by Robyn Carr
“You feel so good,” she whispered.
“I feel good because I have you in my arms,” he said. “I’ve been dreaming about this for so long...”
“You have just exactly the right weight to your touch,” she said. She stroked his face. “You know, you’re handsome and sweet. You could have any woman...”
“There’s only one I want,” he said. “And I want you so damn bad.”
“How can this feel so familiar?” she wondered aloud.
“Because it’s right,” he said.
His hands and lips were on the move. Everywhere he touched filled her with tingling desire and when his fingers inched low to her soft center, she moaned deeply. “Can you reach that condom?” he whispered. “I don’t want to lose my place.”
“Oh, so you’re a lovemaking comedian?” she asked with a soft chuckle.
“Hurry, Lauren,” he whispered. “I seriously need it.”
He sat back on his heels for a moment, then once ready, he was hovering over her again. He was in the right place, just barely moving into her. “I think we have a nice fit, sweetheart.” He lifted her knees, then was kissing her deeply as he entered her.
She held her breath for just a moment, then let her eyes close, holding him tightly. She rocked with him, the fullness of him inside her bringing her both comfort and excitement. Soon she was pushing against him and spontaneously slid one leg over him, pressing him into her.
He muttered softly against her lips as he moved harder and faster. The passion of it took her away and she could hear herself crying out even as she clutched him tighter. And then her world lit up as she enjoyed a completely magnificent orgasm that left her panting. She heard something of a growl come from Beau as he held her tight and enjoyed the spasms. He pushed into her as hard as possible and she gasped.
“God,” he whispered.
Then it took him only a few deep thrusts to join her. It showed on his face—his clenched lips and eyes—his pleasure was as complete as hers. They both lay trembling and weak with satisfaction. Neither spoke, but they held each other. Shivering, Beau reached down and pulled the sheet and blanket over them, but he didn’t let go of her. He rolled with her to their sides.
He kissed her again and again. “That was incredible,” he finally said. “Wasn’t that incredible? You’re wonderful. Perfect.”
She started to laugh. She actually started with a snort and she didn’t just chuckle girlishly, she laughed hilariously.
“How is this funny?” he asked, propping himself up on an elbow.
“Oh no... No, I can’t bring ghosts of past experiences to our completely new and wonderful...” She laughed more. Then she cleared her throat. “I’ve been told...” Laughter caught her again. She coughed, cleared her throat and tried again. “I’ve always been told I should try harder. That I was a disappointment.”
Beau was clearly not amused. He didn’t join in the laughter. “Sounds like someone else should have been trying harder. You’re amazing.”
“That was pretty perfect, wasn’t it?” she asked. “It felt that way to me. I suspect it was you, though. I was just responding because I couldn’t not.” She smiled. “And that’s perfect, isn’t it?”
“Completely. But with a little practice, we’ll become slightly better than perfect. And I look forward to that.”
“It just kind of happened,” she said, snuggling close to him. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot.”
“I’ve been thinking about it for months...”
“I wondered if I would be afraid, if I would be nervous and self-conscious, if it was too reckless. I’m never reckless, you know.”
“Was it any of those things?” he asked.
She shook her head. “I felt very natural. Very good. Very right.”
“Lauren, don’t panic. Just let me show you how important you are to me,” he said. “We’ve only nibbled around the edges of this subject but I know you don’t feel free to move on in your love life. I’ve tried to keep that in mind. God knows, I don’t want to scare you off. Coming off a painful marriage, the thought of diving into a new relationship must be terrifying...”
“Is it terrifying for you?” she asked.
He shook his head. “It didn’t just occur to me that I could fall in love with you. It’s been growing in me. The more we’ve gotten to know each other, the stronger my feelings are. I’ve never felt like this before—there is zero doubt in me. We’re going to be happy together.”
“I have to ask you something,” she said, her hand on his cheek. “Was there doubt the last time? With her?”
“There was,” he said. “I made excuses for her—she’d been through a lot. She’d been abandoned by the fathers of her sons. She’d been left to struggle. Why should she trust me? I cared about her. I had sympathy for her situation. I worried about the boys—they needed a constant and stable role model. I thought in time when she could see I could be trusted, we’d be all right. I don’t regret it, Lauren. I’m not sorry I took them on.”
“I know,” she said.
“And you? Did you ever have doubts?”
She laughed as if embarrassed. “Yes, I had doubts from the first and almost didn’t go through with it. Mrs. Delaney ordered everyone out of our room and then she dressed me down. She was so terrifying. I wanted to run for my life. Instead, I did exactly as she said. I dried my tears, put on fresh eye makeup and married her son. I spent over twenty years being ashamed of my lack of courage.”
“You had to be strong to get through those years as well as you did,” he said.
“Not the right kind of strong. My boss and new friend, Bea, she threw out an abusive man and raised four children alone, working and going to school with no one to help her—she’s the kind of strong I’d rather be.”
“I agree, that’s admirable.”
She smiled tenderly. “Oh Beau, I thought we’d be friends and wondered how I would manage to make you more. You’re so damn chivalrous.”
He laughed. “Am I?”
“Buying a coffee, waiting in the garden, staying with me after Brad attacked me, coming by the house with soft food...you are the most perfect gentleman. And I love it.”
“I just want to be with you,” he said. “That’s all. I can be patient, I can be discreet, but I’m ready.”
She grinned. “I think I’d like to have a boyfriend.”
“What will your daughters say?” he asked.
“I’m not sure,” she said. “But I will remind them that they’ve brought a very entertaining variety of boyfriends to my house, some of them truly awful, and I’ve always been welcoming and courteous.”
“You were?” he asked.
“Damn straight,” she said. “If I wasn’t, they’d have married them before midnight! I might not be good at marriage, but I know how mothering works.”
He stroked her back. “I think you know how everything works...”
“I had a lot of doubts with Brad,” she said. “With you, I have none.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Beau’s life changed instantly. In a day. Maybe in an hour. When he told Lauren how deeply he cared for her she responded and the bond was sealed. In her body, he found ecstasy.
Over the next few days, he couldn’t be away from her much. He tried to move slowly but it was agonizing. They’d spent months carefully discovering each other and after making love, they found there were more discoveries awaiting them, the kind that forged a new and intimate relationship. One that felt immediately secure and deeply fulfilling. “I was content with my life,” he whispered to her. “I wasn’t aching for something more, something or someone to make me happier. But you’ve filled up an empty place inside me that I didn’t even know was there. You’re everything to me.”
“Oh, I definitely wasn’t looking for anyone,” Lauren said. “I didn’t trust m
yself. I was afraid I wouldn’t know the real thing if it knocked me over. But this feels right. Please be careful with my heart, Beau. It’s so fragile.”
“Your heart is safe with me,” he promised. “All of you is safe with me.”
They began seeing each other almost daily. Whether it was for lunch or dinner or a drive up the freeway to the foothills where the last of the leaves were turning color, they spent quality time together. Beau cooked for her and Drew, but she wouldn’t stay late. Then there would be a knock at her door and he’d wrap his arms around her.
“Oh Beau, what about Drew?”
“It’s all right,” Beau said. “He’s not thinking about what we’re doing because he’s busy doing it himself.”
“That’s different,” she said. “We’re not eighteen.”
“Yeah, you know how you can tell? At eighteen they’re doing it all the time.”
“It kind of feels like we’re doing it all the time,” she said.
“I haven’t hit the saturation point yet,” he said. “Have you?”
An emotional hiccup escaped her. “You have to understand, I didn’t think I’d ever have this in my life.”
* * *
Lauren had a long talk with Cassie about Beau. “The very one you thought was so handsome,” she said. “He’s a lovely man. You’ll love him. He’s the single father of grown sons, we live in the same neighborhood and I’ve started seeing him. Given what we’ve been going through with our spouses, we’re taking it slow. But I wanted you to know we’re dating. I think this weekend we’re driving up to Napa to have a nice lunch and get some wine.”
“Oh Mama, that makes me so happy. But promise me you’ll be careful. I don’t want you to go through another bad relationship experience.”
Lauren laughed. “When did you become the mother?”
Two weeks before Thanksgiving, she spoke with Lacey. “I don’t know how you want to spend Thanksgiving. Cassie will come home for Christmas, but not Thanksgiving. It turns out I have a lot of invitations. My boss, Bea, invited me to join her family. Sylvie Emerson wanted to include me in her holiday meal with her family. Beth is having most of the Shaughnessy tribe and of course invited us.”
“And Daddy?” she asked.
“I have no idea how he’s spending the holiday,” she said.
“Aren’t the Emersons including him?” Lacey asked.
“No, Lacey. Sylvie is my friend, knows this divorce has been contentious and wouldn’t set me up like that. I think the best thing for me is to go to Beth’s house. Would you like to come?”
“I want to make sure Daddy’s not alone,” she said. “I’ll let you know.”
Poor Daddy, Lauren thought. It probably never occurred to him there might be consequences for kicking his wife in the face.
“Are you ever going to forgive him?” she asked.
“Lacey, he hasn’t asked for forgiveness.” She took a deep breath. “Just let me know if you want to join me.” She decided not to tell Lacey about Beau. The timing just didn’t feel right. Lacey was still so bitter about the divorce, still expecting Lauren to endure anything to put it all back together for her.
Another invitation was to Beau’s house. If it worked into her schedule for that day, she would stop by his house for dessert. There were people to meet.
Beau’s brother lived near Alameda, one of his sisters lived in Redding and the other in San Diego. Their mother had recently moved in with their Redding sister and they rarely got together as a whole group.
Lauren did tell Beth all about Beau. Beth, like Cassie, was delighted and nervous.
“They’re afraid I’ll get sucked into some terrible relationship, like the last one,” she explained to Beau. “It won’t do any good to tell them how different this is. Instead, I’m just going to throw you out there and let them have a look. Beth wants to make a big Sunday meal at her house. It’s strategic—you can escape if you get uncomfortable, the boys can run off to Xbox if they get restless and you can help with dishes to keep your nervous hands busy.”
“I won’t be nervous,” he said. “From what you’ve told me about them, I’ll like them a lot. And your brother-in-law has a big screen in his man cave. I’ll be fine.”
“Is this a little quick for us to be meeting the families?” she asked.
He shook his head. “We’re not meeting the families to get their approval so we can get married. We’re meeting so they know who we’re spending our time with. No one has proposed to me. Has someone proposed to you?” he asked, his mouth quirking into a smile.
“We’re going to be dating a long time—it’s not serious.”
But of course it was. Serious. She couldn’t imagine another man ever putting his hands on her. And she knew that in Beau’s mind it had been serious almost from the beginning.
“How do you define serious?” he asked her.
“Engagement or plans for marriage, which will not even be discussed anytime soon,” she answered. “Years, probably.”
“Okay, we have different definitions of serious. My definition of serious is that I miss you every second we’re apart, can’t keep my hands off you, you are my one and only, other women don’t even register in my vision and I plan to be with you and only you for a long, long time. As long as you’ll have me.”
“By your definition, I guess we’re serious,” she said.
“What about Lacey?” he asked. “When are you going to spring me on Lacey?”
“I’ve already told Cassidy about you and she’s anxious to meet you again. Given the strained relationship she currently has with her sister, I doubt she’ll share the news. As for Lacey, if she pops over unexpectedly while you’re at my house or if we run into her while we’re out, I’ll make an introduction. Otherwise, I plan to wait until the holidays have passed or the divorce is final, whichever comes first. My divorce would be final by now if Brad wasn’t trying to make sure I don’t get anything. What he doesn’t understand is I don’t really want anything. I just want to make sure my daughters have some legacy from that marriage. For their education. And for therapy if they need it. I can take care of myself.”
He chuckled and said, “I think at the end of the day, we’ll take care of each other, babe. We know how.”
Lauren saw Beau nearly every day and when they couldn’t spend an evening together, they talked on the phone. She felt thirteen. Every time she said, “I missed you all day,” her cheeks flamed. Was this absurd? To feel that kind of infatuation so soon? Was it soon? She didn’t know the rules. He claimed to have fallen for her instantly and the truth was, she’d fallen for him just as fast. When she showed up in that garden to find the book they had talked about and a couple of coffees, she was doomed. Yes, he was handsome, incredibly sexy, smart and wise, but what registered the most on her poor battered heart was his kindness. His thoughtfulness. He wasn’t only kind toward her but everyone. He held doors, asked after people’s families, carried heavy parcels to cars for older people, made babies laugh, scratched dogs behind the ears. Polite. Sweet. He had not once walked away from a person and muttered a rude or hateful comment. He was completely considerate.
She loved his goodness.
Her eyes were held wide open by her own memories. Beau could not hide an evil or hateful nature for this long. Thinking back, Brad had not hidden his true nature for even a week. There had been red flags all over the place, but she had made excuses. Why had she made so many excuses for him?
“Because you were twenty-two,” Beau said. “Instead of being mad at yourself for missing the obvious, be proud of yourself for trying so hard to keep your family intact. You really gave it all you had.”
“And you did, too,” she said.
“I tried,” he admitted. “I wasn’t hopeful, but I tried. I gave myself a real steep goal—when I had to let go I wanted to be sure I’d done my best.”
“We’re so alike,” she said. “Is that enough for us?”
“I think there’s a lot more to us than that, but I have great instincts. I doubt everything but my gut.”
“There was Pamela,” she reminded him.
“It didn’t feel like this,” he said. “And there was Brad...”
She gave a short laugh. “Nothing like this.”
* * *
The second week in November, Beth hosted a dinner so they could meet Beau. She chose a Sunday because there would be no photography jobs and she guarded the date. She cleaned like a wild woman and rode Chip and the boys hard. She was going to make her best dish, which happened to be a pretty ordinary slow-cooker lasagna that tasted wonderful. Along with that, fresh spinach salad with red onion, mushrooms and hard-boiled eggs. She’d make jalapeño poppers to start—guys loved those. And Lauren promised to bring a cake for dessert.
It wasn’t a complicated meal, but it took Beth two days to get ready. She wasn’t sure exactly why. It wasn’t so much to impress this new guy Lauren said was wonderful. It was more the anxiety of hoping this wasn’t another mistake for her sister. If this was a good guy, she wanted it to work. True, Lauren had only been on her own a few months, but she’d left her marriage and been alone for years. Only Beth knew how truly lonely her sister had been, especially when both her daughters were living away from home.
“No, you’re not wearing that,” she said when she saw Chip dressed in sweatpants and an oversize Giants T-shirt with grease stains on it.
“You said it would be casual,” Chip argued.