by Violet Noir
The next time I saw her cry was when she knocked over a vase and it shattered on the tile floor of the entryway. I watched as she began to shake uncontrollably and broke down into wailing sobs. I kept expecting someone to show up, I don’t know who, and calm her down. No one came.
I approached her cautiously. She seemed so unstable that I was actually a bit frightened, but it seemed wrong to just leave her there crying.
“Lindsey?” I asked, and her head whipped around.
Her eyes were as wide as saucers. “I’m going to be in so much trouble,” she said and then began sobbing again. “He’s going to be so mad.”
“How about this,” I said. “I’ll take the blame for the vase if you tell me what is going on. You have to tell me why you seem so frightened and why you’re following me around.”
“I can’t,” she said. “He’ll be mad.”
“I will tell him that I broke the vase. And I’m sure whatever else there is, he won’t be mad at you.”
“You don’t understand,” Lindsey said, and for the first time I realized how beautiful she was under her scars. I’d thought she was older, but up close, I realized that she was probably only a few years older than me.
“Then make me understand,” I said. “I’ve got money. I can protect you.”
“You would do that for me?”
“I don’t think I’ll have to, Lindsey, but I will if you’ll just tell me what’s going on.”
“He did this to me,” she said and ran her hands over her face and arms. “He hurts me so bad.”
“Who did? You mean Will? You’re saying he did this to you?”
“It was a few years ago. He bought me at Madame Rose’s place in an auction the same as you. Except I didn’t want to be a slave. I thought it would be okay. I thought I could handle it, but I hated it. I wasn’t compliant enough for his liking, and I thought that if I was bad enough, he would just send me away. I thought that if he couldn’t get what he wanted from me I could leave, but it wasn’t like that.
“Some of the girls at The Stable told me that the whole thing was just sex fantasy, but it wasn’t like that for him. It was like he didn’t need the sex. What he needed was obedience, and the harder I tried to defy him, the more he punished me. I didn’t realize that he thought I liked it too. He thought I was provoking him on purpose because I liked pain.”
“So, he beat you so bad that it left scars?” I asked.
“He didn’t at first. But then one night when I didn’t think I could take it anymore, I hit him. We were in the dungeon, and he was taking me down off one of the racks to tie me to the bed, and I picked up a cane and hit him with it.
“It was as if he were possessed. Something in his face changed, and he snatched the cane from me. He broke it over his knee and got the flogger. I was screaming, but it was as if he was somewhere else.
“He hit me over and over again until he was tired. By the time he was done, I was a bloody mess. He took me to the hospital, and the hospital called the police.”
“What did they do?” I was completely confused about why she was still working for Will.
“When I was better, they brought me back to him,” she said and sniffled. “He owns them. The people he works for control so much, and that includes the law. When I told them who did this to me, they returned me to him like I was some sort of possession.”
“Weren’t you, though? I mean, you auctioned yourself off just like I did.”
“We’re still human beings. Don’t forget that,” Lindsey said.
“We are. That’s true. But what I want to know is why you are still here?”
“He offered to take care of me. I had the money from the auction, but it wasn’t enough for me to live off of forever. Back then, they didn’t pay as much. We didn’t make as much money as you girls do now. So he offered me a job for as long as I needed it. After I healed, I tried to find something else. The scars frighten people away. He pays me well, and it’s far more than I could make doing anything else. I thought after all these years that I’d forgiven him.”
“How long ago was this?” I asked. “You said a few years.”
“It’s more like a decade. I was probably his first toy. He was probably about the same age you are now. I was too.”
The scars hid that she was nearly thirty. I would have put her at under twenty-five. I guessed it was hard to tell, though.
“It must be difficult,” I said.
“It was very difficult at first, and I only stayed because I had no other choice. But, eventually, I forgave him. It seemed like he’d changed. He still had his dark secrets, and we all know that what he does for a living involves violence. He seemed less like a monster, though. That was until he did it again.”
“What do you mean?”
“What he did to you. At least he got you the best medical care and you won’t have to live with the scars,” she said, and I could hear just a hint of envy. I didn’t blame her, but she was wrong about Will.
“He didn’t do this to me, Lindsey.”
“He didn’t? I thought it was your punishment for running away,” she said sadly.
“No, it wasn’t him. Someone else did this to me, and Will is taking care of me.”
She didn’t say anything else. Lindsey just turned around and walked away. I felt terrible for her. I didn’t know how to reconcile the fact that he’d done that to her but then taken care of me.
What I did know was that Will wasn’t who I thought he was. I knew that there was darkness in him, but it was so much deeper than I’d imagined.
Lindsey had said that his job involved violence, and I could only guess at what kind of violent job provided him with his lifestyle. The fact that he had a doctor who would keep his secrets and police working for him was telling too.
It made me wonder how deep I should dig. His secrets were dangerous, and I had to wonder what would happen to me if I knew the truth. What if he told me about his life and then got tired of me? I would become a liability. Would I end up a maid in his household or would I end up in the ground?
I found that notion completely overwhelming as the reality of my situation hit me like a truck. Suddenly, the house felt too big and I felt too small. I wanted to hide, but I didn’t know where. I wanted to be alone, but if Will thought I ran away again, who knows what he would do.
So, I went back to my old room. I didn’t see any harm in that. I could just go in there and be alone for awhile.
What struck me most about the room when I walked in was how much it resembled a little girl’s room. It was a stark contrast to Will’s room, and I had to wonder if that’s what he wanted. Not that I thought he wanted a real little girl, but he did want innocence. After all, he’d spent a lot of money purchasing a virgin.
I wasn’t innocent anymore, though. After what I’d been through with Alex and what I’d just learned about Will, I thought I was beginning to become jaded.
And yet, there I sat on the bed searching my mind for a reason why Will could still be my prince. I had to talk to him. Only he could give me an explanation that would make everything okay again.
At least, I hoped he could say something to make things alright. Unless he threw me out, I knew I wasn’t going anywhere.
I truly was his captive.
18
Will
I thought I’d looked everywhere for her, but the one place I hadn’t checked was her old room. I didn’t know why Tessa would be in there, but it was worth a shot. My heart was already up in my throat thinking that something had happened to her again.
When I walked into the old bedroom, she was curled up on the bed crying softly. I pushed aside my anger about her hiding from me and sat down next to her on the bed.
“What’s going on, Tessa?” I asked.
“I told myself that I wasn’t going to get upset about it, but the longer I sat here, the worse I felt.”
“The worse you felt about what?”
“Lindsey told me what you d
id to her,” she said without looking at me.
“I guess I should have told you about that sooner, but Tessa, I didn’t expect that I’d care what you thought about my past. You weren’t even supposed to know anything about me. This whole thing between us has not gone according to plan.”
“The plan to buy me and use my body,” she said flatly.
“Yeah. I mean, that’s what it was supposed to be. That’s what you signed up for when you put yourself on auction.”
“The girl who did my hair told me not to expect a fairytale.”
“She told you that for a good reason, Tessa.”
“But what about Lindsey?” she asked. “I’m sure she didn’t expect a fairytale, but I don’t think she expected to be disfigured for life either.”
“I don’t suppose she did,” I said. “Would you like to talk about it?”
She sat up and nodded her head yes. “I thought about running again. I know that’s stupid, but I decided that I want to know you. Even the darkest parts. I need to know.”
I wasn’t sure that she really needed to know the darkest parts, but there was no hiding what happened with Lindsey. “I was young, and Lindsey was my first acquisition. I don’t think either of us knew exactly what we were getting into. The difference was that I was the predator and she was the prey. She had a lot more to lose, and I made sure that she did.
“I was a different man back then. It’s not that I’m less violent now, but I am better able to control it. That’s what happened with Lindsey. I lost control and flew into a rage. Now, I channel my rage into my business.”
“What is your business?” Tessa asked.
“That depends on who you ask. Are you sure you want me to go on, Tessa? Once you know my secrets, you won’t ever be free. I will care for and protect you as long as you remain loyal, but I won’t let you destroy me.”
She seemed to be mulling it over. I don’t know why I’d even asked her. It’s not like Tessa could know the full weight of her decision until she learned what I was.
“I need to know.”
“I won’t ever be able to let you go.”
“I didn’t think you were going to anyway,” she said, and she was right.
“I’m a hitman,” I said. I wasn’t sure if there was another way to put it. “I like to kill, and I found a way to make money doing it. I’m also a businessman. I obviously can’t be out killing people all of the time, and I like to work. So, I channeled the money I made for the family into several lucrative businesses.”
“The family?” she asked.
“That I work for. Mafia.”
“Oh. Who?”
“No, Tessa. That is something you don’t need to know. As much as I care, you will never be involved in my work. You will be here at my side, but work is work and home is home.” I’d never considered a wife before I met Tessa.
The thought of it wasn’t fully formed yet when we’d had that conversation, but it had started to take shape. All I knew of wives was from my own upbringing. There was my mother first. She was miserable and took that out on me. When she finally had the decency to kill herself, my father’s second wife came around. She was young, stupid, and had no idea what she’d gotten into with my father. Sometimes, it was worse for her than for me because by the time she showed up, I was getting too big for my father to abuse. Many of the men I worked with had wives as well. They either hated them because they couldn’t get rid of them or hated them because they couldn’t really have them.
“What else?” She seemed so innocent, but Tessa had this way of knowing things that seemed to come from her naiveté. It was like she wasn’t tainted by the world, so she could see through its bullshit.
I debated telling her about Patty, but I knew that I needed to come clean. She already knew about Lindsey and my work, and Tessa had accepted that she could never be free of me. It would be better if she found out about Patty from me sooner rather than later. If we were able to find any kind of happiness, that particular secret could ruin it somewhere down the line. It wasn’t just that. I wanted Tessa to know the real me. That meant she had to know it all. I had to be honest with her about the bad and the even worse.
“There is more,” I began. “I hadn’t had a toy for about a year before I bought you because of what happened to the last one.”
“What happened?” her voice quivered as the million-dollar question rolled off her pretty lips.
“I have a knack for buying women at the auction that don’t really want to be my toys. First it was Lindsey, then Patty, and now you. Lindsey’s problem was that she was strong-willed like you. Patty’s problem was that she was a conniving bitch who just wanted to find a way into my home and bank account. I had feelings for her, but to her, I was nothing more than an opportunity to get rich. Since she didn’t care about me, she cheated on me with someone I was close to. I couldn’t allow that. Patty had to be taught a lesson.
“Unfortunately, I didn’t think I could teach her alone. I was too attached. I wanted her hurt bad, but I didn’t know if I could do it with my own hands. That was cowardly of me. I realize that now, but it’s too late.”
“Who did you call?” There was an edge to Tessa’s voice. It was as if she already knew.
“I called Alex. The man who took you. We were closer then. As close as two monsters can really be.”
“What did he do to her?”
“She begged me to make him stop, but I was so furious. I didn’t care that she was in pain. I wanted her to suffer. I wanted her debased, humiliated, and injured. It was so far beyond the sex stuff. But then, at one point, I realized that I’d let him go to far. I tried to stop him, but it was too late. She died from her injuries, and it sickened me. But, it also turned me on.”
Tessa let out a little gasp that was barely audible. “Will,” was all she managed to say.
“Tessa, I am a monster. But, like I told you before, you quiet all of that darkness inside of me.”
“I just don’t understand, Will. How could anyone be turned on by a woman being beaten, and god knows what else, to death?”
“To understand that, you’d have to understand my childhood. Monsters like me aren’t born, Tessa. We’re made.”
“What happened to you?”
“My mother used to say that my father was strict because he wanted me to grow into a successful man. That was just her excuse to let him abuse me and not intervene. I don’t know. Maybe she was scared of him or afraid that if she said anything he’d do worse. Either way, she did nothing to protect me.
“It started out as just beatings. My first memory was him beating me with the belt. As I got older, it seemed as though just beating me wasn’t enough. It was like he needed more.
“I walked around on eggshells because he was looking for excuses to punish me. Except it wasn’t really punishment. It was more like torture. If he was too tired to beat me bloody with a belt, he’d make me stand in the corner. But it wasn’t just for a few minutes. He’d leave me there for hours. And then when that wasn’t enough, he’d make me drink a gallon of water and stand there until I peed on myself. Then he’d make me wear those clothes for two days. He liked to do that on Friday nights and leave me in my soiled clothes until Monday morning when it was time for school.
“Eventually that wasn’t enough, so he started making me eat laxatives. When I couldn’t hold it, he’d make me stand outside in the garden because that’s where dogs went.
“It just kept getting worse. He got tired of beating me with a belt and decided that it would be better if he beat me with a belt while I was naked. Then I was over his lap naked with him spanking me until my skin bled. Then, he was naked too, and he’d come on my stomach. I bet you can guess that he’d beat me even harder for that. He said that I was a filthy animal, and I’d passed my filth onto him.
“Eventually I got too big to take over his lap anymore. He became afraid of me. I was the monster he’d created, and he didn’t dare hurt me for fear I could hurt him back
.
“That was when he started raping my mother multiple times daily. He said that he needed another boy. Father said he could raise the next one to be more pleasing. She’d participated in some of the punishments, but she didn’t know how bad it had gotten. Mother didn’t know because she chose not to know. So, I didn’t feel bad when she killed herself. Father had a new wife within months. When I turned eighteen and left the house, I tried to get her to come with me. I knew I’d lose my inheritance for it, but I thought that I could treat her better. She didn’t want to be poor, so the dumb bitch stayed. He locked her in a cage the last time I heard. He cut me off from most of his money for a time being, but it didn’t matter. A man like me can make a lot of money doing what other people won’t do. By the time he died, I was already rich again, but he left his money to me. It wasn’t enough to pay for what he’d done, but it will ensure that you and I have more money than we could ever need.”
“You almost make it sound as if we’re a couple,” Tessa said softly.
It stung. I hadn’t really told anyone what I’d just told her, and her response was to comment on our relationship status. I supposed that was to be expected given the subject matter of my secrets.
“I think I need you,” I admitted. “All of this depravity and violence inside of me is just me chasing my own demons. It was as if I was trying to exorcise the nightmares, but I don’t need to do that when you’re around, Tessa. I haven’t had any bad dreams since you’ve been here with me. It’s as if you healed me and cleansed my soul.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“I told you that once I revealed my secrets I couldn’t let you go, but I guess that isn’t true. I suppose the knowledge of what I would do to you if you ever revealed my secrets would be enough to buy your silence. I could buy it with money too. So it’s up to you, Tessa. You can stay here with me, or you can go. I can’t protect you out there, but I can make sure that you are financially okay.”
“You want me to choose to stay?”
“Yes. I’m asking you to please stay here and be mine.”