by Robyn Carr
“Are you going to call him and check?” she asked.
He shook his head. “He’ll call me if there’s anything to report.”
“So, you’re still determined, are you?”
He nodded. “I’ve been sure for at least a year. I’ll be explaining my departure to the board right after Christmas. They won’t be surprised that I’m leaving—just the reason why. They’ve been expecting me to move to the diocese to work for the bishop. But I’ll be around until I find my next job. There will be parishioners with questions. Maybe concerns.”
“What will you tell them?” she asked.
“The same thing I told you. I’m not leaving God’s work or the faith or the church. I’m resigning from the priesthood, that’s all. And I was wondering if you had a date for New Year’s Eve?”
“Father!”
“Stop calling me that,” he said, laughing. “Am I too old for you?”
She blushed.
“To see you blush is quite a beautiful sight,” he said. He reached for her hand. “I don’t mean to put you on the spot.”
“It’s not that. It’s just that... You haven’t dated anyone in over twenty years. I don’t think I want to be your experiment. You’ll end up breaking my heart. You know how much I like you.”
He looked around, then he kissed her forehead. “I bet if there’s any heartbreaking going on, you’ll be doing it.”
“You’re not quite free...”
“Yes, I am,” he said. “I stopped celebrating mass, communion or hearing confession a while ago. I can still assist Father Damien if he needs me but he doesn’t need me.” He chuckled. “It’s all he can do to keep from grinning like a fool. His secret is he’s happy to have me out of his way.”
“Aren’t you close?” she asked.
“I like him,” Tim said. “He’s a good man. We’re driven by different things.” He held her coat for her to slip into. “It’s cold and wet. Let’s go find a quiet bar with a fireplace. I want to tell you about my applications.”
Her face lit up. “You did it? You applied for the international rescue mission?”
“Yes, I’m going to follow you around the globe. And I heard about some other groups I think we should look into. I’d love to talk about it. I’ll buy you a cup of coffee or glass of wine.”
“On Thanksgiving? Where?”
“I know a place close by, on the island. Just a little pub.”
“Listen, don’t take this the wrong way. I don’t think I want to be seen dating a priest...”
He laughed. “I’ll only hold your hand under the table.”
“I should never have told you I was attracted to you! You started it. Coming clean with me about your silly crush on me. Now look what we’ve got! I’m not exactly a virgin.”
“Me neither,” he said.
She gasped. “Father!”
He rolled his eyes. “Could you call me Tim, please? You inspire guilt where there is none. There were quite a few years before I took the vows, Angela. I admit, I examined my secular options.”
She laughed in spite of herself. “This is going to be a disaster,” she said.
“Just follow me to the bar. It’s very nice and I’ll protect you from all the sad people who have no place else to go. We can talk about this disaster in peace.”
She agreed and twenty minutes later they were tucked into a corner booth near a brick fireplace. Angela sipped red wine while Tim enjoyed a beer.
“What makes you think we have anything in common?” she asked him.
“We have everything in common. We’re drawn to the same kind of work, we share a need to rescue the disenfranchised, we’re the same faith, we’re looking for the same things and you turn me on.”
“Oh God,” she said, resting her head in her hand. “It is so hard to hear that from someone I have known as a priest.”
“Get this—you turned me on while I was a priest. I just wouldn’t act on that feeling. I had an oath. Now I don’t.”
“You hung up the collar for sex, didn’t you?”
“No,” he said with a laugh. “But that is likely to be a benefit.”
“Well, it’s not going to be me! Not until I know you a lot better!”
He touched her hand. “I’m not going to pressure you, Angela. I like you. I can’t wait to spend more time with you. If it works, I think that would make me very happy. But if it doesn’t, I’m still grateful you’re my friend. And grateful you showed me some options for my civilian life. There are Catholic charities all over the globe!”
“You’re really jazzed about this, aren’t you?”
“It’s what I’ve always wanted. To be a working priest. With the smell of the sheep.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Same reason you do what you do. It’s necessary. It’s vitally important. It’s not for everyone, which makes it more important that those who can, do. It feels right.”
“This is insane,” she said. “I’ve known you for years. We’ve never even flirted! And believe me, I’ve known women who flirt with priests.”
He laughed. “So have I. Listen, it wasn’t always easy. At least some of my vows weren’t easy, but that’s what made them important and worthwhile. But having certain oaths didn’t mean I didn’t have feelings.”
“You were always friendly, happy, but not flirty.”
“Of course not,” he said. “That would put you in a terrible position. It’s different now. But Angela, I don’t want you to struggle with your conscience over me. I want you to be at peace.”
She just gazed at him, shaking her head slightly, smiling. “It’s going to be very hard not to fall for you.”
He was quiet a moment. “Praise be,” he said.
* * *
Beau texted Lauren that he was on his way over. When she opened her door, she had a tissue in her hand and her eyes were pink and wet.
“Oh honey,” he said, pulling her into his embrace. “Have you been crying for the last two hours?” he asked.
She nodded against his chest, sniffing.
He pulled her into the room and sat with her on her sofa. “I’m so, so sorry.”
“What happened after I left?” she asked, a hiccup in her voice. “I saw she went inside.”
“Hardly anything,” he said. “Most of my family has seen her drama before. I felt sorry for the boys, though. They are the ones who’ve seen the most. I asked them to escort her out, get her in her car safely. It took just five minutes and they were back inside. I don’t know if they were brokenhearted or embarrassed. Probably both. But they had places to go where they’ll get comfort without the shame of it all. Darla spent the day with her family so Drew went over there. Michael and Raisa went to her married sister’s house. Both of them will be among friends. After just a little while and a lot of goodbyes, everyone dispersed. My sister, brother-in-law, kids and my mother were all staying over at my brother’s house. They’ll head back to Redding first thing in the morning. Of course I welcomed them to stay at my house but Jeff’s is larger. And frankly, I think Pamela might be the reason they didn’t want to stay at my house.”
“Were they all upset?” she asked.
He lifted her chin so he could look into those beautiful lavender eyes. “Listen, last Thanksgiving Pamela was gone. She’d been gone. Gone for the holidays. While other people with troubled marriages are trying to hold it together through the holidays, my wife packed up and headed for Maui. She didn’t call Drew and I assume she didn’t call Michael. We went to San Diego. Yes, I made sure Pamela knew where we’d be so she could call her sons, but she didn’t.” He took a breath. “My family has been shaking their heads for years... For the most part everyone in my family has had decent marriages. Happy marriages. I’m the only one who never figured it out.”
“My sister and Chip are happy,” she said with a sniff. �
�But my poor mom... My dad just disappeared, leaving her to handle it all...”
“My parents were always happy as far as I remember. Lauren, I can’t tell you the recipe. But I didn’t give up early.”
“She was so heartbroken,” Lauren said. “I would never do that to anyone. I would never get in another woman’s territory.”
“You didn’t,” he said. He touched her cheek. “What’s really wrong?” he asked.
“What if I’m wrong?” she said. “What if we’re both wrong?”
“Wrong?” he asked, frowning. “Are you afraid I’m lying to you?”
“My husband lied about everything,” she said. “And your wife was so shattered!”
“Lauren, you knew he was lying,” Beau said. “You’ll know if I’m lying. You have time, Lauren. You have time to learn me, I have time to learn you. No one’s going to get backed into a corner.”
“I would never want to hurt anyone,” she said.
“Of course you wouldn’t,” he said. “And you didn’t hurt Pamela. She’s been making bad choices for so long. Trying to come back to our marriage would just be one more.”
“She won’t ever let you go,” she said.
“The doctor might not let you go, either. We might be stuck with them for a long time. So, let’s do this. I’ve already let Pamela go. You do what you have to do.”
“Oh God,” she said, leaning against him. “She’s so beautiful.”
Beau held her. “She was actually prettier when I met her,” he said. “She’s changed a lot in her appearance. She’s enhanced some body parts, reduced others. She’s very pretty, but the girl I knew was less perfect and much more real. Pam has always had an issue with wanting more. She’s never been happy with what she has.”
“You said you had no regrets,” she reminded him.
“None,” he said. “It wasn’t always easy but it was worth it. I can honestly say the boys grew up in the best home I could provide. Not a flawless home. But we did all right.” He looked into her eyes. “I never left them.”
“I got a little worked up,” she said. “I’d just met your family and this poor, shattered woman...”
“It’s okay. It’s better than okay. You have questions and you should have them. You’d be crazy to get yourself in another abusive situation. So would I. But it’s going to be all right because we have lots of time to figure each other out. We’re not in a hurry because our clocks are ticking, are we?”
“Funny,” she said with a huff of laughter.
He wrapped his arms around her. “I figured this holiday period could be a little sketchy. Unpredictable. And we haven’t even heard from the doctor yet. He could weigh in at any time. You still have that bat handy, right?”
She shuddered.
“I’m willing to just soldier on, take it one day at a time, get to the other side of all this bullshit. I don’t want a lot, Lauren. I just want to enjoy life with someone who cares about me while I enjoy caring about her. Nothing fancy or complicated. Some balance and a little compromise.” He kissed her cheek. “Everything is going to be okay. I hope.”
She sighed. “I’m kind of glad in a perverse way that your ex-wife showed up and went a little crazy. Brad must be hopping mad by now. Thanksgiving dinner in a restaurant with his mean old mother. I’m surprised he didn’t burn my house down.”
Beau was quiet for a moment. “You don’t smell smoke, do you?”
“All the years I contemplated this—divorcing him and getting on with my life—I never pictured it would be like this. I never thought he’d hurt me so badly. I never thought I’d fall for a man running from a crazy wife. Can we last through all this?”
“I know I’m doing the right thing and I believe in you,” he said. “I’m not going to lie to you about anything. If you lie to yourself, I can’t help you with that. If it doesn’t feel right, you have to make the move.”
“And will you? If it’s not perfect for you, will you tell me?” she asked.
“Absolutely. I’m not going to trick you. There would be nothing in that for me.”
“No one’s waiting up for you?” she asked.
“No. They all ran for the hills after Pamela. They were probably afraid she’d come back.”
“Will you come to bed and hold me?” she asked.
“Just waiting for the invitation,” he said.
* * *
In the small hours of the morning, she snuggled against him. She felt secure. Secure and satisfied and peaceful. She lifted her head from his shoulder and kissed his chin. “I love you,” she whispered. “I love you and I want to be with you forever.”
He tenderly kissed her mouth. “Me, too. Me, too.”
* * *
The week following Thanksgiving everything seemed a bit calmer to Lauren. She took Lacey out for a nice dinner and some shopping and heard all about Thanksgiving, secretly a little gleeful that Lacey had had a perfectly miserable time with Adele and Brad. Unsurprisingly, he was in a foul mood, stuck with his mother, spoiled daughter, with no whipping post on hand.
It never occurred to her last June that six months after moving out, she still wouldn’t be divorced, wouldn’t have any property from her old house. Therefore, there were no Christmas decorations. But Lauren knew how to make centerpieces and wreaths and bought herself a few flameless LED candles that lit and went off on a timer. Red and white candles. She stopped by the craft store to get florist supplies and ribbon. She knew where to get greenery scraps at a great price by driving north to the warehouses that supplied flower shops. She offered to make a wreath or centerpiece for Beau if he’d come along.
It was just the perfect distraction for Beau, loving gardens and flowers as he did.
They filled the back of his truck with varieties of fir, pine, juniper, eucalyptus, cedar, holly and other holiday greens and pinecones. Lauren put a sheet over her dining table, got out the florist’s clippers she’d bought and got busy creating wreaths and centerpieces.
Beau brought in all her cuttings and hung around to watch. He was so intrigued by her creations that she showed him how she was doing it. “Can I try?” he asked.
He was irresistible. “Sure. Let me show you. The centerpiece is easier, we’ll start with that.”
By five they had made ten centerpieces and several wreaths. Their fingers were sappy and sticky. Beau looked at his watch.
“Got an appointment?” she asked.
“I’m hungry,” he said. “How’s your beer and wine supply?”
“All set, but that’s not food.”
He went to the sink and started washing his hands. “I’ll go get us something, unless you feel like going out.”
“I want to use up all these greens while they’re fresh,” she said. “I’d eat anything you feel like eating.”
There was a tapping at the door and when she opened it, there stood her boss, Bea.
“I’m sorry. I should have called. This was impetuous. It’s about work...”
“Come in,” Lauren said. “We were just making Christmas decorations. Bea, this is my friend Beau and Beau, Bea is my supervisor at Merriweather.”
Beau put out a hand and nodded. “Pleased to meet you, Bea,” he said.
“I think I’m interrupting...”
“Not at all. Beau is ready to quit for dinner. Let me wash my hands and let’s have a glass of wine,” Lauren said. “You’ve never been to my house. Well, my rental. But I’m kind of proud of it—my first house of my own.”
“I don’t want to take up too much of your time and I can see...”
“I’m on my way out to get us something for dinner,” Beau said. “Will you join us?”
“No, but thank you. I just need a few minutes.”
Lauren was washing her hands vigorously. “This must be something important. This is the first time you’ve ever call
ed on me on a weekend to discuss company business. I’ve been there over a dozen years...”
Bea was looking at the greenery lined up on the countertops—centerpieces of all sizes, a few wreaths leaning against the cupboards. “These are beautiful. You’re such a talent.”
Beau dried his hands and came to Lauren’s side, kissing her on the cheek. “I’ll bring you something you like. I’ll take my time.”
“Thank you,” she said. As Beau left, Lauren continued chatting with Bea. “Since I still don’t have access to anything in my house, I have no Christmas decorations. So I set about creating some from scraps. My daughter and her boyfriend are coming for the holidays and I’d like it to be—”
“Lauren, I’d like you to know I’m going against direct instructions and against policy in coming to your home, but this is important. And it’s not good news.”
“What’s wrong? What in the world...”
“I’ve been informed that you will be terminated next Friday.”
Lauren let a short, confused huff of laughter escape. “The Friday before the holidays? Why?”
“Human Resources will handle that and I can’t wait to hear what they come up with since every ounce of documentation from me shows exemplary performance. Here’s what little I know—the decision came from very high in the company and they’ve decided to eliminate your position for budget reasons. Someone, somewhere has decided it won’t take a director to run your department but they are not offering you a chance to stay on as a supervisor. And they don’t have another director’s position open for you.” She shook her head. “It’s insane. Can you think of anything? Any reason? Any connection?”
Lauren was stunned and shook her head. She had to lean on the counter in the kitchen and take a few deep breaths. Then she went to the living room couch and sat down. “Why?” she asked.
Bea just shrugged. “I smell a rat,” she said.
“Does someone at the company have a grudge?” Lauren asked. “Do I have an enemy somewhere I don’t know about?”
“Not in our department,” Bea said. “I may not be the most powerful senior director on record but I raised four children. I have a sharp eye and good instincts. Lauren, could your husband have anything to do with this?”