‘I loved going into the village too, but after you left, it became hard especially for your mother. We felt as if everyone was talking about us. Caroline explained that Margaret told you we all knew you were pregnant and didn’t want you to have the baby. I’m sorry, Beth, that you felt so alone you had to run away. We blamed ourselves, and you, and I wish we could all have spoken about it more and found out the truth sooner, but Glendale became a place for us to hide from. We drifted away from the community, so when I joined the board at New Horizons, I suppose I just didn’t feel any kind of emotional attachment to the village any more. When the idea was suggested, I could see the financial benefits for the company, and that’s all I was really thinking about.’ He looked at the covered lights as we strolled through the trees. ‘You’ve all put a lot of work into this, haven’t you?’
‘So many people are upset at the thought of the village being destroyed,’ I said. ‘We’ve had so much help. I wish you could have been here last night: the whole village came out to see it. It really felt magical. The council came too, and I think they feel as we do: that the village should be saved, but they need money, and that’s why your offer is so appealing to them.’
Dad looked across at me and sighed. ‘My company have put a lot of work into our plans. I still support what we want to do. I haven’t told anyone at New Horizons about what you’re trying to do because you’re family, but that’s all I can do.’
‘Does Cathy know?’ I hated to even say her name.
‘No, and she will be furious with me when she finds out. Do you think the council will change their minds?’
I lifted my shoulders. ‘Honestly, I don’t know. I hope so. We just felt we had to try. Dad, this Cathy, is she really special enough to throw away everything you have with Mum?’ We passed by the stream then, the sunshine creating a sparkling coating on top of it.
‘Your mother and I haven’t been happy for a long time, Beth. We have been living separate lives really. I know that it’s a shock to find out about Cathy, but she is special to me. I have so much respect for your mum, I do love her, but our marriage is not as strong as it once was.’
I sighed. It was nice in one way to have an honest conversation with my dad, but it was hard to hear what he was saying. ‘Are you really at a hotel then? Not staying with her?’
‘She wanted to be with her family over Christmas. Their children live far away and are staying for the holiday but after that…’ He glanced at me. ‘We have discussed moving in together.’
‘Oh, Dad.’
‘I’m glad of one thing, though – that you and Izzy are here. Even if you are stirring up all kinds of trouble with this trail. It is nice to see you all engaged in something together, I have to admit. And your mum, she seems to have some of her old spirit back.’
I smiled. ‘I think we all do. We all needed this project. You’re right, it has brought us closer together.’ We walked into the grotto. ‘What do you think?’
Dad shook his head. ‘It is wonderful. You’ve all done a great job. I am proud of you and your mum for taking a stand, you know. I wish it wasn’t against me, of course, but it’s nice to see.’
I smiled. ‘I just wish we knew what was going to happen.’
He looked at me. ‘No one knows that, Beth. But I do know that whatever happens, you’ll take it all in your stride. You always have.’
That was as close to praise as I’d ever had from my dad. I followed him out and we walked back to find Izzy and see how her snowman was coming on.
‘He looks like he’s eaten too much turkey,’ Dad said when we saw the rather round snowman.
‘I know the feeling,’ I said. I put my arm around Izzy, and she snuggled into my side as we watched Dad pick up two stones and use them for the snowman’s eyes.
‘I’ve lost all feeling in my fingers,’ Izzy complained.
‘We better get you inside then. Mum wants to show you her favourite festive film.’
Dad smiled a little. ‘It’s A Wonderful Life,’ he said. ‘We still watch it every year.’
‘I’m glad you kept up the tradition,’ I said. I remembered the three of us watching it when I was younger. I wondered then what might happen next year. It was hard to imagine that my parents might not be together then, but I knew that they both deserved to be happy and perhaps that would be easier if they did let each other go. And at least I would be there for them if that did happen. I wasn’t going to slink back to London and sever all ties with my family again. I wanted to keep building on our growing bond and make sure Izzy always had her family around her.
And I needed them, too. It had been hard dealing with everything by myself for ten years; I had been lonelier than I admitted to myself. I liked being back at the Hall surrounded by them. And seeing how much Izzy had blossomed here. Glendale seemed to be good for both of us.
When we went back inside, we all crashed in the living room in front of the film. Izzy and my mum on one sofa, my dad in the armchair and me on the other sofa. The night started to draw in and we passed around chocolates, the fire roaring in the corner, and I smiled as I looked around at my family, glad that I had come back to Glendale Hall for Christmas. My family was flawed, yes, maybe a little bit broken and battered from the past too, but we had healed a lot of our wounds since I had returned home, and we would keep on healing and being there for each other.
I had found my family again. And that felt like the best present of the day.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
‘What if I fall over?’ Izzy hissed to me as we walked towards the ice rink behind April and Drew, who were holding hands in front of us. It had been April’s idea, apparently. A trip to the local outdoor ice rink as a chance for us all to get to know one another. I had tried to get Izzy to come skating with me in London, but she had always turned her nose up at the idea. My daughter was never one to be outside, or doing sport if she could help it – but Drew had promised her a trip to a bookshop afterwards, so she had reluctantly agreed.
‘I won’t let you fall,’ I promised. I hadn’t skated in years but had loved it growing up. At this very rink. I had come every week with Heather in winter when we were teenagers and had done so more than once with Drew. I wondered if he remembered as we got our skates and sat down to put them on.
‘This place is so cute,’ April said as she laced her boots, looking out at the large rink, which had a Christmas tree in the centre, and was blasting out festive songs. ‘We didn’t get to go to the rink in Boston before Drew came over here, so this will be fun. Have you skated before, Iz?’
I tried not to wince at April calling my daughter by the name I always used. I knew she was trying to make friends with her, and I knew that would make Drew happy, but there was no denying that we made a strange foursome.
‘You’re going to show me up as usual, aren’t you?’ Drew said as Izzy told April this would be her first time. He grinned at me, showing he did remember our dates there. He spent the whole time gripping the sides as I tried to pull him around, before giving up and skating off, full of teenage confidence. It had been nice to find something that I did better than him.
It was soon apparent that Drew hadn’t become much better at skating through the years. April also clung to the side almost as much as he did, both of them wobbling as they tried to steady one another. Izzy held my hand as we went on to the ice and I pulled her into the middle straight away, not wanting her to get comfortable holding on to the rail. We skated around side by side until she wanted to try on her own. After an unsteady couple of circles around the rink she found her footing, so to speak, and I was pleased to see that even though like Drew she preferred the indoor world of books, she could skate pretty well.
Izzy went over to the others to try to help them, and I was able to skate around the rink alone a few times. It was fun to do something I hadn’t done for so long, to enjoy the breeze whipping around my hair as I glided over the ice, which much like riding a bike had come back to me almost immediately. F
inally, I was out of breath and I came to a halt by the three of them, my cheeks warm and the smile wide on my face.
‘You’re better than I remembered,’ Drew said smiling back at me.
‘It’s just about balance really, isn’t? Not really skill?’ April said, with a toss of her blonde hair. I raised an eyebrow at the snide comment. ‘I felt like Bambi out there,’ she added quickly as though she hadn’t said what she had. She looked at Drew, wrapping an arm through his. ‘Let’s get out of here, baby.’
‘Come on then, we all need refuelling I think,’ Drew agreed.
‘Did you like it, Iz?’ I asked as I helped her off the rink.
‘It was better than I thought. Better than PE at school anyway.’
‘Maybe now you’ll come with me in London,’ I said hopefully to her.
‘I was a cheerleader at my school,’ April said, catching up to us. ‘I’ll have to show you some photos.’
I tried not to roll my eyes. Of course she had to have been a cheerleader.
It was a short drive to the bookshop cafe Drew had found online for Izzy, and we all piled inside, eager to warm up. We found a cosy corner table and then Drew went off to order with Izzy, leaving me and April alone for the first time.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
‘So, how are you finding Scotland?’ I asked her, searching for something to say as we sat down, taking off our coats.
‘Oh, I love it,’ she replied, brightly. ‘Like something out of a film, although it’s even colder than Boston, which is saying something.’ She looked over at the counter. ‘Drew is so sweet with Izzy, isn’t he?’
‘It must have been a shock for you to come here and find out about her,’ I said, trying to put myself in her shoes.
‘It was but I love her, she’s adorable.’ April smiled. ‘I love kids: I have a big family, and I can’t wait to have one of my own,’ she added, looking down at the table, her cheeks turning a little pink.
I tried not to let her see how much the idea of her starting a family with Drew upset me. ‘Have you… have you talked about that?’ I couldn’t stop myself from asking her even though I really didn’t want to know the answer. I wasn’t sure why I was trying to torture myself like that, but perhaps it would help my heart get over him to keep reminding it that he was with her and not me.
‘We have, even more since I surprised him here. He wasn’t sure I was keen on the idea of moving here, but he knows now that I’d move anywhere to be with him.’
‘Wow. You must really love him.’
‘Oh, I do,’ she replied, fiercely. ‘He’s perfect and I know we’ll be together forever. But you mustn’t worry about Iz, I just love her, and I think we’ll all be super close.’
Her words cut deep into my skin.
‘I can’t imagine what it was like raising Izzy all by yourself,’ she continued, oblivious to my misery. ‘It’s such a shame Drew missed out on so much; I know he’s devastated about that, but you had your reasons, didn’t you?’ She rested her chin on her hand to give me a sympathetic look.
‘I did,’ I managed to reply. ‘And I tried to put it right but—’
‘Oh, yeah, the mysterious letter. Kind of convenient, wasn’t it – that your letter never showed up?’
My mouth fell open at her words.
‘Here they are!’ April straightened up, throwing on a bright smile as if she hadn’t just implied I’d made the whole letter up. Drew and Izzy arrived with a tray of drinks and food, and I was forced to pretend everything was okay, but inside I was seething. I also wondered if she had suggested just that to Drew, making sure that there was no way he would forgive me for the past.
‘I got you your favourite,’ Izzy said, sitting down beside me and pointing to the coffee and brownie on the tray for me.
‘Thank you, love,’ I replied, hoping I’d be able to swallow it down okay.
‘After this, I told Izzy she can choose a few books,’ Drew said, sliding a skinny latte over to April. She wasn’t having a cake.
‘If you buy any more this Christmas, we won’t be able to fit them in the car,’ I said to her.
‘I can keep some here for when we next come up,’ Izzy replied, taking a bite of her gingerbread man. She seemed certain we would be back. I thought about that as I took a sip of my drink. I didn’t know what would happen when we had to leave. She was going to be upset, I knew, and I was beginning to realise that I would be too.
April asked Izzy then about her favourite books. She did really seem to be trying to get to know Izzy, but I couldn’t help but think that it was all for Drew’s benefit. He was watching them with a smile on his face, clearly happy to see them getting on so well. I felt like such a bad mother feeling jealous that Izzy seemed to like her. I knew it would be a good thing for her, because if Drew and April did stay together, Izzy would still be able to have a closer relationship with her dad if April encouraged it. But it was still hard for me to watch.
After we’d finished our drinks and cake, we walked into the bookshop. It was a small, twisty shop with lots of nooks and crannies. Izzy was in her element and pulled April over to the children’s section. I wandered over to the new releases to see if there was something I could pick up for myself and Drew followed me.
‘They seem to be getting on well,’ he commented, looking at the books in front of us.
‘Hmmm,’ I replied. My eyes moved over the romances, sure I couldn’t bear to read one, so I grabbed a dark looking thriller instead. ‘And what did April think of Inverness?’ I asked, remembering that they said they went to look at the city where Drew had received a job offer.
‘She liked it. It’s been a real turnaround. I think she’s keen on the move idea now, which I never thought she would be.’
‘Perhaps she thought she’d lose you if she didn’t come around to the idea,’ I said, looking at him to gauge his reaction.
Drew looked up to meet my gaze. ‘I think that was part of it. I really feel like it might be time to come back to Scotland but it’s a big decision, for both of us. I think if she did come here with me she would want us to get married.’
‘Oh,’ I replied, my heart sinking. ‘And is that what you want, too?’
‘Honestly, I’m not sure but—’
‘Mum!’ Izzy came around the corner then. ‘What do you think of these?’
‘Show me over here,’ I said, pulling her with me to the corner to get away from Drew. I just couldn’t bear to look at him any more, my face I was sure betraying every emotion I was feeling. Izzy had found five books, and I just wanted to get out of the bookshop and back to Glendale Hall, so I had no will to argue and let her give them all to Drew to buy. I rushed up to the till with my serial killer book so I could have a moment to compose myself.
Waiting in line, I tried to get a grip. This was crazy. Drew was obviously serious about April despite what he said about them almost breaking up and not mentioning her to us before she turned up – more serious than I would have imagined. April had come to claim her man, to tell him she would move to Scotland if they got married, and Drew was seriously considering doing just that. I imagined Izzy in a pink bridesmaid dress as they got married in Glendale parish church and I felt a little bit sick. The same church I had fantasised about the two of us getting married in when I was younger. I clearly needed to let that fantasy go. And yet sometimes when Drew looked at me it still felt as if I wasn’t the only one feeling like things weren’t as clear-cut as they appeared to be. Perhaps that was just my wishful thinking though.
But April was certainly not missing any chance to take a dig at me, and I knew she wouldn’t pass up any opportunity to make sure Drew had no warm feelings towards me. Could I blame her? She was clearly desperate for them to have a future together. If Drew loved her, and was happy with her, I had to accept that. He deserved to be happy. I just wished I knew if April would make him happy.
‘Oh, I couldn’t bear to read a book like that,’ April said, suddenly behind me in the queue, peering o
ver my shoulder to look at what I was buying. ‘I like a cute love story,’ she said, waving the book she was buying.
I wanted to say something sarcastic back, but all I could think was that I wished I could have her cute love story for my own. Thankfully, I was saved from having to reply when I was called up to the counter.
Chapter Forty
I walked into the kitchen the following morning, eager for a coffee. The sky outside was still black. Somehow, I had transformed into someone who got up early, earlier than Izzy. Too much on my mind, I supposed. I paused in the doorway as I heard low voices from within. I saw that my mum was at the table with John, two mugs in front of them. She sniffed, and he put an arm around her.
I stepped back, feeling like I was interrupting something important.
‘Beth?’ Mum said, noticing me, hastily wiping her eyes. John dropped his arm from her and leaned back in his chair.
‘Are you okay?’ I asked, still hovering in the doorway.
‘I’m fine. Come in and have a coffee.’
‘I need to get to the village to pick up some bits,’ John said, getting up.
‘Don’t go on my account,’ I said, walking in to the kitchen. I was confused about finding them together like that; I didn’t think they ever really chatted alone or maybe I had just never seen them do it before.
‘See you,’ John said, ignoring my comment. He walked out quickly, further reinforcing the feeling.
Coming Home to Glendale Hall Page 20