost and defeated.
‘I’ll leave now.’
Matias had read her mind and stood up. He hesitated and Georgina spoke quickly, before pity could cloud his face and before he could reopen the conversation about it all being his fault.
‘Good idea. I think that’s for the best. Will you take all your stuff? Or I’m quite happy to drop it off to your mum’s house.’
‘Are you going to be okay?’
‘Just go, Matias. The last thing I need is for you to tell me how sorry you feel for me. I always saw this coming and I’m absolutely fine.’
Still he hesitated, before finally turning round and leaving the kitchen—leaving her standing there on her own, unable to move a muscle.
She heard the sound of his footsteps receding, then eventually the sound of him coming down the stairs. She heard him pause and she knew that he was debating whether he should come over...say goodbye...make sure she hadn’t stuck her head in the oven. Because she was obviously so pathetic that not only had she fallen for him but now—now that the rug had been pulled from underneath her fragile little feet—she would end up going to pieces and falling apart at the seams unless he produced some bracing words of encouragement.
Okay, so perhaps she was going to fall apart at the seams, and perhaps she would go to pieces, but she would do it in her own time and then she would start rebuilding her life. Away from Cornwall...away from the memories.
* * *
Matias stared moodily out of the window of his plush office on the thirtieth floor of a towering glass building which represented the very summit of what his vast reserves of wealth could achieve. Only the privileged few could afford to breathe the rarefied atmosphere up here.
Someone was saying something, and he registered that it involved making yet more money with yet another deal of even more magnitude than the last one.
Ten days.
Ten days since everything had crashed and burned, leaving behind a restlessness that got on his nerves. He’d always had complete control over his life, but for the first time he was floundering, and it was a sensation that was driving him crazy.
He’d spoken to his mother but hadn’t enquired after Georgina’s whereabouts. Several times he had begun to dial her number but had terminated the call before it could connect.
True to her word, she had told his mother exactly what she had said she would. His mother, predictably, had been bitterly disappointed, but she had dealt with the disappointment and had reached out to him to console him.
It was only now that he had engaged with her that he realised exactly how much distance he had allowed to settle between them. He had allowed his childhood experiences to dictate the outcome of his relationship with his parents and that had been a mistake. The fact that things were settling into a different place now had given his mother a renewed lease of life.
‘If you two found that you couldn’t make it work,’ she had said sadly, when he had phoned her the day after Georgina had disappeared, ‘then it’s for the best that you called it a day before you took the next step forward and found yourself married. So much more difficult to unravel a relationship at that point.’
‘We did our
utmost to make it work, but I’m not the easiest person in the world to...er...to...’
His mother had interrupted him to assure him firmly that no blame had been put on his shoulders. Since then, even though he had spoken to his mother every day, she had said nothing whatsoever about Georgina and pride had prevented Matias from asking.
She’d made her decision, he thought, and she would get on with her life. She was better off without him, anyway, whether she chose to believe that or not. And he’d had a narrow escape. He’d recognised the signs of her falling for him. She might not have admitted it, but he wasn’t blind. Yes, far better that they’d parted company—and if she was still on his mind, it was because he was worried about her.
He was interrupted mid-thought by someone addressing him directly, and he turned round, frowning.
Six people were sitting around the glass and chrome conference table in his office, but for the first time in his high-powered, meteoric career Matias was finding it difficult to focus. With the decisiveness so typical of his forceful, aggressive personality, he told them, without preamble, that the meeting was over.
‘My PA will be in touch tomorrow and my CEO Harper will carry on with proceedings from here on in.’
He was feeling better already—because he was doing something...taking charge of this vaguely uncomfortable situation that had been distracting him since she’d gone. He was sick to death of thinking.
He watched as everyone began gathering up their belongings after a brief moment of utter confusion. He waited. Not moving. Waited until they had all cleared out of his office then he got his mother on the phone.
Second by second, his mood was lifting.
‘Where is she?’ he asked, as soon as his mother had answered the phone.
‘Darling, it’s very nice to hear your voice,’ Rose answered with some surprise. ‘Would you be talking about Georgie?’
Modern Romance May 2019: Books 5-8 Page 14