“Come back to The Manor Thursday at six-thirty for important information about our next event, plus new baking recipes and discussions for community service and movie nights! Please also bring in $25 for new hoodie orders. All new members are encouraged to get one as we wear these on many events. Our next event is the Guardians of Light Day of Silence, where we take a vow of silence for a day in honor of those without Light. Join us to learn more about this special day to spread Light and find our voices!”
There was a picture included that looked like a picture of the woods, but it was blurry and hard to tell. What was that supposed to be? The longer I stared at it the more the picture actually came into focus and revealed what those trees really were: People. People wearing those black cloaks, all standing together, legs and arms almost perfectly straight down their sides. This picture was creepy as hell to look at, but it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw. I knew what it really was: It was very deep symbolism. These people were standing together and were standing for something. There was beautiful mystery about it—because looking at them told you they all knew something you did not.
***
The beef sandwiches at The Manor were by far, the best ones I had ever eaten in my whole life. I was at the point where I no longer wanted to go to the caf or the food court. I didn’t need to. I had my own meal source. Someone was always cooking something, baking something, and it wouldn’t be a lie at all to call it home cooking. The beef juice dribbled down my chin as I bit and positioned the paper plate under my mouth.
“Don’t forget, guys!” announced Kimberly coming into the room we were all in. We actually had our own mess hall, long tables and everything. It felt just like Harry Potter.
Kimberly held up a can labeled “Food Fund.”
“Please continue to donate if you want to have more food days! We’d like to do a pancake breakfast here soon, so we need to save up!”
I tossed in what was in my pocket, a grand total of seventy-seven cents. I—along with everyone else—continued to stuff my face with beef and salad and fresh fruit until I actually had to unbuckle my skirt, and that was saying something. It’s a tired cliché used in old cartoons but here I was doing the same thing. I didn’t even care since it hid well under my shirt. A moment later, Mitchell announced to us to gather in the upper lounge and we would clean our plates afterwards.
We got to the lounge and relaxed, I almost felt too full to want to move ever again. Mitchell and the older members assembled near the front at the fireplace.
“It looks like everyone got the email, and I am pleased to see some returning new faces!” started Mitchell. “We would like to give you a little backstory on our Day of Silence. It is a tradition that started almost as when Guardians of Light did some years go. It is a day that we all take a vow of silence. That’s right.” Mitchell looked around the room for dramatic effect. “For a full day, from the moment you wake up and go to your classes and go out for lunch, until you rest your heads on your dorm room pillows, we challenge you to not speak for an entire day. It is a challenge but it is a rewarding one. We do this in honor of those who have no voice, who therefore have no Light. We call this forward to be recognized, for everyone to think about who has no Light in this world: Those who are lost, those who make bad decisions, those without family, friends, purpose in life. Our Day of Silence will be next week and we urge you all to participate. It is your duty to make this statement. We will be making T-shirts and have handouts for you to carry with you throughout your day.”
He held up a shirt, black with dark yellow lettering on it outlined in white:
“I have taken a vow of silence for those who have no voice and no Light, and I work to help spread this Light and let it shine!”
On the back was the GOL logo.
“We have some extra for new members, so see Kimberly for sizes. If you can do it, if you can give yourself the discipline to not talk for a full day you will help spread our message.”
Mitchell motioned to a pile of handouts by the fireplace.
“We have a day print-out of agenda. It’s nothing complicated at all. During the day you will go about your regular schedules and classes, of course. In case you’re concerned, we will be sending out a campus-wide email alerting everyone what is going on. This is mainly for teachers so that they don’t call on you in class, and for students to gain interest. Later in the evening, we will be having a candle lighting ceremony, meditation, and dinner and midnight party, where the day and vow will be over and we can talk about our days. Does anyone have any questions?”
As though the vows started already, everyone was silent. It was eerie, really, as though there was a gravitational pull on the group to keep us grounded. I was grounded all right—and enthralled.
Chapter 8
My uniform shirt was crumpled on my closet floor. I wore a long, black long-sleeved shirt under my T-shirt and let it go, untucked, over my skirt. I took up my backpack over my shoulder and started out.
“See you later, Sky.”
I gave Deanna a short nod, and she crossed her brow.
“Oh,” she realized. “That’s today, right? Well, good luck.”
I smiled and waved, and walked out the door, not forgetting my electric candle.
I felt relief, like today was going to be like no other, because I felt like I’d just been given a get-out-of-jail card. It meant for one day, teachers wouldn’t call on me in class and I didn’t have to answer to anyone. I could get away scot-free. But also, I was drawing attention to GOL and spreading their message.
I looked at all the students I passed on the way to class. I felt like I had a mission to spread an important message, something to influence people to better themselves. I had to make this my purpose. So, I did it. My classes went by and I didn’t say one word, and it was like our teachers already knew to respect our vow, and everywhere I went I felt recognized as part of a group. This, of course, I felt was the best part. I sat up straighter that day, knowing that I stood out for a reason and the reason I stood for. As far as the other students went, I did notice that they were singling me out, too. I got a couple—if not many—funny looks as I passed people in the buildings, outside and in between classes. I also noticed several who were just avoiding eye contact. Was I imagining it? I didn’t look any different. I was just in a T-shirt over my uniform, carrying an electric candlestick and a small bundle of flyers.
Some people I passed took the time to read my shirt, and I handed out as many flyers as I could. Most acknowledged it for a minute and then threw it away. From those I did see I saw something they all had in common: They didn’t get it. I saw the raised brows, the curled lips that read “how lame!” It bugged me. Didn’t people want to lead better lives? Of course, all the other GOL members were getting the same reactions. I didn’t care, and I was certain they didn’t either.
I would see other members that day, and even if they were people I didn’t know that well, it was like there was all the communication in the world among us. We would pass by one another, and I would feel a charge of energy. It was an understanding, it was an agreement, and even if we didn’t take a vow of silence, we did not need words anyway. I’d look at other members, and they’d look at me, and I don’t know how this happened, but we were all going to the cafeteria for lunch at 12:30. I knew this. I passed Seth, and Kimberly and all we did was lock eyes, and it was settled. We had the power within ourselves. We were so strong that we could communicate without words. Could we?
Was it just a feeling? Was it just that people met in the caf every day for lunch and we assumed that because this was a special day, we would go?
I made my way towards the caf at the supposed lunch time and saw the flock of black shirts settle on one table like ants at our own picnic. I got in line, picking up some chicken quesadillas and rice. The cafeteria was loud and boisterous, as usual, but we still held that silence around us as a protective shield. I only smiled at people I knew as I went over to join the rest of
the group. My smile faded as soon as I saw how other people were staring at our table.
I recognized that stare. It was the way white people stared at black people when integration started. Now they stared at those with black shirts. It was an ugly stare, a look to purposely put down and alienate, and instead of feeling alienated I felt irritated.
What were we doing wrong? Nothing! We were an organization wearing T-shirts and not speaking. What was wrong with that? If those popular athletic kids did the same thing no one would blink an eyelash. I guess junior high and high school were the same no matter what school you went to.
I found Damien right away, as there was conveniently a spot saved for me right across from him. I sat down and we acknowledged each other, and then ate.
I admit it was very weird being in the loud and busy cafeteria and all of us sitting together with no one talking. It was surreal, really, like we were in our own bubble. After a while, I took out my phone and started punching keys.
The soft hum in Damien’s pants went off and he pulled his own phone out and looked at me curiously.
Would this be considered cheating? Read the message on his screen.
A moment later Probably not appeared on mine.
I looked around to the others at the table, making sure they weren’t giving us disproving looks. No one cared or noticed. Damien and I continued to “talk” for the first time all day.
How’s it going?
Okay! Kinda weird, though. I was texting people all day lol! What about you?
It’s not that hard at all. But I don’t talk to that many people anyway.
Me neither, even though I’ve been meaning to hang out with the guys on the track team, but I think they think I’m a dork.
Lol why?
I dunno, but I want to try out for it and I want them to like me.
I volunteered to decorate our floor for Homecoming Spirit Week. Not sure what to do about it just yet, since I don’t know if we’re doing anything at The Manor.
I’m sure they’ll tell us.
Yeah.
A moment passed as we continued to eat our lunch, then my phone lit up again.
Do you know about tonight?
No, what?
We’re supposed to write our experiences down at the private mediations before the midnight ceremony tonight.
Really? I didn’t know that. Was there a new email? I didn’t check mine.
No, actually. I don’t know how I know. I just do. It sounds weird but it popped in my head…
I put the phone down and nodded at him, letting him know I understood. It popped in mine, too.
***
We were not meeting at the caf again for dinner, as we would be having a midnight feast at The Manor anyway. We were on our own to eat somewhere between then. I made some ramen in my room along with a cup of coffee. I was excited for the evening’s activities. Our own meditations could take place at any time, I guessed. I had no idea when Deanna would come back to the room, but I decided to take advantage of alone time while I had it.
I got out a sheet of paper and cleared my desk, opening up iTunes for some relaxing music on my playlist. I allowed myself to relax and take a few breaths, then shut the lights off and turned a candle on. It was the only light I had sans my laptop monitor. I guessed that we were supposed to reflect on the day and what it meant to us, as we spent all day turning inward, it was supposed to be easy.
While I jotted some notes down I noticed the door opened. In the reflection of my computer I saw Deanna come in, see me, and then automatically leave. I don’t know why, but I kept watching the door through the screen expecting her to come back. Once she did I turned around.
“Sorry, I didn’t know you were…you know, doing something. Is it private? Do you want me to leave?”
I shrugged and shook my head.
“That’s okay, that’s cool, I’m going to go talk to Kristen about something anyway.”
She left and I got back on track. After a while I got up to go to the bathroom. Kristen’s room was near it, and on the way back I could not help but stop by the door. I could overhear their voices.
“She’s just so weird!”
“I know!”
“Is she like, into witchcraft and spells and stuff?”
“She definitely is. Seriously, she creeps me out sometimes.”
I walked slower until I was close enough to stop.
“Me too. Her and her creepy friends acted like walking zombies all day, it was hard not to stare.”
“You should see when she does weird séance stuff in our room. I don’t know what to do! But it’s like I can’t talk to her anyway because she’s not supposed to talk until tomorrow.”
“Well, whenever you need somewhere to hang that’s normal, my door is always open.”
“Thanks.”
My skin prickling, I went back to my room with more to add to that essay.
At midnight we all gathered in the lower lounge, and with us, about a hundred lit candles positioned on set tables, the mantle place, windowpanes, and all down the stairs. We held our own, but turned off. New kids, like myself, wore regular black GOL T-shirts while upper members had on the hooded cloaks. They were long and Gothic, very decorative with subtle hints of color but still black, the back pieces sweeping the floor as they walked. They were so elegant I was envious I would have to wait a semester to get my own.
We were all stuffed from the pancake dinner, or breakfast, technically. I think it was supposed to be seen as breakfast as the ceremony was considered a beginning.
The second hand officially declared it midnight, but I noticed everyone still abided by the vow of silence, which I didn’t understand. Mitchell stayed mute as well, and somehow it was like we knew we had to wait for his official cue. We watched him when he left his spot at one of the long tables and headed towards the front. What happened next was so quick that anyone could have missed it.
A piece of his cloak passed over a window sill over a burning candle. I held my breath, instantly thinking it would catch fire. The flame did not wander or even flicker as he passed, but as soon as a loose thread got caught on the candlestick, it quickly tipped in his direction.
I jumped up. Watch out!
I said it. I know I did, but no sound came out of me. Maybe it was the shock, or maybe it was the fact that the candle didn’t fall. A guy near Mitchell grabbed the thread just in time. Mitchell simply nodded a thank you to him and walked on, with no accidents.
Mitchell went up to the front carrying his own candle and held it up before us. Music turned on while all the lights shut off. He stared at us and the candle lit up his face. He turned on his electric candle while other members joined him and did the same. One by one we did the same, at the same time as though through a joint reaction. We held our candles up above our heads. They glowed on, the fire candles around us glowed on, and we stood still.
Mitchell lowered his candle and we all followed, looking at all of us and smiling.
“Let your Lights shine.”
Chapter 9
I heard voices in the common room as I climbed the stairs to my floor, but as soon as I entered the voices stopped and they stared at me. Well, for a minute they stared, and then they pretended to be invested in their homework and ignored me. I didn’t care so much; it just got uncomfortable every time I was around. The girls quietly discussed homework until I left the room, and then out of the corner of my eye I saw one of them eyeball me.
“Why are they so weird?” I asked Deanna while flipping off my shoes.
“Who?”
“You know who, The Three Musketeers clique of the floor who are always together and whispering.”
Deanna shrugged and it irritated me.
“So how come Kristen, Katie and Lindsey talk to you and no one else?”
Deanna shrugged again and I waited for her dumb excuse.
“It’s not that they don’t talk to anyone else. We go to lunch and sometimes hang out in each other�
�s rooms, like when we have floor movie nights.”
“Floor movie nights?”
“Yeah, you’re never around for those.”
I went to my computer so it could hide my face, as I knew I was scowling by then. I missed out on everything, and apparently it made all the difference.
“Hey by the way, we had another meeting about the floor decorating.”
“Oh! I missed it again. How come I never know when this stuff is?”
Deanna just shrugged. “You’re obviously involved in something else…but I want to be the one to tell you you’re not on it anymore.”
I wasn’t mad, exactly. I just felt like I had the wool pulled over my eyes.
“Well, I guess I’ll find out.”
The three girls were still in the common room. I had to get this over with. Kristen, Katie, and Lindsey were chatting and didn’t stop when I walked in.
“Hi,” I said casually approaching their table. They gave small smiles and greeted me back. All right, this was a start.
“Just wanted to ask what was going on with Homecoming decorations.”
They looked at each other, and that look was all it took. My stomach tightened but I tried to ignore it. Kristen looked to Lindsey who looked to Katie who looked back. Their brows rose and they bit their lips.
“Mmmmmmm,” was all Katie said. I just stood there looking from one to another.
“Actually, we kind of already did it.”
“Yeah, we mostly got everything done.”
“Oh,” was all I said.
“Yeah, I mean, there isn’t a whole lot to do,” Kristen said. “We got most of the stuff from the dollar store and all we have to do is put it up and everything. There really isn’t much to do. So I’m sorry but we don’t need you.”
“Oh.”
They all were avoiding eye contact for the most part.
“Sorry,” added Lindsey.
“No, whatever,” I said right away. “It’s fine.”
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