by Karen Deen
“Now you see my problem. I can’t even talk to a man without stumbling over my words. How am I even going to keep up with someone like Xavier?” My heart is aching a little. Part of it wants to try to get to know him better, the other part is yelling at me to run for the hills, far, far away from him.
“Take a big breath, Lesh, and relax. You are overthinking this. Why don’t you just sit back and try to get to know him first through your training sessions. Maybe he might help you overcome your fear of talking to men. Take it slowly and just think of him as a friend. If he is any kind of gentleman, he will not push you further than you want to go. That will be the best way to see if the name fits the man or if it’s all just an urban myth.” Everything she says makes sense, however, I’m uncertain if I can put it into practice.
“Easier said than done. You do know I am the queen of overthinking things. That’s how my brain works. At times it is an asset, but in times like this, it can cripple me before I even get started.”
“The way I see it, you’ve met a guy that you like. He is being nice to you and flirting a little with you. That makes you feel good and a little off-balance. These are all good things, Lesh. Now the next move is up to you. You can run scared like you usually do, or you can just try to be friends with him and see where this goes. There is no pressure and you can walk away at any time. Simple, really.”
Simple, for Emily and Lilly who told me the same thing. Make friends with Xavier and see where it goes. If I could make friends that easily with guys, then I wouldn’t be feeling so crazy right now. There’s got to come a time when I finally grow up and try to do this. A woman of twenty-five needs to be able to talk to men. Otherwise, I’ll never find a husband or have the family I dream about. I have no idea where this will go with Xavier, but I will treat him as my training partner for more than the exercise. He can train me how to get to know a man. Then the next time I meet someone I like, maybe I will handle it so much better.
“Em, how did you feel when you first met Zach? Did you feel funny?”
“I’m not sure I’m the best person to ask, if you are going to compare. If I’m honest, I fell for Zach that first day he walked into my apartment. Did I feel funny? I’m not sure that is the word I would use but I certainly felt something. Just remember, I was having a shitty day, and I wasn’t sure how to take what I was feeling. I didn’t know if I just saw him as a knight in shining armour for helping me or the ridiculously hot guy that made me tingle even when I was feeling crap.” Her eyes wander to where Zach is crouching behind Sophia, with his arm holding hers, trying to get the rock skimming for her.
“I think the best I can do for you, is to tell you to follow your gut instincts. They very rarely steer you wrong. I had a stranger in my house that day. I had to make the decision if I could trust him around my kids. I didn’t even know one thing about him, but my gut told me it would be okay, and we were safe. What is your gut telling you, Alesha? That’s what you’ve got to work out.” Wriggling closer to me, Emily puts her arms around me and draws me into a hug. “Take it slow, you will know if he is the one soon enough. Trust yourself.” Emily’s calmness is rubbing off on me. For the first time since last night, I feel like I can breathe a little.
“Mommy!” the twins yell, breaking the silence as they run up from the river.
“One day at a time. Just remember, I’m always here if you need me.” Those were the last words we got out before both the kids were jumping on top of us and talking non-stop about the rocks.
I want this, more and more every day; a family, a husband, but more importantly, a man who loves me for all my awkward dorky glory.
7
Xavier
THE BRANCHES ON THE bushes at the edge of the trail are moving, being pushed aside by the hiker. Slowly, the mystery person steps out from the leafy screen.
“Dana, what are you doing up here?” She is the last person I am expecting to see. Dana is a client of mine from the gym I’ve been training for the past few years. She doesn’t really need it, but she insists on continuing her sessions. She doesn’t want Natalie to be there for the training, just a one-on-one with me. She’s clingy, and one of those women who you know is looking for more than just the gym session. I have played along with her constant flirting and given her what she wants during the session. In the last month, however, we have gone from just the normal banter and batting of eye lashes, to not-so-subtle touching me as she talks. That has then progressed to the brushing of her breasts against me as she walks past. She could not be any more direct if she tried.
“Hi, Xavier, how funny to run into you up here. I’ve been hiking in this beautiful weather, just like you, obviously. It’s such a great view from up here, isn’t it?” I’m surprised to see her up here. Not once has she mentioned she likes to hike, and I should know because she never shuts up the whole training session. Asking me questions about my life, my likes and dislikes, my family, where I grew up, and the list goes on from there. During the conversations, I ask her similar questions just to try to be polite. Reality is, at the end of the day, she’s paying me, so I need to keep being polite to her and give her good service. Not the full service she is hinting for, but just the professional gym sessions.
Don’t get me wrong, Dana’s a good-looking woman but there is just something about her that makes me wary. I’m no saint. I have fucked clients before. It was a mutual agreement and just fun, hot sex to enjoy. Then we go back to training buddies. They talk about men being man whores. Let me tell you, there are plenty of woman out there who are only too happy to have a good one-night fuck, then move on. We are not on our own here, ladies!
“Do you hike up here often, Xavier? I haven’t seen you on this trail before.” I try to step back a little as she’s straight away into my personal space.
“I’m up here often when the weather is good, and the mood takes me. How about you? I had no idea you hiked. You’ve never mentioned it.” I have a feeling this is now going to be a long day.
“Oh, silly me.” She leans forward and places her hand on my chest. “I love to hike. Isn’t it funny we both have that in common? We can be hiking buddies. It’s always more fun to do things with a friend rather than alone, don’t you think?” She is now so close I can feel the heat from her body after the last tough incline.
“That sounds nice, but I actually enjoy the quiet time to myself to do my thinking. Good for the soul, you know?” Looking at her still staring up at me with those dreamy, starry eyes, I know I need to get clear of her. I scramble trying to think of a reason to get away. Reaching around for my backpack, I twist my body enough so her hand falls. I crouch down to retrieve my water bottle to grab a drink, rising back up to her standing even closer than before. Time to run, literally!
“Nice to see you, will see you in the gym. Got to get moving, have a nice day.” I turn and start jogging towards the trail as I hear her calling in the background for me to wait for her, so we can hike down together. Not a chance in hell that is happening, so I pick up my pace as I head downhill. Not easy in the terrain but I am making sure I am clear of her before I can slow down. It’s times like this I kick myself. If I just stopped playing the field a little, then maybe they wouldn’t think it is a challenge to be the next girl I take to bed. I’m not quite the guy that everyone sees me to be, but it’s hard to change that reputation when it is already out there, especially in the work environment of a gym.
The rhythm and sound of my feet pounding down the hill always calms my soul. My happy place, you might say, when I’m out running in the fresh air. I slow to see if I can hear anyone behind me. Pretty sure I can easily outrun Dana, but I just want to make sure before I slow to a steady jog and then walk the last part of the trail.
Days like today, I know how Jordan feels when he complains about the fan girls who stalk him. I might not be in his high-profile role, but it still feels the same some days. I’m just a regular guy who looks after his body as part of his job, but I’m not a prize to be won
. The sad thing is, I know they aren’t really interested in me as a person, it’s just the body and the title of being able to say they got fucked by Xavier Lane
Not once have any of them thought how that makes me feel, I’m sure. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not innocent in this either, I’m a hot-blooded male who likes sex. Correction, I love sex and the enjoyment of being with a beautiful woman. I mean, come on, who doesn’t? That’s why we were put on this earth, to enjoy our fellow humans in many ways. And I sure know many ways, or shall we say positions, to create that enjoyment. Sex has got to be more than just to make babies. If I was supposed to make a baby every time I have a hard cock, then this planet will be way too overpopulated!
I can only speak from a guy’s point of view, but our cocks have a mind of their own most days. That little pea-sized brain in there only has one wavelength and that’s the radar which points the dick in the direction of the woman he’s after.
My mind straight away thinks of Ally and how I would like to see her in many of those positions I was imagining. Straight away, my cock is starting to respond to those thoughts, too. See what I mean about him having his own mind? One thing it does, though, is make running not so much fun when your dick is hard and bouncing around like he is playing baseball and making practice swings in the air. Not a cool look, so walking is my only option now. How has one woman managed to capture my thoughts so quickly? The quiet little mouse, Alesha, has come bowling into my life and I can’t seem to think of anyone, or anything, else. I was hoping my hike and run today would clear my head but all it’s done is clear more room for thoughts of her. Now I’m going to need to find something to fill in the rest of my day. Dana has wrecked my plans of spending most of today up on the mountain. No place is off-limits, it would seem.
Strangely enough, I still have energy to burn off for the day, even after the hike and run. Looks like a good workout in my home gym is going to have to soothe the beast that is still growling inside me. Coming through the break in the bush into the parking lot, there’s only one other vehicle. I assume it belongs to Dana, however it looks like there is a guy laying on the back seat resting, music playing. Not anyone I’ve seen before. I’m unsure if I should approach him and ask what he’s doing in Dana’s car, but I’m not even certain it’s hers. He looks relaxed and it’s not like he has broken into the car. I should leave well enough alone and just get going before she arrives back here, otherwise I will be trapped talking to her again. I find it hard to be rude to anyone, it’s not in my nature. Plus, my parents would tan my hide if I ever turned into one of those arrogant guys who forget where they come from.
Pulling out, I see in my rear-view mirror Dana come running into the parking lot looking all hot and flustered. She has been running hard, I suspect to catch up to me. The look of disappointment as she sees my car slowly drive away has her leaning down on her thighs, catching her breath next to the open car door. The guy in the back sits up to talk to her, but I take my eyes off the mirror and focus on the road heading into the windy bends to take me back to the highway. I feel more comfortable driving away knowing that she looked safe with whoever was in her car. She just looked more pissed that she was too late to catch me before I left.
Pulling my Jeep into my parking spot, I’m still feeling restless. There is energy I need to burn that can only be fixed by a good boxing and weight session. Time to call Kane and see if he is up for one with me.
Kane lives upstairs from me. He moved in about six months ago after being transferred here from another state, and we hit it off straight away. He’s a cop and trains just as hard as I do. If he is around, he’s always up for a good workout together. We have become best mates and close enough that I would trust him with my life. He now has a key to my apartment so he can use my gym when I’m not home. With his shifts and my random hours of work we can’t always coordinate our workout times, so at least he can save the money on a gym and just use mine. After years of being a personal trainer, I have accumulated a professional gym set-up in my home. One day, maybe, Natalie and I might be able to venture out onto our own and set up our own gym. It’s a dream but everyone needs to aim for something. Kane knows, though, the bro code of checking before he enters, just in case I have a woman with me. It’s not often I bring them back to my place, especially if they are from the gym, but occasionally it has happened.
Standing in my kitchen, I crack open a cold bottle of water while waiting for him to answer. I mumble to myself about how much my gym clothes stink as I pull them out of the bag and throw them to the floor in the doorway to my laundry.
“Yeah, you do stink, you big beast. Showering occasionally would help.” Kane’s voice booms through my phone lying on the bench on loud speaker.
“Very fucking funny, dick wad. Get your puny ass down here so I can beat the shit out of you in a boxing session. I’ve been out for a run but it’s just not cutting it today.”
“Yeah, so you need a real man to give you a proper workout, not just a girly run like you do, huh?” Kane’s deep laugh echoes around my apartment.
“Just get down here now and we’ll see who the girl is, shall we?” I yell from the laundry room while I load the washer with the pile of laundry on the floor so it will be ready to throw these clothes in after my workout and turn it on.
“Yeah, yeah. On my way, just getting changed, see you in five.” The call goes dead, and I walk down the hall to crank up the music and get set up, ready to get started. Jogging on the treadmill to warm up again after the drive home gets me in the right headspace for Kane. The bang of the front door closing lets me know he is on his way in.
“Bro, are you sure you can’t slam that door any harder? Heard it over the top of ACDC screaming ‘Thunderstruck’ and that’s no mean feat.” He just laughs as he jumps on the second treadmill next to me.
“Can’t help my arm muscles are so strong that when I try to do it softly it sounds like it’s about to break in half. They just don’t make doors strong enough for us beefy law enforcement officers.” His smirk is wide as he ups the speed on the machine.
“You are so full of shit! Now get warmed up so I can teach you about strong men.”
This is how our relationship is. We are constantly trying to rile and one-up each other in our manliness. The truth of the matter is, though, it’s never serious and all in fun. No one has ever quite got my humour and my cocky confidence until Kane. We are so similar it’s scary. He is like my brother from another mother. I know he needs his humour to get him through his job, as some of the things he sees and hears are hard to emotionally deal with. Sometimes he talks a little about a case when he needs to digest it in his mind. The guys and girls who keep us safe in the emergency services and armed forces are a special breed. What they psychologically deal with on a day-to-day basis is intense, and they do it without asking for any praise, just so we have a safer place to live. Kane takes his job very seriously and I know at times needs a friend to have that serious conversation with to help him get through it. However, today is not one of those days.
“You on shift tonight?” I start to slow the treadmill down, so I can jump onto the weights.
“Nah, got the weekend off, unless I get called in, of course. You know how it goes. If a case is cracking, then you’ve got to get in there before the lead goes cold. Looking forward to a few days off, though. Want to grab a beer and a bite to eat tonight? The game is on so we can catch that down at the bar”.
“You’re on. Jordan’s playing tonight so wanted to watch the game anyway. Even better to grab a beer at the same time. Let’s get into it.”
Kane and I are very evenly matched, which makes working out together easy. We can use the same weights and love the same intensity in boxing. With sweat dripping off both of us, and Queen pumping in the background, we both reach for water and towels to slow down and stretch. I finally feel like I have pushed my body to where it needs to be today. I should have just called Kane earlier.
“How did the party for
Nat go last night? I know technically it was yours too, but you wanted it to be all about Nat.”
“Yeah, good. She was surprised and loved it. Not like her to be the centre of attention so it was a success. Must say it was an interesting night, though.” Running my hands through my wet hair to get it off my face, I can see Kane look up at me with a spark of interest in his eyes.
“Want to expand on that little sentence? Because I have a feeling it’ll involve a hot chick that I need details on.”
I know he will give me grief for this, but no point pretending. He’ll just ask Nat and his interrogation skills are far better than mine.
“Remember me telling you about that guy that Zara is hung up on? Well, his family were there, a few brothers and sisters and we got introduced to them.”
“Don’t tell me, let me see if I’m psychic.” He puts his hands up to his temples on each side of his head, looking like an idiot. “Sister was hot, and you banged her. That would constitute an interesting night.”
“You are such a dick. No, I didn’t bang her. Yes, two hot sisters.” Now he is sitting up straight staring at me.
“Fuck, and I missed out because I was working. I always miss the good parties.”
“Down, boy, put your dick away. You are not getting anywhere near them. Well, not near Ally, anyway. Plus, I doubt you could handle Lilly, she would give you a run for your money. That girl has men wrapped around her finger quicker than you can do twenty push ups, my friend. Way out of your league.”
“I’ll be the judge of that. So, when are we seeing them again? I hope you made plans for a future date to help a brother out.”
“No, I’m training them at the gym instead. Not that I think that is as easy as it sounds. You know how gym gear shows every little curve on a woman’s body? Little hard to hide my appreciation at times, if you get my gist.” Why is it whenever you think about your dick it responds by firming up to make its presence known?