Mariam and Wanda
They seemed ghostly on Wanda, no, like from an old zombie film, as they slowly appeared, one after the other, out of the evergreen undergrowth. In part, that was certainly because Wanda thought that they had to climb the embankment, which made it look from their perspective as if they were coming out of the ground and slowly getting bigger and floating up. They all looked starved to death in the pale light, as did the old woman, who in her despair had held a knife to Karim’s throat. Many of them wore military clothing. One a shirt, the other a jacket with sewn-on badges of rank and the Italian flag. Two of them even a helmet. Why aren’t they angry? Wanda wondered. One of their own had been shot, but the faces of the group, which now counted twenty people, were expressionless. They must have heard it and some even seen it. They must have passed the body of the old lady. Some of them were even close to the place where the woman killed by Regine had turned over. Is that despair? Can’t they feel anything? Wanda backed off, back to the car, and back to Mariam. One could not know how this situation would develop. Better keep your distance. Slowly Wanda moved further backwards, but without turning her gaze away. Not even among the half dozen children who made up part of the group could Wanda read any kind of emotion in the gaunt faces. She noticed that more than half of the starving had extensive burns, some of which were still strongly reddened and some already scarred. There must have been a fire where they came from. Armin, Leander, Breitmann and Karim had also retreated from the guardrail and had pointed their weapons at the still, silent crowd. The rustling of the twigs had faded away. Regine’s shot still reverberated in Wanda’s ears, making the silence that prevailed at that second all the more spooky. Armin and Karim had gone down on their knees to keep their weapons calmer. Breitmann and Leander stood further back, their fingers on the triggers as well. Wanda was sure that Regine had also found a new target and was ready to shoot again. Wanda could see that Karim was still bleeding on his neck. This fact seemed to increase the threat to the situation, although Wanda had seen a minute ago that it was not a deep wound. She hit the transporter with her back and got scared. The sound she made seemed to awaken Armin from his disbelieving stare. In the last seconds, his gaze had rested on a tall, but terribly scrawny middle-aged man who stood about in the center of the group and had reciprocated Armin’s gaze. This face had also fallen in, rather a skull covered with skin. Yellowish-ill eyes shone feverishly in far too deep cavities. The mouth was narrow, the black, curly hair long and matted. He too was burned, Wanda discovered. The fire had spared his face, started only on the left side of the neck a few centimeters below the ear. It looked as if the scar tissue would continue under the worn, torn and dirty fabric of his sweater onto his upper body. Armin now used a quieter tone of voice than before. It was no longer an aggressive roar, but rather a shout to which he gave an urgent undertone as he asked the starving not to climb over the guardrail, otherwise he would be forced to shoot them all. He asked what they wanted. That they shouldn’t force him to give the order to fire. At first, there was no reaction whatsoever to his words. He repeated what he had said and then began to ask further questions. Who they were. Where they had come from and where they wanted to go and more the like. Hadn’t he heard? Mangiare. Karim had told him, too. They were hungry. Did he miss it? Didn’t he get it? Wanda took a quick look back. She had bumped with her back on the left side of the van, where the headlight was. Continuing backwards, she took a few more steps and stretched out her hand to the door. Just as she was about to open it, the starved man with the matted black hair raised both hands, palms outstretched in Armin’s direction. Then he made a deliberately slow, waving movement to his right side. Wanda could see that his lips were moving and he said something. He must have spoken very quietly, for only those who stood close to him could understand the words. However, they did have an effect. Some of them took a step back or to the side to make room. Space for the children, who now pushed their way forward past the adults to gather around the man. It wasn’t like he was trying to use them as a shield. The purpose of his actions was different. It was as if he wanted to say: “Do you see that? We’ve got kids with us. We are not here to hurt you. Armin’s face darkened, became suspicious. The barrel of his gun rose a tiny bit and his body tension visibly increased. If I open the door now and he gets scared of the sound, he’ll shoot.” Wanda took her hand off the door handle. It looked like Armin was about to start yelling again. He took a breath, his mouth opened - and then he cast out his breath again and turned his head in Karim’s direction. Apparently the motorbike scout had said something to him that made him change his mind. Wanda could see from his profile that a multitude of thought processes took place in Armin. The starved man had now lowered his hands again and laid them on the shoulders of two scrawny children. There was still no movement in his face. Expressive, he stared at Armin. Finally - after a felt eternity - Armin rose from his kneeling position, lowered the barrel of his weapon, but still held it vaguely in the man’s direction. With his free hand he pointed at him, and then also made a waving movement, only to point at him again immediately afterwards. You, come here! Only you, understand? That’s what the gesture was supposed to mean. The person who was addressed in this way understood, nodded slowly and said something to his people, as quietly and weakly as he had done before. When Wanda saw how cumbersome and laborious he then tried to obey Armin’s order by falling more over the guardrail than climbing over it, she realized that he simply didn’t have enough strength in him to speak any louder. When he finally stopped about three meters from Armin, his face was covered in sweat and his chest raised and lowered at high frequency. Wanda was somehow touched by his pathetic attempt to keep his composure. He was really skinny. He couldn’t weigh much more than a little over half the weight Armin put on the scales. He looked at Armin, desperate. While Armin, for his part, examined him and seemed to consider how to deal with the new situation, Wanda heard a noise from behind. Regine climbed down from the roof of the van from where she had used her sniper rifle. The three men, Leander, Karim and Breitmann, who together with Armin controlled the situation, could not help themselves. Again and again they also looked away from the emaciated creatures that had gathered behind the guardrail and threw curious glances at the skinny figure standing in front of Armin. Now it was basically clear. Armin, too, had to understand. With his left hand the man made slow and weak, constantly repeating gestures in the direction of his mouth. He had put the other hand on his stomach. Whenever he had repeated this gesture twice, he folded his hands as if in prayer. Wanda felt the tension fall off. The situation seemed to be under control for the time being, and Armin probably had his aggressive nervousness under control as well. She carefully opened the vehicle door and got into the van. Somehow she had almost expected Mariam to have disappeared again as she took a seat behind the wheel, but that wasn’t the case. The girl watched the event attentively and without signs of fear or even discomfort. The neutrality of her facial expression showed a disturbing resemblance to the empty faces of the starved. Wanda’s gaze fell on the gun she had left in the car. She quickly took it back. Safe is safe. It had been a stupid mistake not to take it with her. Through the windshield they both watched in silence as Armin made further attempts to communicate with his counterpart. Now that she was sitting, Wanda felt very, very tired. No wonder, she said to herself. After the battle in Neckarwestheim, after her murder of Eva, after the experience in the hut - the strange fish man and now this - was it surprising that she was exhausted? No, not exhausted. I suppose a more precise word is burnt out. Was that also the reason for Mariam’s uninvolved facial expression? Was she burned out too? She might. But Wanda knew that wasn’t all. So as not to have to think about it further, she looked forward again and watched through the windscreen as Armin watched attentively as the man in front of him still gesticulated. The gestures had changed, and he now seemed to pronounce individual words to clarify what he meant. She had been distracted by her thoughts about Mariam. If she ha
d continued to watch attentively, she might now know exactly what it was all about. But what happened in front of her seemed like an almost slapstick-like stage play. Then, after a while, when the spokesman for the starving was sure he wouldn’t get shot so quickly, he slowly turned around. He shouted a short word, and as timid and weak and anxious as he had done, a middle-aged woman climbed over the guardrail and stood beside him. One could see she was translating what the spokesman said. Armin nodded. “Do you think he will feed them?” Wanda turned to Mariam, not so much because she actually wanted an answer to her question, but rather to tear the girl out of her gloomy staring. It took a few seconds for Mariam to answer in a low voice. “Yes. Of course he will. He’s not like you.” Mariam’s answer, not so much the content as the fact that Mariam did not seem to think much of Wanda at the time, was still like a thorn in her flesh when she sat by the fire with her and the others. They had not continued their journey south that day. Something else was chewing on Wanda’s nerves. She almost managed to convince Armin to simply throw some of the food they had with them at the feet of the starving and continue on their way. But then Karim interfered. He, who had actually been the victim of the whole tricky situation. He had persuaded Armin to supervise the food intake of these people and to steer it in an orderly fashion. In fact, it had not been without problems to feed the miserable creatures. When people are hungry - really hungry - well. Leander had had to knock down a sixty-year-old man who had begun to scream and drag the children they had first cared for away from Armin, who had personally taken control over the distribution of the food. That had provided peace and quiet. However, this was not the only problem. About half of the twenty scarecrows had almost started puking on the spot or worse, shortly after they had swallowed the first bites. Many complained of abdominal pain. When the first of these problems occurred, Armin had significantly reduced the rations he distributed. It’s their problem when they overeat. It wasn’t that Wanda didn’t feel sorry for these people. But there were more important things. Only in order not to completely lose Mariam’s affection, Wanda had refrained from expressing this thought. Instead, she had put on a happy face and - admittedly - played a good game, helping with Mariam to serve the food and later to care for the various wounds the starving had suffered. The number of bad burns to their bodies was really scary. Unfortunately, the communication with the burned still turned out to be difficult. The woman from before, who had been a waitress in some small town on the Mediterranean Sea before the war, and who had therefore among other things repeatedly come into contact with German tourists, could not be everywhere. No one else spoke German, and Wanda’s Italian, the few chunks she had picked up from the Degs, was not enough to find out why they all had such similar injuries. Armin looked up as Wanda sat next to him. He gave her a short, narrow smile. Mariam sat opposite them on the other side of the fire, between Leander and Breitmann. She looked tired, Wanda found. Tired and lost. Karim sat on the second of three fires they had lit directly on the street. The wound on his neck had meanwhile been treated and had stopped bleeding. On Armin’s orders, they had set up the vehicles in a way that they and the guardrail shielded them from the outside world as best as possible. Around the third of the fires those of the starving gathered, who had not yet laid down to sleep in complete exhaustion. As many as could find room, Armin had allowed to sleep in the vehicles. They had lent their blankets and sleeping bags for that night to the others for whom there had been no room. “We’ll survive one night of sleeping in our jackets,” Armin had said. Wanda had proved him right and was pleased with the time limit she took from his words. For one night. Let’s hope it stays that way. She noticed that Regine was nowhere to be seen. When she asked Armin about her, he answered: “She blames herself for shooting the old woman. Did you see that she buried her? Isahnna helped her. None of her own people were strong enough. I told her that was bullshit, but she doesn’t want to face the others. Not as long as it’s all fresh.” “But that’s really bullshit. Look at them, Armin. They don’t seem to take it that bad.” “I wouldn’t be so sure about that. They’re half starved. Maybe they just don’t have the energy to think about revenge. We don’t know what it’ll look like when they regain their strength. We’ll divide the guards tonight into groups of three.” “Good idea, even if I don’t think they’re gonna try anything. I don’t have the impression that the old woman was particularly popular.” “Maybe you’re right. Maybe they’ve been through so much shit that it doesn’t shock them much when one of them goes crazy and gets shot like a dog.” “They’ve certainly experienced shit. You must have noticed the burns, didn’t you? What could that have been?” “Maybe someone tried to torch them in a barn where they seeked shelter? Maybe...” “No, it’s not like that! It happens in the tunnel.” Neither Wanda nor Armin had noticed the waitress now settling on Armin’s right side beside them. She carried out the necessary movements very, very carefully, as if she was afraid of losing balance. No wonder. When she falls, her bones will shatter like glass, that thin is she, Wanda thought. “Marcelo send me to you.” She nodded over to the other fire. She certainly meant the one with the matted black hair. “To talk. To talk about who we be. Where we coming … from.” Armin looked at her attentively. As he pondered, he held out half of a chocolate bar he had nibbled on. She shook her head and put one hand on her stomach. She learns fast. “First of all, I’d like to know why you didn’t find anything to eat. There’s still enough everywhere, at least for the next two or three years.” Wanda was glad that a suspicious expression of vigilance had returned to Armin’s face. Mariam, Leander and Breitmann had also turned their attention to the Italian. She swallowed when she noticed that she was in the center of general attention. For two or three seconds she seemed to gather courage. Finally she made a vague gesture towards the south, and then she began to tell. “Not good, there. Food’s not good. And we don’t have time. Maybe they’ll come after us. Maybe he’ll come.” Her gaze wandered far away for a second. Her eyes were deep in the sockets, but had less of the feverish, unhealthy glow than that of the black-haired one she must have meant by Marcelo. When she had gathered herself again, she continued. “I’ll start with the beginning. The best. Milazzo was broken after the war. Brother dead. Mother dead. Father dead. I not dead. I going away from there. Away from sea. Many warships are sinking. No more fish. And a lot of poison. A lot sick. I’m going north, ashore. Away from water. Shortly used boat. Better first. Meet people.” She indicated five, a handful, and nodded towards the third fire around which her people had huddled. “Two left now. We’ll go north together. Find train. Train’s still running. Small way only. Give food. Good people. Then train finish. No more driving. Walk. The country. Come to great monastery. We not allowed in. But people giving food again. We...” Armin interrupted her. He had not yet discarded the expression of skepticism on his face. “They have given you food twice. I can’t imagine that they didn’t want anything in return.” She thought for a moment and shrugged her shoulders. “We lucky, they good people. And early after the war. Enough food everywhere. And all seen enough death, I think, si?” Armin didn’t seem to be completely convinced of this explanation, but left it at that for the moment. He nodded to her that she should continue. “Good. We’ll come to a city. Very small city. Not important for war. Nothing broken. Stay there two years. Or two and a half. Then no good to the city. People... gone. Don’t go away. They gone. Always new. Just gone. No have gone further with free will. People from families. One away, the rest stay. Almost every day one or two people. Then, after time, some of them come back. But not alone. Others with them. Not good persons. Say we not use electricity. That we be not allowed to read. That we not allowed to live in houses. Supposed live in tents. Don’t understand. Don’t want do what they say. They threatening. Go away. Fewer people disappear because we’re better careful. But still sometimes. Then they come back with a lot of people, si? There’s a lot of fighting. We win first. But soon we too little to fighting on. We going away from
small town. We fifteen leaving.” Of course the Degs have come to you, too. Probably even sooner than to us. Wanda couldn’t blame the woman. They were trying to fight back. They just weren’t strong enough. “We’ll keep going up, north. Up. In fights in small town we had prisoner. Tell them that very many people in Rome. We going a long way. Still, we keep meet people like that. We must hide and fight. It’s be that way for while. Someday be near mountains. By the Alps, I mean. Almost there. Almost at Brenner pass. Merano. Not far. Go downtown for food. But there’s from the bad people. They see us and we run. We’re run through town. They chasing us. Two of us gone. I’ll shoot one of them.” A touch of appreciation crept onto Armin’s face, Wanda noticed, and some of his suspicion and caution disappeared from his features. It didn’t bother Wanda. Somehow she found what the woman was telling quite plausible so far, although it did not explain why they were all burned and half starved. Over the crackling of the fire, Wanda could hear that someone was throwing up, probably a woman, and that one of the children was plagued with pain. It cried quietly and someone spoke to it as one speaks to children. Children... Mariam. The girl, like everyone else at this fire, had hung on the woman’s lips, and Wanda believed that she had understood everything. Mariam looked honestly concerned, almost scared. The stories of the former waitress certainly reminded them of their own time with the degenerates. Wanda felt with her, but at the same time she was glad that the uninvolved expression had disappeared from Mariam’s face and given way to some kind of distress, and then she turned her attention back to the narrative. “We’re get out of Merano. Keep running. Some of us slow. I’ll shoot two more. But are ... are many. Not a lot more bullets. Eight more from my group die. Others trapped. We’ll running. Hiding and running again and again. Hide and run until we close to Brenner. Keep going. Further north. Way up and steep. Big effort. Hard. People... hunters are get closer. Closer and closer. Then cars come down street. War cars and a ta... tanks. Stop at our place. Show with guns. Hunters see them. Hunters stop. No more hunting. Turn around. Go away. Soldiers are coming to take us in the cars. And then...” The woman had made a very calm and objective impression up to now, but now her facial expression darkened all of a sudden. “And then everything will be... and then everything a lot worse. First give food, too. Got big area with fence and wall and weapons and sand... sacks right in front of tunnel. We stay, they say. We learning. We be soldiers now. Like them. We protect land, they say. Not all of them. Some only there because security. But many believe the officers. Believe that war not yet ended. Maybe even just say that, because otherwise everything is no longer good. I don’t know. We’re practice. Much practice with running and shooting and these things. After month or two, we get assignment. Keep guard at street and other places, si? Some of us here, some of us to other places. Could worse, I guess. Got friends, got food, got gun. Time pass. Then officers argue because food will be too little. Don’t know what do. An officer wants be new boss. Even fight. Uri. Uri Brat from Tyrol. Everybody’s fighting. I don’t want to. But I have to. Shoot a friend in the leg. Must have, si?” The woman’s gaze courted understanding. Wanda and Armin, even Mariam, nodded almost simultaneously. They all knew that in these absurd times, situations could arise where you had to be shooting at a friend. A second too long, Ella’s gaze caught on Armin before she continued. “I don’t want to shoot friends anymore. Go into the tunnels and hide until it all over. I wait and hear a lot of fighting. Then fighting was out, becomes quiet to almost complete silent. Other people come in tunnels. Some friends, I see. Some I don’t know, but also the soldiers. Others follow behind. Other soldiers, were fight for Uri. Say we should come back and also fight for Uri. We not want to. We’re afraid that shoot. We don’t want to be weak. We say no. Then Uri come to us in tunnel. A lot of screaming and threatening. Uri says we must hear or die. Uri not good head. We want to go away, but then he shoot. There’s a lot of fire everywhere. Uri had big firethrow on his back and a heavy suit. Others come, like him. Tunnel not room dodging. Have made narrowed with old cars long distance. We run. Burn in back. We run and then some fall in front. Stop us. A lot of fire, a lot of screaming, a lot of bur... ah... burning. We’re kind of get away. Other people don’t. Uri is devil. Bad person. Shouting to get us. Roar we burn, until nothing more there. Uri bad head. All fear. Everybody run. All alone. Then, at some point, after time tunnel past. Uri and other firethrow slow because suit heavy. Not only because fire is hot, but because thick and armor. I find some friends again and some strangers. We just keep going. Hurry quickly. No time look for food, because fear because of Uri. We don’t go street or sh... towns. Uri can’t see us. Sometimes still look for back, if not more can. But food no good there. Land no good. A lot of people sick. Maybe because weak. Maybe because poison. Losing hair. We want to get out there fast. Land empty. No people where give food or house. No animals where can hunt. First get better behind Kempten. But there are other bad people. Same people attacked small town, where took our people. But there are others. We run again. Many die on way. And now here we are, si?” The woman looked them in turn in the faces to find out whether their story had been understood and what impression she had made. In Armin’s face, Wanda could see it. She made an impression. An impression that Wanda didn’t like. Basically, she didn’t like the story at all anymore and wished they had never met these people.
Brenner: The Gospel of Madness (Book 5 of 6) Page 15