Despite what it’d felt like this week, she wasn’t mine. She didn’t owe me a text or a note. After she’d sent me the pictures of us with Fred the Constrictor, she had my number. If she needed me, she’d call.
I wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d left so she could speak to Ember privately. They’d been texting on and off throughout the trip, and since I’d heard the conversation the last time they spoke, it seemed likely that she’d gone off to speak to her where I wouldn’t be privy to every word said to her friend.
Wherever she was, she wasn’t mine to worry about. I didn’t own her, wouldn’t even if we really were married, and yet, I couldn’t deny that I was a little worried, if only because I hoped she wasn’t freaking out over us hooking up.
I got out of bed to make some coffee, but before I even got to the kitchenette, the outer door opened and Lindsay walked in carrying a tray. She looked gorgeous as always.
A yellow sundress covered those curves I’d come to love touching so much, and her hair was down and still damp. It hung to her waist, tumbling in waves over her shoulders. Simple white flip-flops adorned her feet, but she kicked them off as soon as she walked in.
She started when she saw me, obviously having expected to find me still in bed, but smiled when we made eye contact. “Morning, hubs. I got some breakfast from Big Mac himself.”
There was something sad in her gaze. She was trying to hide it, but her smile lacked some of its usual luster, and her eyes weren’t quite as bright.
Walking over to her, I took the tray and set it down on the small round dining table beside the door before opening my arms and pulling her into them. It came as naturally as breathing to me to hold her now. Whatever the fuck that means.
“You okay?”
“I’m fine. I’ve just realized that it’s time to go back to reality soon. One more day and this will all be a distant memory.”
I held her tighter, something dark forming a pit in my stomach. “Going back is going to suck. This place really is paradise.”
She hummed her agreement, staying in my embrace for only a couple of beats longer before releasing me. “We should eat. The big man made our eggs fresh and he warned me about not letting them cool. Apparently, the chickens that could’ve lived if it weren’t for his Eggs Benedict weep in his dreams if people try eating them cold.”
“That’s gruesome.” I chuckled as I went to pull out her chair, waiting for her to sit down before pushing it back in and circling the table to take my own. “I’m going to miss him when we leave here, and not just his food.”
“I know what you mean.” She cut open her egg, and the yolk was cooked perfectly from where I was sitting. “He really has become like a friend. Although I’ll definitely miss his food too.”
“Maybe we could keep in touch,” I suggested, and hope sparked in her eyes until I finished my sentence. “I’m not sure if the hotel has a policy against that kind of thing, but we could ask. When are you heading out?”
“Tomorrow.” She didn’t look at me, choosing to admire the view of the ocean beyond our window instead.
Can’t blame her. A strange twisting happened inside me when I realized she’d meant it literally when she’d said she only had one more day. “That soon, huh?”
“Yep. Will you be okay? Do you think they’ll kick you out of the bungalow when they realize I’ve gone?”
“It’s fine. I’m not sure if they would, but I’ll have to head home soon too anyway. I’m sure my job will be calling me back any minute now. It’s a little surprising they haven’t contacted me already.”
In fact, I hadn’t had much time to think about it, but I really should’ve heard from them by now. Ah, fuck it. I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.
If they’d called me back earlier, I’d have missed out on at least one of the days with Lindsay, and there honestly hadn’t been one I’d have wanted to miss. I would check the flights out later today, though.
Between her leaving anyway, the awkward situation with having to explain why my bride left the honeymoon before I did, and a possible phone call from the airline demanding to know when I’d be back, it was about time for me to look into options for getting home.
The knowledge that my time with her was so limited that the actual end was coming tomorrow settled in that pit of my stomach, joining the yet unnamed darkness and forming a heavy weight I couldn’t shake.
She’d told me a little more about her relationship with her ex—the fucknut who’d let her go—in the last few days, but our conversation when she’d mentioned her brother still hovered at the back of my mind.
If we were running out of time, I wanted to know everything I could about her.
“You know, you never told me,” she began, but I spoke at the same time.
“So, your brother is in the military too?” I cut myself off and gestured for her to go ahead, but she didn’t complete whatever was she’d been about to ask.
The sadness in her eyes grew darker, and for a second, I was afraid I’d pushed her too far by asking. But then she dragged in a deep breath and gave me a slight smile. “Yeah, he’s actually in the Air Force too. It’s a small world, huh?”
“How old is he? Any chance I knew him?”
She shook her head. “Nah, probably not. It depends on exactly when you left, but he’s only twenty-seven. He enlisted about four years ago.”
“Ahh, you’re probably right then.” I reached out and touched her hand, warmth spreading through me when her fingers closed around mine. “I’m sorry I asked. I just kept thinking about it and I was curious.”
“It’s okay.” She tightened her grip on my fingers, spearing another bite of her food with her free hand. She chewed with a thoughtful expression on her beautiful face, swallowing it down with a swig of the orange juice Big Mac had sent along. “Talking about him can just be hard sometimes. We didn’t leave things on the best foot.”
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” I understood what it was like to have things you’d rather keep to yourself, but I also knew that sometimes bottling it all up made it even worse. “I can listen if you want to, though.”
She let out a soft sigh, her eyes darting back to the window as she nodded. “It’s been a really long time since I’ve spoken about him, but he’s not some deep, dark secret. I don’t want him to seem that way. He was just always a troubled kid, you know?”
“Troubled how?” My voice was cautious.
We’d made a lot of headway this week. I would hate to see it all crumble the day before she fucking left.
Lindsay didn’t even hesitate, though. She still didn’t meet my gaze and focused on the ocean with a wistful look in hers. “He was my best friend growing up. I loved him more than life itself. It was me and him against the world.”
“What happened?” I asked quietly.
She lifted her shoulder. “I don’t even really know. We were in our teens when he started growing distant. His school would call all the time to let us know he hadn’t shown up. I’d already graduated by then, but I knew some of the kids he’d started running with. They were a bad crowd.”
“Drugs?”
She shrugged again. “I think so. There were definitely rumors, but we never found anything on him, and he never seemed that out of it or anything like that.”
“You haven’t asked him?”
“No.” Closing her eyes, she took another deep breath. “He’d pretty much shut me out by then. When he left high school, he took a stab at a few different things but nothing ever panned out. I’m pretty sure my parents sent him off to the military, but they’ve never admitted it, and I haven’t heard from him since.”
“I’m sorry, Linds.” I stroked her knuckles. “I shouldn’t have brought it up. I still have a lot of contacts there if you want me to ask about him.”
“No. It’s okay. I don’t want to pry into his life. I just like to think that he’s doing well for himself now. It’s better this way. W
e’d have heard if he’d been discharged. Four years is longer than he’s lasted anywhere else, so it must be good for him being there.”
I felt her pain all the way down to my bones. There were so many people just like her brother that I’d served with. People who had no more ties to their families and thought it was better like that.
Since I’d always been so close to my mother, I’d never been able to understand it. I always felt for them, though. Not pity but the same immense sadness I felt coming from her now.
I didn’t know what I would’ve done without Mom in my corner. I hoped I didn’t ever have to find out. That only compounded the grief I’d felt whenever I’d heard a story like hers, though.
Fuck knows how you survive without family support.
Lindsay swiped her fingers underneath her eyes. “That’s enough of my sob story. What are you going to do today?”
“I don’t know. It’s your day. I figured we’d hang out together again. What’s on the cards for us, Cruise Director Flinn?”
She laughed but it didn’t quite sound genuine. “I’d actually planned a wrap-up day. Do all the things I hadn’t gotten around to doing. I’ve ditched that idea, though. I’m going shopping for some clothes instead.”
“What me to come?” I asked, even though I couldn’t think of anything worse than spending possibly my last day here shopping.
“I’m okay,” she said, giving my hand a final hug before freeing hers to finish her breakfast. “Enjoy yourself. I’m sure we could both use some time to decompress before we head back home.”
I hadn’t known her for very long, but that cloudy gleam never left her eyes as she gathered her things and headed out. It clued me in to the fact that she wanted alone time because the vacation was coming to an end, considering she’d been sad about that since coming back from the dining area, but it was also about her brother.
Having already asked her about him, I didn’t push the subject any further. I didn’t even know the dude’s name, but digging deeper would only bring her unnecessary pain to appease my own curiosity. It wasn’t right.
She didn’t want me finding out about him anyway, so it really didn’t make a lick of difference who he was. It killed me to see her hurting so much over him, but I’d extended the offer.
If she ever wanted to take me up on it, she could. For now, I simply kissed her goodbye before she left and then I went down to the beach.
I didn’t want to leave without scuba diving, and snorkeling with the sharks didn’t really count as that. I knew there was a dive operator on the premises, and I was itching to get wet before my time on the island was done.
Setting my thoughts and worries about Lindsay aside, I headed out to do just that. Make the most of every moment, right?
Even the ones that would feel kind of empty now with the Lindsay-shaped hole she’d left at my side.
Chapter 21
LINDSAY
The town closest to the resort was situated on the banks of the river after which it had been named. Jaxon and I had done some exploring there before, and I was sorely aware of his absence now.
I wandered around the market selling fresh produce, tropical fruits and vegetables, freshwater mussels, and a whole variety of other things. When I’d told Jaxon I wanted to go shopping for clothes, I hadn’t been completely honest.
It was true that I did want to pick up some of the locally made textiles and maybe another T-shirt or two as souvenirs, but I really just needed some time to myself. A bustling market was a strange place to come to so I could be alone, but it allowed me to do some window shopping for trinkets and to get lost in the crowd.
What I couldn’t tell Jaxon, nor let him in on, was that I felt miserable over the prospect of having to leave. Talking about my brother this morning had simply made it a little bit worse. I wasn’t sorry Jaxon had asked me about him. I’d meant it when I said he wasn’t a deep, dark secret. My heart just ached whenever I thought about all the good times we used to have together.
It was an ache I was used to, however. The other ache which was much more intense and completely unfamiliar came whenever I thought about the fact that in less than twenty-four hours, I’d be on my way home.
Without Jaxon.
Sure, he lived in the same city I did, but he’d said in so many words that he was hardly ever there. I also knew that he didn’t really do the relationship thing. So there I was, ostensibly on my honeymoon, crushing on my fake husband who I had no chance of ever having anything real with. The whole situation was so absurd that I would’ve laughed if I wasn’t so close to tears.
A handicraft store at the end of the market near the railroad boasted a coffee shop, and I darted inside and ordered the biggest Americano they had. I had to get the pitiful weepiness out of the way and out of my system before I went back to the hotel.
Just because I’d wanted to spend some time by myself today didn’t mean I wasn’t planning on spending the night with Jaxon. It was our last night together—probably ever—and a herd of wild horses couldn’t drag me away.
I wasn’t in such a state that I didn’t recognize I needed to talk to him about all this, at least hear his thoughts on staying in touch, but that required me having a handle on what I felt all this was. Which I didn’t.
A friendly barista delivered my coffee to the table I’d chosen near the edge of the property and the river, and I stared off into the middle distance before I realized I was getting nowhere. No matter which way I sliced it, I just kept coming up with the same two conclusions.
The first was that I had a major crush on my fake husband and I’d like to see where it goes, and the second was that I knew for a fact he wouldn’t be interested. If there was anything I’d learned from this week though, it was that taking unplanned risks could lead to the most treasured experiences I could ever have.
But before I marched back into the bungalow, sat him down, and confessed that my feelings were more on the real side of the spectrum now, I needed to talk to Ember. My voice of reason had never steered me wrong. Without her, I wouldn’t even have met Jaxon to begin with because I’d never have come here if she hadn’t encouraged me to do it.
Fiji was seventeen hours ahead of Houston, so I checked the time on my phone to ensure I wouldn’t be waking her up with my drama. Nope. All good. It’s still yesterday afternoon there.
Her voice was chirpy and cheerful when she answered my call. “The prodigal bestie has finally found a moment to speak to me, huh? I’m honored you’d take time away from your hottie so I can actually hear your voice for a change. Unless it’s been him texting me all along because he ended up being a serial killer, and Jaxon wearing Lindsay’s skin is on the other end of this call. In which case, prepare to lose your dick, mister.”
“That’s a weirdly specific threat.” I laughed when her rambling greeting ending. “And no, it’s not Jaxon wearing my skin. It’s really me. Total false alarm on the whole serial killer thing.”
“That’s what I wanted to hear,” she said excitedly. “Tell me everything. All I know is that you’re okay, spending time with the hot husband you still haven’t even sent me a pic of, and that we’ll talk about it all later. Texts suck. I can’t wait to see you in person.”
“Yeah, me either.” It was true. I really missed my friend, and having her sitting across from me while I worked all this out would’ve been the best thing ever. “I’ll be home soon, though. You’re still picking me up from the airport, right?”
“Of course. I’ve got that printout of your ticket stuck up on my fridge. You can bet your sexy ass I’ll be there.”
“Thanks,” I said but my voice sounded strained even to my own ears. The pickup we were talking about was rushing at me way too fast, and it felt like I still had too much to get through before I left. It was really only one conversation, but it was one that had the power to make me feel like utter shit.
Unreciprocated crushes are the worst.
Ember obviously noticed my tone, and all th
e bouncy excitement disappeared from hers. “What did he do? I was being serious about cutting off his dangly bits if he hurt you.”
“He didn’t hurt me.” Not intentionally anyway. “I might’ve just gotten a touch too attached to him.”
“Whoa. That was fast.”
“I know.” I covered my face with my free hand and hung my head. “I’m a terrible person. It hasn’t even been a month—”
“You misunderstood me. I don’t give a fuck about Will. He left you on your wedding day without even having the balls to tell you to your face it was over. I’m talking about it being fast for you to have fallen for Jaxon.”
“I haven’t fallen for him.” I scoffed, lifting my head away from my hand to sip on my wonderful caffeine fix. “I’m just crushing a bit. That’s all. He’s so different than any man I’ve ever been with, and I think I’ve gotten a little intoxicated by him. It’s nothing serious”
“How is he different? I’ve never heard you use the word ‘intoxicating’ in connection with a man before. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone use it that way in real life.”
“That’s because they haven’t met him.” I groaned. “You don’t understand the effect he has on me. Being with him makes me do stuff I’d never even have considered before. He has this presence I can’t escape. It draws me to him again and again.”
I lowered my voice and whispered furiously into the receiver. “I seduced him on a hiking trail yesterday, for God’s sake. There is something wrong with me when I’m with him. How is intoxicating not the perfect way to describe that?”
She let out a whistle between her teeth. “That sounds really intense. Good on him for fucking you in the woods or wherever you were hiking, though. It’s about time someone lights that fire in you.”
“What am I supposed to do with it now that it’s lit?” I shook my head. “I’m leaving tomorrow. I can’t even think about saying goodbye to him without getting all emotional.”
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