by Cari Z
Tennyson sighed. “Jonathan was a human born to weres, and he’d grown up with the pack. Moreover, he was a soldier. He served with our alpha on some of his missions, worked as backup on others. He was closer to our alpha than I’d ever been.” Tennyson’s eyes flashed amber for a moment. “But he was no match for him when the alpha finally lost his mind. He didn’t even mean to lash out… it was the Fourth of July, some of the kids decided to set off fireworks, and that triggered him. Jonathan was just standing there, drinking a beer. He didn’t even have time to get his hands up.”
I could imagine what had happened next. A werewolf on a rampage was always a frightening thing, but an alpha who’d lost control was something uniquely terrifying. Just as we carried the weight of the pack, their expectations and demands, so too were we bolstered by them. I didn’t know if it was biological, emotional, or metaphysical, but I became a noticeably better shifter after I took over as alpha, and my reflexes got sharper as well. It would take either a seriously well-armed individual or multiple people working together to take me down.
“How did you stop him?”
“The guardian stopped him, with five .45 magnum rounds into the middle of the chest, but not before Karl managed to bite him.” Tennyson looked away. “I stayed with him when the shift took him. He died screaming, caught somewhere in between.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I know you are. And I know how serious you are about the welfare of your pack, which is why I want you to know that I carry a Glock loaded with hollow-point bullets at all times.” He lifted his eyes to mine, and they were unhappy but completely serious.
I already knew he carried―I’d smelled the gun oil on the weapon―but it was friendly of him to come out and tell me openly. “Good. You can teach Ward how to use one.”
“If he wants to learn.”
I’d see to it that he did. It was a skill he should have—maybe he already had it, actually, if the stories he’d told me about his brother and friend last night were true. In fact… a name niggled at my brain, finally surfacing.
“T, have you ever met or heard of a guy with the name Davis? Human, but with military experience?” Ward hadn’t said anything about the man associating with werewolves, but given that he was a professor, it made sense for his connections to come through military means.
“First name or last name?”
“I don’t know.”
Tennyson pursed his lips as he thought. “Jonathan worked with a guy named Carlisle a few times, some hardass Marine out of California who spoke good enough Arabic that they used him as a translator several times. His first name was either David or Davis, but now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure it was Davis. I remember Jonathan correcting me.”
“California? You’re sure?” That was Ward’s home state.
“Yeah. It’s been a few years, though. He did away missions for a while, but you know most of the people on the teams end up running support or working for the agencies that keep track of us.”
So he might still be working inside the Agency of Shifter Affairs. That would explain how Ward knew where to find us.
Speak of the devil, he opened the door and came back inside a moment later, and Ava promptly started howling again. “Has it been five minutes?”
“No,” Tennyson and I said together.
Eventually, I was able to hold Ava’s focus long enough that she made at least a token effort at imitating me, even if that meant just rising up on her hind paws when I stood up in my human form. Every time she did, I called Ward back into the room to reward her. It was a start, at least.
“I’ve got to help at school tomorrow, but I want to keep working with her on improving,” Ward fretted as Tennyson fed Ava dinner.
“You can come before class and on your breaks, like you did last week. She won’t backslide,” I reassured him. “I’ll work with her when you’re not here too. She’ll get it.”
“Soon she’ll manage a hand, or just her back legs, and then she’ll be walking around like an adorable little mutant nightmare,” Tennyson added.
“That’s… hideous.”
“That’s shifting. Tricky business when you’re first learning, and for some of us, it never gets really easy.” He shrugged. “It still takes me upwards of a minute to do a full shift, and I can’t isolate body parts very well unless I’m heavily adrenalized. Henry is the best at shifting I’ve ever seen. Even my former alpha took a good thirty seconds to go completely furry.”
“Right, you’ve got the record to beat.” Ward smiled at me. “Roman’s determined to do it.”
“I know.” And his father at least was determined for him to succeed, but as good as Roman was, he was still developing. My hold on my position was safe, for now. It needed to be. Of course, that might all change whenever Colonel Hill finally got back to me, but the last thing I needed now was to think about that. I needed… I needed….
With a start, I realized that right then, I didn’t feel like I needed anything other than what I had. I was with pack, I was doing something to help one of my people, and most importantly, I was with Ward. There was just something about being with him, something beyond the attraction of his appearance and the sound of his voice that left me feeling content. Happy, even. Happy with the potential for more.
I’d seen enough movies to know that a feeling of contentedness wasn’t exactly what was popular when it came to romance. Where was the burning passion, where was the desperate desire? It was different for me, though, at least right now. My work left me empty, burning so fast I burned right out, so desperate with the demands of necessity that nothing less than life or death could rouse my emotions. It felt like years since I’d had a consistent, positive emotional response to someone. Even Sam, for all I loved her, had been gone for much of that time. I’d wanted it that way, wanted her to finish her degree and meet someone and have as normal a life as she ever would. If it meant I dwelled in a darker place, then that was a price I’d happily pay. But now….
“Hey.” Ward’s hand was a brief touch on my elbow, there and gone, but my body held on to the sensation of it like it was all that kept my heart beating. I looked at him, the quirky smile on his face as he met my gaze, and felt like a window had been opened inside of me. “Ready to head home?”
Ready to head home and see you in my bed. Or better yet, his bed, where everything smelled so good. Needing to be near him was one thing, but the stab of want that hit me when I didn’t expect it was getting stronger and stronger.
“Yeah,” I said, and my voice came out a little rougher than I’d intended it to, but Ward didn’t seem to notice. Or—I breathed in deeply—maybe he did. “Let’s go home.”
Of course Ava chose just that moment to howl, breaking the tension as only a tiny pup with lungs the size of a blimp could.
Ward jumped a little, then redirected his attention at Ava. “Do you think she understands us?”
“Not the details, not at her age, but she probably gets that we’re not going to be here much longer.” She howled again, and I winced. “And clearly she doesn’t like it.”
“I’ll stay a little longer,” Tennyson promised me—or Ward, more like. “I’ll read to her until she falls asleep. She’ll be fine.”
“I know she will be.” Ward said it like it was nothing, but I knew that to Tennyson, it was actually a lot. His acceptance into the pack was going slowly, people grateful to have a medic but wary of a new member, especially one from a disbanded pack. And he had no mate now, either.
I moved in and pulled him into an embrace. He hadn’t been expecting it—contrary to what some people thought, werewolves didn’t have to scent before every interaction they had. Tennyson didn’t tense up, though. Instead he leaned into it like he was starved for touch, which might be close to true. I’d have to keep a close eye on him, make sure he got what he needed.
It was about time for me to do something for the whole pack―host them at the house after a hunt, perhaps. John had a hunti
ng license and was usually willing to go along with us when we headed into the territory outside the fence to get a deer or an elk. On the off chance we ran into people, we could scatter while he explained what he was doing in the middle of the woods with an animal carcass.
Scenting was natural for me, but it meant nothing to Ward. It didn’t seem to matter, though—he accepted the reality of the pack’s touchy hellos and goodbyes and was the next one up to hug Tennyson, who looked a little overwhelmed from all the attention.
“Thank you,” he said quietly. “For all you’re doing for her.”
Tennyson didn’t speak, just nodded. He turned away before we left the room, but apart from a little discomfort, I got nothing but shy pleasure from him.
“Was that okay?” Ward asked as we headed back to the house, snow crunching under our boots.
“I think it was just what he needed,” I said. “Even if he didn’t know it.”
“Good. I want to….” He paused, then shrugged. “I want to get things right. I want to make a difference here, a positive one, not just for Ava and the kids.”
“You will. You are. For me, at least.”
“Well, that’s good. It certainly pays to stay on the alpha’s good side.” He winked at me, but the thought that that was all he was doing, even though I knew better, made me look away.
“Henry.”
“Ward.” We were almost to the house. I could smell the side of beef cooking in the roasting pan from here.
“It was a joke.”
“I know.”
“Do you?” he asked doubtfully. “Because—”
“Henry.” Sam opened the door abruptly, and from the look on her face, she wasn’t pleased. “Colonel Hill is on the phone for you.”
I felt my throat tighten involuntarily. Already? I hadn’t even been back for two full weeks, how could he send me out again? We’d just spoken, and he’d told me to be ready, but….
“He’s impatient.”
Threatening, in other words. “I’ll be right there.” My feet felt as heavy as ice, but I made them carry me up the stairs and into the living room, where I’d left my phone. I barely noticed Ward peel off into the kitchen with Sam as I stared at the call sign for a moment. I steeled myself and picked up. “This is Henry.”
“Major Dormer. Why weren’t you carrying your phone with you?”
“I was in the clinic running the pup through shifting exercises. I didn’t want it to fall out of my clothes as I changed forms.”
“Keep it with you at all times unless you’re fully shifted, Major.” His voice was implacable. “And those incidents better be few and far between.”
“Sir.” It was as close to assent as I was getting.
“I have a new assignment for you.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. Fuck. “Where and when?”
“Ukraine this time. I thought you’d appreciate the change of scenery.”
No sand, but more people to dodge. Undercover work against the Russians, undoubtedly. This wasn’t something I was well equipped for—I had decent Arabic and Pashto, but my Russian was nonexistent.
“Alonso isn’t available for this assignment?” He was a wolf I’d met in the field a few times, a fellow alpha, but with the sharpest sense of humor I’d ever encountered. His team had been devoted to him. “His mother was Russian, he speaks it fluently—”
“Are you questioning my authority to place my troops where they’re needed, Major?”
“No, sir. I’m simply questioning my ability to do my best work in an environment where I have little experience.”
“As this is a matter of national security, you’ll have to do your best work regardless. You’ll get a month of intensive language training before deployment, and local contacts will help you in case that isn’t enough.” His voice was calm, but all of my red flags were going up. Something was wrong, very wrong. There was stupid, and then there was suicidal. Relying on local contacts, in a place where I knew no one, where the bounty on werewolves was in the millions of dollars, and where we already had an alpha who was an expert in the field?
“Is Alonso injured?”
“Major Dormer, I’m not here to satisfy your curiosity. I’m here to give you orders. Your job is to obey them and nothing more. Do you understand me?”
I was tempted—sorely tempted—to invoke the pack sovereignty clause. It was a failsafe an alpha could use out of dire necessity, if their presence was required to keep their pack from falling apart. It would inevitably bring a very invasive investigation with it, though.
“Yes sir, but—”
“You leave for training in one week. Prepare your pack for an extended absence.” He ended the call, and I just stared at my phone. One more week. Not even close to the amount of time I was supposed to be given to be with my pack, to be with Ava, to get her to shift so that she and Ward could stay here. I didn’t know if I could get her to shift in a week. If I couldn’t, if it didn’t work… I needed a backup plan for them. I needed a way to deal with John, a way to get them out of the reserve without bringing the hammer down on the rest of my pack.
I’d need to talk to Roman, and his parents, before I left. I didn’t want him to become alpha. It wasn’t the future he had envisioned for himself, not the ideal that Gerald had built it into. If I died on my mission, though, I was certain that Sam wouldn’t be legally accepted as pack alpha. Not unless she was explicitly acting as a placeholder until Roman had a chance to go to school—
“Henry?”
I forced myself to look at Sam, who stood in the doorway leading to the kitchen. She smelled like fear. Liam was a little behind her, disturbed by the disruption in his wife’s scent, and Ward was between them. Our eyes locked, and I swallowed hard.
“I’m being redeployed.”
“No,” Sam said immediately. “No, you can’t! You can’t be redeployed. It hasn’t been long enough! This goes against all the guidelines—”
“He’s invoking the national security clause. The normal guidelines don’t apply.” Not that Colonel Hill had ever paid much attention to them anyway.
“It hasn’t been a month, though. It’s too early,” Ward said, picking up on the part I knew would stand out to him. “What about Ava?”
“I’ll work something out for her. For both of you.” I forced a smile. No one smiled back. “I’ll make sure you’re taken care of, just in case.”
“Just in case what?”
“In case you’re killed.” Sam’s voice was full of barely restrained fury. “Hill’s going to get you killed.”
“Especially if you’re sent to Ukraine,” Liam added.
“Ukraine, that’s ridiculous!” She looked between me and Liam like one of us was lying. “You’ve never even been there before—how will you operate there with any sort of secrecy?”
“I assume I’ll be in my wolf form most of the time.”
“For how long? For weeks, or months? Henry, that’s so dangerous.”
“I know.” I did―I knew it better than most. The greatest risk for being stuck in wolf form came as children, but it could happen to adults if they were confined to one form for a long enough period of time. I’d seen the aftereffects during a rescue mission, one of my very first as alpha. Another werewolf had been caught and bound in her form with a shock collar that knocked her unconscious every time she tried to shift. She’d been steadily abused on top of that, her captors taking her blood and saliva and pushing her powers of renewal hard. By the time we actually got the collar off, she was so psychologically damaged that she’d been unable to shift back.
Maybe if we’d given her more time, maybe if she’d gotten treatment, the ability would have returned to her. But we’d been on enemy soil, and our orders had been clear: retrieve if possible, eliminate if necessary. My commanding officer had opted to eliminate her. The worst part was, she’d smelled grateful.
“Henry.” Sam’s eyes were full of tears. There was no gratitude in this scent, just anger and frustration
and deep, profound fear, the kind of fear that left you desiccated instead of sweaty, like your body just couldn’t handle it and shut down. I extended my arms to her, and she ran forward and grabbed me so hard around the middle that I actually felt my ribs bend.
“I know,” I said again. “I’m sorry.” I kissed the top of her head and kept her close, let her tears soak into my shirt as she cried out her fury. I hated that I had to do this. I hated that I had to go, but I’d never pass that responsibility off to someone else. If it was bad for me, how much worse would it be for someone like Roman, still just a kid? Or Gerald, if he was bold enough, who I didn’t think would survive even the training required of an operative, never mind the actual missions. Liam was right out, too sensitive to do what had to be done sometimes. Maybe Tennyson—
It didn’t matter. I was still alive, for now. I’d do everything I could to stay that way. I kissed Sam’s head again. “Come on. Dinner smells ready—we should eat.”
“Mmhmm,” Sam murmured but didn’t move away. Liam and Ward had vanished into the kitchen, though, and I could hear Liam dishing out the roast while Ward set the table.
“I hate this,” Sam said after a moment, finally pulling back. The rage she felt hadn’t receded at all, but it thankfully wasn’t directed at me either. “I hate that they can do this.”
“Me too.”
“They won’t be able to forever.” It sounded like a vow. I appreciated the thought, at least.
“Let’s eat.”
Dinner was a fast and silent affair. I barely tasted the food, and when I went to get started on the dishes, Sam waved me off. “Let me,” she said, trying to smile a bit. “I need to burn off some energy.”
“If you’re sure.”
“I am.”
“I’ll set up a hunt for us before I leave,” I told her, wanting to make it clear that I wasn’t going to shirk my responsibilities just because I was about to be deployed again. “I’ll go talk to John in the next few days. We can have it the day of the full moon.”
“I’m sure the pack will appreciate it.” Her tone made it clear that she was done talking for tonight, at least to me, and I was tired enough to let it lie. I headed for the stairs. After a moment, Ward joined me.