Light Up My Life

by Winters, Bella

“Mine too,” he said. “Only I was eight when my dad took me. It was one of the few times I can remember him taking the time out of his busy schedule to spend some quality one on one time with me. I guess after that, he figured he didn’t owe that to me anymore and he wanted me to grow up and quit dreaming. He basically wanted me to think like him, act like him, and to put away my childish dreams. That was basically what he always called anything I believed in or had a passion for—childish.”

  I felt a bit of pain in Lance’s speech. It sounded like he did not have a fun childhood and that maybe growing up with really successful parents was not all it was cracked up to be. I did not want to feel sorry for him, but there was a sadness that I could see behind the cocky façade that drew me to him.

  “How many games have you seen at the stadium?” I asked.

  “I’ve seen probably ten or so a season every year since then. Most of them were by myself, or with someone that worked for my dad that he paid to watch me or be my friend. Our butler Ellis took me a bunch of times. Then when I was twelve or so, I would just take a taxi or a bus. I didn’t need a chaperone anymore.”

  “At that age? I can only imagine what sort of trouble you started getting in,” I laughed.

  He smiled. “Me?” He laughed harder. “Yeah, I did Mostly, though, it was older kids who saw I was by myself and they could mess with me. They might have known who my dad was, but I wasn’t sure. They decided to push me around. I got beat up a time or two.”

  “Ouch.”

  “Yeah, but it was a blessing. That’s what led me to martial arts which gave me the confidence to change my life. I decided to hell with my father and his feelings. If I had to be a clone of him for him to accept me, then I basically didn’t have a father. And to this day, that’s kind of how our relationship is.”

  “Ouch,” I said. “But you do martial arts? Me too.”

  “Really?” Lance seemed very interested.

  “Well, I used to, and then I got a bit sidetracked. I’ve just recently picked it back up again.”

  “We’ll have to spar sometime,” he said.

  “Sure. If your ego can handle being beaten by a girl.”

  “Can I handle that? Hell, some guys pay good money for that privilege.”

  I tried not to laugh. His statement was kind of offensive, but it was a good one. He was witty and quick on his feet. I liked that about him. I knew that I was falling for this guy a bit. That was exactly what I was afraid of, but for the moment I was enjoying myself too much to care.

  We finally made it through the crowd to the bar and ordered our drinks. The bartender brought us our beers and we found a small table close by to continue our conversation. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my friends watching me closely. They were both very happy that I seemed to be enjoying myself with a man. And I had to admit, I was also happy.

  “So, why are you single?” Lance asked.

  “That’s a bit of a forward question, isn’t it?” I replied teasing him. Lance didn’t get flustered for a second.

  “No. It’s pretty straight forward.”

  “It’s presumptuous. How do you know I’m single?”

  “Just a feeling I have.”

  “Do you think I’m putting off some sort of a vibe?”

  “Maybe,” he replied. “There is no way for me to actually know that, now is there?”

  I shrugged. “I suppose not.”

  “So, are you close with your family?”

  The question caught me way off guard and I covered it. “Don’t change the subject because you know you are about to get roasted.”

  “Roasted? In what way?”

  “Are you trying to tell me that I am the type of woman who is usually single? Like, I can’t keep a man?”

  I was laying it on thick and having so much fun doing it. This was turning into a little game. I wondered how well he would pass this test of cynicism.

  “Maybe,” he replied. “I don’t know you that well, but you do put off a certain vibe.”

  “What vibe is that?”

  “You give off the impression that you are either taken, or that the last thing you want is some guy trying to hit on you.”

  “And that is why you came over? You wanted to prove how brave you are?” I could hardly keep from smiling.

  “Yeah,” he said. “That’s about the idea. And I was right.”

  “How did you know you would be?”

  He took a long, slow drink of his beer. He was in no hurry. He sat the bottle down and stared at it for a moment as if it was the best drink he’d had in a while.

  “I’ll be honest,” he replied. “I didn’t really know. But I took the chance and it turned out to be right on the money. You see, women unconsciously put out a feeling to the universe when they are happy in a relationship that tells other guys that they should back off. It is a friendly vibe, one that says ‘Thanks, but no thanks. Good luck in your search’.”

  I couldn’t stop laughing. He was so full of shit.

  “And when they aren’t with someone? Are they mad at men or the world? Or do they not want to be bothered by the likes of me, so they put out a very different vibe? Ex: This one is angry, and defensive. If a guy approaches, she will typically ignore him completely if she is not interested. But if she is interested, she will glare at him and give really short, annoying answers. Ultimately, she is still giving him her time. That’s my theory anyway. I might be completely off.”

  “Yes,” I replied. “You are completely full of it. That’s hilarious though. You should write a book about your theory and see if guys buy into it.”

  He rubbed his chin. “Nah, who has the time for that?”

  I drank my beer slowly and I was actually starting to get into the music a bit. This had been an interesting evening so far. I was really glad I came out, and I suddenly wasn’t so tired anymore.

  “I can imagine,” I said. “You would have a lot more time if you quit the fire gig and relied on your laurels.”

  “No, they are not my laurels. They are my fathers. And you know, I have a feeling he is going to end up cutting me off completely. But for now, I will just make do with what I get from the universe. I have a career I love, and I will always do that. I don’t see why I would ever stop.”

  “Isn’t it highly dangerous? And if you don’t have to do it… I don’t see why you would.”

  “You sound like my dad, now,” he replied.

  “Maybe he has a few good points.”

  Lance laughed.

  “Well, no body is perfect,” he said. “I thought we were going to agree on absolutely everything. Shoot.”

  “Yeah, that’s disappointing.”

  He finished his beer and sat the bottle down, hard on the table. “Would you like to get out of here? Go someplace special? I know a really fun place that I think you would enjoy.”

  I was a bit leery and skeptical. I did not know this guy that well, and I wondered where this place was. But I’d taken my car because I did not plan on drinking very much, if at all.

  “Sure. I’ll follow you. But I have to admit, I’m very intrigued.”

  “I’ll bet you are,” he said. “Trust me.”

  * * *

  “What are we doing here?” I asked.

  I’d followed Lance through several blocks until we came to a large parking lot right in front of a huge stadium. It was the Great American Ballpark. Cincinnati Reds field. It was ten at night and there was no game going on. The lot was empty. I had no idea what I was in store for, but I had a feeling it was going to be totally crazy. I was down for that. It had been some time since I’d done anything wild.

  “Oh, you will see,” Lance said. “I have a bit of a fun surprise up my sleeve.”

  “Really? You just happened to have a surprise? Are you sure you didn’t know I’d be in that bar tonight?”

  He held up his hand. “Scout’s honor.”

  “You were a scout?”

  “No,” Lance grinned.

  I foll
owed him across the parking lot to the entrance on the side of the field house. Lance pulled a key out of his pocket and unlocked the door. Then he motioned for me to step inside.

  I was a little apprehensive. “I’m not sure we should go in there. I mean… no one is here. Aren’t we trespassing?”

  “I’ve got the key,” Lance said. “So, no.”

  “How do you have a key, by the way?” I asked.

  “I have friends that help me out every now and then. And I help them out. It works out that I can usually get into this stadium whenever I want.”

  “Well, that’s convenient. I’m surprised you don’t see every single game here.”

  “I do have a life outside of sports,” Lance said.

  “I’m not sure that is a life worth living,” I joked.

  I walked into the building. He turned the lights on and then led me down a few hallways until we reached a final door. Through that door we ended up on the field. Wow… I was actually on the same field that the Reds played on. I couldn’t believe it.

  But it was still very dark. “No lights? Or do your powers have limitations?”

  I tried not to laugh, but it was too much fun busting his balls.

  “Do not fret,” Lance said. He pulled out his phone and sent a text message. A moment later the stadium lights came on. I’d always dreamed of being on this field, walking the bases, of touching them first through home, of smelling the dirt and the grass on the infield. I was in total bliss. This was really happening. Wow… I couldn’t believe it. This was insane. I never would have dreamt when I left the house tonight, that I would actually end up here.

  “This is crazy,” I said as I walked around. I held my arms open and threw my head back. “Yes!” I shouted. My voice echoed off the bleachers. I could practically hear my voice mingling with the sounds of thunderous applause from games past, the crack of the baseball bat, the sounds of cleats digging into the dirt as players ran for their next base.

  It was like a dream come true. I was actually there. I wanted to play professional ball so badly. I remembered it right then. I had been a star softball player in high school and college until my world was flipped upside down. I wanted to get that back again. I desperately needed it. I knew now exactly what my life was missing. It was the final ingredient, and it had taken this random occurrence to realize that.

  “I know, right?” Lance said. “I couldn’t believe it either the first time I stepped foot on this field. I could feel the energy and the dreams all coming together. I wanted it so badly I could taste it. I suppose all kids do, and when they get a little taste of something like that, it ignites a fire you until you realize that this is where you were meant to be. Unfortunately, I was never quite good enough to make the pro team. I tried out though, once. I had a bunch of scouts interested in me in high school. It just never quite worked out.”

  I snapped back to reality, listening to everything that Lance was saying. He was right. He was absolutely right. I could feel it all, those dreams of the past rushing back to me, flooding my mind as if they’d never left. It was not too late to change direction and totally change my course in life. I could do it. I would do it.

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” I said. “That’s rough to give up on a dream like that.”

  “It is, but I’ve got a passion that I get to do every single day, so in that respect I’m pretty damn lucky.”

  “Sure.”

  I walked down the first baseline and stood where the base would normally be. It felt good to be there, even if it was just a peg sticking out of the ground. They always took the bases in when they weren’t using them.

  It made me feel tall and proud to be standing there where all the greats had played so many times before. I wished my father could see me there right then. He would have been so proud. He loved the game and he loved the Reds so much.

  “So,” Lance asked me. “Why did you stop playing?”

  “I never played baseball,” I reminded him.

  He smiled. “You know what I mean.”

  “Yeah, I stopped playing softball when my parents died. They were killed in a car accident. After that, I had bills, no money, and I had to drop out of school. I just didn’t have the opportunity to play anymore. Then, time went on and the dream just slipped away from me. That’s how it goes sometimes. Things hardly ever workout the way we think they will.”

  “That’s true,” he said. “I’m really sorry to hear that happened to you.”

  “Thanks,” I replied. We stood there in silence for a few minutes. I jogged down to second base and then to third. Finally, I ran home and crossed the plate. That feeling, that sound of my foot hitting that plate was amazing. It felt like something had just clicked inside of me.

  “So, you ever think about going back to the game. You are still very young. There’s time.”

  “Maybe,” I said. “It might be something to seriously consider. I was just thinking how wrong I was to let this thing destroy everything for me. But after the accident, I felt like I had died with them. I really felt numb and I didn’t want to go anywhere or do anything for the longest time. After a while, that became a habit.”

  “That’s rough,” Lance said as he moved closer to me. I could smell the hint of his cologne. He smelled warm, inviting, and overtly masculine. I loved his scent. I could easily detect what was him and what was the cologne. He was even more delicious smelling. I knew I was in a compromising position. In fact, the only thing that was probably stopping me from kissing Lance hardcore right then was the fact that someone else was around who turned on those stadium lights. We would probably be seen, and I wasn’t so sure I could stop myself at just a kiss or two. I was feeling so hot and bothered right then that I wasn’t sure I could handle being alone with him. It had been so long since I’d wanted a man half this badly.

  “I don’t like sympathy, but thanks,” I said softly. Lance was checking out my lips, then back to my eyes, his gaze drifting down to my mouth. I loved it when his eyes looked at me. It was like he held me in a gaze and cradled me close to him. I could feel a way out of the pain I often felt, but then I would feel myself throwing up the signs of resistance. I didn’t want to go this way. I didn’t want to allow myself to be led astray into the world of a man, but this just wasn’t any man. He was something else, something special.

  But I had no way of knowing just how much he might actually want me. It was true that he kept initiating, but he was just that type of guy. He saw something he wanted, and he went after it. I admired that in a man. But I didn’t want to be caught up. That was something he would have to learn, and I wasn’t sure he would deal with that when he realized that it might all be futile for him. I felt so mixed up. I hated feeling that way, which was why I’d been so resistant to even engaging with this man, or any man for so long. I had too many other things to concern myself with at the moment.

  And now I had something else, something powerful. Dammit, I felt so helpless to resist him. I knew that eventually if we spent enough time together that he would wear me down. I was sure it would happen and a part of me was ok with that. Maybe it would be a great thing in my life. Perhaps right here and now was the time for this to happen after all. I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t be sure about what would happen.

  Unless I pulled back and put a stop to things, before they went farther. Maybe, I could say “Thanks, but no thanks.” I could step back and just retreat back into my life. And that’s what I’d be doing. I’d be retreating hard, back into the world that I had created for myself where I didn’t have to put my heart out there for anyone. I was alone and I would gladly stay that way. If you didn’t give your heart to anyone then you would never risk breaking it.

  “Want to go back to my place? I hear a bottle of wine calling my name,” Lance said with that sexy smile of his.

  There it was. That was an offer I wasn’t sure I could pass up. The truth was, I wanted nothing more in that moment then to follow him back home and let the evening take us where i
t may. That sounded like paradise to me, but I could not let myself give in. Besides, I didn’t really know the man. I liked what I saw so far, and I wanted him sexually so badly, but I wasn’t sure if he would sleep with me and then never talk to me again since his mission was accomplished, or if this would be the start of a relationship. Neither one of those scenarios sounded good to me. I just couldn’t allow myself to do that.

  “I think I’m going to take a rain check,” I said. “I do have to get to work early in the morning and I need a really good night’s sleep.”

  “Sure,” Lance said. He pulled out his phone. “How about this time I get your number?”

  I laughed. “Fine.” I gave him my number and he typed it into his phone.

  “Ok, let’s do a check,” Lance said.

  I gasped. “What? Do you think I would fake number you?”

  “You never know,” he said.

  He made the call and my phone started ringing. I picked it up with a sarcastic smile. “Hello?” I answered.

  “Hey, just doing a phone check. All seems to be in order,” Lance said.

  I ended the call and put my phone in my purse. “Wow, you are just too much.”

  “I’ve been told that a time or two,” Lance said.

  He walked me out of the building and then I saw the stadium lights go out as we hit the parking lot. “Guess your friend was watching?”

  “Oh, yeah,” he said. “That’s my buddy Tony. He’s a great guy. He is one of the maintenance guys here. We’ve been friends for a while.”

  “I’ll bet a guy like you has friends all over.”

  “What do you mean a guy like me?”

  “You strike me as the type of guy who never stands in one place too long. I could imagine you’d be a bit of a traveler, right?”

  “I do enjoy traveling as much as my job will allow me,” he said.

  “What else would you do if you ever stopped fighting fires?”

  He paused a moment as he tried to think. “I’m not sure. I guess, I would find some other passion that they would pay me for. I might go into competitive fighting again.”

  “You did that?”