by Vicki Beeby
Much as he tried to focus on his conversation with May, he couldn’t help overhearing what Evie was saying to Jess.
‘Now you’ve been to visit your aunt alone, I would love to meet her and your cousin,’ Evie said. ‘And you can forget those crazy notions about us sneering at where you come from.’
So Jess was embarrassed about her background. Was that all it was – she thought she wasn’t good enough for him? But that didn’t strike true somehow. It was more likely to be a secret she was hiding, something about her past. Well, he wasn’t going to give up. He would find out what it was then prove to her it didn’t matter.
* * *
Jess’s attempt to ignore Milan and talk to Evie was spoiled by Alex asking Evie to dance. He led Evie onto the dance floor, leaving just Jess, May and Milan. At least she had an excuse to turn Milan down if he asked her: it would be rude to leave May alone at the table. But then a young RAF officer with wings on his sleeve approached May.
‘Excuse me,’ he said, ‘are you May Lidford? I think I’ve seen you with my CO, Peter Travis.’
‘Oh, yes, I am,’ May said.
‘He’d tear off a strip if he knew I’d neglected you,’ the young man said. ‘Would you care to dance?’
Stammering her assent, May rose and allowed the officer to escort her onto the dance floor. Soon they were swaying in a respectable arm’s length hold to the strains of ‘I’ll Be Seeing You’.
Milan turned to her, a glint in his eye. ‘Remind me to buy that man a drink.’
‘Why, was he part of your rescue team as well?’
‘No. As you well know, I meant that I was grateful to him for leaving us alone.’ Milan gestured towards the others. ‘Would you like to dance?’
More than he would ever know. But that would involve being in Milan’s arms, and Jess already knew how that felt, and knew she would find it hard to resist his advances if they got that close. ‘I’d prefer to sit this one out if you don’t mind.’
‘I don’t mind at all. It will be easier to talk sat here.’
She gave a little laugh and shook her head. ‘I’ve got to hand it to you, Milan, you don’t give up easily.’
Milan leaned across the table and fixed her with his gaze. ‘Is that why you are alone – all the other men gave up too easily?’ Then his expression changed. ‘You are alone?’
‘Yes, I’m alone. Why tie myself down to one man when I can have my pick?’ She raised her glass and took a sip to hide her confusion. She had never met a man who could tie her in knots like this. Why hadn’t she lied and told him she was with someone? Even as the thought crossed her mind, she knew she could never have done that. She had lied to him years ago when she’d told him she didn’t care enough to carry on seeing him. That lie still haunted her. She didn’t want to lie to him again.
‘Yet none of the men you’ve picked are here with you tonight.’
Damn and blast him, why wouldn’t he give up? ‘It was supposed to be a night out with the girls, but Evie hadn’t seen Alex in a while, so…’ She waved her hand to indicate the couple entwined on the dance floor, Evie’s head tucked into the crook of Alex’s neck. She couldn’t deny a twinge of melancholy at the sight. She was sure if Peter had been able to come tonight, he would be on the dance floor in much the same hold with May. Her happiness at finally being in the same place as her friends faded. Was this how it would always be, her being dropped whenever a friend’s boyfriend was around? She couldn’t blame them – in wartime you had to snatch whatever precious moments you could take with a loved one. Yet she couldn’t deny it hurt to be left out.
The band reached the end of the song and the couples drifted back towards their tables. Milan leaned closer and spoke in an urgent voice. ‘I do not want to play games, Jess. I would like to see you again. Thank you properly for your help.’
‘You already have. I was doing my job. I don’t expect thanks.’
‘But I would like to offer it all the same. If you say no I won’t bother you, but I want to keep seeing you, even if it is only as friends.’
She should say no. It was safer that way. She could keep other men at a distance, but Milan… she had missed him ever since their goodbye at Amberton, and she didn’t know if she would have the strength to say goodbye to him again.
Evie, May and Alex returned to the table flushed and laughing. Milan moved away from Jess slightly but even when Jess smiled a greeting at her friends she was aware of his gaze fixed upon her.
‘You’ll never guess,’ May said. ‘Stewart – that’s the officer I was dancing with – says Peter just got transferred to Uxbridge. That’s not far. He found out today. Won’t that be wonderful?’
Jess was happy for May, she truly was. ‘That’s marvellous. This is getting like the old times back at Amberton. We’ll all have to go out together when he arrives.’ She turned to Milan. ‘You must come too,’ she said. She slipped her arm through his. ‘It will be wonderful to be all together again.’
Milan held her gaze, his piercing blue eyes seeming to see through to her soul. ‘I will enjoy that,’ he said. And she knew he didn’t mean seeing the others. Was she being unfair? But surely it wouldn’t do any harm to invite him to join the group. He had been an important part of life at Amberton, after all. And that way, she wouldn’t be playing gooseberry.
Chapter Five
Jess looked in the mirror in the bedroom she shared with May as she pinned her hair up into gleaming rolls. She hadn’t felt this jittery before a date since… well, since the last time she had gone out with Milan. Not that this was a date, she told herself. It was a reunion of old friends from Amberton. It would have been unthinkable to leave him out.
The bedroom door opened and May dashed in wearing her dressing gown, damp hair dangling in tendrils around her face.
Jess glanced at her watch. ‘Get a move on or you’ll be late.’
‘I fell asleep in the bath.’ May grabbed a comb and inspected her hair in the mirror. ‘I’ll have to catch you up.’
Jess arrived downstairs to see Evie putting down the phone. ‘May’s running late. She’ll catch us up.’ Another glance at her watch told her that the men would already be waiting for them.
‘That was Alex,’ Evie said, pointing to the phone. ‘He’s been held up and is just setting out. Why don’t you go and meet Peter and Milan, and I’ll wait for May.’
It was a sensible suggestion; they both knew how May would hate to walk into the pub alone. All the same, Jess couldn’t help suspecting she was being set up.
That suspicion hardened when she walked into the Abercorn Arms on Stanmore Hill to see Milan alone at the bar. ‘No sign of Peter?’ she said, taking her place beside him. The Abercorn Arms – or simply the Abercorn, as it was known locally – seemed to have been taken over by the inhabitants of Bentley Priory for the duration. Nearly everyone present was in uniform, giving the impression that the décor was predominantly blue. Even the walls hadn’t escaped, being covered in cartoons of one Pilot Officer Prune, a round-nosed character whose escapades demonstrated how not to survive various incidents.
Milan shrugged. ‘He is not here.’
Against her better judgement, she couldn’t help enjoying time alone with Milan again. Milan bought her a drink and they moved to a large corner table where they could keep an eye on the door. Jess took a sip of her port and lemon then gave Milan the benefit of one of her brightest smiles. ‘Shall we take a bet on who will arrive last? We’ll have to decide on a suitable prize for the winner.’ Without thinking she had slipped into her role as incorrigible flirt, and the look she shot Milan hinted strongly at what kind of prize she was offering.
Milan set his beer glass down with a thump. ‘Do not do that, Jess.’
‘What am I doing?’
She expected him to say he didn’t like her flirting; instead, he seemed to grope for words, sketching spirals in the air with his hands. ‘You are like Ivy,’ he said finally.
‘What?’ she felt an unexpected s
tab of jealousy. ‘Who’s she?’ Had Milan been seeing a girl behind her back? Well, not behind her back, of course. She had finished with him, after all, so she shouldn’t be surprised he had met someone else.
Now it was Milan’s turn to look confused. ‘Not a woman. A plant. You know. It grows around trees.’ He made the spiralling gestures again, and now Jess understood that he was trying to demonstrate ivy twining around a tree trunk. She wasn’t sure it was a flattering comparison. Ivy clung to living things and choked the life out of them.
‘Well, you are a charmer,’ she said with a laugh. ‘So you think I’m a clingy weed?’
Milan shook his head, and a suspicion of a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. ‘That is not what I mean. Ivy covers a tree until it hides what lies beneath. It looks like a tree. But the ivy is not the tree.’ He gave an exclamation of annoyance. ‘It is hard to explain in English. But you are not the ivy, you are the tree. Most people see the ivy and say, “What pretty leaves,” and don’t try to see past them. But sometimes when I was with you, you let your guard down and I saw the tree, the real you, and that is the woman I like and admire. Why do you pretend to be the ivy?’
Her eyes smarted with unexpected tears. Milan might have stumbled over his explanation, but she knew exactly what he meant. There were very few people in her life she could be herself with. Her Auntie Vera and Uncle Jack were the only two who knew everything about her. She could be herself around Evie and May, but there were things even they didn’t know. Yet here was Milan, whom she had rarely been alone with, telling her all about herself. She took a sip of port and lemon to clear the lump from her throat and buy herself time to come up with a suitable reply.
‘I’m so sorry I’m late.’
Jess looked around with a start to see Peter Travis. How had he managed to get to the table without either of them noticing? ‘Hello Peter,’ she said, grateful for the interruption. All the while she was aware that Milan’s gaze hadn’t shifted from her. ‘The others are running late, as you can see, but I’m sure they’ll be here soon.’
Peter, however, glanced from her to Milan, looking uncomfortable. ‘I hope I’m not interrupting anything.’
‘Course not,’ Jess said. ‘It’s good to see you. May was so excited when she heard you were moving to Uxbridge.’
Peter smiled, then shot Milan another look. ‘Well, I’d better get a drink.’ He made his way to the bar, the slight unevenness in his gait indicating his prosthetic leg was causing him discomfort.
He wasn’t the only uncomfortable one. Jess knew she couldn’t ignore Milan’s observation. With anyone else she would have deflected him with a remark about not feeling much like a tree, but Milan had already shown he wouldn’t accept anything other than words from the heart.
‘It is all right,’ Milan told her. ‘You did not deny it, and that is all that matters.’ His fingers were curled around his glass, and Jess noticed they tapped out an odd rhythm.
He followed her gaze. With a crooked smile he let go of the glass and placed his hand on the table, curling it into a loose fist. ‘Playing the violin,’ he said. ‘My fingers do not forget, even though I have not picked up a violin since I fled Czechoslovakia.’
‘You were a violinist?’ It hadn’t occurred to Jess to wonder what Milan had done before the Germans invaded his homeland. ‘I thought you were always a pilot.’
‘I was in my last year at university when it became clear the Nazis wanted Czechoslovakia. I could not let that happen so I joined the Czechoslovak Air Force. But I had always dreamed of being a concert violinist.’ He grimaced. ‘When the Germans came I had only one chance to take my plane and escape to Poland. There was no time to go back for my violin.’
‘What of your family? Was there no time even to say goodbye?’
Only then did Milan look away. He studied the picture on his beer mat. ‘There was just my sister and nephew by then. I had to leave without seeing them. I do not know if they are still alive.’
Jess gazed at him in horror. She could think of no adequate words to express her sympathy. All those months at Amberton, living side by side with the Czech pilots, they had been known for their high spirits. Now she could see those high spirits masked the grief of leaving behind their loved ones and their hopes and dreams.
She spoke without thinking. ‘Is that why you could see through me so easily?’ She hadn’t meant to give herself away, but now she’d said the words, she was glad. Milan had revealed his true self; the least she could offer in return was an acknowledgement that he had read her correctly.
Milan gave a wry smile. ‘When you have to show a different face every day to cover how you feel, you get to spot when others do the same.’
The door to the outside opened, and May, Evie and Alex burst in.
‘I’m sorry we were so long,’ Evie called as she flung her gas mask upon a chair and sat down beside Jess.
There was no more chance for Jess and Milan to speak alone, but she felt she had got to know more about him in those few minutes than in all the months she had known him in Amberton.
When they rose to leave, Milan put a hand on her arm, preventing her from following the others outside. It was the first time they had touched since she had left Amberton all those years ago, and Jess shivered at the feel of his long, strong fingers through the sleeve of her tunic.
‘Will you come out with me again?’ Milan asked. ‘Alone, I mean.’
‘Yes.’ The reply sprang to her lips without the need for thought.
When he beamed with pure happiness, she felt a twinge of guilt. She had no future with Milan, no future with any man. Her past actions had put paid to that. She had ended their relationship before because she hadn’t wanted to lead Milan on only to let him down. On the other hand, his dream was to find his sister and become a concert violinist in Prague. There was no place for her in that life – she had no desire to leave England – so what was wrong in two lonely hearts finding solace together until the war was over? She couldn’t let this be the last time she saw him, and after all they had shared, she knew if she turned him down now, she would never see him again. By the time they rejoined the others, he had arranged to call her as soon as he knew when he had another free evening.
* * *
‘This is the life.’ Jess lay back on her towel and stretched her arms above her head, enjoying the warm sunshine on her face. It was the last day of August, and the three girls were making the most of their day of leisure before going on the night watch. They had put on bathing suits under their clothes and walked across the fields to the Spring Ponds. The hedgerows were heavy with rosehips and dark, shiny blackberries, signs of the approaching autumn and a reminder that there may not be many warm days left to enjoy the ponds. They had splashed in the cool water for some time, giggling like schoolgirls. Now they had climbed out to lie on the sun-warmed bank and dry off. Jess could feel the tension of her last gruelling watch drift away.
‘I hope we can come out here again before it gets too cold,’ May said. ‘This is the best way to unwind.’
‘Other than going dancing with a certain red-haired squadron leader, you mean,’ Jess said, giving May a nudge with her elbow.
‘You can talk,’ May retorted without rancour. ‘I seem to recall you coming back late a few nights ago with stars in your eyes.’
‘Just doing my bit to keep up morale among our brave pilots.’
‘One brave pilot in particular.’ Evie raised herself onto one elbow and gazed at Jess, shading her eyes. She had moved into the shade of a nearby tree to protect her fair skin from burning, and the dappled shadows quivered upon her bare arms with the light breeze that whispered in the leaves. ‘I don’t know if it’s my imagination, but you don’t seem to flirt with the men nearly as much as you used to.’
Jess had been out twice with Milan since meeting him at the Abercorn. While on both occasions they had done nothing but dine and talk, she couldn’t think of a date she had enjoyed more. Thinking about it now w
rapped her in a cocoon of happiness. ‘Maybe I’ve grown up.’
‘Maybe you’ve got deeper feelings for Milan than you’re letting on.’
‘I—’ It was on the tip of her tongue to dismiss Evie’s assertion with a quip, but Jess couldn’t lie to her friends. ‘So what if I have?’
Evie sat bolt upright. ‘Oh my goodness. I was only joking. Do you really mean that?’
‘Why? Do you think it’s a bad idea?’ Suddenly Jess was anxious, which was ridiculous – she never worried what her friends thought when she had seen other men.
‘Of course not, you goose. It’s marvellous, isn’t it, May?’
May had also sat up, and now Jess could see she was grinning. ‘It really is. I was so sorry when you two broke up. It was obvious to anyone with eyes how he felt about you.’
Jess did her best to ignore the twinge of guilt at the reminder, and she couldn’t deny the flutter of pleasure she felt at May’s confidence in Milan’s regard for her. ‘I thought you’d lecture me – warn me not to hurt his feelings,’ Jess said, addressing this remark more to Evie than May.
Evie shook her head, giving Jess what she could only describe as a pitying look. ‘Jess, you’re not the heartbreaker you make out to be. You might be an incorrigible flirt, but I’ve never known you lead a man on. I’ll confess to being a little concerned when you seemed to be seeing Milan at Amberton because I thought he was more serious than you. But you’ve obviously cleared that up with him.’
‘I always thought you felt more for Milan than you were letting on,’ May said.
‘You did?’ Jess was surprised. She had always thought she’d hidden her feelings so well.
‘Oh yes. I used to catch you looking at him when you thought no one was watching. I could see from the look in your eyes how you felt about him. I never really understood why you stopped seeing him.’