“This was him.” Tyler finished her sentence.
“Yeah,” she whispered.
“He would have left for you and the baby,” he tried to reassure, but it gave her no comfort.
“Maybe, but would he have resented me…us?” she said while rubbing her flat belly. “I don’t even know if he wanted kids. He never said, and there was never a reason to bring it up.” She ran her hand through her hair, pushing it out of her face.
“Even though we talked and emailed all the time, I honestly didn’t know this Eric. I didn’t know the Eric that everyone else seems to know. We had two or three incredible days a month. But I see now that it wasn’t real. When he was with me, he lived my life with me. I had no idea…”
She wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her pajamas and welcomed the tissue Tyler seemed to pull out of nowhere. She was still mourning but for an entirely different reason now.
“We’ll never know, Katie, but I knew him, and I know how much he loved you. Would it have been tough for him to leave? Probably, but you would be worth it, Katie. Trust me.”
Even though it no longer mattered, she wished what he said was true, but she wasn’t so sure.
Chapter Ten
October 2015
Tyler
Tyler sensed he was being watched and slowly opened his eyes and jerked back when a wet tongue licked his nose. “Bubba,” he groaned, pushing the furry face away from him, hoping the warm body cuddled next to his didn’t wake.
He carefully crawled over Katie, making sure not to disturb her. The last thing he remembered was Katie falling asleep, leaning against him. Somehow they managed to end up lying on the couch, her back against his chest with his arm slung over her.
He glanced down at the beautiful girl who looked just as sad asleep as she had the past few weeks. Her grief had turned her easy smile into something that appeared to take effort.
On their four-wheeler ride yesterday, he felt a spark of joy every time she busted into laughter. Her body practically vibrated with happiness. It was good to get a glimpse of her usual vibrant demeanor. He hadn’t realized how good it would make him feel to see her smile or how much he needed to feel something besides sadness.
He loved it here. Whether it was fishing, snowmobiling, drinking beer and playing poker, or four-wheeling. There was no better place to unwind and forget about all of his responsibilities. It was what made him reluctant to head back to the house. But when he leaned into Katie and placed his hands over hers to get them out of a tight spot, he found her fingers were little ice cubes.
Tyler filled Bubba’s water and food bowl then jumped in the shower. It was more like squeezed into the shower. Everything in this house was tiny, including the bathroom. As much as he loved to visit, he couldn’t imagine living here full-time. It was too remote and too far away from all the people he loved. That was the difference between him and Eric. Eric needed solitude, space, and to be in nature, where Tyler needed to be near his friends and obnoxious family.
Mark was in the kitchen, making coffee when Tyler finished in the bathroom. He passed a mug to Tyler and filled another for himself. “I’m heading to work, but I’ll be back in time to get you, Katie and Bubba to the airport,” Mark whispered.
“Thank you again.”
Mark nodded his head and leaned against the sink. “You’re always welcome to visit. It’s quiet without Eric here, plus I never thought of you as just Eric’s friend. My house is your house.”
“I appreciate that, and I’ll take you up on the offer. I wish we could stay longer, but Katie has school, and I’ve already taken too much time off of work.”
“I get it. Just give me a call and let me know.”
“I will. Thanks.”
Mark patted Tyler on the back, grabbed the keys off the counter, and stepped out the front door without waking Katie.
Katie. He didn’t want to think about how waking up with her in his arms made his chest constrict or the fact that he hadn’t slept that well in ages. He especially didn’t want to think about how incredibly beautiful she was inside and out or that she was constantly on his mind. Constantly.
Going home to Bend and being hours away from her had been difficult, and if he had texted her as many times as he thought of her, her phone would’ve never stopped beeping.
Tyler gripped his mug and tried not to think about his affection for her. He could admit he had crushed on her since the day they met, but it had only been a crush anything else… His stomached rolled with guilt and regret. “I’m the worst kind of friend,” he moaned.
He walked into Eric’s room, determined not to think about Katie and finish packing up Eric’s things so they could be ready in time for their flight home.
Sitting at Eric’s desk, he went through his things until he found a photo album at the bottom of one of his drawers. He flipped through it until he found a picture of him and Eric. He was around ten, which meant Eric had to be seven. They were soaking wet and laughing. Wishing he could remember what was so funny, it hit him, a wave of sadness. He could no longer hold it back, and he silently cried; his shoulders slumped forward and his body shook with grief.
It wasn’t fair. Eric was too young. He was supposed to marry Katie and have a family. He was supposed to raise his child and teach him or her how to fish and hunt. They were supposed to have family vacations together and now… It wasn’t fair!
Tyler wiped at his eyes and took in deep breaths, needing to pull himself together. Katie could wake up at any time, and he didn’t want her seeing him like this.
He placed the photo album into his suitcase then sat on the floor, emptying out the other drawers. He wasn’t sure how long he had been going through the last of Eric’s things when Katie, chewing on dry toast, pushed open the door with Bubba on her heels. He forced a smile and hoped she couldn’t see through him. “You’re looking a little green,” he teased.
She plopped on the bed and gripped her stomach at the same time. “I’m feeling a little green. I think the baby hates me,” she said, taking another bite.
“You want me to make you anything?” She scrunched her nose and shook her head. “Okay, just making sure.” He hated he couldn’t do anything about her morning sickness.
“It’s a damned if I do and damned if I don’t situation. I’m hungry, but if I eat anything besides crackers or toast first thing in the morning, I’ll just throw it up. But everything except crackers and toast sound good.” She made a growling noise. “Like I said, the baby hates me. This morning sickness is getting on my nerves. At least I feel somewhat normal in the afternoon.”
Tyler couldn’t help chuckle, even when she was trying to give the appearance of being angry, she just looked cute.
She forced back a smile and drew her legs up until she was sitting cross-legged.
With her hair in a messy ponytail, no makeup, and her glasses sliding down her nose, she looked young and vulnerable. It was hard to believe that in seven and a half months she was going to be a mother.
He turned back to packing up Eric’s bookcase, thinking about last night. His heart nearly broke when she talked about Eric. Everything she said was true, and he felt the depth of her sadness.
She and Eric were very different, but Tyler knew with everything in him that Eric loved her as much as she loved him. Maybe it would have been enough to change Eric, but he sincerely doubted it. Eric had called him several times with doubts about things working between him and Katie. In fact, he agonized over it. He wanted Katie to fall in love with his life so he wouldn’t have to make a choice. But now that Tyler had seen her here, he knew this would’ve been their biggest challenge. Being so far away from her friends and family would’ve been too difficult for her.
Tyler was pulled out of his thoughts when Katie said, “I’m sort of, kind of sorry I fell asleep on you last night.”
“Sort of, kind of?” he asked, while choking back a laugh.
She shrugged. “Well, I feel guilty for taking up your space and
falling asleep on the couch when there was a perfectly good bed in here. But not sorry because I can’t remember the last time I slept that good.”
At the knowledge the feeling had been mutual, his heart thumped hard in his chest. He silently berated himself for being pleased while swallowing back the guilt. He changed the subject. “I think we should leave his books here for anyone who might want them instead of shipping them home.”
“That’s probably a good idea.” Her eyes scanned the room and returned to Tyler. “He really didn’t have much, did he?”
“No. He was definitely a less is more kind of guy.” Tyler taped down the last box while he told her Jeff had given Mark the four-wheeler and a friend of Eric’s bought his truck. “His most treasured possession was Bubba.”
Just then Bubba jumped on the bed next to Katie and placed his head on her lap. She kissed the top of his head and scratched his lower back, causing his back legs to shake and her to laugh.
Tyler looked at his phone to check the time then told her they were going to have to leave soon. She took in a ragged breath and her eyes watered. She kept petting Bubba while looking around the empty room.
“Are you going to be okay, Katie?”
“Yes. I’m just…sad.”
“Yeah…” What else could he say?
Bubba was lying on the back seat of his car when Tyler pulled into his mother’s driveway. “Come on, buddy,” he called, but the dog just lifted his head for a second then slumped back down. He had been that way since they dropped Katie off at her condo. “I miss her too,” Tyler said, tugging on Bubba’s collar until he finally relented and jumped out of the car.
His mother opened the door before he had a chance to knock. Giving him a hug and a kiss on his cheek, she ushered him in. “How did it go?”
Tyler followed her into the kitchen and sat at the kitchen bar. She stood on the other side, pushed a plate of cookies in front of him, and poured him a glass of milk. “As expected.”
Leaning over the counter, she took one of his hands in hers. “How are you?” He shook his head and closed his eyes. “As expected. I miss him, Mom.”
“I’m sorry, honey. How’s Katie?”
He lifted his eyes until they met hers. “She’s Katie. She’s hanging in there, but I think it was harder than she expected.” His phone vibrated with an incoming text. “Speaking of Katie.” His mother turned away to return the milk to the fridge giving him the chance to return her text.
Katie: Don’t forget to text me when you get home, so I know you got home safely.
Tyler: I’m at my mom’s right now. Everything’s good, but I think Bubba misses you.
Katie: Tell your mom hi and give Bubba a scratch for me. I miss him too.
He looked up to catch his mother watching him. “What?”
She tilted her head, and her brows turned in. “I don’t know. You tell me.”
“Mom…” he warned.
“Don’t Mom me. I noticed the way you always seemed to be watching her and how your whole body relaxes when you talk to her or text her.” She lifted a brow, waiting for him to deny it.
“She’s my friend. My best friend’s girl. She’s also pregnant, so I worry about her.”
“Hmm,” she mumbled under her breath. “You and your big heart.”
“Mom…” he warned again.
“I know. I heard you. Let me be a mother and worry about my baby boy.” He rolled his eyes but pattered her hand and told her he loved her.
“Oh. I forgot to tell you. I ran into Audrey’s mother at the fabric store.” Sigh. First Katie and now Audrey. He should have expected this. Bend wasn’t so large that they would never run into each other. He and Audrey were both born and raised here. Their parents knew of each other, but didn’t become friends until after he and Audrey started dating.
Tyler huffed having no desire to discuss anything that had to do with Audrey, especially since he wasn’t sure what was going on between them. “She said you two have been talking again.” He nodded but kept his eyes on the plate of cookies. “Anything you would like to tell me?”
No, but he knew better than to avoid her interrogation. “We have been talking and texting.”
“And…” She let the word hang between them.
“And nothing,” he said gruffly.
“You broke that poor girls heart.”
His hands fisted and he had to force down his anger and bitterness. “I broke her heart? She broke my heart, Mom.”
“She was crazy about you. You two were talking about marriage, and you just gave up on her.”
“Mom! She gave up on us. She was the one who left. A month before she took that job, my boss asked me if I would be willing to transfer to Portland. I said no because I loved Audrey, and we talked about raising a family here in Bend.”
His mother’s jaw dropped. “You never told me that.”
He pushed his glass and plate away from him and leaned on his elbows. “Because it didn’t matter. She was more important.”
“Did she tell you she wouldn’t move with you?”
He bowed his head, so he didn’t have to look when he finally admitted that in fact he didn’t talk to her about it. “No.”
Her brows furrowed. “I don’t understand.”
“I never told her,” he admitted.
“But…” He didn’t let her finish.
“But nothing. The following month she was offered the job and left.”
“Tyler,” she said exasperated. “Sometimes you are really stupid for being such a smart man. You need to learn making quick decisions without all the information you need is for your job and not for your love life.”
“Mom, drop it. It’s over,” he said, even though he was no longer sure if it was. They had only talked a twice on the phone and sent a handful text messages back and forth, but he couldn’t help wonder if she was interested in more.
“Is it? I know for a fact Audrey still has feelings for you.” His eyes met hers, wondering how she could know this. “Her mother admitted Audrey never got over you.”
His shoulders slumped and he rubbed his hands over his face. He was too tired to even think about Audrey or his lingering feelings for her. He wasn’t sure if he could get past the hurt to consider risking his heart with her again.
“You’ve been hurt, rejected, and burned by love. I know this, and I also know that as much as you want it, you also push it away before you can get hurt. I think Audrey’s job was just an excuse for you to prove to yourself that nobody will love you.” His stomach clenched as her words hit a nerve.
Girls didn’t usually fall for him; he was always too nice, or they didn’t think of him like that. Audrey was the first girl to pursue him and even though he loved it; he was also skeptical that she loved him. His mother patted his back. “I love you, Tyler, and I want you to be happy.”
He lifted his head to look into her loving face. “I love you, too.”
Chapter Eleven
October 2015
Katie
Katie flipped through the ‘Pregnancy Bible’. At least that was what Billy called it when he told her he was sending her a book. She should be studying for an upcoming test, but at the moment, her building anxiety was making it impossible for her to memorize facts.
Feeling eyes on her, she looked up just as Jason looked away to wipe at an already clean counter.
“What?” she asked annoyed. He had been watching her all morning. It was creeping her out.
He dropped the towel and lifted his hands up. “Don’t get hormonal on me.”
“Jason…ugh. Why do I even like you?” She sighed, pretending to be irritated. Even though at times he made her blood pressure rise and exasperated her, there was something about him that she couldn’t help adore. He was like the annoying older brother who liked to give her noogies and tell her she was a pest.
“It’s probably my sparkling personality,” he said with a humorless expression.
She rolled her eyes and laugh
ed. “I’m pretty sure it’s not.”
He slowly moved closer until he was standing side by side with her then he bumped her arm with his elbow. “I know things are hard right now, but I want you to know I do care about you.”
Her heart swelled, knowing how hard it was for him to express any sort of emotion. She itched to hug him but refrained and instead hip bumped him. Anything else would’ve made him uncomfortable.
“Oh and I’ll fire you if you tell anyone I was nice. I don’t want people getting the wrong idea about me.”
She muffled a laugh and picked up the well-worn book as her eyes landed on one of the highlighted passages. She scrunched up her nose and did a full body shiver.
“Don’t you have something better to do?” Jason asked, reaching over and taking the book out of her hands to read what had her on the verge of gagging.
“Nope,” she said, popping the p.
He looked up with an amused grin. “You’re grossed out that pregnant women can have sex? You do know how babies are made, right?”
“I don’t have a problem with sex.” Her hands made a show of her stomach, “Obviously, but the fact that Billy highlighted it means him and my mother…just eww.”
Jason chuckled and handed the book back to her. “What time is your appointment?”
“In about forty-five minutes. Alexis and Tracy should be here any minute to pick me up.” Jason stiffened next her then mumbled something under his breath. She was about to ask him to repeat it when he said, “Speak of the devil.”
Tracy and Alexis stepped into the store, practically bouncing with happy energy. They were more excited about Katie’s first obstetrician appointment than she was. Having a baby wasn’t something she was happy about, and most days she wanted to forget she was pregnant.
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