‘No, but I moved her into my room so she can see the fireworks from the window.’
I turned and looked up at the house, spotting a figure looking down on us. I waved but I wasn’t sure if she could see me.
‘And look who Heather persuaded to come,’ Mum said, pointing to a man standing a little bit away from the group, a camera around his neck. ‘He’s from the local paper – they’re going to do an article on the trail and how the community is trying to pull together to stop the redevelopment. As the council won’t budge on rents, I thought we needed to get some publicity on the issue and see if that helps.’
‘That’s a great idea,’ I said, hoping it might encourage the council to have a rethink.
‘Right, it’s almost midnight,’ Mum said loudly then to the group.
‘It’s freezing out here,’ April said from beside me. ‘Cuddle me, Drew.’ She tucked herself into him, but he caught my gaze over the top of her head.
‘I’m sorry,’ Drew mouthed to me.
I just shook my head and looked down at my boots sinking into the damp grass.
‘Mum, it’s almost time,’ Izzy instructed us, tugging on my cloak. ‘Let’s go closer.’ I followed her to the front of the group. My head was spinning. I wished I hadn’t drunk so much. I wished I hadn’t kissed him. But, most of all, I wished I hadn’t let myself fall in love with him again.
‘Here we go,’ Mum said, holding up her phone to show us the time. Everyone quietened down. I joined in with the chorus counting the seconds to midnight and sent out a wish that I might get a clue about what the hell I should do in the next year because, right now, I had no idea.
At twelve, a huge cheer went up from the garden and we broke into an off-key rendition of ‘Auld Lang Syne.’ As we reached the end, the sky exploded into light. John had gone all out with the fireworks. Everyone clapped as a multitude of colours dazzled us in the sky.
‘Happy New Year!’ I said to Izzy as the final firework exploded, reigning down a waterfall of lights. I hugged her tightly.
‘Happy New Year darlings,’ my mum said, joining us. And then there was Heather. And I hugged people I didn’t even know before I came face-to-face with Drew again. He reached for me, and I let myself fold into his arms for the second time that night. We held on to each other for a moment longer than was needed.
John rejoined us and poured out glasses of Prosecco for everyone. I watched Mum go back into the house, and I drained my drink in one gulp. I knew I’d regret it in the morning, but I wanted to erase any remnants of heartbreak.
‘Are you okay?’ Heather was beside me. ‘Really?’
‘Drew and I kissed. Kind of. And then April broke things up,’ I told her.
She gasped. ‘Blimey. What are you going to do?’
‘I have no idea.’
‘Heather, I’ve ordered us a taxi, you better stay at the farm with us,’ Rory said, coming over and interrupting us.
‘Are you coming on to me, Rory Fraser?’ she replied, putting her hands on her hips.
‘I wouldn’t dare.’ Rory grinned, though, and I wondered if he was planning to do just that. I hoped so. Heather deserved some happiness.
‘Don’t do anything I wouldn’t,’ I couldn’t resist calling after them. Heather turned around and poked her tongue out at me.
‘Beth!’
I turned as I heard the desperate call. My mum was in the doorway of the kitchen, waving to me frantically. I ran straight over to her. ‘What is it?’
‘It’s Mum, she’s collapsed,’ she replied, her face filled with panic.
‘I’ll help,’ Drew said from behind me. I hadn’t seen him follow me. John was there too.
‘Guys, will you stay with Izzy?’ I called to Heather and Rory. I saw Izzy watching us, confused, and they went straight over to her. April was soon there as well, and she quickly wrapped her arms around Izzy. I followed Mum up the stairs, suddenly feeling sober. The festivities felt very far away as we reached my gran and saw her on the floor beside her wheelchair. She wasn’t moving.
Drew rushed to her, the doctor in him calmly taking over, telling us to call an ambulance over his shoulder. I pulled out my phone and dialled 999 for the first time in my life.
Chapter Forty-Five
The hospital room was silent. Mum and I sat in chairs on either side of Gran’s bed as she slept. Outside, a new day was starting to dawn, not that we could see it. January was beginning on a sober note for us.
We had been up all night. I’d managed to quickly pull off my witch’s cloak and replace it with a hoodie before following the ambulance in my car, my mum having jumped in with Gran. Gran had bruised her hips and ribs and was having trouble breathing properly. She looked even weaker than before all of this. I could tell by everyone’s faces that they didn’t think she’d pull through this fall. She was already far too frail from the cancer. I knew that Mum wanted her at home, but I wasn’t sure she’d make it back there.
My phone buzzed in my bag, so I stepped outside to answer it. ‘Hi, Drew.’ He had helped Gran get into the ambulance, and then stayed on at the Hall to look after Izzy and clear up after the party. Our New Year celebration felt very far away, as did the moment I had with him outside the pub. ‘Is Izzy okay?’
‘She’s fine. I just checked in on her, and she’s fast asleep. It took a while to persuade her to go to bed, so I expect she’s knackered. I couldn’t sleep though. I wanted to check on how Mrs Williams is and how you guys are doing.’
‘Gran is conscious now; she didn’t break anything but is really bruised and is on oxygen as her ribs are making it hard for her to breathe. She looks so frail. It doesn’t look good. And we’re okay. Just tired and worried.’
‘I’ll take Izzy back with me to the farm, once she gets up, and try to take her mind off it all.’
‘Thanks, Drew. I’m glad you’re there for her.’
‘Keep in touch, okay? And try to rest if you can soon.’
‘I will,’ I promised. I hung up and turned to see my dad walking down the corridor. I had persuaded Mum to let me call him once we had spoken to the doctor, and he had come to the hospital straight away.
‘Beth,’ he said, coming up to me. ‘You both must have had such a shock.’
‘It was horrible seeing her on the floor like that. I don’t think Mum is taking it too well. I think she thought Gran would stay at home, you know, until the end.’
Dad nodded. ‘It was what they both wanted but Margaret is very ill. I’ll go in and see them.’
‘I’m going to get us some coffees.’ I watched Dad go in to the room. Whatever was happening in their marriage, I knew that Mum would appreciate his support. I headed off to the canteen to get us all some much-needed caffeine.
I knew that I had come back to Glendale because Dad had warned me he didn’t think Gran would survive another Christmas, but I honestly hadn’t expected that she would end up in hospital during my visit. I thought about what Mum said as I carried three paper cups back up to the ward. She had told Gran she forgave her for what she had done in the past. And that forgiveness was often as much about how you wanted to feel as how you wanted the other person to feel. Did I want to hang on to my anger and bitterness over what happened? Time was running out for me to make my peace with her.
Would I regret it forever if I didn’t do that?
When I returned, my parents were outside her room. I handed them both their coffees. ‘What’s happening?’
‘She’s awake,’ Dad said. ‘And asking for you.’
‘Do you want to go in?’ Mum asked me gently.
‘Okay.’ I took a gulp of the coffee. It tasted like crap. I was nervous but I also knew that I had to do this. They sat down in the chairs in the corridor. My mum looked shattered, and my dad looked grave. I felt like a zombie from the combination of last night’s alcohol, the lack of sleep and all the stress, but I knew that I couldn’t run from her any more. I took another gulp of coffee and then I walked into the room.
&n
bsp; Gran’s eyes were open as she lay in the bed, watching me sit down beside her.
‘Caroline told me that Drew helped me last night.’
I nodded. ‘He was great. He’s looking after Izzy right now.’
‘I’m glad he’s back in your life. This might be my last chance to say it, but I was wrong, Beth. About it all. I know that now. I wish I could have known it sooner and done something about it. I let you go, and I should never have done that. We’ve all missed you. Having you back at the Hall has been the best Christmas present.’ I watched a tear roll down her cheek. ‘I thought I’d never get my chance to tell you the truth. Thank you for giving me that chance.’
‘Gran, I wish I had known it all sooner, but I am glad that I know it now. I feel like my mum and I are growing closer, and I’m glad that Izzy has had a chance to get to know you all better and see my home. I have missed it more than I realised. Please don’t be upset, it’s okay. You told me. You did the right thing.’ In the end, I added silently but I knew she knew what I meant.
She reached out for my hand, and I wrapped mine around hers. ‘Promise me one thing, Beth. That you’ll always be honest and tell people how you feel. You may think that it’s too late, but it never is. I truly believe that now.’
I thought of Drew straight away. But I couldn’t let myself believe that, could I? It was too late for us, wasn’t it? Gran was looking at me fiercely, so I found myself nodding. How could I say no to her? ‘I promise,’ I whispered, hoping that I could live up to it.
‘Good.’ She raised a small smile. ‘It’s all in your hands now, Beth. And I know you’ll make us all proud.’
I opened my mouth to ask what was in my hands, but Mum and Dad came into the room tentatively to check on us. My gran closed her eyes as if our conversation had tired her out. I took a deep breath. I knew then, as a tear rolled down my own cheek, that I needed to do it: as much for me as for her. For everyone in the room. The time had come to let the past be the past. We had the rest of our lives to live. ‘Gran, I forgive you,’ I said.
She opened her eyes. ‘I know. I don’t deserve it; I know that as well. But you’re a much better woman than I ever was. And Izzy will be too. You only get one family.’ She looked at my parents behind me. ‘Make sure you take care of each other.’ She drifted back to sleep after that, and they ended up being the last words she said to us.
Because later that day, she passed away.
Chapter Forty-Six
The day had faded by the time I drove to the farm to pick up Izzy. After Gran had died, and we had sorted out what we could at the hospital, I took Mum home and she had gone to bed, exhausted, falling straight to sleep. I had managed a couple of hours napping myself but was keen to see Izzy again. The first day of January was almost over, and I was glad of it. I wanted to put the day behind us. We had known it was coming for a while but, even so, it was still a shock when Gran hadn’t responded to us and we realised what had happened. At least we had had the chance to say goodbye, and she had gone in peace. That was something to feel grateful for.
Climbing out of the car, I knocked on the door, and Drew held out his arms to me. I sank into them and couldn’t stop myself from remembering Gran’s last words to me. Promise me that you’ll always be honest and tell people how you feel. I pulled away from him before I would be unable to.
‘How are you doing?’ he said, showing into the hall and closing the door behind us.
‘Just tired, really. And still a bit dazed by it all. Worried about my mum, too. Does Izzy know?’
‘I thought you’d want to tell her.’
I nodded. ‘Thank you for looking after her. And Gran, too, last night.’
‘No thanks needed. I’ll put the kettle on. Izzy is in the living room. April… she’s in town,’ he added, and I was instantly relieved. I didn’t want her around at that moment. He gave me a reassuring smile, and I felt his eyes on me as I went to find her.
‘Hi, love,’ I said when I saw her. She was curled up, reading, but jumped up when she saw me and ran over for a hug, gripping my waist tightly. I leaned down into her hair. ‘I missed you.’
‘How is great-gran?’ Izzy asked me, anxiously.
‘Let’s sit down.’ I sat down on the sofa next to her and wrapped an arm around her. ‘I’m sorry, Iz, but she passed away at the hospital this morning. She was really peaceful and not in any pain, and we were all with her at the end.’
‘She’s gone?’ Izzy repeated as if she wasn’t quite sure whether or not to believe me.
I brushed back her hair. ‘Yes, darling. She has. She was very sick, and she couldn’t recover from falling. But now, she’s not suffering any more.’ I felt a sob rise up in my throat. Izzy grabbed hold of me, and I gave her a tight hug. When we pulled back, she was crying. ‘Oh, sweetheart, I’m sorry.’
‘I never knew anyone who died before. In real life, I mean,’ she said, sniffling.
I felt a tear roll down my own cheek. ‘I know. And it’s so hard realising that we won’t get to see or talk to her any more, isn’t it? It’s okay to be sad, Iz. Come here.’ I pulled her into my arms again, wishing I could take her pain away but knowing that she, like all of us, just had to feel it. And it was sad. Despite our ups and downs, she had been my grandmother, and I had loved her. I was glad that we had finally put the past to bed, and I didn’t have any regrets to add to the grief.
‘Is Granny upset?’ Izzy said, looking up at me.
She was always most worried about other people, bless her. ‘She is. She lost her mother today, so we need to be there for her, don’t we? You can give her a big hug when we get home.’
She nodded. ‘I will.’
I wiped her eyes. ‘She really loved you, you know that, don’t you? She was really proud of you.’
‘And you, Mum. She was proud of you.’
I gave Izzy another tight hug as another tear rolled down my cheek. I knew that Izzy was right. At the end, we had made peace with one another.
Drew came in then, and we both wiped our tears away. He brought in coffee for us and a hot chocolate for Izzy. He also had a big slice of ginger cake for us all. He knew us well. ‘You both need this,’ he said. ‘I’m so sorry, you guys.’
I took the coffee from him and nodded. ‘Thank you. I’m just glad we got to say goodbye. And that we came home this Christmas.’
He sat down in the armchair. ‘I’m glad you did, too.’ Our eyes met, and I wondered what he was thinking.
‘What happens when you die, do you think? At school, they said some people believe you go to heaven? Do you think that you go there?’ Izzy asked us.
‘Honestly, I don’t know, love. But your great-grandmother went to church and she definitely believed that you go to heaven when you die, so I hope that she has.’
‘I wonder what it’s like there,’ Izzy said, thoughtfully.
‘She always said that it was a special and peaceful place where you can live happily with people you have loved in your life.’
Izzy let that sink in for a moment. ‘I like that idea. I would want to be with you there.’
Another lump rose up in my throat. ‘I’d like that too.’
I realised then we’d be back in Glendale church. I looked across at Drew. ‘You won’t be here for the funeral,’ I spoke my thought aloud. It was selfish but I would have liked him to be there.
‘Our flight is in a couple of days,’ he confirmed, a frown appearing on his face. ‘But I’d like to come back for it. I might be able to change my shifts around. I hate the thought of leaving you. Both,’ he added, looking at Izzy.
I hated the thought of it too. I looked at Izzy. ‘I don’t think we should leave Mum on her own too long.’
‘Drew said I can have another sleepover here before they go,’ Izzy said.
‘If that’s okay?’ Drew asked me quickly.
‘Of course,’ I replied. I knew they would both find it hard to say goodbye. I didn’t expect there to be so many partings this holiday.
> ‘I wish you didn’t live so far away. Boston is stupid,’ Izzy declared then.
‘I’m starting to think you’re right,’ Drew said, so quietly as we turned to leave, I wasn’t sure if he had meant for us to hear him.
* * *
I had ordered us pizza for dinner, but Mum had hardly touched it and had gone to bed straight afterwards. We agreed to discuss the funeral arrangements the next day, and then Dad phoned from his hotel to ask if he could come to the house to speak to me about Gran’s will. He was the executor and wanted to discuss it with me so I agreed, curious as to why he needed me and not just Mum, but perhaps he didn’t want to worry her with it on top of the organising the funeral.
I phoned the head teacher of Izzy’s school and asked if it would be okay if we could both have a few more days off so we could stay on for the funeral, and he agreed. I was grateful for having an understanding boss and to be able to put off thinking about going back to London for a little longer. And then Heather arrived.
‘Oh, hun,’ she said, when I opened the door, giving me a big hug.
‘It’s good to see you,’ I said, letting her in. I led her through to the kitchen and poured us both a glass of wine. ‘Izzy has just gone to bed, and Mum is already asleep.’
‘How is everybody coping?’ she asked as we sat down at the table together.
‘My mum isn’t doing great, to be honest. She’s lost her mother.’ I looked at her. ‘I’m sorry, you know what that’s like.’ I squeezed her hand, and she smiled.
‘It’s fine, honestly. Yeah, I do know. It’s so hard. But I’m sure she’s grateful that you and Izzy are here. Is there anything I can do to help?’
‘Dad is dealing with most of it. We’re going to talk about the funeral tomorrow.’ I looked out at the garden. ‘John dismantled the trail today. It’s strange to see the garden without it.’
‘It was magical,’ Heather said. ‘How about you? How are you doing?’
‘Honestly, I’m glad she’s not suffering any more. You know, I can’t pretend to have been her biggest fan through the years, but she was still my grandmother. It’s so strange to be here in this house without her. I’m glad, though, that we got to be honest with one another at the end. At the hospital I told her I forgave her.’
Coming Home to Glendale Hall Page 23