Avalon Expandable Heart: The Wild Heart Series

by Shantelle McKinnon

  I go to grin at Noah as I sing the last line of ‘Whisper’ (which is a cool song) but I find for the third time since he arrived, he is intent on either Kelsey or Seth. I’m not sure what to think of it, as I can’t work out whether he is just trying hard not to kill Seth as time goes by, like by just trying to visualise what he would do and be happy with that, exactly like I do to mum sometimes or… is it Kelsey … I don’t know. That whole dilemma can be hard, I know this. I really appreciate him not tearing Seth limb to limb. I shrug it off, but a strange little voice I’ve never heard before is trying to niggle in my ear as I continue to sing reminding me of those blasted photos sent to my phone.

  My eyes flick to Kelsey who is oozing something other than the ‘golden deity’ look Zoey dubbed her over D’s messenger call and has a slight curve to her lips, she shoots a sideways look toward Noah. She crosses and uncrosses her long legs. I don’t know what that means but my mind growls ‘Bloody Foxy’. The very last note of the song accidentally sounds a little growly in concurrence. I see Nat tilt his head as he watches me. I try to let it go, it’s probably this concoction making me think stuff that I shouldn’t – see some stuff that I can’t rightly decipher - which Nat often says I do when intoxicated even in the slightest, but the weird voice is something new. I’ve never heard it before. Maybe it’s the actual voice of my wretched sex octopus, snarling that boy is ours, keep your golden tentacles to yourself…

  As the throng of people watching clap, Nat signals me. What’s up? I realise I’m not really smiling; I never thought this stuff would worry me. But the way I’m beginning to feel about Noah it would be way worse than the whole Seth message stuff before. It would not be something I could easily scrunch up and throw away in my mental wastepaper basket. I’m not sure how to go about it either. I’ve never come across anything like this at home, never had anyone to watch and ponder on their actions either. Angus and Dell never had this.

  Lucy and Tina gushed for a good five minutes on how they’d wished Kelsey wasn’t so damn gorgeous, that it was unfair to all other females in the world. Ruth said she was the teacher’s pet from Kindy up, all golden curls and manners! Wade and Jaime even confessed that they wouldn’t turn her away if she gave them the come on. What if Noah is becoming bewitched by these charms that I cannot understand, can’t match. I don’t see what they see. How do I combat it? Or should I? I mean, someone’s choice is their own.

  I can’t say looks don’t matter now because whenever I look at Noah I cave into a gooey mess, he’s bloody gorgeous, that dark hair, tanned skin and apple green eyes make my heart beat crazily. I hate to say it, but I can swoon!

  Kelsey moves her hair so that her boobs are highlighted and just so no one misses them runs a hand down her long necklace that snuggles into the centre of her chesty bum crack. It reminds me of mum and a rotten sensation settles into my bones. Mum was always very nice to the hands that came in. I wonder how dad felt about that. I wonder if mum could have sent the photos? Still hoping for a match with Luke.

  My hand slides down my knife leg and I suddenly feel bereft at its noticeable absence. I imagine pegging it over the heads of the crowd to shear off Kelsey’s hair as it whispers a millimeter past her scalp. It wouldn’t worry me if it did draw blood.

  Two breaths later, the pretend visual hasn’t dispelled the sensation, but Noah does. He white teeth glint as he smiles at me with a thumbs up. His green eyes twinkle under the low lights. His grey shirt pulls tight over his chest and that little swoon button is pressed. I grin at the crowd and bow with my fellow choir members. Ethel next to me, squeezes my arm in pure exultation, whispers loudly how awesome it was. Nat signals again reminding me that I hadn’t answered him. I give the nothing… I think signal back to him, he raises his eyebrow Really? You were just feeling for your knife.

  Just the alcohol, I had more I roll my eyes at him sheepishly as I leave the stage to get ready for the next performance, I didn’t show him the photos and that is the weird thing, I put it everything down to not realising that sooner.

  Well I attempt to, behind the stage, I try to settle with that thought, but I can’t. I peer through the curtain quickly to show my octopus its psychological diagnosis is delusional and that it shouldn’t suck in all the alcohol as it’s a serious lightweight. Kelsey is chatting to Seth and his Grandfather, but then just as I breathe a sigh of relief, she leans forward slightly to look at Noah under her lashes and give a small smile before looking down. And again, extending her legs. Why on earth did her leg flicking annoy me so much? I should grab some Aeroguard and just spray her and get it over with.

  Noah has his head tilted to the side but is definitely watching her, while Sam talks to him. The octopus grunts in my stomach and whips a poisoned tentacle across my insides. I wish it would take over and get whatever it needed to done. I have no idea, I mean I don’t want Noah all up in someone’s face I talk to, I can fend for myself and I know he can, so why am I agro?

  “Avalon, get that gown off before the other choir finishes,” Gwen starts lifting the back of my robe up. I let the curtain go with a deadpan face but manage to smile as I turn to her.

  “Holy sh-“ I choke look down at her costume, forgetting everything else. I feel like Sue was involved in the creation of the barely there hip-hop chick get-up she’s wearing.

  “Do I look hot?” Gwen asks biting her lip, hands tense as they go to wrap around her own waist.

  This wasn’t in the plan and my eyes are wide as saucers. “Hell yeah!” I laugh. “I’m so wearing that when I’m your age. If I have the balls too!” I add thinking of my chicken parts.

  “I’ll wrap it up for you,” she pumps the air. “Now get your gear on, kid.”

  Irene hands me my striped T-shirt, black pants and cap. I slide the black pants up under my robe and over my mini boxer shorts I found in the kids’ section of some shop earlier today and lift the robe up to reveal my black bralette, the closest thing to a sports bra I could find. I will not wear an underwire bra, ever. I shove the striped shirt on and cap, then inch the curtains open an inch. My sex octopus whips another tentacle across my stomach. Is Seth blind?

  But seriously, this is Seth! Surely Seth would know as opposed to me! Wouldn’t his nonchalance indicate it is nothing? Argh. I inhale deeply, trying desperately to get my mind from wandering down this unknown path. It is not my action I will not own any of it, I say to myself with a nod.

  “Do you think your nipples will pop out during this move?” Irene is asking Gwen. I do a double take and decide to focus on the people I’m with. I watch them perform the move they must have found in the music video. Gwen is wearing the lace underwear set Frank accidentally purchased on his horns – a G-string one – and a tiny little skirt over the bottom half and a white hoodie over the top, open of course. We had hummed and hared over which song to do first, Gwen reckoned that in case Gerald dozed off it was important to hit him with this act first, and then keep his desire pinging by watching her continue to dance. We’d hired her a hotel room close by and organized a cool mode of transport for them there. I hope all her dreams come true, there’s been a ton of buildup.

  I so hope I’m crazy like this when I’m older.

  “You should put glitter on your boobs,” I survey her from head to toe, thinking of how Kelsey’s kind of shimmered and caught the eye. Well hey, please, I’ve never looked at boobs in my life apart from animal ones so that must mean it works. I remember all the times I tried to use horse bandages to flatten mine growing up, I did not want them at all.

  “Yes!” Gwen squeals and begins to rummage in her bag. She brings out some gold glitter, thrusts it in my direction and holds open her hoodie. I put some on my fingers and try to apply it like Kelsey’s. I stand back to check I’ve done it right.

  “I think I’m a little heavy handed at the moment,” my teeth pull my bottom lip in, wishing my hands weren’t alcohol deadened.

  “Whoa,” Nathan appears in the wings. “Hose me down with ice cubes, Gwennie
babe! Hope the nurses bought a truckload of cardiac meds.”

  She shimmies, “You like?”

  “You’re awesome,” he laughs. It’s so nice to see him so relaxed.

  “Do you think the glitter placement is right?” I ask with my eyes scrunched like I’m Gerald. “Did I put it on too thick?”

  “I hope it’s edible!” He chuckles.

  I scrunch my blurring eyes at the bottle. “I can’t see if it is,” I groan. “I’m never drinking again!”

  “I think it’s eye-catching,” Nat continues putting a hand on my shoulder with a squeeze, “but Sam would be the better judge, hold on,” he disappears with a cackle and returns seconds later with Sam.

  “Sam,” he says seriously, “Do you think the glitter placement is eye-catching? Av is worried she over applied.”

  Sam does not answer. He is rooted to the spot, face pale.

  “It’s edible, I think,” I hold up the bottle.

  He stammers and backs back through the curtains only to fall off the edge of the stage with a bang. I wonder who will run to help him, Noah might being his new friend and all but Noah doesn’t notice immediately. I growl internally. Or something does. If I had two knives…

  Nat cracks up.

  “You okay,” he turns to me when he finally stops. “What’s with the inner monologue you’ve got happening? You’ve never forgotten the words before, don’t stress.”

  “It’s not that. I’m driving myself crazy. My sex octopus is intoxicated…” I chew on the inside of my mouth feeling very much the whole fish out of water thing.

  “What?” Nat laughs again, then sobers. “You’re not absorbing these bloody thick as shit pheromones, are you?”

  “Not unless they are decidedly aggressive, are you feeling aggressive, Gwen?” I gaze at her seriously.

  “Only to rip off Gerald’s undergarments and ride again,” she titters and uses her fingers as claws. Nathan guffaws.

  I hear the other choir finishing up their song.

  “Let’s do this chicky babes,” I grin pushing everything else away. I’m going to enjoy Gerald’s face and nothing else. “Irene, forgot to tell you a sweet little titbit.” She whirls to wait for me to tell her. “Pop will be watching yoooooouuuuuuu with a lot of interest!” I sing song.

  Irene’s chest bumps up and down rapidly and she performs a crazy little dance until she stops dead and turns to face Nat and me. “Is it okay with you guys?” her voice is full of vulnerability.

  Nat and I move to cuddle her as one. “We love you, Reny,” Nat kisses her on top of her head. “Go knock his pants off!”

  She takes a deep breath then squeals.

  Nathan grabs my arm before I get to follow her, “What is it?”

  I really think I’m overreacting, probably too much thinking like Kelsey today. I trust Noah and if I can’t, it’s better I find out now. “Just the alcohol.”

  Air whistles through his nose but he nods. I feel guilty for a second because I know he must be thinking that I’m stressed because I’m drinking where there are people I don’t know…not that I’m ready to give free scalpings without the hint of anesthetic. And then it dawns on me why I am struggling with this. Has Noah has become my perceived weakness? A place where I can be hit below the belt? All my life it has been drilled into to me that I must not have a noticeable weakness, the thought terrifies me. It’s not the same as a horse or a cow. They can’t be manipulated like people.

  A lump form in my throat, I have no idea what to do. But I know one thing, I must not have a weakness.

  Don’t cha

  Seth

  “Well that was very uneventful,” I say to Kels, half weirded out that Avalon didn’t do anything untoward. I hate to admit it but it’s kind of disappointing.

  Kelsey turns her light blue eyes to me for a mere second. “If uneventful is another name for boring then yup, I agree.”

  “True,” I concede. “I think I’ve been conditioned to think Avalon plus anything public equals chaos.”

  Kelsey emits a low and distracted hmpf. She mutters something under her breath, but I don’t catch it.

  “Howdy, young and beautiful, geriatric enthusiasts!” My grandfather appears in my line of vision, blocking the view of Noah who was in the motion of turning toward a pale Sam. “I half can’t believe you are here.”

  “I think I’d be garrotted if I wasn’t,” I smile back at him. “This is my girlfriend, Kelsey.” I squeeze her waist.

  My grandfather smiles at her and offers his hand, “What a beautiful angel. You sure do attract some gorgeous young women, totally my genetics running through your blood!” He directs the compliment at her, but his eyes slide to mine for a mere second and I think I detect frustration in their depths.

  Kelsey returns his smile and takes his hand which is raised to my grandfather’s mouth to peck.

  “Are you enjoying the show so far?” he enquires kindly.

  “Yes,” Kelsey’s reply is accompanied by her charming smile. I look twice at her. “There are some interesting sights here and you never know when opportunity arises do you?”

  I feel my brows furrowing as I muse over her answer because it didn’t sound fake at all. Not that I’m an expert on this girl’s min, she’s always been a quiet thinker.

  “No, you don’t, great attitude. I feel you on that, sweet pea. There are some real interesting sights here for me to sink my dentures into.” He waggles his eyebrows. “Just you wait, this will be better than any rave party thing you young uns’ love,” he ruffles my hair. “Nice shave!”

  I groan not only at his terminology.

  “What?” he asks.

  “Avalon,” I roll my eyes and point to my hair.

  He laughs.

  “Love that kid,” he squeezes my arm and peers into my eyes trying to relay something. I think I understand his message. Even though she graces all these people with her time and energy she’s not right for me. Kelsey is. Avalon may be fun, talkative and affectionate but she’s…

  The curtains open.

  “Holy shit,” I breathe out audibly.

  She is heartbreaking gorgeous, that’s what she is.

  Kelsey stiffens and I realise my mistake.

  “The old birds are … whoa!” I try to cover up my reaction to Av, who incidentally, has found a place at the side of the stage and is currently trying to be inconspicuous letting Gwen and Irene bask in all the limelight. As if.

  Kelsey leans back on her stool for a moment, checks her phone and for a few seconds, then stands, “I have to use the ladies,” she trails a fingernail down my cheek. I don’t watch her as she disappears. My grandfather rushes to take his seat after running his hand over my skull again.

  An old, dark-skinned man, Ronald, I think from memory, from the Hostel pads out in the funniest outfit; boxers showing, baggy jeans, a cap and a zillion gold necklaces over a red top filled with something to make it look like he was brimming with muscles.

  He brandishes a microphone as he rolls his shoulders before giving his cap brim a nudge and dip. Gwen and Irene move languidly around him as the beats start. Av is to the right of the stage, failing to be unobtrusive I’m sure to every young males’ gaze in the place.

  “Okay, yeah,” Ronald starts in a surprisingly deep voice. I wonder if he’s going to sing the next bit.

  “Oh, we about to get it just a lil hot and sweaty in this mu’fucka,” oh shit, he does. Sam cracks up and pumps his fist, giving him a hoot. What has gotten into him? I wish he was standing here with me.

  Av’s exquisite voice chimes in with an “Oh, baby.”

  “Ladies let’s go,” Gwen shakes her bootie and I think half the crowd gasps as they get a little more flesh than they were expecting as she smacks her bum. Is she wearing a G-er? Sam staggers back and uses Noah’s hand to fling over his own face. Noah laughs, like what the hell is this alternate universe I’m in?

  “Soldiers let’s go,”

  “Dolls,” Av grins and I can tell she is
fighting not to laugh. She fails and I catch her sweet bouts of mirth as she hides the microphone behind her. Gwen and Irene are like cats around Ronald.

  “Let me talk to y’all and just you know give you a little situation

  Listen, you see this shit get hot,

  Every time I come through

  When I step up in the spot

  Make the place sizzle like a summertime cookout

  Prowl for the best chick,” Ronald executes some risqué moves towards Gwen and points to her nodding. “Yes, I’m on the lookout.”

  Av finally controls herself to get in a “Let’s dance.”

  Ronald is killing this! He is getting down low (with the aid of a walking stick Av holds out to him. “Slow banging Gwennie like a belly dancer with it. Smell good, pretty skin, so gangster with it.”

  Satan nearly forgets her part and quickly puts in a rushed, “Oh, baby.”

  “No tricks only diamonds under my sleeve. Gimme the number, but make sure you call before you leave,” Fricken hell, Ronald is just on fire, he is actually bloody sick at rapping. Sam and Nathan move off from the wall and start doing the moves and cheering him on. Noah hangs back, tense. Never at ease. Even though he has my best friend by his side here, he’s still not at ease.

  “I know you like me,” Av’s voice is peaky with laughter. “I know you do.” She is so fucking beautiful. Like seriously. Shit. When that girl means her smiles you get blown away, no wonder she made so much money today. Gwen has a fake headset on and pretending she is singing it. Eyes directed at someone in the audience. Hot damn. She points and raises her eyebrow. An old man coughs in the crowd. Nurses rush forward. One glares at Avalon. Avalon meets her glare, fiery gazes clash.

  “That’s why whenever I come around,

  She’s all over you.