“So I can only see him in my visions?”
“I would think so, yeah. But why complain about something so special like that? He’s here to help guide you down the right path, just like the rest of us.”
***
Another perk of living at The Manor: I didn’t have to walk from the dorms in the dark to any meeting. I was already there. All I had to do was go downstairs.
We residents got first pick of seating as we waited for the others to show up. We gathered on the cushions in the lower lounge, not exactly sure if this would be a meditation or journaling session or whatever. Kimberly and I got to chat a little, her asking me how my room was and how I enjoyed living there now.
“Everything I wanted,” I said confidently.
“Good,” she said. “It is such a rare privilege for a 7th grader, the only other one has been me in 8th! I learned so much! I am a better person being here.”
As people trickled in I instantly noticed Damien. I waved him over, realizing I have not seen him since my move.
“Hey, man!”
“Hey Sky! How’s it going?”
“Great,” I said honestly.
He sat down next to me. “You like living here huh?”
“It’s so much better. I feel so much freer. What have you been up to?”
“Trying to pep myself for swim tryouts.”
“That’s cool.”
I noticed he seemed a little stressed, but I didn’t probe.
Soon, Mitchell came downstairs. He looked out at the room, at all of us cuddled on blankets on the lower lounge floor. He handed out blank journals and pens for this exercise, and he had a pretty serious look on his face more so than usual.
“Everyone, we’ve talked briefly about the afterlife...what happens after we die. But we have not yet had the opportunity to explore this further. Now is the time I want you all to do your own reflective journaling. Where do you envision going after you die...your body dies...and your Light is set free for the next life?”
I paused, taking in the seriousness that just filtered the room. I had no idea how to answer that question. Some people had thoughtful looks on their faces, others just looked outright scared. It wasn't something people thought about often... or even at all. Mitchell cleared his throat again.
“We, Guardians of Light, believe that our time on earth is only the beginning. It is a training ground for the next life...the true life we have after passing on this earth, commonly known as dying.”
Older members watched him and smiled, having the same kind of pride on their faces.
“It is not us who die,” Mitchell continued, and I noted his voice got lower and slower, giving us time to process his words. “Just our bodies. Our spirits...the true part of ourselves...our Lights...are protected by our bodies. Our bodies are the Guardians of this Light that nourish us until our time comes.”
As Mitchell paced in front of the fireplace, I noticed the candles on the mantel behind him were all lit. Seconds before I could have sworn they were not.
“Now, my children of Light. Reflect on your spirits. Reflect on the next world. What do you think it is? Where is it? Well, we don't know where or what. But, it is our destiny and we will all be happier and more intelligent beings, without sin and crime. Journal now on this place and what it means to you.”
I ended up staring at blank pages for a while; this came at a little bit of surprise. No doubt GOL had beliefs of some sort, and here they were, and I didn't know what to make of them. It intrigued me of course, it poked at places in the back of my brain that I never used and struggled to know.
Going off of Mitchell’s prompt, I just wrote down the things he mentioned: Our souls moving on to a better world, the next phase and whatnot. I imagined that wherever it was, it was meant to be a profound experience. Ideas of the afterlife? I started to scribble away, and soon I couldn’t stop myself from writing two to three pages.
“The concept of the afterlife and general ‘what next?’ has always fascinated me. Where do we go after this? Our bodies die, but our spirits do not. Our spirits are the lights that live inside of our bodies. Where do we take them from here? Do they ever take on another form? I thought we could have a short group meditation, then go around and share what we saw. Take this time, do your breathing exercises, and concentrate on looking to the not-too-far-distant future.”
The teacher took a seat on the lone cushion in front of the fireplace. Ad Astra came over and climbed in his lap, purring. As soon as his eyes were closed, hers closed too and her tail swished back and forth over his folded legs.
The first thought that came to my mind was the general idea of Heaven: Sunlight and a bunch of white clouds surrounding a set of pearly gates. I didn’t want to think about this at all, so instead I started thinking about...I don’t know…the beyond. I imagined outer space, endless stars stretched out against a black nothing that went on infinitely. And other planets…other planets that may or may not have life on them, and other galaxies and other planets. Is that where we went when we were done with Earth? Another lifetime…another galaxy…another world?
When the teacher said our time was up we looked up from writing.
“Now let’s go around the room. What did you see?”
An 11th grade guy sat nearest to him. “Lots of trees,” he said. “Not like the woods, just enough outside, and a wide open field.”
Some people had other similar answers; one girl saw trees too, but palm trees on a beach. More beaches, oceans. Some imagined cloud paradises and unicorns and other weird fantasy things. Is this what everyone’s interpretation of Heaven was? It had to be, especially since some imagined mountains made out of chocolate, living in a million dollar mansions, and driving flying cars.
My turn came and I shrugged and told the truth. “I didn’t think about dying and going to Heaven, I actually thought about another life after death.”
Some were looking at me curiously, but everyone had interest, especially the upperclassman and Mitchell himself.
“Interesting. Tell us more!”
“Like, I envisioned floating in space and that there is a whole new planet with a whole new life that’s supposed to be a better one, and after life we go there and start a new one.”
Mitchell was beaming at this and some of the others were too.
“Very well done, Sky. You actually see the truth of it all; you envisioned another life after this one. A better one, no doubt. You, actually, are the only one who has the right idea here.”
I do?
Chapter 15
We were told to keep our journals in our rooms from then on and write in them whenever we felt inspired. Mitchell enforced private time and told us to have personal reflections. We were to think about things like what our strengths were and how to use them and what our weaknesses were and how to change them. But, more than anything we thought about our spirits floating free after death. I didn’t know about the others, but I definitely thought about the spirits that were floating free right then and there. This was because now that I lived at The Manor, I started to know their existence more and more.
It started when I left my room to head to class, or rather, grab breakfast and then head to class, but like it mattered. I don’t even know which started first: The bursts of freezing cold air down the hallway or the whispers that echoed in the walls.
I stepped outside my door with my backpack over my shoulders, and instantly I felt like I needed a heavier coat. It couldn’t have been cold enough for snow already. The previous day was only a little chilly, so this overnight frost bothered me. It bothered me more once I got a look out the window and saw no frost, no snow, so the cold was not the weather at all.
I walked on, hugging myself and wondering if someone in The Manor accidentally turned on the air conditioning instead of the heat. I stopped suddenly when I heard a whisper almost right in my ear.
I looked behind me, to my left and right and all around me. No one was there. I heard it again, and
it sounded like it was very close if not right next to me. Every time I turned I saw nothing but the walls. I braced myself, trying to stay calm as I walked downstairs. They’re not here to hurt you, I reminded myself. The tip of my nose froze over—like something touched it—and I retreated. It didn’t matter if nothing was going to hurt me; it was enough to make anyone scared. I only felt a flutter of relief when I saw other members hanging out and making their way to class. I also saw Ad Astra rubbing against the table leg in the kitchen, when she suddenly diverted her attention to her left. The other students were almost all gone by now, and as the last person left she looked at me and meowed.
“What?” I stupidly asked.
She stood up, still staring to her left and stalked in that direction. I watched her walk toward some of the rooms by the downstairs corridor, some storage rooms, a bathroom, and an office. I jerked my head behind me, clear as day hearing a voice somewhere around me. When I looked back I saw the cat was doing the same thing. She stared for a minute or so, seeming nonplussed, then continued walking along the corridor hall. I heard a small thump from one of the rooms. It was subtle at first, but then I heard it again and it was louder. It could have been a student rummaging around, it could have been Carol doing something, but she was working at the caf today. The closer I walked down the hallway the less I thought it was someone moving something. It sounded like someone pounding on something.
Ad Astra stayed by the wall, stopping before the room with the closed door. It could have been a storage room, I had no idea since I never saw the inside, but I knew that someone or something had to be in it.
I almost called out to see who was in there, but something in me decided against it. Something pounded again, this time, it seemed more human and more urgent. I thought I heard a voice again hidden in between the pounds.
“H—hello?” I tried.
More pounds hit at the walls, and then some hit at the door.
“Hello?” I asked again, louder. “Is someone in there?”
Ad Astra stood by the wall, tail swaying, staring at the door. She made no other movements or noises. When I heard the pounding again, I lifted my shaking hand to the doorknob and turned in.
I heard hushes in the room, more whispers. I couldn’t make them out as words even though they sounded like they could be words. I felt so cold that my limbs and clothes were stiff, that even if I could breathe at that moment I could see my own breath, I turned the knob and practically jumped back.
The cat moved slightly behind me so she could come next to me. I opened the door and shrieked as a bunch of old boxes and newspapers fell at my feet. Back issues of a newspaper spread out on the floor. And that was it. I looked all the way inside even though I knew it was completely filled wall to wall with these boxes, folding tables and chairs and other things. There was no real room to get in and out, even if someone wanted to, they would have to move things out in order to get in. There was no one in the room and the room, I could tell, was a very small one.
I exhaled a big sigh, and saw that I could not see my breath. It actually did not feel cold anymore. Ad Astra walked in front of me and the open door, the old paper covers crinkling under her paws.
“Hey—move,” I said, pulling myself together and cleaning up the papers. I didn’t care about making it look too neat or pretty at all. I shoved it all back in the storage room and shut the door, using all of my strength to push it and maintain a hold on my psyche. I did not hear someone’s fists pounding on the wall and door. It was a bunch of boxes that just fell over. Maybe a rat or something got in there and—
I shook that thought off, as that did not make sense nor did it help. Ad Astra started to turn around and walk back the way we came and I went with her, power-walking out the front door and on the way to my daily routine.
A yogurt parfait and a large coffee later, I was taking notes in class when the thought no, those were fists pounding, sounded in my head. It didn’t scare me this time. Instead, it made me intrigued. It was a final and definite thought, like that was that.
I got back to The Manor immediately after classes, part looking forward to it and part not. A small comfort was that there were other people there…who most likely heard that kind of stuff all the time. I walked through the front door and into the kitchen, which I thought to be empty until I saw Becky sitting at the table by herself. She sipped a cup of something hot while the rest of her engaged in a book. When I came into the room I saw that she was not completely engaged.
“Hi,” she greeted me almost immediately.
“Hey,” I said in return taking a seat. “How’s it going?”
“All right.”
Becky put the book down and took a sip of whatever she was drinking. I caught a whiff of herbs and declared it to be tea. She cocked her head slightly to the left, listening, and that was when the penny dropped.
“Did you…” I started.
“Hear something?”
“No, not just now. But I did before. Earlier today.”
“I did too.”
I knew it. I leaned forward, also looking in Becky’s direction. “I heard some whispering down that hallway, and it sounded like someone was banging on the walls.”
“Yeah,” Becky nodded. “Yeah, so did I. I couldn’t tell where it was coming from at first.”
“Well, I went down that hallway and I heard more of it coming from one of those doors,” I started. “But I opened it and it was a storage closet with nothing in it but boxes of newspapers and junk. And then I didn’t hear it again after that.”
“I heard it only a couple of times, but I didn’t exactly go investigating. I asked some people here if they heard that and they didn’t, and then someone said someone might be moving things in their room so I left it at that. But I was not convinced.”
We both were silent for a minute, but just a minute.
“I followed the cat down the hallway. She heard it too.”
Becky’s eyes widened. “Really?”
“Yeah. But that was it. Nothing else.”
Becky sipped her tea and I stared at nothing. At the time it didn’t click that we were happy to be alone.
“I feel funny talking to the others about it, especially any of the upperclassmen. They’re true believers and I don’t want to sound stupid. Especially since—well—I don’t want them to try to scare me.”
“They won’t. What makes you think that?”
“I don’t know. Some of them kind of freak me out, like they want to be in charge of everyone and watch our every move.”
I snickered. “I guess that’s what being a 7th grader feels like.”
“Eh, who knows,” Becky smiled. “Mitchell says I need to find myself. I need to look inside more. But I think we need to figure out what else is going on around here…”
Becky and I stayed there for a while mostly in silence, listening for any other kind of activity.
***
The empty food jar on the table meant that we were having another Manor meal, so I was looking forward to dinner no matter what it was. I finished homework in my room and went downstairs early.
Mitchell gathered some things in the kitchen with Carol and disappeared in the back, no doubt working on the meal already. The TV was on in the upper lounge and a bunch of people were hanging out, and to my pleasant surprise Damien was among them. I went over to join him when my smile momentarily faded. I saw Iris sitting next to him, leaning in very close and telling him something in his ear. Some sort of electric volt passed through my veins, but it subsided as soon as she got up and left the room. I rushed over and plopped down in that now available seat.
“Hi. Long time no see!”
I was happy to see him return my smile with his own.
“Yeah I know. Classes have been kinda kicking my ass lately,” he answered.
“A lot of homework?”
“Yeah, papers and tests. Most of it just seems like busy work. Sorry I couldn’t go to the caf with you the other day.�
��
“No, that’s all right. I knew I’d see you eventually. So…what was Iris telling you?”
“Huh? Oh…nothing really. She was saying something about one of the other members she didn’t want anyone to hear.”
“Oh. Kay.”
“Yeah, one of the guys was saying something dumb, and she told me that he’s an idiot and not to listen to him.”
“Mmm.”
A loud scream from the TV startled me so much that I actually jumped. I didn’t even see what was on until now. It was a horror movie of some kind. Damien actually laughed when I jumped.
“Woa, okay there tiger?”
“I wasn’t even watching!”
“You’re not usually this jumpy.”
“No, but things have been interesting lately.”
He eyebrowed me.
“I’ll tell you later,” I promised, even though it bothered me I didn’t know when this “later” would come.
At dinner, we all gathered in our mess hall/dining area to homemade cream of broccoli soup and bread, the perfect thing to have as the real November started to show its face. It was hot enough to heat our insides but not too hot to scald our tongues. I stirred my bowl a little bit, noticing at once a strange pattern to the mass.
I took my spoon away and saw a large lining near the middle, making an oval shape, soup ripples wavering in and out. Two chunks of broccoli at the top looked like eyes…and the ripples were starting to form a mouth. I wasn’t even stirring anymore. I saw a different kind of face now. These eyes and mouth molded tightly in the soup, along with eyelids, eyelashes, lips, nose, and cheekbones. It was right off of a painting, flushed with broccoli and cream and cheddar as the media. It wasn’t a recognizable face. It was just a face, and the longer I stared at it the more it formed. The broccoli bits that marked the eyes now became pupils without blinking.
My Soul To Keep Page 14