by Haley Ryan
He’d said we were friends, and that my life mattered more to him than his ties to the Fae Court. But even that wasn’t enough for me anymore. Whenever he was in the same room, I experienced a pull, almost like gravity. It constantly tempted me to get closer, desperate to find out whether he felt any of the same things I did.
It wasn’t just attraction, either. Draven made me feel safe, not only in a physical sense, but in other ways as well. Most importantly, I knew he respected my right to make decisions for myself, and that he would fight for me to be able to live however I chose.
Having that choice had become almost essential ever since I realized how isolated and controlled I’d been for most of my life. It had been Draven who helped me break free, and for that alone, I think I could have fallen for him.
Add in his dark and dangerous good looks, and the truth was, I would have given up tea for a year to see him look at me the same way I sometimes looked at him. To know that he wanted me in his arms as badly as I wanted to be there.
Tonight, for example, I hadn’t even imagined kissing him yet, and there was already an inferno going on all over my face. I figured I’d better say something completely unrelated to me, or him, or us, or the two of us being anywhere near each other before I spontaneously combusted.
Nope, couldn’t think of a thing.
He was looking at me oddly. “Are you okay?”
I also needed him not to ask me any questions that might make me cry.
“I am approximately as okay as you might expect.” I shrugged, and turned to look out the window. “Does anyone really know how to feel when their future has been tossed into the air, and everyone seems to be watching to see where it lands?”
“Where do you want it to land?”
Trust Draven to find the heart of the problem.
“I don’t know.” I turned around and braved a glance at his face, which didn’t help. He was too darned good looking to be real. “I haven’t even had time to think about it. And I don’t know whether what I want will be realistic once I take all the facts into account. Even if I wanted to move back to the bookstore and live there forever, what am I risking? How many humans might end up being hurt because I don’t feel like being a princess? And can I ever go back to being just Kira after all this?”
He didn’t tell me I was being dramatic, or try to convince me everything would be all right—yet another reason I loved him.
Wait, no, I didn’t. I did not love Draven Elduvar. And if I kept telling myself that for the next twenty years, I might actually believe it.
“How is it going with your family?”
I actually managed a chuckle. “Weirdly enough, I think I already love them. They’re overbearing and overprotective and completely ridiculous, but… I don’t really mind. Not completely. I know I can’t possibly remember them from before, but I also think part of me does, as strange as that sounds. I might change my mind one of these days, but for now, it’s good to feel like I might actually belong somewhere.”
Even if that somewhere was only with my family. I hadn’t seen anything yet to indicate that I could ever belong here at Riverhaven without them.
“Enough about me,” I said firmly. “What about your family? How is Rath?”
His face shuttered, and he looked away from me. “Rath is fine. Over-optimistic and blindly trusting as usual, but fine. For now.”
“Have you seen Wynter?”
“No.” He cocked his head curiously. “Why did you think I might have?”
“Eh, she hasn’t been around OKC lately, and I know she was still a little peeved at Rath. I was kind of hoping they’d worked things out.”
Draven’s eyebrows shot up. “I hope you aren’t suggesting what I think you are.”
I shrugged and grinned. “They definitely had a thing. And she would be good for him.”
His posture seemed to stiffen. “But he would end up breaking her heart. The heir to the fae throne would never be allowed to marry an elemental mercenary.” There was no argument to be made there—Draven himself was proof of how obsessive the fae could be about who their king was allowed to marry. After what his mother had gone through, I knew he wouldn’t wish that kind of pain on Wynter.
Of course, that got me wondering what kind of person the heir to the dragon throne was allowed to marry, which took my thoughts in entirely the wrong direction.
“I’m glad you’re here,” I blurted out. “For this whole stupid challenge thing. It means a lot to know that you’ve got my back.”
His eyes met mine, silver lightning sparking in their depths. “I told you I would always find you. Maybe finding you here was an accident, but I would have come after you as soon as I heard.”
Drat my poor, pathetic little heart. It seemed to have developed an arrhythmia called Freak Out Whenever Draven Says Something Nice. Pretty sure at that moment, it was trying to flail its way right out of my chest.
“I thought maybe you were done with me,” I admitted. “When you didn’t come back, I guess I gave up on you pretty fast.”
He didn’t seem hurt, or even surprised. “If you think I’m going to be offended that you didn’t believe me, you’re wrong. Your life hasn’t exactly been full of people who stuck around or kept their promises.”
“Just like you’ve never really had anyone you can trust,” I noted. “I hope you feel like you can trust me, even if I don’t always deserve it.”
He surprised me by chuckling. “I trust you to be an unpredictable set of impossible contradictions.”
I wasn’t sure that was actually a compliment. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Draven held my gaze thoughtfully. “You’re happy staying at home with your cat and your books, but you have enough motivation to take down an army to rescue someone you love. Your capacity for trust is enormous, even when no one in your life has proven trustworthy. You’ve hidden from everyone since you were a baby, but you can’t hide your emotions to save your life. You’re weak in the ways of your people, but you aren’t afraid of your weaknesses.”
Declan might be the empath, but Draven seemed to have no difficulty seeing straight through me.
“You don’t hide your heart, Kira, not even for a moment, and I don’t think you realize how strange that is to me. Among the fae, we hide everything. To show too much love, hate, joy, or fear is to admit weakness.” His mouth quirked. “You take that weakness and tell everyone where to shove it. It’s”—he seemed to think about his next word for a moment—“addictive. And very, very hard to walk away from.”
The next moment seemed to last an eternity while I watched the lightning play across his eyes, along with the smile tugging at his lips. My lungs basically went on vacation, while my heart did this ridiculous tap-dance that was probably just spelling out “Draven likes me” in Morse code, if you could shout in Morse code, because my heart was definitely shouting.
“Which is why I’m going to say goodnight,” were his next, incredibly deflating words. “I’ll see you in the morning, Kira.”
Wait, what?
Not what I wanted to hear. Maybe he hadn’t actually meant what I thought he did. Maybe he was actually just comparing me to an illicit substance. So after a moment of stunned disappointment, I jumped to my feet.
“Yep. Way past my bedtime. Better get to sleep. Big day tomorrow.”
I continued to babble nonsense as I followed him to the door and shut it behind him with a hasty, “’ night.”
Then I went and collapsed on the bed and cried just on general principle because I had no tea, no chocolate, and no one to talk to about what boys meant by any of the dumb things they said.
Maybe tomorrow I could beat it out of him.
Eleven
It didn’t take long to disabuse me of the notion that I would be beating anything out of anyone.
Ryker flew me out to his chosen training ground—an alpine meadow near the flanks of a mountain known as Broken Top. From the scorch marks on the grass, I suspected
a lot of it had still been covered in snow as recently as the night before.
My brother turned around while I stripped and shifted, thankful that I would have dry clothes to put on afterward, because dang it was cold! As a dragon, I didn’t feel the cold often, but my human skin was telling me I’d never experienced anything quite this frigid before.
And thus, my education began.
From temperature, I quickly moved on to fighting techniques. Draven had once told me that I had to stop fighting like a human, which meant learning to use my strength and leverage in different ways. Part of me still hadn’t grasped that I had teeth and claws and could use them against my enemies, given that most of us are pretty well conditioned not to do that while we’re still in preschool.
“Your speed is your greatest asset,” Ryker told me, after we’d danced around each other a few times in dragon shape. His dragon was a deep, fiery red, almost matching the color of his hair. He was powerful and incredibly fast, with ridiculously good hearing and a long, mobile tail, which he used to smack me right out of the air twice in the first five minutes.
Red dragons, apparently, were known to be gifted tacticians, which was why he was taking on the majority of my training.
“Your fire will also be useful, as long as you can learn control. Weldon won’t be expecting to need to avoid it. He’s not likely to fall for that more than once, though, so you’ll have to time it just right.”
All morning, Ryker batted me around like a cat with a toy, not hard, but enough to show me what I would be facing. I honestly tried to avoid him—both on foot and in the air—but he was too quick, and always seemed to know where I was going to be.
I was growing gradually more and more frustrated, both by my inability to avoid him and my shortness of breath—I was in pretty terrible shape—when he landed an even harder blow than usual. The leading edge of his wing knocked me into a pine tree, which then dislodged its entire burden of snow onto my head.
“Mercy!” I groaned. “I quit. This isn’t working.”
“Are you trying to train her or cause an avalanche?” Declan’s mental voice made me pop my head out of the snow.
“Save me!” I wailed, and Declan chuckled.
“I brought Draven. Does that count?”
“Only if Ryker plans to pick on him next,” I retorted, clambering out of the snow and shaking myself off.
“I don’t mind if he doesn’t.” Ryker’s tone was deceptively casual, but did nothing to hide his intentions.
I looked over at Draven, who’d obviously flown out with Declan. For a moment, I allowed myself to admire his winged, shirtless state, and was a little shocked to see that the snow at his feet hadn’t melted.
He appeared at ease—his expression neutral and his powerful, dark-feathered wings mostly tucked in behind his shoulders—but I could tell he was ready to take off again at a moment’s notice.
Not quite as relaxed around two giant dragons as he might want everyone to believe.
“Draven,” I announced, “Ryker is being an overprotective brother and offering to spar with you. Just to give me a break, of course, but I think we all know he just wants to prove he can beat you up if you get out of line.”
The red dragon shot me a dirty look.
“Just telling it like it is, big brother,” I said sweetly.
“I can’t really fight for points,” Draven pointed out calmly. “Not without teeth or claws. All I have is weapons, and I’m not sure how to avoid damaging you.”
I think we all felt the hackles go up at that.
“Tell him I’d be happy to give him a chance to damage me if he likes,” Ryker growled into my head.
“Boys, please be nice,” I pleaded. “I’m not going to feel sorry for you if you hurt each other.”
“Just tell him.”
“I’m not going to translate your stupid man-speak for you,” I told him. “If you two really feel like you need to do this, it’s all on you.”
Ryker pounced. No warning. Not even the tiniest twitch.
Even so, Draven wasn’t there to be pounced on.
He’d already flown halfway across the clearing, daggers out, and was aiming for Ryker’s flank.
Declan rolled his eyes and came to sit next to me, our tails curled around our feet in the rapidly melting snow, while we watched what was, I had to admit, an impressive display of martial prowess. Or manly posturing. Difficult to tell the difference, if I’m being honest.
It was a little like watching a cat going after an incredibly angry bird—a comparison that probably would have offended both of them, but was too accurate to pretend otherwise.
I really didn’t think Ryker was holding back. His eyes were a bright, furious orange, and several of his swipes came near to taking Draven’s head off.
Draven, too, seemed ice-cold and focused, his daggers glowing blue with magic as he darted in, again and again, never quite leaving a mark but always out of reach.
I lost track of how long they’d been at it, but eventually, I was done watching them be ridiculous. Whatever they were trying to prove, it wasn’t helping us figure out how to beat Weldon, so I shook out my wings, stretched out my neck, and screamed telepathically, “Enough!”
The result was not what I was expecting.
Declan slumped to the ground beside me.
Ryker froze, as if he’d been turned to stone in the middle of rising to his hind legs. He looked like the rampant dragon on a coat of arms, except for his wildly rolling eyes.
And Draven fell out of the sky, crashing to earth like a dying angel to land in a crumpled, broken heap of feathers and limbs.
I yelped in shock, but none of them seemed to hear me. None of them moved.
After a quick, panicky breath, I wondered for one hopeful moment whether they were playing a trick on me. But the seconds ticked by, and the sick, horrible feeling in my stomach only grew as none of them twitched or even seemed to breathe.
The first sob tore its way out of my chest. “I’m sorry!” I ran to Declan and touched his face, looking for any sign that he would wake up and be fine. “I didn’t mean it. Whatever I did, I swear I didn’t mean it!” Horror clawed its way out of my throat in a heart-rending scream. “No! Please, no!” More sobs shook me. “I just need everyone to be okay!”
Panic settled in and took root in my chest as I ran towards where I’d seen Draven fall. Had I truly done this? Had I killed them all?
“Please, I take it back!” I cried out telepathically as I reached Draven’s side. He lay where he’d fallen, his wings gone limp, one arm trapped beneath his body.
“You have to be okay,” I said desperately. “Please. I can’t do this without you. Don’t be dead. Just don’t!” I shut my eyes as hot, steaming dragon tears began running down my face.
“Ow.”
My eyes flew open to see Draven sitting up and rolling away from me. “Normally, I wouldn’t say something as idiotic as ‘Stop crying,’ but I think you need to stop crying—your tears just burned my arm.”
I sniffled, but a dragon doesn’t have any sleeves to wipe her nose with. “I’m sorry,” I said, and I sounded small and frightened, even to myself. “I don’t know what I did, but I’m sorry.”
Draven pointed back at the clearing. “I think we should ask them.”
Ryker had fallen back on all fours and was shaking his head like a confused dog.
Declan was pulling himself to his feet, staggering a little but alive.
So, of course, I burst into tears again.
“Hey.” Draven stood up and nudged me with one of his wings, only wincing a little with the motion. “We’re all fine. Let’s talk this out before you panic.”
Too late.
“What the hell was that?” Ryker growled into my mind. “What did you do to us?”
“I don’t know,” I said desperately. “I swear, I don’t. I was just trying to get you to stop fighting, so I yelled at you telepathically. That’s all.”
My legs
began to shake, probably from shock.
Declan hadn’t even been breathing. I could have killed them.
“Just don’t do it again!” Ryker sounded incredibly angry. “You could have killed us!”
So much for my courage.
I broke and ran.
And then I flew. Anything to get away from that clearing and the horrible knowledge of what I’d nearly done.
I kept my head enough to stay low, flying between the trees and following a creek. I didn’t want anyone to see me—especially my brothers.
Eventually, though, my strength ran out, and I was too exhausted to fly any more. I was forced to crash land on the shore of a tiny, still partially frozen lake, high up on the other side of Broken Top with a view of the trio of mountains known as the Three Sisters.
That just made me think of my brothers again, and I curled up, still shaking, beside the lake, wondering how I could ever show my face at the enclave again.
Midday came and went before I heard the sound of wings. After a few moments, a large black dragon touched down on the snowy lakeshore, just a short distance away. He broke the ice, took a drink, shook himself, and then wandered over to sit next to me.
“If you run away again, we’ll just find you,” Callum said matter-of-factly.
I didn’t answer him.
“No one is mad at you. Ryker feels like scum for yelling, and Declan has decided he’s personally responsible for breaking you.”
“I’m mad at me,” I said finally, with only a tiny hiccup in my voice. “I hurt them. I almost killed them, and I don’t even know how.”
“And you don’t think they know it was an accident?”
“What if it happens again?”
His enormous head bent down and knocked me off my feet. Gently. “That’s only going to be a problem if you don’t come back so we can figure it out. Together.”
I drew in a deep, shuddering breath. “You have to be wondering whether I’m more trouble than I’m worth.”
“I’m definitely wondering whether anything will ever be the same.” His amber eyes bored into mine. “But I’m also thinking that’s not necessarily a bad thing.”