"It's not Dahlia that I want to communicate with..."
Chapter 9
Ahh! The guard plants himself right in front of my window now that it's bedtime. What a jerk. I really look forward to this secret bedtime ritual. I haven't even told Avra that I want to communicate with the mysterious woman outside yet. This is my thing. I grumpily get myself ready for bed. Vanessa clears her throat behind me. Great, the annoyance continues.
"The other girls and I have had a little discussion about you."
Please don't say anything about my stupid window. "Yeah, that's nice," I say unenthusiastically as I pin a yellow button on the gray jumpsuit I plan to wear tomorrow.
Vanessa plants her feet near the head of my bed and folds her arms in front of her. She probably thinks that she looks intimidating. "We have decided that it isn't fair that you have five boys when there aren't enough boys for all of us to have one."
I can't believe what I'm hearing. Everyone around here needs to get a life. "Uh, I don't have any boys."
Vanessa stomps her foot. "Whatever, you had five boys crowded around the telephone with you today."
I hold my hands up in surrender. "If they choose to communicate with me that's their choice. They are interested in intellectual stuff like I am." Vanessa does not look satisfied. "If you want to win one of them over, start doing the extra credit problems."
Vanessa scoffs at me. "What's the point of doing extra credit problems? We're all going to end up at a job in a year or two no matter what our school grades are."
"Maybe that is the point. Only certain kinds of people want to challenge their minds, and those kinds of people want to hang out together."
"You are the most aggravating person I have ever met!" Vanessa says as she stomps her foot and storms off.
I turn my head to see Mentor Maxine watching me by the door. Oh, boy. She probably didn't like that. I shrug my shoulders and plop down on my bed. Mentor Maxine walks over and sits next to me on my bed. "You do seem to have more male friends than female friends, Elira."
I pull my light brown hair back and start braiding it. "I try to be nice to everyone. I just don't have much patience for drama or fluff."
Mentor Maxine's eyes follow my birthmark from my eye to my ear. "Do you feel like you aren't challenged enough here? Do you ever wish for more?"
Longing bursts from my chest. "Yes. I do. Is there any way to see more, or do more, here at the complex?"
Mentor Maxine purses her lips together and doesn't answer for a long time. "I wish there was."
I sigh in frustration. "I've never felt confined here before, but lately, I want more knowledge, more space, and more freedom."
Mentor Maxine pats my knee. "I think you are doing all that you can do for now. When you have a job, you can see more of the complex, and you can challenge yourself in whatever field you end up in. I still think you'd make an excellent chemist. You could even be a guard. They have the most outside freedom of any job."
Yeah, but that doesn't help my frustration now, does it? I think of Rocky's questions, and decide which one to ask her. "How long have I been here Mentor Maxine? I can't remember life before the complex."
Mentor Maxine pats my hand. "You were too young to remember your life before this. Everyone who gets a place at the complex is placed when they are two years old."
I already knew that. "I know it costs a lot of money to get a place here. Do you think my parents loved me more than they loved themselves?"
Mentor Maxine smiles and nods. "Yes, I'm sure they did."
"Do you think they might still be alive?"
Mentor Maxine tilts her head to the side and looks at me before answering. "I'm not supposed to talk about things that aren't necessary for you to know. But since you're the only one who ever asks me anything interesting, I'll indulge you a little bit." That brings a smile to my face. Maxine looks at her boring black shoes as she answers, "There is a chance that they are still alive."
That little tidbit of hope makes me so happy. "Do you think that they live in a complex of apartment like you do?"
Mentor Maxine chokes on her own spit. "Uh, well, yes. It is likely that they would live in something like that."
I look out my window. "I'm truly grateful that my parents wanted to save me, but I wonder if I'm missing something by not growing up out there, with them."
Mentor Maxine bites her lip and nods in a barely perceptible way.
"I remember that time you held me after Heidi died. I felt... warm inside. I think that's what my parents would have done if we had lived together. You are the only mentor here who even cares about me." I look from her face to the floor. "I don't know why that matters to me all of the sudden, but it does."
It almost looks like Mentor Maxine wipes a tear from her eye. "I don't know about that, Elira. The night time mentors, Sally and Charlene, have told me that they care about you."
I balk at that thought. "They always start their shifts after we're in bed and leave as we start schooling. We hardly ever get to see them. If they cared, they would try to talk to us more."
"They are shy. They told me that they like the night shift because they don't want to talk to you girls if they have a choice."
I slap my hand on my leg. "See, they don't care about us then."
"No, for some personalities, it's hard to have to speak... about certain things. You teenagers can be an intimidating lot, even for me."
"I have to be honest, Mentor Maxine. Since we moved to the glass dorm, for the first time in my life, I want to go outside. I would really like to go out there and see the world for myself." I look hopefully into Mentor Maxine's eyes. "I could wear a guard suit."
Mentor Maxine shakes her head. "That is an impossibility unless you become a guard. Take advantage of what you have here in the complex to find answers, Elira. I have to go check on the sick reds, good night." Mentor Maxine gets up and leaves the room.
Why does she always leave when the conversation is getting good? It's so irritating. Almost as maddening as the guard standing in front of my window. I trudge into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I smile half-heartedly at the three girls with tiny heads washing their faces. I am still stirred up inside as I climb into bed. As I pull the covers up to my chin, I see the guard walk away from my window. My ears reach out to the room around me. All I hear is snores and heavy breathing. I think I'm the only one still awake in the room. I quietly slip out of my covers and stand next to the window.
The guard has his back to me and is walking away. I look at the gap in the trees. The one outside light on this side of the building is placed perfectly to shine on that spot. The woman is there looking at me. I hesitantly wave at her. She waves back. She picks up a rock and extends it toward me. She starts shaking it at me. I don't have a clue what that is supposed to mean. I use my right hand to sign A, B, C, D, the only letters I was able to master today. She nods her head and starts clapping. She puts the rock down, pushes her black curly hair behind her ears, and signs five different things at me. I know that the third one is a C. I don't know any of the other ones though. The guard turns around and starts walking toward my window. The woman disappears, and I climb back into bed. I know what I will work on tomorrow.
Chapter 10
I wait for Mentor Bridget to ask the question I know she will. Everyone seems to be staring off into space, ignoring what she's saying. Oh, here it comes.
"We have ten minutes left till exploration time. Do you have any questions?"
My hand shoots up into the air, because all I have in my brain right now is questions. Everyone around me rolls their eyes. They want a few extra minutes of exploration time. Mentor Bridget is surprised. "Yes, Elira?"
"I would like to learn about the history of the world. When did the pollution start, and when did the chemical warfare end?"
The glaze covering everyone's eyes disappears, and the girls around me sit up taller. We all look at Mentor Bridget expectantly. She is shuffling papers on her desk, not looking at us. I think she's preparing her response. She looks up. "That is a long, boring story that I don't think would benefit you much. Your lives are preserved and protected inside the complex, and knowing the misfortune of those on the outside will not make your lives as future complex workers any better."
Mara, the boss of the world, raises her hand, "I think I will work harder knowing that I'm keeping the few remaining survivors of the world fed, clothed, and happy."
Mentor Bridget smiles and nods. "And so you shall. That's all that needs to be said about it. It's exploration time now; use your time wisely." Girls stand up and move to their friends' desks or the glass wall, their momentary curiosity is gone.
I stay in my desk, drowning in disappointment. That was the most unhelpful response I could have received. Even Mentor Roberta has given me more information about the outside than that. Mentor Bridget opens her sign language book as she walks toward me and sets it on my desk. I think it's her nonverbal way of saying I better move on to other things now. Fine. I'll work on my sign language. As soon as I am fluent in it, the woman on the outside will give me answers. I just know it.
The scratch paper I'm using, left over from math, is almost full of my sign language notes. I wish I could walk up to Mentor Bridget's desk and take a stack of papers for my own use, but we aren't allowed more paper than our assignments require. I also wish I was a better artist. I try my best to copy the letters and hand shapes from the book but I have to hurry, and my hand shapes look like a five-year old drew them. At my current rate, I will only get through the letter J.
Avra is still mad at me about these extra lessons. She grumbles at me as she draws little hand shapes, "You have no right to take all my exploration time for this stupid stuff, Elira."
I lean closer to Avra and whisper, "If we know how to sign things with our hands, then we can communicate with the boys through the glass better, you know."
Avra's droopy posture perks up. "Huh, I hadn't thought of that." She looks at the girls pressing their homework papers to the glass, and nods. "I will tell Scott that he should learn too."
I turn around and see my five boys looking at me through the glass with curiosity and impatience. I wish I had more time, so I could tell them what I'm doing. Surely, they can kind of figure it out.
I wonder if I can slip back in here after 5:00 victuals and see if any boys at all are in their school room. They could go get someone from my smart gang—I have decided to call Jefrey, Garth, Rocky, Andric, and Bryon my smart gang. When Mentor Bridget leaves to use the bathroom, I sneak a piece of paper and a pencil to tell the boys what I am doing during exploration time. When she returns, and the loud shriek noise goes off, I wave at my gang and point at my folded paper. Andric nods at me as he takes a box of matches off an experiment station and slips it down the neck of his jumpsuit. Matches, Bicep, what are you going to do with those? I can't get the image of him doing that out of my head as I hurry out of the room to eat.
The chicken noodle soup we get for 5:00 victuals is incredibly good. I feel funny eating it with the squarish spoon they gave me though. I thought all spoons were oval before moving into this dorm. Avra thinks they give us fancier utensils in the glass dorm, so we will feel grown up, ready to take on jobs soon.
Sniff, sniff. Is someone sniffing me?
"Not only do you look funny and ask funny questions, you smell funny too," Julie says as she shakes her short, dark brown hair out of her face. Oh great. I've been trying to avoid this girl.
She's just getting started. "I've been filling out my job interest paper today. I wonder what job you'll get stuck with. No one will want to see you or smell you, so I'm betting you'll get to be a janitor or a laundry worker."
I do a quick armpit sniff and feel like I pass. My hand tightens around my spoon. I don't know why she hates me, but this is ridiculous. I have done nothing to her, yet... "Well, we members of the yellow club have to do our part, don't we?" I say as I dump my glass of water down her neck. Julie shrieks, frozen in place with shock.
"Oops, sorry!" I say sarcastically as I turn around and jet out of the room. I still have the weird spoon in my hand as I leave the rest of my victuals and run to my room. I'm glad I have my paper and pencil in my pocket. I shut the door to my room and push the closest bed in front of it, so no one can get in. Thud, wham, bam. I hear Julie trying to push her way in. I shove all my weight against the bed and door. There is no way I'm letting her in.
"I won't forget this, Elira!" She yells through the door. She smacks the door loudly one last time and then walks away.
I'm sure she won't forget, but I don't care. I have more important things to worry about. My spoon trades spots with the paper and pencil in my pocket. I kneel down beside the bed I moved, I think it's Shasta's, and write down everything I have seen out my window, and every conversation I've had with Mentor Maxine. The thought of pressing it up to the glass for every boy to see makes me squirm. I wish there was a way to get more privacy in the school room.
I move the bed away from the door. I'm sure someone will want in here soon. I walk to the window and plop down on my bed with the folded letter in my hand. I take some deep breaths and tell myself that the boys are probably more paranoid than they should be about this place. They haven't even punished me for my outburst.
"Ahem." Mentor Roberta clears her throat as she walks into my room. I guess I spoke too soon.
I quickly shove the folded letter into my pocket and sit up. "I'm sorry, I lost my temper."
Mentor Roberta looks at me silently for a minute. "I am trying to decide if this is a one-time event, or if you need to start certain... medication, to keep your emotions in check."
I sit up and look at Mentor Roberta's hairy chin. "Julie said unkind things to me, Mentor... but I shouldn't have reacted. It was a one-time event. I promise it won't happen again."
"It better not, or you will spend an eight-hour shift in the dirtiest corner of the laundry room."
I stop mid-complaint and think about that threat. I actually might like that. It would be a chance to leave my dorm for once, and maybe even learn some of the complex's secrets. "I am in control of myself, I promise."
Mentor Roberta and her clipboard exit the room. Avra walks in with a big frown on her face. "What is wrong with you? You know what Julie is like. If you can't keep it together, you'll get charged as a dissident."
Dissident, what a funny word. Dissidents are people who cause trouble in the complex. I knew one who was always starting fights and breaking things, I knew another who was always trying to escape our dorm. I wonder if she was trying to go outside like I kind of want to. They were taken from our dorm and they never came back. I wonder what really happened to them. "Avra, how many dissidents have we known?"
Avra pauses to think. "I can only remember one, years ago. She was sent out of the complex to live in the toxic world."
"Hmm. I can remember two. Why are there so few? Don't people ever want to tear this structured world apart? I know I do."
"Elira, don't. Don't ask why. Instead, let's ask how. How can we see the boys one more time tonight?"
I laugh to myself. "I can't believe I like you so much when you are this shallow. But, now that you mention it, I bet if we volunteer to clean the school room, we could get an extra hour next to the glass wall."
"Let's try!"
"Okay."
We look for Mentor Roberta, and find her in the bathroom vanity area with a sick red. I make my face look as remorseful as I can. "Mentor Roberta, I feel terrible about losing my temper. Can I make it up to you by cleaning the desks and the whiteboards in the school room? I know I would feel better."
Mentor Roberta looks at me sideways for a moment and then l
ooks down at her clipboard. "Yes, Elira. That would help make up for your outburst."
"May Avra come too?"
She looks at Avra, then back at me. Does she suspect something? "Yes, if her heart is up to it."
"Oh, I'm pretty sure her heart is up to it."
We turn and leave. As soon as we're out of eyesight, we laugh and run to the school room. There are five girls in there, already flirting with boys through the glass. They have cleaning rags in their hands; they must have made the same kind of excuses to be here. Avra and I talk to Liza who is on the telephone again. We ask if someone can get our boys to come to the glass. They say they will get them for us.
Avra and I clean the whiteboards and desks like mad-women. When we're done, we see Scott and Garth waiting for us at the glass. Avra runs up to the glass as giggly as Liza. I wish I could hide my raccoon eye as Garth's intense stare penetrates me. He seems happy to see me. I wobble as I slowly approach the window. It's like his blue eyes can see through the tough face that I force myself to wear, to the worried, insecure girl underneath. I swear I can sense his warmth through the glass. I wish I could touch him. I put my hand on the glass, but the barrier between us is as cold and hard as ice. I slowly pull the letter I have written out of my pocket and press it to the glass. Scott breaks eye contact with Avra and tries to read my paper. Garth immediately shakes his head and gestures for me to take the paper down.
Great, now what do I do? Garth points at the left end of the glass wall. I walk clear to the end of the glass. This should give us some privacy. Actually, now that I'm looking, there is a metal grate on the wall that pulls air out of the room. I wonder if I can stick the letter in there.
I move down the glass wall to see what is on the boys' side of the wall. It looks like they have a grate in the same spot. Ha! How have I not noticed that? I squat down and say into the grate, "Garth, can you hear me?"
The Complex Life (The Complex Trilogy Book 1) Page 5