by Vicki Beeby
‘Because I’m coming into big money soon, but I won’t get a penny – and neither will you – if you ruin my looks.’
‘This is your last chance, Steele. If you don’t pay up Wednesday, we’re coming for you.’
Chapter Nineteen
‘That sounds really bad, Jess. Please say you won’t see Leo again.’ May’s eyes were wide, and her face had turned pale.
It was Christmas Eve and the girls were walking on the common, gathering holly to decorate the anteroom before leaving for the night watch.
Jess regretted letting her love of a good story get the better of her when she had described the mysterious conversation she’d overheard. She should have remembered that May wouldn’t see the funny side. Not with her family’s involvement with criminal gangs. ‘I’ll have to see him at the première.’ She couldn’t deny a thrill at those words: in a few months, she would be attending a première. She would see her name appear on the screen, alongside those of several well-known actors.
Evie cut a long sprig of holly and added it to the pile in her basket. Then she turned to Jess, looking almost as concerned as May. ‘But you won’t see him alone before then, will you? I agree with May. He doesn’t sound like the sort of person you should be mixed up with.’
‘Honestly, you shouldn’t worry. I’m not mixed up with Leo, as you put it. I’m with Milan, remember.’ But as she spoke, she felt as though someone was using one of the holly sprigs to poke her in the back. Being with Leo was like picking at a scab. Although she knew no good would come of it, she couldn’t seem to stop herself.
‘Are you serious about breaking into film acting, then?’ Evie asked.
‘I’d be mad to turn down an offer if it came,’ Jess said. ‘Say what you like about Leo, I’ll have a lot to thank him for if he can get me into films.’ After a sleepless night spent trying to think of any other job she’d like to do, she’d convinced herself of that.
‘If you did, it would be because of your talent, not because of Leo.’ May dumped an armful of holly into the basket. Her mouth was turned down in a scowl.
Jess’s heart melted. ‘May, you’re the best friend a girl could have, you and Evie. And you know I take your concerns seriously.’
‘Then why do you still go out with him?’
Jess wished she had an adequate answer. Whatever she had once felt for him had died long ago. She loved Hannah too much to regret her birth, and the war somehow made past hurts fade to insignificance in comparison to the terrible things that had happened all around the world. She and Leo had both been different people then.
‘Because, like it or not, it helps to know the right people in show business. Leo, for all his faults, is a successful actor. I’d be an idiot to get on his wrong side.’ Jess twirled a sprig of holly between her fingers, watching the leaves and the shiny berries merge into a green and red blur.
‘I suppose you’re right,’ May said.
Evie hefted the basket. ‘Come on, we’ve got enough holly to decorate every room in the manor, not just the anteroom.’ She looked at Jess with a crooked smile. ‘Please don’t think we’re judging you. If you’re sure you’re doing the right thing, that’s good enough for us.’
Jess smiled back, hoping her smile looked more genuine than it felt. If only she was sure she was doing the right thing. ‘Shame acting isn’t like the WAAF. I mean, I’d have never believed three working class girls like us would end up officers.’
May gave a relieved smile, and Jess knew she was glad to have avoided an argument. ‘Certainly not a girl like me with a father and brother in prison. If it weren’t for the WAAF, I don’t know what would have happened to me. I would never have got away from my family.’
Jess’s stomach twisted at the memory of her own desperation to escape her past. Leo was a permanent reminder of her shameful behaviour, so why did she seem unable to cast him out of her life? The feelings Leo awoke – that she was damaged goods – still made it hard for her to believe that Milan would want her in his life. Surely when Czechoslovakia was liberated, he would return and not miss her.
Hefting her own basket, she gave a bright smile and did her best to push away the gloomy thoughts. ‘Come on, let’s bring Christmas to the Mess.’
* * *
The girls were glad of the festive cheer over the days that followed. It made a welcome antidote to the bleak news. The Germans had launched a fierce counter-offensive campaign in the Ardennes, and the Allies had taken heavy casualties. Jess hadn’t had a chance to see Milan but knew he would be blaming himself, for part of the problem had been caused by poor weather blocking reconnaissance flights. Although it couldn’t possibly be his fault, she knew he would blame himself nonetheless. And every day of delay to the Allied advance was another day added to the occupation of Czechoslovakia.
Together with the cold weather and the short days, January was a grim month. It wasn’t until early February that the Allies finally regained the ground they had lost and began the advance again, and the mood became more hopeful.
‘Guess what?’ Evie cried as she returned from a weekend’s leave with Alex in Sussex. ‘We’re getting married!’
‘I could have told you that,’ Jess laughed.
‘No, I mean we’re actually getting married. We’ve set a date.’
‘When?’
‘The end of June. The 23rd.’
‘But that’s ages away.’ May said. ‘I thought you were going to say it was next week.’
Evie’s face clouded. ‘I wish it was. But there’s so much to organise, what with trying to give my mum and Alex’s grandparents enough warning to arrange travel, not to mention getting permission from the RAF. And that’s before we’ve decided who to invite or made my dress. It seemed best to pick a date well in advance.’
‘I think it’s wonderful news. Congratulations.’ Jess was happy for Evie. Really. All the same, she couldn’t help feeling wistful at this reminder that both her friends would soon be married. Although things were going well with Milan, he had never spoken of their future together.
‘How much leave will you get?’ May asked.
‘Just a forty-eight-hour pass.’
‘For the same days, I hope.’
Evie swatted Jess’s arm. ‘Idiot. But we’re going to wait until the war’s over before we apply for a long enough leave together to take a proper honeymoon.’
‘But that means you’ll be getting married straight after a day on duty,’ Jess pointed out. ‘What if you’re on night watch? We’d have to prop you up at the altar.’
Evie grinned. ‘Sounds like I need a couple of bridesmaids. What do you say? One of you can hold my bouquet and the other can hold me upright.’
‘I’d love to,’ May cried.
‘Count me in,’ Jess said. And now she found that she was genuinely delighted for Evie. ‘After all we’ve been through together, you don’t think I’d let you tie the knot without us to look out for you.’
Evie looked at them both seriously. ‘It wouldn’t feel right to get married if you weren’t there.’
Jess’s throat grew tight, and she had to swallow a couple of times before she could speak. ‘I’m really happy for you both.’ Then she leapt to her feet. ‘But what are we doing sitting here? We’ve got a wedding to plan!’
‘Where are you holding the ceremony?’ May asked.
Evie gave a mysterious smile. ‘Guess.’
‘I don’t know. Cowley? Here?’
Evie shook her head. ‘It’s going to be in a place special to all of us.’
‘I don’t—’ Jess broke off as realisation dawned. ‘You dark horse! So that’s why you went to Sussex.’
Understanding flared in May’s eyes. ‘Amberton! How perfect.’
Evie nodded. ‘We went to see the vicar, and it’s all arranged.’
Jess clapped her hands. ‘Splendid. I can’t wait to see Amberton again. Now, what do you want us to do?’
‘Can you help me with a dress?’
�
�Course we can, can’t we May?’
A look of panic flitted across May’s face but she put on a smile and nodded. ‘I’d love to.’
However, once Evie had gone to put her bag in her room, May rounded on Jess. ‘How on earth are we supposed to scrounge enough coupons for a wedding dress?’
Jess chewed her lip. ‘I know. I didn’t want to disappoint her.’ She thought of the silk dress Leo had given her, now in its box under her bed. ‘You don’t know of any way of bleaching a red dress white?’
May snorted. ‘Only if you want Evie to walk down the aisle looking like she’s just been pulled out of a car crash.’
‘Didn’t think so. I wonder if her mother’s still got her wedding gown.’
But when Evie came back, she shook her head when Jess asked. ‘She sold it after the last war. My dad couldn’t work for some time and they were short of money.’ Evie looked wistful. ‘A shame. I’ve seen photos, and it was really pretty.’
‘Auntie Vera’s still got hers.’ Then Jess grimaced. ‘No. It will have been lost in the fire, of course.’
Evie patted Jess’s arm. ‘Have you heard from your aunt or uncle?’
‘I got a letter from Vera yesterday.’
‘How is she? And Hannah?’
‘Doing well. Hannah’s getting on much better with the other children this time. Apparently they’re in awe of her now her street’s been blown up.’ Jess shook her head. ‘I’ll never understand children.’
‘And your uncle?’
Jess stirred, uncomfortably aware that she had neglected Uncle Jack. Between seeing Milan and partying with Leo, all her free time had been taken up. ‘Think I ought to visit him on our next evening off. It’s a while since I’ve seen him.’ To be honest, she’d been putting it off; visiting Uncle Jack at Mrs Prosser’s house would force her to face up to the loss of her childhood home.
‘We’ll come with you,’ said May. ‘Won’t we, Evie?’
‘Course we will.’
‘Aren’t you going out with Alex?’
‘He’ll understand. This is more important.’
Jess found herself blinking back tears. ‘Have I ever told you how much you two mean to me?’
‘Not nearly enough. Now—’ Evie turned back to the matter at hand ‘—what about my wedding gown?’
And the rest of the evening passed in excited chatter as they made plans for Evie’s wedding.
* * *
‘Gosh, this is worse than I imagined,’ May said as they turned into Farthing Lane.
Jess swallowed to clear the lump in her throat as they passed the blackened ruins where her house had once stood. Evie and May walked on either side, a hand on each arm. Jess appreciated the support. The night the V2 had struck, she had been too frantic with fear for it to sink in that her home was gone for ever. Only now was it starting to dawn on her that life would never be the same again.
‘I keep telling myself Hannah, Vera and Jack are safe, and that’s the most important thing.’ She turned her face from the wreckage and led the way to Mrs Prosser’s house.
Mrs Prosser’s house hadn’t escaped the attack unscathed: all the windows were boarded up, having been blown out in the blast, and even by the fading light of late afternoon, Jess could see cracks in the brickwork. However, it was standing, and that was more than many people could say about their houses in these parts.
Mrs Prosser let them in and exclaimed over the tin of biscuits they had brought. ‘Bless you, love. There was no need.’ She ushered them into the front room. ‘Your Uncle’s out in the yard, fetching coal. I’ll give ’im a call.’
While they waited, Jess looked around the room. Despite the boarded windows and cracked plaster work, there wasn’t a speck of dust anywhere, and the antimacassars were brilliant white. She ran an idle eye along the pictures on the mantelpiece then exclaimed just as the door opened and Jack walked in.
‘Uncle Jack,’ she said, pointing to a cracked picture frame. ‘Your cigarette cards.’
Jack shovelled more coal onto the hissing fire then gave Jess a hug. ‘A miracle, it is. I thought I’d lost everything. Then the other day I thought I’d ’ave a poke around the rubble, and I found that – the pride of my collection.’ He picked up the frame and held it so May and Evie could see. ‘The West Ham team of 1923.’
Evie and May made suitably impressed noises; Jess had to look away, biting back a laugh.
‘Well,’ Jack went on, replacing the frame with the same care one would take with a newborn baby, ‘I knew then everything would be alright. I’ve got my Vera and our little girl, and I’ve got my West Ham cards. There’s plenty of people who weren’t as lucky.’
The door opened and Mrs Prosser came in holding a tea tray. ‘That’s the spirit, Jack,’ she said, evidently having overheard. She turned to Jess. ‘You can rest easy, my dear. Your uncle will be fine with me until your aunt comes back.’
‘You’re very kind,’ Jess told her. ‘Jack’s lucky you and Bert could put him up.’
Mrs Prosser patted her hand. ‘I ’ad to do my bit. It’s been terrible round ’ere. First the Blitz, then the flying bombs and now these blinkin’ V2s. It feels like the end of the world. There’s plenty of folk still living in church halls. They’ve lost everything.’
‘I wish there was more we could do to help,’ Jess said.
‘Bless you, you’ve done plenty. You’re in the WAAF, ain’t you? And I’ll never forget you and your young man dragging Vera and Hannah out when we’d all given up hope.’
Still, when Jess, Evie and May left, Jess satisfied that Jack was doing well, she couldn’t help feeling there was more she could be doing. ‘Imagine if Mrs Prosser hadn’t been able to put Jack up?’ she said as they picked their way with care down the pitch-black streets. ‘I can’t bear the thought of him sleeping in a cold church hall. Yet plenty of people are living like that.’
‘Remember when we took a collection for Coventry at the pantomime?’ May said. They had performed the pantomime soon after Coventry had been bombed, and as the evacuees in the village had come from Coventry, they had wanted to do something to help.
‘It’s too late for a pantomime now,’ Jess said. She walked in silence, thinking. ‘I suppose we might put on a concert, though. Songs, sketches, that sort of thing. Raise money to buy essentials for the people who are still homeless.’
‘That’s a great idea. Where would you do it? Here?’
Jess shook her head before remembering her friends couldn’t see. ‘We wouldn’t raise much here. People are rolling in money in Stanmore. We should do it there. We can rope in people from Bentley Priory. There are a couple of choirs. I’m sure they’ll want to take part.’
She walked the rest of the way to Bromley underground station with a spring in her step, her head buzzing with ideas.
* * *
‘You will try and come, won’t you?’ A few days later, Milan had been given a break from duty and had been able to visit again. This gave her the opportunity to ask if he would perform in the concert. The idea had been met with approval by her superiors, and she had been given permission to organise the concert, which was to be held in March at Bernays Memorial Institute in the centre of Stanmore. Several service men and women had already volunteered to take part. If Milan would perform, perhaps accompanied by Kathleen Swift, it would be the crowning moment of her programme.
She gave him her best pleading look. As ever when she looked into his piercing blue eyes, her heart gave a flutter of pleasure. This time, however, it was accompanied by a darker feeling of guilt. Despite Evie’s warning, she had allowed Leo to take her out with his acting friends again. Although she made it clear to Leo she was only going as his friend and to take his advice of getting to know people in the film industry, she found Leo’s friends and colleagues seemed to assume they were a couple. She didn’t want to embarrass him by denying it, so held her tongue.
‘I will try,’ Milan said, ‘but you know it might not be easy.’
Jess
bit back her frustration. She was shackled by duty herself, so knew she was being unreasonable by wishing she could spend more time with him. She should be grateful he was based close enough to see her at all when their free days coincided. Maybe it was the lingering worry that Milan couldn’t think of her in quite the same way now she had told him about Hannah, but it felt like he wasn’t able to get away as often as he had before. It was ridiculous, she knew, yet the niggling feeling that he was making excuses not to see her lingered. It seemed the only time she was able to forget her fears was when she was dancing in a London nightclub, pretending she was an adored film actress. Maybe that was why she never seemed to be able to turn Leo down.
It being a typical February day – cold and drizzly – they went to the cinema in Harrow to see Blithe Spirit. Jess couldn’t help watching it with the knowledge of what it was like to act in a film, wondering how many times the actors had been required to play each scene. She had watched the credits at the start with a stab of recognition at several familiar names in the crew. Being involved in a film was rather like the feeling of camaraderie she got in the WAAF, she realised. There were dozens of different roles, although most outsiders only knew about the celebrated ones. Yet the people working behind the scenes were just as vital to the whole production. It would fold without everyone playing their part. Perhaps that was why she was drawn to return to acting once she left the WAAF. She wanted to work somewhere that had the same feeling of pulling together to get a job done.
When the newsreel came on, Jess watched the images of ruined towns and villages left behind after the bitter fighting in the Ardennes. She leaned against Milan’s shoulder, only belatedly aware that he was tense and shaking. The reason struck her with a sick lurch. ‘You think that will happen in Czechoslovakia?’ she whispered.
She felt his shoulder lift as he shrugged. ‘I cannot say. Czechoslovakia is not in the Allied line of advance. Perhaps there will not be fighting.’